If you celebrate it, Happy Halloween!
If there is any confusion with the chapters I apologize, I deleted the old "sorry i'm on a hiatus thing" chapter. Sorry, if it messed up any notifications etc.
Thank you so, so much for all your comments, insight, kudos, and patience with this fic, it means the world to me:)
Helena studied Myka while she bent over the body and spoke to Leena. The taller woman had hardly looked in her direction since Helena had walked up to her apartment door. She had initially made a point to look Helena in the eye, smile, and say everything was forgiven, but since the four of them walked to the crime scene; she hadn't given her a second thought. Helena had anticipated this but she had never done particularly well with being ignored.
She sauntered over to the body and bent over Myka to get a better look. "Well that is ghastly." She announced. Myka went to turn around and bumped into Helena, before trying to immediately step back causing her to almost fall over. Helena smiled and steadied her. "My apologies, I was trying to see."
"It's fine." Myka stepped back further and knocked into Pete. Helena did her very best to hide her grin while Myka pushed Pete's hands away. "Claud, wait up." Myka yelled as she ran after Claudia.
Pete turned around to Helena with pursed lips and a frown. "Looks like you're riding back with me."
Helena smiled at him. "Lovely."
Pete played around with the radio stations for a few minutes as they drove. "Glad to be back?" He asked once he had settled on one. Helena nodded. "She'll get over it eventually. I mean, you can't meddle in her crap anymore, especially with her mom but she'll get over it."
"Is that all that is bothering her?" Helena asked quietly. "She, seems..."
"Thinner? Like she hasn't slept? Eaten? Hardly moved from her couch? Yeah, all of the above for a while. She's good now though... better."
Helena pressed her hands together and didn't say anything. "Really? It...was it truly as bad as all that?"
Pete pulled into the station's parking lot, cut the engine and looked Helena right in the eye. "Look HG, I've known Myka a really long time; I wasn't there when her mom died, but I was there after Sam did and I know it was bad. Really bad, she and her mom were very close and..." He drifted off and faced front for a moment or two, then turned back to Helena. "I know you meant well, I did too, it's why I helped you. She needs closure, and she might never get it now and I think that's really been the hardest thing for her to deal with. She put it all on you because it was easier to blame you than blame the people that killed her mom because she doesn't know. She might never know and I think you both have that in common, you need to know why. It's really...it wasn't really about you."
"I see."
"I mean...well part of it was about you, but what I mean is...she's gonna come around you've just got to give her some time."
"More time than almost eight months?"
"Time with you around kinda time." Pete explained. Helena nodded. "HG...can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Do you like Myka?"
Helena raised her eyebrows. "I...yes I like Myka." She answered with a shrug. "I like all of you."
"No, I mean, I know we're all friends, I mean..."
Helena cut him off. "We're all friends?" She asked with a smile.
Pete gave her a look. "HG, of course we're friends; I mean do you actually like Myka or do you just think she's hot? Cause, if you're just her friend who likes to rile her up, that's fine but I need to know if you actually like her. Cause...cause I think you do and I think you'd actually be good for her but I need to know if you're serious or not. Cause HG, if you're not then you need to back off because she can't handle much more crap in her life right now."
Helena certainly hadn't been expecting that.
"I...Peter, I went away because I had hurt her, and I...I thought about her everyday. I figured that would stop but it didn't. I don't know why it didn't stop, I've never quite felt like this about someone. Not with Christina's father – though, it was similar – certainly not with Gina, nor any of the other people I've had dalliances with and I don't quite know what to make of that. I'm not sure what else to say." She admitted.
Pete grinned at her and pulled the eyes out of the ignition. "I think you just said it." He climbed out of the car and Helena followed him. "Now how are you gonna ask her out?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Helena warned.
Helena walked into her apartment that night and was ambushed by her daughter. "Christina!" Helena screamed as the small girl leapt into her arms. "What are you doing?"
"You owe me a duel." Christina reminded her. She kicked her way down and ran towards their fencing equipment. "You cheated last time, I demand a rematch."
"Oh you demand it do you?" Helena quickly donned her outfit as Christina did the same. "I'll have you know little girl I didn't need to cheat to beat you." Helena grabbed hold of Christina's mask and pulled her face in close, "prepare to die." She pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek and flung her mask down over her face.
Helena's had been heeding Pete's advice and doing her best not to push Myka's buttons. Well – as much as she could anyway – she figured case related things were fine. It appeared that Myka was slowly – very slowly – warming up to her. They had solved three cases since Helena had been back working with the 12th precinct.
Before Helena left for the evening, she made the rounds of inviting Pete, Claudia, Leena – even Captain Neilsen – to Christina's birthday party. She had made sure they were aware that there would be no hurt feelings should they choose not to attend a twelve year old's birthday; but she was almost sure that all of them – with the exception of Captain Neilsen – would show up. Helena skipped over to Myka's desk and sat down on the edge. Myka had removed her chair, something Helena had taken note of, and been a little surprised that it bothered her so much.
"I'm about to head off." She announced.
"Great." Myka kept her head down on the file she was working on.
"Need anything else before I go?"
"No. Have a good night Wells."
Helena let out a sigh. "Christina's birthday is tomorrow afternoon, I've invited everyone else, she'd love it if you could come. Tomorrow at four."
"I'll probably be working."
"We've just solved this case, and I'm sure you will be doing paperwork long into the night, giving you ample time to sleep in tomorrow morning and be fully rested by the time the party comes around."
Myka finally looked up from her desk. "If I can make it, I'll try."
Helena considered pressing it a bit more, but thought the better of it and nodded. "That's all I ask. Have a lovely evening Myka."
Myka's face softened just the slightest bit. "You too." She said before turning right back to her paperwork.
Helena took a breath and stood up, walking to the elevator and only looking back as she got in. She caught Myka's head snap back down to her desk and grinned to herself as the doors closed. Myka had been watching her leave.
Myka had done just about everything she could think of to avoid going to the birthday party. She had stayed at work until Captain Neilsen had kicked her out of the precinct, tossed and turned for three hours before giving in and taking one of her sleeping pills; slept in until after nine, speed into work and did so much paperwork she likely wouldn't need to do anymore for the rest of the month. By the time three pm rolled around, they hadn't caught a case and Pete walked past Myka's desk and glared at her until she stood up.
"Want to ride together?" He asked.
"I didn't get a present."
"We can say mine's from both of us." He offered with a shrug.
Myka shook her head, "I've got time to get something, I'll see you there."
Pete raised his eyebrows at her.
"I'll see you there Pete." She promised. Myka grabbed her bag and keys and turned to leave when Pete yelled after her.
"She's still hot for you Myks!"
Myka grimaced and turned around to glare at him as the entire bullpen looked at her. Pete only grinned and shrugged.
Myka had no idea what Christina Wells liked. She had only met the girl a couple of times and never spent more than a few minutes with her. She had heard HG talk about her a million times, so there had to be something she could come up with. She paced back and forth down the aisles of the children's toys section for six minutes before shaking her head and leaving. Christina was turning twelve, she'd probably hate a toy. Myka had no idea what HG would think of makeup, and frankly, she thought it was a stupid gift anyway. From what HG had said, Christina seemed to take after her mother in many ways; Myka turned around and headed for the book section.
She glanced over about fifty titles before giving up, she couldn't imagine there was a book that HG wouldn't have already given her daughter here. It was 3:50 and if Myka didn't leave right now, she was going to be more than just fashionably late.
Myka ran over to the jewelry station and made a quick decision on a small silver pendant with a swan on it. She had no idea whether or not Christina would really like it, but Myka did, and it was just going to have to do. Myka hurriedly paid and bounced impatiently on her toes as the woman wrapped it up for her; and ran out to her car. She made it to HG's apartment building at 4:15 and ran into the elevator, trying to catch her breath. She had been doing her utmost best to avoid HG since the woman had come back, she honestly didn't quite know why. Punishing her was the only real answer she could think of, but she had forgiven HG; or, so she thought. She was beginning to understand the look Maria gave her in therapy every time she said the words, 'forgiven' and 'HG'.
Myka paused at HG's door. She almost turned around and walked away before she stopped herself. She was acting like a petulant teenager. It had to stop. There was truly no rational reason to keep punishing HG. Yes, she had gone behind Myka's back and dug into her mother's case after she had specifically told her not too, but...Myka knew that the woman had only been trying to help. She was still pissed as hell that she hadn't listened, but she understood. Nothing after that had been any of HG's doing. She never could have predicted the outcome – despite her flare for the dramatics – it hadn't been her fault when Dick Coonan had grabbed her. Myka sighed and knocked on the door, flipping her hair out of her face and smoothing down her shirt.
Seconds later, the door was flung open and HG greeted her with a huge smile. "Myka darling, you made it! Wonderful, come in, don't mind the children everywhere, I have plenty of alcohol." She added with a whisper. Myka let out a small smile and followed her, dropping her present on the table as she passed, and giving Pete a wave as she watched him flirt with what appeared to be three different single mothers. Claudia was sitting with HG's mother and looked like she was acting out a scene from some movie, and as Myka – and everyone – suspected, Captain Neilsen was nowhere to be found.
"Is Leena here?" Myka asked as HG handed her a glass of wine.
"No, she called a few minutes ago, she got hung up at work, she sent Claudia with her gift. Why darling, worried about being here on your own?" She asked playfully. Myka's first response was to shoot her a glare, but she suppressed it and gave HG a small smile back.
"Well, I have to admit, a party full of twelve year olds and parents is a little bit out of my depth."
"Ah, well I doubt very much you'd be out of your depth anywhere Myka, I've seen you talk to all sorts of people at work and you always manage to fit right in."
Myka only shrugged and took a larger sip of her wine than was probably graceful. "Umm, so...what kind of cake is there?" Myka asked. HG made an odd face.
"Chocolate." Was her only response.
"Oh...good."
"Myka..." HG started.
Myka stepped back immediately at the serious look on HG's face. "Um, where's your bathroom?"
"Down the hall, first right." HG answered, looking slightly disappointed.
"Great thanks." Myka chugged the rest of her wine, placed the glass on the counter and practically ran down the hall. She splashed some cold water on her face and took a deep breath, looking at herself in the mirror. She didn't look quite as sleep deprived as she knew that she had last month, but she knew that she should probably lay off the coffee a bit. She bent down and flushed the toilet for good measure and stepped out of the bathroom almost barreling into Martha Rodgers. "Oh god, I'm sorry Ms. Rodgers."
"Darling, call me Martha please good heavens." The older woman insisted. "How are you dear? You look like you need some sleep."
Myka choked at the bluntness of HG's mother. Everyone else in her life – save Maria, her therapist – had mostly been walking on eggshells around her. Martha waited for an answer with hands on her hips. Myka opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again.
"Sweetheart, sleep is essential to graceful aging. Trust me, think about it now and you won't have to worry so much when you're my age." She smiled and tucked some hair behind Myka's ear. The gesture, mixed with what felt like motherly concern felt like a punch to the gut; but Myka forced a smile and accepted the arm Martha offered.
"I'll keep that in mind." She promised.
"I think you work too hard dear. You would do well with a vacation, or a night at the theater. Oh! You must let me take you out! There is a lovely off-broadway production my friend Elizabeth is in next weekend and I have to make sure that she is as dreadful as I hope."
Myka chuckled. "You want your friend to be bad?" She asked.
"Well, the bitch stole my part. I love her but the heart can only grow so fond." Martha responded casually. Myka laughed as Martha bent over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "So, do we have a date?" She asked.
"Sounds like a blast."
"What does?" HG asked as she trotted over to the two women.
"Myka and I are going to enjoy an evening at the theater together next weekend." Martha said.
"Oh really? I should warn you Myka, she gets very into the productions."
"Well, it should be an interesting evening then." Myka smiled at Martha.
"Glorious. Now, Helena darling, when are we going to unwrap the presents?"
"Why don't you go ask the birthday girl?"
"I shall." Martha tapped HG's face as she passed her to go find her granddaughter. Myka went back to standing awkwardly next to HG.
"You don't have to go with her." HG offered. "It can be horrible to watch a play with a scorned actress. Especially with my mother."
"No it...I think it could be fun. As long as, I mean if you don't want me to I won't..."
HG cut her off, "darling, if you want to take my mother off my hands, be my guest, I feel it's only fair to warn you."
"Well, thank you."
HG nodded. "Though...it doesn't seem all that fair that my mother get's a night out with you before I do. We are friends after all, why should she get to enjoy the company of my friends over me?"
Myka wished she had some more wine.
"I can't be friends with your mom?" She asked with a smirk.
HG grinned. "Well, I never said that, as long as you like me better I don't mind."
Myka laughed – for the third time this evening, she was on a roll – and tucked more of her hair back. "I have to like you the best? But you're mother is much more pleasant than you are, what if I like her better?"
HG pouted and Myka actually felt a weight roll off her shoulders. The banter between the two of them felt natural, for the first time in months she actually felt like she could just sit still and breathe. Part of her was annoyed that HG made her feel better, but the part of her that was so incredibly sick of being fragile and broken rejoiced.
"I would be deeply hurt if you ended up liking my mother more than me. I would retaliate by making Claudia, Leena and Pete like me more than you."
"Well that doesn't seem fair."
"I've never said that I play by the rules. You've known me long enough to know that."
Christina ran over to her mother begging to open presents and have cake. Pete was cheering for cake louder than the children and Myka rolled her eyes at him.
"If I promise to like you best, can I get the biggest piece of cake after your daughter?" Myka asked. She surprised herself a little, but decided to roll with the good mood while it was around. The smile HG gave her only enhanced her mood further.
HG grabbed her arm and pulled her along. "Only if you promise to help me pass it out."
"Deal." Myka agreed.
Myka surprised herself in that she was the last person left in HG's apartment after all the other party guests had gone home. She was arranging all of Christina's birthday presents and she looked up and realized she was the only person in the room. Christina ran in giggling while HG chased her with some sort of fake spider-like thing. Myka stood up and attempted to sneak out when Christina bolted towards her and grabbed her hips, trying to use Myka as a human shield from her mother. HG only jumped around her and toppled Myka and Christina down onto the couch.
"Mommy!" Christina squealed. Myka quickly tried to roll off the little girl and ended up slamming her elbow onto the foot table. She suppressed a curse as she glanced at Christina. The girl only grinned. "Thank you for my necklace Detective Bering."
"No problem. I hope you had a good party."
Christina nodded vigorously.
"I'm glad." Myka stood up and nursed her elbow a little. "I'll get out of your hair."
"Nonsense Myka, it's time for this one to go to bed anyway." HG said.
"No." Myka waved her off. "I should get home, thanks for having me though, I had fun. Happy birthday Christina."
"Goodnight Detective, come back anytime!"
"You, upstairs, pjs, and brush your teeth, I'll be up in a minute." HG ordered. Christina wrapped herself around Myka for a quick hug – surprising Myka a little – then scampered upstairs.
"She's a great kid HG." Myka said as she walked toward the door. "I don't think you've been the one raising her." She added with a small smirk.
HG crossed her arms in fake indignation and tried not to grin.
"I really did have fun." Myka admitted.
"You sound surprised."
"I..." Myka looked down at the floor. "I haven't had a ton of fun recently." Myka knew that Pete – and surely Claudia – had most likely told her all about the last few months; in a way, she was grateful. HG had enough tact not to pry now that she knew more of what had been going on. However, Myka would be lying if she wasn't embarrassed that so many people knew how broken she had become. She hated being perceived as weak.
HG only gave the slightest nod of her head in acknowledgement.
"Well, thanks have a good night HG."
"Until tomorrow darling." HG moved forward and placed a light kiss on her cheek before ushering her out the door.
Surprised, Myka walked downstairs and out into the cool night. The summer heat had disappeared and Myka wrapped her arms around herself as she walked home. She knew from years of therapy not to assume that she was fine; but she also knew that she needed to take the good when it came. Despite how completely aggravating Helena Wells was, there was something about her that made Myka feel...better was the only word she had for it right now. Better was the only word she was capable of handling right now and Myka wasn't going to fight against it anymore.