Notes: Updated due to the reviews! Thanks guys, you helped me get a handle on this. Enjoy.
Break the Silence - By Atheniandream
Chapter 12
She'd known without asking that Harvey wouldn't be coming with her to register, nor to look at things for the baby; he'd been wall to wall stacked with case upon case in the last week; more than the usual load, that she'd seen it coming and had planned to go alone.
What she hadn't seen coming; was him sending Mike.
"Doesn't he need you there?" She asked, her eyes wandering over the stroller aisle.
"Nah…he's giving Rachel a leg up on this. She's pretty excited; I think she assumed that Harvey would need a little extra support anyway…what with you cooking that bun in there." He said, nodding to her pronounced bump. "It's looking good, by the way." He smiled at her.
"Only you Mike Ross…could find the politest way to call me fat…"
"That's not what I'm saying!" He said, a defeated sigh coming from his lips.
"I'm kidding. Yeah…he's coming along that's for sure. Sitting on my sciatic nerve like it's a space-hopper but… he's coming along." She said, rubbing her bump in little circles.
"I think you're very brave." He said, looking at her thoughtfully.
"How so?" She said, looking at him, a question playing thoughtfully between her eyebrows.
"Well…it wasn't planned…and it did come out of a pretty tense situation, but you're both really keeping it together."
"Sometimes Michael Ross, you have to take what cards you have, and just go with it. I've at least learnt that over the past few months."
"Do you miss work?" He asked as she stopped, her fingers playing idly with the colourful row of baby grows.
"Of course, you know I love my job; but…this is a chance…to have a normal life for a change. Neither Harvey nor I have ever really had that for very long. The hope for it is…a big deal." Her tone softened, the thought of her predicament played in her head for a moment.
"How's he coping? On your side?" He asked.
"He…is doing remarkably well. There's a soft, caring, considerate man inside that arrogant self-centred façade of his." She grinned, plopping items into the shopping cart.
He chuckled lightly. That was Harvey alright…
"Really? Not that I doubted the two of you, but I always figured that he was the hardest man to nail down in the entire city. He's sure changed from the single-bachelor I met three years ago."
"I know. Who knew he had it in him…I certainly didn't. But really; I'm lucky. No one wants to be the woman who has a baby with her Boss. It's the lowest of aspirations. But, I think our history more than justifies our situation…and he seems…happy."
"Harvey being happy. It's like seeing a unicorn."
"No more of that cheek Mike, otherwise I'll retract your God-father privelges and Uncle status."
"No,It's Good. I'm very happy for you both."
"Don't follow our example though," She eyed him, pointing.
"Oh, I won't. Don't worry about that." He said, smiling back, narrowly avoiding her playful swat of his shoulder.
"Drive the cart straight, Ross." She ordered; a knowing glance trained on him.
"Yes Ma'am."
She woke up like a shot; upright and wincing, a cramping, low and ice sharp in her gut. She grabbed for Harvey, contacting his arm as he darted awake, grabbing the sheet around him.
"What? What is it?" He asked, wincing through cloudy eyes into the complete dark.
"Pain…I'm…in a lot of pain; Harvey." She said, the words forced out of a sharp pout, wincing as she grabbed for him.
"Yeah?" He said, his eyes straining to see her in the dim glow of the moonlight flooding the bedroom. "Wait," He said, feeling the mattress all around him. "You're bleeding."
"Yes. I know." She answered, breathing heavily.
"Hospital; can you get dressed? No, scrap that." He fumbled, trying to kick his brain into gear.
It was the loud wince of agony that had him jumping out of bed, finding his cell phone instantly.
"This is Harvey Specter for Donna Paulsen. She's is a lot of pain, she's 6 months pregnant and she can't move. We're at 117, East 57th Street between Park and Lexington…No… I cannot hold. Get an ambulance, NOW!" He demanded; a reflex as she grabbed for his hand once more, squeezing it with a vice like grip.
"Donna…?" He frowned at her.
"I'm having the baby, aren't I?" She winced, breathing in and out.
"Oh god this is…. Look. Don't worry, they'll be here soon." He said, trying to placate her.
"Something's wrong Harv…Oh god."
It was the cry that she made, ripping through the entire condo that panicked him.
Harvey Specter never panicked.
It's always those moments that define your life that pass before your eyes in seconds.
As she's put into the ambulance, everything is a painful blur; with paramedics poking and prodding and talking at her in unison; she can't hear a thing, her head is swimming with the drugs they're pumping into her and the instance rip of pain in her abdomen is beginning to thrum through her body with a timed rhythm. She can't even find her fingers to move them to her bump for comfort. And Harvey is nowhere to be seen. It scares her more than it ever should.
The cab driver was taking the piss. Harvey groaned in frustration.
"Could you hurry? My fiancé was taken away in an ambulance." He said, trying to abate his growing frustration.
"This is New York Mister; I can't break the law just because you're in a rush…" The cabbie said, his casual, detached attitude riling Harvey all the more.
"I will pay you… the, 300 bucks I have in my wallet if you just cut a few corners. Look…my fiancé… I need to get there. She's having a baby… but she's only 6 months along. I need to get there…do you understand what I'm saying?" He pressed, his eyes darkening as they contacted the driver's in his own rear view mirror.
The Taxi driver huffed… shuffled, then seemed to straighten in his seat. "I'll see what I can do." He said, somewhat quietly.
"Thank you…" He said, stiffening even more as he sat forward.
If it hadn't have been a weekend, Ray would have kicked the crap out of this guy's proficiency.
He rushed through the Emergency doors. Mike and Rachel must have been there for a while, because they were already seated, faces pensive, but somehow not panicking quite as much as he seemed to be.
"Hey," Rachel said, pulling Harvey into a hug. He would be taken aback if he wasn't so tense. "I've spoken to the Doctors and they said that…she's got a Placental abruption, which means the placenta has pulled away from the inner wall. She has to give birth, now…but she's…" Rachel paused, her face grim.
"She's…what? What Rachel?" He fired, panic setting in by the tenfold.
"She's losing a lot of blood. They may have to do a C-section but she's…she's," Rachel babbled.
He could tell by the way that Mike squeezed her shoulder that it was bad. "She's unconscious, Harvey." Mike said, a smile trying to be comforting but somehow meaningless on his lips.
It was like his worst nightmare unrealised.
"I need to call her Mom…" He said, numbly, his hand falling into his pocket.
Dreaming is a strange thing; especially in and out of consciousness. There's a green meadow, a hill with a huge ball in the middle of it that she seems to step into. She's not sure why she thought it would be a good idea; the ball four times her own size. There are no straps, no seat inside, just the inside of the lining. It starts to roll, bumping and bouncing and taking her along with it; the daylight streaming through the stitched seams. She's rocking and falling and suspended almost in the space between the ground and the outside of the ball.
She has to go with it; regardless of where she's going…
Then she's on the edge of a parking lot, miles up in the air with the sun setting over the day. Someone pushes her because all of sudden she's falling, freefalling at the speed of a steel girder through water, buildings and shapes and colours passing her by at a strangely calming speed. It's exhilarating. She never meets the floor, even as it meets her nose.
Most people wake up then, or so she's told.
Harvey was static, sitting with his head in his hands, his heart quietly beating in the background. He was thankful for Mike and Rachel, both keeping regular updates. She was in emergency surgery, but that's all that they could tell any of them. It was frustrating; this not knowing, this suspended notice.
Donna was always the one keeping an eye on the informationin his life…
It was like the world had suddenly stopped around him; nurses, technicians and doctors pacing moved to a mere half speed. His throat felt like it was ash covered, but beside that he needed a stiff drink to drown out the doubts in his head. It occurred to him that this was why he'd never had a real relationship before…moments like this. They were unbearable, ripping and tearing through him.
Like his mother leaving.
Like his father dying.
All of sudden he was resolute;
She would not be leaving him today. It was a non-negotiable.
The Doctor found him first this time.
"Mister Specter?" The young man asked; his eyes sharp and concentrated as he looked towards him. He saw Rachel and Mike straighten out of the corner of his eye, staying in their position a row over.
"Is she dead?" He asked. The suspension seemed to be enough for his crude question.
"No...no, Mister Specter she's…stable. She's lost a lot of blood, but she's stable." He said; his face oddly void of all emotion.
"And the baby?" He fired, the tension withholding as he realised that there was so much more than just her life at stake now.
The man's eyes seemed to falter; just for a second. Harvey sucked in a breath and waited in the agonising pause.
"We're observing him for the next few hours. He's...very small and lost a lot of oxygen when the placenta detached. We will let you know more when we can."
"Can I see her?" He asked immediately.
"We'll move her up to her room soon, and then you're welcome to see her." He said,
"…Okay…thankyou."
"You're welcome." The Doctor replied, smiling unevenly as he left the waiting room.
He looked to Mike and Rachel, who smiled dimly at him. "We'll be here, Harvey." Rachel said.
"Okay…" He repeated. He couldn't feel his legs as he stood.
She looked pale and unconscious. It wasn't a good look for her; her stomach still swollen and her hair greasy from sweat. He fell back into the seat next to her bed, relieved that she wasn't a shrivelled mess, but still; his heart teetered on the edge of fear at the emotionless, unconscious look on her face.
She still had the bump, even though there was nothing inside it. The idea was sickly, like his eyes were playing tricks on him; like everything was actually fine, when really he had no control over anything. No finite answer, no idea, no ability to force a win out. It was out of his hands and that scared him, for the time in so many years.
How she had become everything was also a sudden shock to him. He hadn't even realised how she'd crept into his life; minute by minute, hour by hour until the hours had turned to days and the days to weeks until—
She was everything, now.
And he was at a loss as to how he'd had her for so many years, just inches away from him and yet had not even realised the fact until this moment. He'd been selfish. And she'd known it all along…it was just like her to have the information before he did and keep it from him.
He took her hand, and waited.
"Gordon?" She frowned, glancing at the tallish man, with Greying hair and Harvey's jawline.
It's an abstract moment. Standing in front of a man she hasn't seen in the last…eight or nine years. And he looks...exactly the same.
"Hey beautiful. Long time." He says, the same gravely croon in his voice.
"Sure is, stranger. Am I dead? Because that would really… suck right now." She jokes, the seriousness of her question peeking out.
"No, darling, you're not dead, you're just… teetering on the edge, shall we say. You've had a rough few hours." He looks at her knowingly.
"Yeah. Tell me about it. How's the baby?" She asks.
"I don't know… I'm here with you. So…things have finally moved along?" He asks, a knowing smile once more.
"What? Harvey and I…yeah, they sure have. It's very different," She smiles, glancing up at cloudless sky. "'Out of chaos and catastrophe comes a clarity of the heart'."
"You remember?" He asked, smiling at her.
"How could I forget?" She said, smiling back. Gordon had always known.
"And it worked. It's nice to see my son happy for a change. I knew you'd be at the helm of it."
"Sometimes… He misses you; every day." There is a tinge of sadness in her eyes.
"Tell him I don't blame him. For not being there; I think he knows I was always proud of him."
"He knows."
"Good. I'm proud of you too, you know."
She smiles, sidestepping his comment for fear that it'll make her cry. "So…why are you here, if I'm not on the out; not that it isn't lovely to see you once more."
"Things are going to get hard, Donna." He says suddenly, his features hardening but his eyes softening.
"What?" She asks.
"It's going to test you both… but I wanted to tell you. Don't forget what's really important."
"What do you mean?" Her brow furrows, her mouth drying.
"Just remember that, and you'll be fine." He assures. She doesn't feel very assured.
"But I," Before she has time to ask her question she's standing on a rooftop; completely alone.
'Don't forget what's really important.'
The words resonate into the sky.
When the daylight comes
Do you feel it?
Leave your bag of bones
Underneath your bed
Everything is as
It should be
I'm leaving now
As I should be ~ 'No Way' By The Naked and Famous
It's not the longest; had an issue with where to go with this. Be updating hopefully during the week sometime. Thanks to all the reviews and support. You guys are super kind of awesome.