Beta'd.

Notes: Sorry it's been so long! Thanks to everyone who's still with me on it!

Break the Silence

Chapter 14

Harvey

There was no way getting around it,

He had a son.

Not in the most conventional way but,

He had a son.

Something way back in the chasm of his mind told him that this complication was their doing; trust them not to have a sliver of normal between them.

Shame it had to come off the ass end of tragedy...

He looked on; watching the little pink baby squirm. It was hard not to notice it; him being so much smaller than he should be, so lacking in the maturity of the average baby. There wasn't a hair on him. Not a speck of hair; just rouged skin; like a hairless dog that had been left out in the sun too long. He wondered if he would end up with Donna's hair, or settle in the middle with something from each of them.

For the first time; his fingers ached to touch him, to feel the paper thinness of his smooth skin; his throbbing heart beneath his chest. To feel that warmth.

Thankfully, if any thanks could be found in it all, they were both as healthy as… as they could be, right now. All things considered.

How did this happen?

He was at a loss, it was virtually unfathomable how they couldn't make a healthy baby that could be carried to full term. They were healthy adults at the top of their game. The idea was almost ridiculous. And sure... they were older. But they weren't over the hill enough yet...the worry started to set in that there would be an even bigger tragedy to completely outset the current one.

He couldn't…

She wouldn't be able to…

There were no words.

He thanked the bubble of silence all around him. He continued to stare through the smudged glass, hoping for a miracle, watching as the little boy's fingers twitched, a hand balling into a fist and then relaxing again.

He had never been a particularly patient man. Patience had been ingrained in him from Jessica. She knew how to wait, and years on he was still having issues with it. But she'd never become a parent. Maybe, she'd react the same; in his shoes?

It occurred, as twenty minutes passed, that he could stand here forever, if that's what it would take just to hold him.

And all at once, he ached for his father to be there beside him.

'There should be words

There should be words that explain the way

But I'm tongue tied and twisted' ~ 'The Fall' By Rhye

Donna

When she looked up, her father was standing in the doorway, his eyes brimming with tears. He was a tall, introverted looking man, with a head of salt and pepper hair and meaningful blue eyes. "Oh my god, Dad, please don't cry here!" She said, her arms open as her father hurried over to her.

"My beautiful girl. Any news?" He asked, sitting on her bed as his hand found her hair.

"Your father got lost in the one way system." Her mother replied, rolling her eyes.

"Dad, next time, please let Mom drive?" She remarked, shaking her head.

"She doesn't know her way around the wheel," He said, refusing the notion. "So, No news yet?" He asked, clamping his hand around hers.

"Nothing yet." She tried not to let the admission of such bring her down.

"And where's Harvey?" He asked, the slight reservation in his voice.

"He went back to work," She said, watching the expressions on both of their faces dent at her answer. "Don't look at me like that; he needs to work. And he's been here most of the time, he sleeps in that chair most nights." She said, pointing to the offending chair that no one else ever sat in.

"We, just... want to make sure that you're being taken care of, sweetheart. That's all." Said her Dad, readying his expression against her Mother's who nodded.

They were the best team she'd ever seen. They were conspirators to the end. She rolled her eyes at them.

"I know you're both worried about me. But Harvey and I are fine, so just... please leave it."

The last thing she wanted to do was have to deal with their objections at a time like this.

They both nodded simultaneously. Clearly the jig was up... She had won. For now...

"So, where are you both staying? Seeing as I don't have my apartment anymore; I could put you up in a hotel?"

"Could we not... stay at yours?" Her Father asked.

"Ugh. Well, it's not mine exactly... it's Harvey's. I'll ask; obviously if it was mine there would be no question of it, but it's his apartment, so."

"It's okay, we understand." Her mother assured her. The look in her eyes told her that she understood the man in her life more than she let on. No doubt she'd cornered him when they both left together.

"Why don't you go and see him, the baby? I'll call Harvey whilst you do?" She offered.

"That would be nice. Do you want anything whilst we're gone?" Her mother asked, that mothering look on her face.

"No. I'm good, Mom. You two get some lunch though, there are some great restaurants in the area."

"Okay, sweetheart." Her father said, kissing her on the top of the head.

As they disappeared, she took the hospital phone off the side table and dialled Harvey's cell.

"Harvey Specter." She heard his distinct drawl on the other end of the phone.

"Hey." She said tenatatively; rearranging herself on the bed.

"Donna, you okay?" He asked, the concern immediately finding a voice.

"Yeah... I'm fine. You busy?"

"No. Mike, one sec. What is it?" She heard him ask.

"I uh.. I have a favour to ask..." She said, hearing her own voice turn up at the edges.

"What?"

"My parents... can they stay at the condo? If not-"

"-Okay.." He cut her off, his answer vague despite the positivity of it.

"Okay? You don't have to; I understand, they are a nightmare." She said, cringing at any one of the ten things that could come out of his mouth.

"No, you know... I owe them, probably. For the wedding. Or I could...put them up in a hotel?" He offered.

"That's what I thought..?" She couldn't help the lingering thought as her sentence tailed off.

"What do you want to do?" He asked suddenly.

"...Condo?" She squirmed, the humour peeking out of her voice.

"Okay. Where am I gonna sleep?" He asked.

"Here?"

"Fabulous." She heard him huff for effect. He hardly ever objected to her these days. She still couldn't work out if he had given up the fight or if he was just... happy. She hoped for the latter.

"I love you." She said, grinning into the phone.

"If your mother moves anything..."

"I'll put it all back, I promise."

"Okay. I love you."

"Bye."

From the second he hung up, he could see Mike's rather amused look. "What?" He asked, bullishly.

"Nothing," He insisted, his eyebrows static. "You've just..."

"Just what?" There was a hint of a snap in his voice as he glared at Michael.

"You've just... become such a... family man. It... it looks good on you." Mike managed the even reply, even through Harvey's overwhelming stare.

"You'll be surprised, what the right woman will do to you." He said with a small disclosing smile.

"It's nice. I know it's been really hard for you guys, but it's good to see that-"

"Can we not?" Harvey said, sneering slightly at his associate.

"Still not a sharer, huh?" Mike laughed, shaking his head. This man would never change for anyone but Donna...

"Not for these kind of moments, no."

"You only ever come to me with a problem. Typical." He teased as they continued walking along the busy city street.

"That's what friends are for, right?" Harvey pointed out.

It's Mike halting on the sidewalk, that had him turning around.

"What? What is it?" He asked.

"We're friends. You've never said 'friends' before. I'm talking to Harvey Specter, right?" He said, just pushing the envelope of Harvey's resolve all the more.

"Well let's not get the monogrammed t-shirts just yet," He said, eyeing up his associate warily.

"Rachel's gonna be so proud that I made a friend."

"And you're judging me?"

"You had the baby. Baby trumps everything else."

"You got that right."

It was that beat that let Mike know he'd said the wrong thing.

The baby...

"I'm sorry, Harvey, I-"

"No. It's okay," He said to his friend, waving any implication.

"Everything's going to be okay, you know?"

"God, I hope so."

When he heard a knock at the door, he took a long, deep breath before opening it.

Suddenly there was something Meet the Parents about it all…

As he opened it, her parents looked just as nervous.

"Hey," He said.

"Hello Harvey," Her mother replied, immediately stretching up to him to kiss him on the cheek.

It had been awhile since a motherly figure had assaulted him at the door. He contained the urge to roll his eyes at her, moving straight to shaking her father's hand.

"Hey, Mr Paulsen..?" He frowned slightly, feeling a little too old to be using the formality but at the same time not feeling like he had the right to be familiar with a man he knew virtually nothing about. And considering he'd been at the helm of every slice of drama in Donna's last...forever, it seemed fitting.

The man squeezed his shoulder, smiling immediately. "Call me Jerry, Harvey. We have met before, and you're with my daughter after all." He noted.

"Sure." He reasoned, the tension easing slightly. "Come on in, I'll show you around." He said, letting them cross over the threshold.

"Well, Harvey. You certainly have made something of yourself." Sara said; gazing out to the view that covered most of his apartment. The crisp furnishings and striking artwork littered about the place.

"I couldn't have done it without your daughter," He said, as he watched them take it all in.

"This is a very lovely home, Harvey." Her father said. Harvey could tell that he was holding back how impressed he was.

"Donna picked it out, actually." He said, trying to put the focus onto her.

"So it's new then?"

"No...I've lived here...almost nine years this month." He said. How the years had flown away from both of them.

"You let her pick out your apartment even then?" His father asked, disbelieving.

"She has great taste. I trust her judgement." He shrugged.

"I'm impressed. Seems like you two were always meant to be together." He said.

He didn't have anything to say to that. It seemed that way to everyone these days. Maybe there was an answer in the hint of a smile that graced his lips. He couldn't quite understand the look in the man's eyes though. Maybe it was the look a man gave another when you were taking his daughter away. "We don't have another room; apart from the baby's...so you're gonna be sleeping in our room." He said, leading them into the bedroom.

"But Harvey, where are you going to sleep?" Her mother asked.

"Oh, on the couch."

"You can't sleep on the couch." She said, frowning at him like mother's obviously still did.

"It's a really comfortable couch." He assured them as they wandered about his bedroom; drenched in more of the bright city skyline. "And, I'll probably either be at the hospital or work, so."

"Thank you Harvey. For letting us into your home." Her father said, his eyes kind.

"You're welcome. It's practically Donna's anyway, so." He said, shuffling on the balls of his feet as his hands found his pockets in comfort. "I have to go, now. But here's a key, and the doormen know who you are, so you won't be bothered. Feel free to use anything, and call me if you have a problem, okay?" He said, walking towards the hallway.

"Thank you, Harvey." Her mother said, the meaning strong in her words.

He turned, a thoughtful smile on his lips. "You're welcome."

It was odd, he thought.

Family.

He'd been without it for so long...

He was not surprised when he got a call at work on his cell. "Donna?" He asked.

"How did you know it was me?" She asked, her pitch raising immediately.

"I saved the caller id when you called earlier?" He frowned, turning in his chair for privacy.

"Oh. Okay... I'm really bored." She said, stretching out the vowels. He heard her huff on the phone when he said nothing.

"Good." He said finally.

"Why is it good?"

"Because, I miss you too." He said quietly.

"Good. Can I come to work?"

"No." He frowned. She was ridiculous. And a workaholic. They were practically the same person.

"Ugh. I hate you."

"I hate you too." He said, smiling. "Your parents are at the condo. They said to give compliments on your choice of apartment."

"You told them I picked it out?" She said, her words blunt.

"Was I not...supposed to?" He asked, unsure if he'd screwed up or not.

"Well… now they're going to have a lot of questions about when we actually got together."

"Oh so they're the only people who don't know about the other time?" He joked, waiting for the bait to catch.

"Harvey," She admonished. He could hear her shaking her head at the absurdity of his comment.

"I'm pretty sure me standing up in the middle of your wedding clears that up, Donna."

"Don't remind me. And get back to work, you never used slack on my watch."

"The view's not as good here anymore."

"Pervert." She accuses.

"I call you later?"

"You better." He hears the smile peel out of her reply and finds himself smiling too.

When he got to the hospital later in the evening, she was sat alone, her arms folded and that disdainful look on her face.

"Hey happy, where's the rest of the dwarves?" He joked. He shouldn't but somehow it was too natural between them not to.

"The baby." She said, stony faced and oddly upright.

His face grew immediately serious, sitting next to her bed.

"What about him?"

"The drugs they were using aren't really working. He's got low blood pressure and I…"

"What Donna?"

"I'm still bleeding Harvey. They're monitoring it, but they're saying that I might need a...a hysterectomy."

"Oh shit." The words fell out, his face frozen in shock. "So," He scrambled for the rest of his sentence.

"If he doesn't make it, and I have to…" She shook her head. He could see her cursing herself as her eyes filled to the brim. "We might never be able to have a baby."

He was resolute then, kicked into motion. They'd already been through too much to… "You listen to me now." He said, his eyes forcing hers too look only at him. "Whatever happens; with you, with the baby… we are gonna make it through this, alright? I didn't screw it up ten years ago get beaten down now. Okay?" He said, his face hard until his hand cupped her face. "We're gonna make it through this."

"Okay." She nodded, exhaling slowly, reaching to flatten out his lapel, a habit of hers that still hadn't lessened since she'd left the firm.

"When are they gonna make the decision?" He asked, drinking in her worried features.

"Over the next day." She said, her hands stilling.

"This may sound insensitive, but maybe we could ask if...you can have your eggs frozen, if they do go through with it? With the complications so far, it wouldn't be a bad idea to think about a surrogate if we ever… did decided again?"

"It's expensive, Harvey."

"We both know that money is no object." He said, not a ounce of humour in his words.

She reached out for his hand with both of hers. "I knew there was a reason I went for the smart guys," She said, her mouth turning up slightly at the edges.

"A stupid guy couldn't handle you." He said, giving her a mirthful smile. "And I thought you only wanted me for my money."

She sighed, the faintest of smiles forming at his deliberate arrogance, swallowing any tension away. "The good news, is that they said I could go see him in a minute."

"You're not well enough, Donna," He warned.

"If he dies and all I got to see of my baby was a picture, then it will kill me." The steely look in her eye told him that she meant it.

"Okay." He said quietly. "Am I getting a wheelchair, or?"

"They're bringing one around now. For me. Not you." She said, letting the limp joke fall out of her dry lips.

"Good."

She was terrified.

Sure, she'd seen him on Harvey's phone but… this was the first time. A little too late by traditional standards...

She never dreamt that it would be like this; she'd expected to be screaming at Harvey as the baby screamed at her in their apartment, wishing to god she could put the little thing right back up in there. She didn't expect to be separated by glass and an incubator just to catch a glimpse of her own child.

She sat silently as Harvey wheeled her into the corridor.

"You doing okay over there? Not dizzy, or?" He asked, checking on her.

"No. I'm okay. I'm not letting a Uterus get me down, that's for damn sure."

"That's my girl." Harvey said, pulling them up to the window.

It occurred to him that she'd never looked this fragile before. Of course, she'd always been dainty, but always defiant, sturdy and immoveable. Sat in the chair next to him, standing, she seemed so delicate, so paper white; her hair in a bun and her gown on without her make-up and elegant wardrobe; not to mention the lack of heels. Even with them living together and him seeing her day-to-day; as he stood there looking down at her, she looked like she could just break, if you so much as held her wrong. He felt her fingers reach for his.

"Which one is he?" She asked.

"On the left. With the little blue hat."

She sank into her seat, working it out silently in her head. "I want to go in."

"Donna, you're not allowed in-"

"Harvey, I'm going in. Either you're pushing me, or I'm wheeling myself in there." She said stubbornly.

He hesitated, measuring her defiance on the matter, before he quietly wheeled her to the door.

"Hi." Donna said to the nurse. "I was told I could see my baby; it's been four days. I was told I could go in there and... have a look through the incubator."

"Of course," The young nurse faltered, but smiled anyway. "Your name is?"

"Specter."

"Paulsen." The both said.

They stopped to look at one another. "It could be a combination of either or both." Donna finally said.

"It's Specter. Come this way." The nurse gestured down the small aisle.

She tilted her head up at him, eyeing him curiously, a mixture of victory and suspicion.

"Before you ask, no I did not have it changed. He is a Specter, after all." He pointed out smugly. It was the first peak of paternal pride in him.

She smiled to herself, folding her arms. It was to be expected, she told herself. No more of the single girl Paulsen...

He was even smaller up close. So pink and far from ready for this world. Donna grabbed at Harvey's pocket, her face clenching slightly as she took in the tubes and monitors all over his tiny body.

His hand fell into her unruly hair, his fingers running over her scalp as she all but creased the press in his pants pocket.

"I'll leave you too," The nurse said, disappearing to the other end of the small ward.

"Hey," He said, his hand stilling at the back of her neck. "You okay?"

"He's so... small. And Pink."

"That's what I thought."

"I think he has your eyes." She mused, tilting her head.

"Well he hasn't got your hair yet."

"You really want him to have my hair?" She asked incredulously.

"I love your hair." He replied.

"Yeah but on a boy… on a girl, they end up looking adorable. Boys get bullied in school for red hair." She reasoned.

"Our son is not gonna get bullied. He's gonna know how a throw a punch."

"Punching in school. Great Parenting." She chided, rolling her eyes at him.

He changed the subject, bringing it back around.

"And shouldn't you be rooting for the red gene no matter what sex the baby is?"

"I'm sure he'll be handsome, and either way... we can put a hat on it."

"Donna." He said, chuckling. It was odd how they always found small humours in these tense times. He supposed that they'd had so many that they're somehow getting used to it.

They both paused as the baby opened and closed his eyes, wriggling slightly.

"I think he know's we're here." He whispered into her ear.

"I hope so." She smiled, her face contorting slightly. "We should go. I'm not sure how long I can hold this cry in."

"Don't you want to stay a little longer?"

"What I want is them to put a bed in next to him so that I can stare at him constantly. But, instead I'm just gonna have to hope that he'll wait for me."

"Well, I did." Harvey said quietly.

"Exactly."

"Do we want to give him a name?" He asked.

"I...yeah. How about... Samuel?"

"Sam. I like it. It's no Harvey...but."

"Well it's either that or Sebastian."

"Hmm. Sebastian Specter. I like it. He looks like a Sebastian." He says, trying it on as he looked at the little pink baby.

"Sebastian Gordon Specter?" She offered.

She looked up when she realised that he hadn't said anything. "Hey, you?" She said, her thumb touching his chin.

"My Dad would have loved that. It's perfect." He said finally, leaning down to kiss her soundly.

"Whatever happens... he has a name now."

"Yeah."