Notes:

Thanks to doCHAI for addressing some of the inconsistencies with the medical side. This and the chapter previous take place over a few days, unless stated in the content.

Break the Silence By Atheniandream

Chapter 15

Judgement day.

This was it,

The turn of the tide

Either it was in…

Or it was out...

She heard the words come out of the Doctor's mouth; slow and reverberating against the walls. She was glad that Harvey wasn't here. That her parents weren't. She could sail this ship alone without losing people along the way.

"We've decided that its best to give you a hysterectomy. The trauma of the placental abruption isn't lessening and we need to deal with that immediately."

And just like that her head was reduced to white noise, grey walls and cloudy skies; the signs of a dead end.

She nodded slowly, taking it all in beat by heart breaking beat.

"However, it's good news for your baby. He's started responding to the drugs we gave him and his immune system and respiratory system seem to be developing at a quicker rate now, which is what we needed to see. Were going to monitor him over the next few days and then plan from there."

And just like that the sun came out...

"Is there any chance of... of freezing my eggs before the hysterectomy?" She asked.

"We can look into that. In theory we can do it at a later stage, as the ovaries and fallopian tubes will stay intact. It would mean giving you a drug before the procedure to encourage the production of eggs which we would then freeze. It's very expensive, and the chances of you producing enough may be considerably lower given your current condition. Maybe you would want to think about it?" The Doctor said, scratching at his five o'clock shadow.

"Money's not an issue. Clearly I'm not going to be able to conceive a child the natural way, and I've spoken to my...fiance about it. We want a family and we feel it's the only real option at this point. If we can then I'd like to have that done now just... before the clock stops." She said, smiling weakly.

"I'll get back to you by the end of the day with the details. We should be able to conduct the procedure here prior to your hysterectomy, but I need to check a few things. And I do want you to get to surgery as quick as possible, Ms Paulsen. You're at a very high risk at the moment that I'd like to limit that as soon as I can."

"I appreciate that, Doctor. Thank you."

"I'll be around in the next few hours, once we've sorted out everything and had you scheduled in."

"Thank you." She said, as the Doctor made his way out into the hall.

She sat for a moment, the silence permeating the dull walls as her eyes worked from corner to corner.

So it was settled.

For her son. It was a pretty small price to pay...

"Hey,"

The voice caught her attention immediately for it's distinct droll. She looked up to see him painting at casual, leant against the doorframe with a smile waiting just for her.

"What you doing all the way over there?" She managed, her tired attempt at her own smile curving back at him, watching as he sauntered over to her, his hands falling out of his pockets as he sat in the chair opposite, taking her hand in his. "The Doctor come by yet?" He asked, a pensive look on his face.

"Yes…" She started, stiffening.

"And…?"

"The good news?" She offered.

"Diplomatic." He noted.

"The baby's...doing better." She said with a small smile.

"Good. That's...that's really good." He sighed. "The bad news?"

"I'm...going to be scheduled for surgery." She said.

"Ah, shit." He said, faltering for a moment as his hands rubbed at his face. He reached out, a hand finding her hair. "I'm so sorry,"

"I'm not. Sebastian's going to be okay, that's all that matters." She reasoned, watching him frown slowly. "Harvey. We're gonna be okay. Okay?" She resisted the urge for her frown to fully form, for that little piece of doubt in her head to show enough for him to question her resoluteness. It was in her to be the strongest one, like she had always been. She knew that now, was at peace with it. He would accomplish anything in the world as long as she held that compass and a steady hand beside him.

"I asked, about freezing the eggs," She said hopefully. "They're gonna get back to us this afternoon."

"Good. That's good to hear." He nodded.

"But we're going to have to get a gym installed in the apartment, because I'll be damned if this surgery is going to make me fat." She warned, a smile peeking out.

"Anything you want," He said, kissing her soundly.

Later that afternoon, Rachel, Mike and her parents watched as she was wheeled out to surgery on a gurney, Harvey's hand clamped around hers as he walked with her and the team to the elevator.

"You're gonna be fine." He managed, his face set in immovable stone as he watched her.

"Of course Harvey. I'm having a Hysterectomy, not heart surgery." She said, rolling her eyes. She was worried too, but she wasn't about to give in to it. They had come too far now. She was thankful that they were able to at least remove her eggs beforehand, but that meant more time under anesthetic. She'd been told of the added risk and was defiant in wanting the procedure despite Harvey's protests. It was her choice and she had made the decision.

"I'll keep an eye on the baby." He assured her.

"Good. Keep my mother from arranging my room, too. She does that." She reminded him, her eyes wide.

He kissed her quickly as the attendants pressed for the elevator.

"I...I love you, okay?" He mumbled into her lips, the warmth of his brown eyes flooding through his face.

"I love you too. See you soon." She said, her watching with tight eyes as he resisted the urge to take her hand in his own once more.

They were truly fucked without the other. People had been right all along and now was no different.

In that moment, as she lifted her head to see him standing as the attendants wheeled her into the metal box; him static in grey, his eyes dark and open, she realised,

She would always hate elevator doors; dramatic as it seemed,

They were constantly trying to rip them apart.

The waiting room before the O.R. was the worst place in the history of the living world. The man-nurse wouldn't stop talking inanely about stupid things that she didn't care about. She'd hoped that this would be the place to focus, to gather herself before going in. But no such luck. Instead she was laid on a gurney, cold from the violent air-conditioning unit above her head and the flaring of fluorescent lighting making her skin so green and her hair all the more orange.

So much for Private healthcare…

She tried to drown out the man's annoying voice, nodding at talks of 'anesthetic' and 'gas' and 'how brave for a woman her age to be so calm in such a tense' blah blah blur...

Before she knew herself she had started to fall out of consciousness, the room fading out into flares of blue and yellow and eye wrenching white.

And once again, Gordon was there, salt and pepper handsome as always. Smiling at her with the smile Harvey had inherited. But he had no words for her. And for the first time she had no questions.

It was game time...

Her ears filtered the sound before her eyes could focus, blurred light flooded into view; the casual beep of the heart monitor next to her bed and her mother and father squabbling in the background.

But no Harvey.

She didn't want to draw attention to herself. But it was already too late.

"Sweetheart. Can you hear me?"

She blinked to see the bold eyes of her mother staring down at her.

"Ugh…" She said, her lips moving into a straight line, the dank moldy taste in her mouth lingering with a thickness.

"Do you wanna sit up?" She asked her daughter, who merely frowned shaking her head lightly. It had been a long time since her Mother had been there in the mornings. It wasn't definitely something she had missed...

"Okay sweetheart. You rest. You've only been back a few hours." Her mother said, patting her arm gently.

"Where's… Harv-" The word stuck in her dry throat. "-vey."

"Work. We'll call him in a minute, let him know you're awake,"

She nodded, the light outside catching at her eyes.

"And we'll come back later on, when you've had some rest okay?" Her Father added, peering down behind her Mother.

She had to hand it to her parents, they knew when to give her a minute.

"Could you lift up your shirt please, Donna? I want to check how your c-section scar is doing," The Doctor asked, pulling the curtain around the bed.

She'd been itching for days to move around, to go get a cup of coffee or a run an errand. Too long being sat and static in the same place had brought out her old routines now she was sans bump and a babymaker . Her eyes wandered to where the Doctor examined her skin, the long pink scar still slightly roughed and angry at having the staples taken out. However, she thanked her lucky stars that the scar was low enough to hide under a bikini though. Bring on Summer...

"Everything is looking good. How are you feeling generally after your surgery? Any bleeding or discomfort?"

"No blood. Discomfort..not really." She pondered, lowering her gown.

"That's good. We'll need to monitor you and the baby for the next few days, make sure you're both making a steady recovery, and then we'll talk about letting you go home." He said, pulling the curtain back around to the bed.

"That...sounds...long overdue." She smiled, a first genuine smile since she'd first seen her baby boy.

Things were finally starting to realign themselves...

It had only been a week since her surgery, but it had felt like months being kept against her will. The hospital food was awful - at one point she'd made Harvey sneak in takeout until the nurse banned them both - and there was this constant itch in her gut to just walk out of the hospital, whether she was tethered to the monitors or not. Luckily, since the baby was making progress, the Doctor's decided that they were all ready to go home together. She was ecstatic to get back to her life; albeit she was leaving with slightly less than she'd come with physically, but in the grand scheme of things there was so much more to look forward to now.

Her breath beat a circle against the wire framed glass as she peered through the window, watching the two nurses all working above the small crib. She felt a hand touch her waist and the presence of a body behind her.

"What'cha doin' out here?" Harvey's voice tickled her ear as his suited arms wrapped around her dressing gown.

"I just wanted to see him. They're getting him ready… I can't wait," She replied, her hand reaching up behind her to cup his face.

"I can see that...so. It's official," He noted, anticipation in his voice as he cleared his throat, tightening his hands around her all the more.

"What is?" She asked, looking up at him.

"He has your hair." He replied thoughtfully.

"Thank god. Now he doesn't have to live up to your name, he can ride on the coattails of mine." She replied, her grin forming as she watched the very red hair of her baby appear in the arms of the nurse. "Did you bring the baby's things?" She asked him.

"Your Mom."

"Of course."

"You realise that you need to change out of that robe before we can leave, right? I'm not sure a hospital gown is fifth material."

"My dressing gown is from Sak's?" She challenged, looking up at him. "It cost almost four hundred dollars. And since when did you become a snob?"

"I've always been a snob." He replied smugly.

"Oh my god here he comes," She said, grabbing his arm. They watched as their baby was carried out of the unit. It was an unreal moment, watching the nurse carry her baby, so unnatural, displaced almost from the reality of it all like the stork had just visited. The nurse shuffled over to them, the baby wriggling slightly under the white blanket, as his nose twitched almongst blonde eyelashes.

"Ms Specter?" The young nurse asked.

"Uhh...kind of yes?" She said vaguely, spying Harvey looking down at her.

"She means 'yes'. Paulsen Specter." Harvey explained, frowning slightly at the adult redhead squirming in his arms.

"Ahh," The woman smiled, understanding. "Here's your son. Would you like to hold him?" The young woman asked Donna.

"Would I? Uh…" She laughed, looked to Harvey briefly, noting the flash of anticipation in his eyes, she held out her arms, bearing the lighting strike of electricity in her shoulders as her arms bore the baby's weight. She watched as his distinct green eyes searched hers, his little cheeks pinching as she held him tighter. "Oh my god Harvey… we made a baby." She said, barely under her breath.

"We did." He agreed quietly, peering over her shoulder at the little carrot haired boy with busy hands.

"You want to hold him?" She asked, turning to Harvey, whose face blanched slightly.

She glared immediately. "Harvey, you're a Dad now. It's time you realise that," She reminded him, smiling slightly as she watched him fumble, taking the baby from her.

"You realise I've held a baby before, right? I am an Uncle." He countered, rolling his eyes.

"Not your own baby." She reminded him. "How does it feel?"

"He's...he's ours. I never thought I'd ever..." His words trailed off in a rare silence.

"Spawn a heir?" She offered.

"It sounds really bad when you say it like that," He looked down, the baby still in his hands.

"Louis is going to HATE this… could you imagine if this was him and Sheila?" She said

"They would not make attractive children." He said, the zing slightly out on his underhand comment as his attention fought against the baby, who grabbed his lapel suddenly.

Neither could stifle the gasps that erupted into the air.

Donna watched with a smile as he got comfortable.

"Okay… whilst you're doing that… I'm gonna go do 'this'" She said, pulling at her robe.

"No don't leave me." He suddenly said, eyes wider than usual.

"Harvey...you're not gonna break him. You're gonna be fine. I'll meet you in the room."

As Donna sauntered down the hallway, Harvey remained in the exact spot she'd left him, the lapel of his jacket held prisoner in the small peach coloured fist of his steadily sleeping son.

Donna had been elated that Harvey had offered to carry the baby. Not only did it hold great things for the future, but her body was still slightly weak from everything that had happened over the last few weeks. She found herself drawing closer to Harvey as they quietly rode the elevator, his arm holding Sebastian as the carrier dangled in his other hand, empty.

"You know, this is going to be great until he spits up all over that Tom Ford suit of yours…" She said absent mindedly, as her fingers trailed over the baby's few red hairs.

"Why do you think I had Ray take a few over to the firm?" He replied cooly.

"Thank god for that little closet in your office." She said. "Hey, do you know what Louis keeps in that closet of his?" She asked, her face lighting up immediately.

"His homosexuality?"

"Harvey," She chided, an eruption of laughter filling the elevator.

"Do I want to know?" He finally asked.

"Dance shoes and two pairs of Borghese hand gloves."

"Close. Does he use them together?"

"Well if he does then he has a secret Mickey Mouse fetish. If not, he could come in handy in the babysitting department…"

"There's no way he's minding our child."

"Harvey,"

"I respect the guy; doesn't mean I need to let him touch our kid." He replied gruffly.

"Fine...have it your way. You'll see.." She said haughtily, before putting a key in the door.

She looked around, frowning at the odd silence in the low lit apartment.

"Where are my parents? Mom...Dad?" She called down the hall as Harvey shut the door behind them.

"They said 'You're welcome'. Your Mom also baked a Pie. I tried to stop her."

"A present to us?"

"First night at home...as a family."

"That's a big word you got there, Specter." She said, her eyes measuring him for signs of cracks.

"That's what we are, right? Either that or a trio. Why are you still looking at me like that?" He asked, his eyes looking around for the discrepancy.

"I think you're dealing with everything far better than me. It's disarming." She said, regarding him with envious eyes.

"You've been through a lot. Let's give it a week?" He offered, rolling his eyes at her irrational behaviour.

She moved to take the baby, before spying him asleep in Harvey's arms.

"You two look adorable. I'll let you take him, I don't want to wake him."

"Just take him, Donna." He said, offering the baby in his arms.

"No, no I'm good." She declined, her face scrunching momentarily.

"Donna… take Sebastian." He ordered, grinning at the idiocy of her behaviour.

"If he wakes up and cries at me, then I'm going to cry back. Just...put him in the crib." She said, folding her arms stubbornly.

She followed him into the baby's room, a silent thank you on her lips for her mother airing the room out and putting sheets on the little crib. The room hadn't been furnished to it's entirety but it had been decorated with mostly pastel greens and a mural of fluffy clouds and sun into a glittering night sky. The crib sat in the middle of the room, the orange glow of the room creating an almost sunset over the crib's canopy.

She watched Harvey place Sebastian into the crib, pulling the downy bed sheet around his middle as she turned the baby monitor on.

"He is pretty perfect… by traditionally standards." She whispered, leaning on the crib's frame.

"You made him. And you don't make mistakes so...I guess he is." He agreed, joining her.

"He was a freudian slip and we both know it." She reminded him pointedly. "But a pretty good one." She smiled. "I really never thought you were going to have kid, Harvey. I never ever thought I would."

"Things change. I guess we were waiting for eachother."

"Yeah...maybe." She said, stifling a yawn as he gravitated towards her, stroking her hair as she leant into him; her eyes lingering on the orange glow that cast itself against the babies head.

"If I wasn't still recovering… I'd climb you like a tree." She mumbled tiredly against his shoulder.

"When you are ready… just surprise me."

"Aye Capt'n."

"I can't believe that they let you out of the Hospital so soon after your operation," Rachel remarked, picking at a few nibbles on the coffee table as Donna sipped at her water.

"I know; it's all one big miracle."

"We were so worried about you. Everyone at work was asking questions about you." Rachel said, examining her friend.

"Did you tell them that I'm a fully qualified flame thrower now?" Donna asked in the usual bantering tone that even she missed the sound of.

Rachel giggled, shining with a warmth in her eyes. "They already know you're Superwoman." She said, her fingers finding another chip in the bowl. "There is a pool going, over whether the baby has your hair or not,"

"What did you bet?" She asked her friend slyly.

"I don't bet on friends, Donna."

"How much Rachel?"

Rachel winced smiling cautiously. "Fifty with Mike on Red."

"Hmm… looks like you're gonna have to wait with the rest of the gamblers."

"Where is he?" She asked, looking around.

"With Harvey."

"Seriously?" She replied, a complete look of understandable disbelief on her face.

"Honestly, I think the baby likes him more than me. I think he likes the baby more than me."

"That's..surprising. I never pegged Harvey for the nurturing kind."

"Well he's been practising on Mike for the last five years, so."

"Touche."

"Hey Rach," Harvey said as he walked into the room, his shirt rolled up to the sleeves and Sebastian wriggling in his arms in a baby blue onesie. "How's your first semester going?" He asked, handing the baby to Donna, who laid him out between her legs, fitting him in the curve of her thighs.

"Good, actually… oh my god I won! Oh, he does have red hair…" Rachel said, completely side tracked by the little baby staring up at it's Mother.

"Bet?" Harvey asked Donna.

"Mike lost." She said.

"Figures." He sighed.

"I can't wait for you to work at the firm." Donna noted as she glanced at her friend, her fingers gently holding the babies hands as he continued to stare dumbly at her, occasionally grasping at her hair.

"What's that?" Harvey asked, pouring a glass of juice on the breakfast bar behind them.

"I bargained with Jessica to have her wave the Harvard rule for me." Rachel replied cooly, smiling at Donna's attention of the little baby in her lap.

"Bold Rach. And she agreed?" He asked.

"I persuaded her that I'd be more than worth it." She said coolly, smiling.

"Well… I'll keep that in mind." He said, an impressed look on his face as he rolled down his sleeves. "I have to go now, I have a meeting." He said to Donna, appearing at her shoulder.

"Okay. Takeout?" She offered.

"Definitely." He agreed, kissing her soundly before tugging at Sebastian's clothes and giving him a look. "Have a good one, Rach." He said, grabbing his jacket off of the chair at the breakfast bar.

"Bye," Rachel said, waving.

"Harvey?" Donna called behind her, watching Rachel holding in her amazement as he walked back.

"What?" He asked, his short temper pinkering somewhat, but still reserved.

"You look a mess, come here." She ordered. "Bend down." She said, her hands smoothing down his lapels then moving to neaten his silver tie. He rolled his eyes, indicating a look to Rachel as he picked up his keys and shut the door behind him.

And then there were two…

"You two are...you three, are adorable."

"Shut up." Donna said, hiding her small smile.

"I'm serious Donna. What did you do to that man?" She asked, disbelief painted on her face.

It was true; Harvey had changed a lot over the last year. They both had. Sometimes it was hard to remember their tense relationship before and how their work relationship had only held stronger as their personal one had developed. She was still his confidant, and he was still the breadwinner, but now that work life had blurred into homelife and now... Sebastian.

"Sebastian's done a number on us both I think. This kid has charm. Neither of which comes from his parents, I might add." She said, making a face at her Son as he struggled to smile back at her.

"He certainly does. Would you mind if I...held him?" She asked in a very 'Rachel' way, squirming at feeling the need to ask.

"Of course," She gushed at her friend, picking up the baby and handing him over to her, watching as she held him like he was glass with a terrified look on her face.

"Rachel. Relax," She encouraged her friend, watching as she finally perched the baby on her dainty knees, one hand coming around to hold his hand as the baby stared up at her. "He's a baby, not a bulgari necklace."

"Oh but he's so much more precious than a necklace."

"But its Bulgari?" Donna quipped, her eyebrow arching.

"Donna," Rachel chided.

"He's pretty spectacular." She finally said.

"Does he sleep through the night?" The young woman asked her friend.

"Mostly; he's not a huge crier which is great for Harvey, means I don't have to sleep alone in the nursery and he has no excuse at work for being an ass." She replied, joining her friend in a smile.

"I'll let Mike know that..are you breast feeding?"

"No… these bad boys don't need to be spoilt," She replied, a twinkle lighting her eye.

"Donna,"

"I'm kidding. He's been on formula for so long I'm not sure if it's worth it now, and the Doctor's said it was best to rest for a couple of weeks until I feel up to it. You're doing well with him," She noted, pointing to the baby falling asleep in Rachel's arms. "He does that alot. Should I be worried?" She asked.

"No. It means he's happy," Rachel replied, a slight coo in her voice. "My cousin slept through the first 2 years of her life."

"Encouraging. Where is she now?"

"Cheerleader for the Lakers."

"You're kidding, right?" Donna asked, frowning.

"No I'm not. It's good money apparently." Rachel shrugged.

"Hmm." Donna mused, looking to the baby. "He'll look good in a skirt, I'm sure. He has my ass."

Sorry it's been so long!

Hoping to fill the Hiatus with things. I'm thinking that this fic is going to go up to the wedding. Otherwise, I'll just write them forever and ever and...