~o~

6

Ocean Eyes

"Okay, open up, 'cuz I've got to make sure you get a dose of this before I leave." Yuffie held up the big brown bottle of tonic and a clean spoon.

"Oh no," I groaned. The tonic, which was one of her family recipes, was bitter and slimy. "I'm not really even sick, Yuffie. It isn't necessary."

"That's a matter of opinion," she said, then poured me an oozing, heaping spoonful. I swallowed it with a grimace and chugged the milk she brought me afterward.

"Holy crap, that stuff is disgusting," I gasped. "Are you trying to poison me?"

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you caught me. I think I'll go party it up now that I've got you out of the way." She headed for the door.

Wait—she was really leaving? "Hey, where are you going?"

I was shocked when she blushed and said, "To dinner."

"Dinner? Like a date?" My eyes widened. "With who?"

"Mind your own beeswax," she said teasingly.

"Leon?"

She smiled and nodded.

"I knew it," I said, lying back on my bed. "You two have been hitting on each other forever."

She rolled her eyes. "You know you really haven't known us that long."

I laughed. Then I frowned as something occurred to me. "Hang on. I thought Leon and Riku and Merlin were doing city stuff tonight."

"They are. After Leon and I have dinner."

I continued to frown.

"Stop being grumpy," Yuffie laughed. "I'm going now. Good night Kairi."

"Wait," I said. She turned to look at me. I'd thought of asking her if we could have a slumber party in my room, so I wouldn't be so lonely. But now I realized that wasn't going to work, since she had a date. I sighed. "Never mind. Have fun."

"I will. See you."

When the door closed behind her, I ignored the soup on my nightstand and went into my bathroom to get ready for bed—for the first time in three nights. I decided to take a bubble bath, because if anything would eat up time, that would. I pushed the drain closed and turned on the three faucets, then watched as the warm water rose higher and higher. I even poured a little vanilla bubble bath in.

When it was deep enough, I turned the water off, slipped out of my clothes and climbed down into the bubbly water. Steam rose as the surface swirled around me. Standing in the middle, it went up to my ribcage. My stiff muscles immediately began to relax.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath of air, held it, and plunged under the water. It felt good to just float there, in warmth and safety and silence. I swam around in the tub for a while, as though it were a swimming pool, before washing and getting out.

When I was back in my room in a long silk nightgown, a certain emptiness began to grow from the cold, dark, unoccupied space around me. I slid into my bed and curled up into a ball, but it did no good. The darkness was so, so silent. Silent as the grave.

I wondered why I felt like this. After all, I'd slept by myself my entire life, up until very recently. So what was this ache in my chest that wouldn't go away, this sudden, five-year-old typical fear of the dark?

Suddenly, a feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed me. I had felt this way before. Right after I'd left Destiny Islands and moved into this big room in the castle, I'd felt a similar fear and loneliness—loneliness for my friends back at home: Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie. And, of course, there was the usual sad ache for Sora and Riku that always intensified that loneliness so much. The big empty room had seemed to remind me of it every hour of the day.

I tossed and turned for what felt like an eternity, worrying about Riku and hoping that he and the others were safe. Or were they even doing anything yet? I looked at my digital clock and gasped; it was only ten o'clock. Leon was still having dinner with Yuffie. So what was Riku doing? Why couldn't he have just stayed with me a little longer?

Possessive. Aerith was right. I was over the top.

I looked at the clock often, so often that every time I looked, only four or five minutes had passed, though it felt like hours had gone by. My eyes burned and I knew I needed sleep, but something about my soft, huge, and horribly empty bed had me wide-awake and miserable.

My eyes were shut tightly and I was concentrating hard on not concentrating on anything, which never seems to work, when my sub-conscious mind produced a startling image.

Deep blue eyes—like an ocean rather than a small sea—were staring into mine, and my soul recognized the soul that stood behind them with a leap of joy.

A smile that was like light to my blind eyes flashed down at me, like the sun, chasing the darkness away. Deliciously warm skin began thawing mine as his hand tenderly caressed my cheek. And then I heard the sweet, sweet voice that time had not distorted because of the place it still held in my heart. It rang out, touching every part of my being, like the voice of an angel.

I could not distinguish what he was saying at first, I was too startled, too amazed, too mesmerized. For a moment, the other half of my wounded and broken heart gave a loud, sturdy thud. In that brief moment, I was almost myself again.

"Sora," I whispered, but could not find my hands to reach out and touch him.

"Kairi," the angel-voice said. I realized it was what he had been saying all along. The way my name came through his lips made me shiver with joy.

There was no resentment or jealousy on his face. He looked just like he always had: blissful, delighted to be simply looking into my eyes. I wanted to touch him so badly. But where were my hands? I sought for them desperately.

Suddenly, with a gasp, I found them. I was alone again. My arm was raised in front of me, toward the high ceiling above. It was dark all around me, as though the sun had imploded.

I was so cold. All but my cheek, which still radiated warmth despite the chill.

Tears welled up and spilled over. I did nothing to stop them. What was the point? "Sora," I sobbed into my pillow. The wave of pain that washed over me was agonizing. "Sora, Sora, Sora..."

But, surprisingly, I did not cry long. As I closed my eyes, I could remember the brightness and I could feel his warm touch on my cheek. A beautiful feeling of peace came over me and I finally escaped into unconsciousness.

~o~

Yuffie woke me very early the next morning.

"Setzer wants to talk to you," she explained, throwing my covers off of me. "He wants you to take a walk with him right after breakfast."

I slid out of my bed. My body felt numb. How was it that reality had survived such a night as that one? How could life go on, the same way it had been before?

It couldn't. I wouldn't let what little I had left of Sora fade away.

As I showered and got ready for the day ahead, I closed my eyes as often as I could, because I could almost see him when I did. I could almost hear his voice, almost feel his touch.

"You are so out of it today," Yuffie said as I came out of my closet wearing a sweater and a mini skirt. "You sure you aren't baked or something? Should I alert the authorities?"

"What?"

"Look at yourself, Kairi. You can't wear that."

"Huh?" I looked down at myself and some distant part of me realized that there was something wrong with my outfit. A tiny skirt and huge, tent-like sweater. Hmm.

I tried to focus as I returned to the closet. I picked out a couple of tank tops, one black and one blue, then put them both on. Then my fingers encountered denim; I slid into a pair of shorts gratefully.

"Much better," Yuffie said, but she still wore a worried expression.

We went downstairs and Setzer came prancing up to me with another over-confident look on his face. He took my hand with a toothy grin. His touch was cold and grimy compared to the ethereal quality of Sora's. That woke me up more than anything. I wrinkled my nose and tried to slide my fingers out from beneath his.

"Kairi," he said. I wondered what he was so smug about. I tried to remember the day before yesterday—it seemed like years ago—and recalled his silence, his sudden humility. What had happened? I'd thought he'd changed.

We sat down and I tried to eat an adequate breakfast, because I was vaguely aware that I was hungry. The food just tasted bland, like sawdust in my mouth. My senses had been taken for the ride of their lives and now the sights and smells and tastes of daily life were unbearably dull.

I listened to Chancellor Tsukada and Setzer talking, but I wasn't aware of what they were saying, just the incomprehensible chatter that filled the silence. I closed my eyes and I went into my own world.

"Um, Princess Kairi?" Someone said. Irritated, I opened my eyes and found, to my surprise, that Yuffie was standing beside me. Setzer and Chancellor Tsukada looked at her as though she were a stray cat that had run in.

"What?" I asked, my eyes widening. The servants never interrupted meals, as a rule, unless they were bringing in more food.

"Your serving maid would like a quick word with you, M'lady, about your dietary needs. She would wait, but has a very busy schedule for this afternoon and this is her only opening." The words were well practiced, I could tell. However, her voice trembled as she spoke and her eyes were wide and filled with meaning as they bored into mine. She was frantic. This was an emergency.

And besides… when had anyone ever needed to speak to me about my freaking dietary needs?

I leapt to my feet. Now I was trembling, too, as Yuffie and I walked as quickly as we dared toward the kitchens. I could feel Chancellor Tsukada and Setzer's eyes on my back the entire time.

What could possibly have happened? "Yuffie," I hissed as soon as we were outside the dining room, "Yuffie!"

"Wait till we're in the kitchen!" She whispered.

Once we were inside with the door closed firmly behind us, I whirled around. Yuffie stood there, panting, and Leon, Aerith, and Cid were leaning against the wall. Their faces were impossible to read.

"What is it?" I very nearly shouted. "Where's Riku?"

"Riku?" Leon said quickly. "Oh, Riku's fine. He helped us out of a very sticky situation last night, so thank you for—"

"Then what's going on?" I demanded, interrupting him mid-sentence. "What happened?"

Leon and Yuffie exchanged nervous glances. "Now, don't freak out, Kairi," Yuffie warned me. "This is going to... surprise you, but you can't go running off or anything. You have to act like nothing's happened. Okay?"

"Tell me!" I snapped. Now I was really worried. "Tell me what happened!"

"Do you promise you won't run off?"

I hesitated. "That depends," I said.

"On what?" Yuffie prompted.

"On what's happening!" I snapped.

"We won't tell you until you promise," Leon said, agonizingly slowly and calmly.

I had a feeling that I would regret ever agreeing to this, but I couldn't stand the suspense. "Fine!" I growled. "I won't run away. Happy?"

"Yes," Yuffie said. The glowing smile on her face could only affirm that. "Very, very happy. And you will be too, once you've calmed down."

Leon frowned. "Yuffie, are you sure we should—"

"Just tell me!" I shouted; my hands curled into fists at my side.

"Jeez!" Yuffie said, putting her hands out in front of her defensively. "Okay! Calm down! Here goes. There's a rumor going around the city that you might want to know about." She was drawing it out, trying to suspend my agony.

"A rumor?" I prompted as she paused for dramatic effect.

"Yes," Leon said, folding his arms and leaning against the wall. "A rumor about a strange traveler that showed up last night. He was alone—"

"—And carrying a strange, unique kind of weapon," Yuffie interrupted.

"—that looks like a key!" Aerith squealed.

"—And asked around," Leon continued, "about a girl he was looking for. He spoke casually of this girl, but the people who heard his physical description of her recognized her for who she was—Princess Kairi."

"And everybody's buzzing, because someone else said something, started another rumor—"

"—Probably Merlin—"

"—that he's the keyblade's chosen one!"

There was a stunned silence. They were waiting for me to say something.

But I was in shock. I couldn't find my lips to make them move, but even if I could have, I would've had no words for them.

This could not be happening. It just couldn't. How long now had I been convinced that it never would and refused to believe any different? It wasn't true, it couldn't be. They were just playing a joke on me. A very cruel, sick, twisted joke.

But then my eyes began to wander from face to face. All I could see was nervous excitement and worried expectancy. There was no trace of dishonesty in Yuffie's clear, dark-eyed stare. There was anxiety on Leon's usually impassive, thin face, and Aerith and Cid merely looked at me as though they'd given me a real treat and were expecting me to jump for joy any second now.

But how could I jump for joy when I felt like I was completely and totally paralyzed? Paralyzed with disbelief.

I was taking deep, shuddering breaths now. When I swayed, Yuffie stepped forward and steadied me. I could not feel her hand on my back. I couldn't feel anything. The shock left me completely blank.

I closed my eyes. For a moment there was only darkness, only emptiness. And then the light began to stream through; I could feel warmth on my cheek again. I gasped and the haze cleared.

"Sora," I croaked. That one simple word suddenly made it all true. "Sora."

All eyes were on me, waiting.

Suddenly I found my legs and I was running. All the dizziness went away. Out the door and into the hallway I dashed, pounding toward the doors that meant freedom and light and joy. I could hear other footsteps coming quickly behind me, but they meant nothing.

And then there were hands clutching at my arms, dragging me to a stop. I became aware of a voice hissing angrily into my ear.

"Where do you think you're going?" It was Leon.

What a stupid question. I gaped at him, uncomprehending.

Yuffie came running up behind him and now there was anger on her face. "You said you wouldn't go, Kairi. You can't!"

"Why not?" I wailed, struggling against Leon's firm grasp.

"Think about it," a third voice said. Aerith. "You're supposed to be courting Prince Setzer. You can't just go dashing through the streets looking for Sora; you're too recognizable. And you most certainly can't fly into his arms and tell him you love him out in public."

"Why not?" I repeated, still struggling. And then the truth poured through my lips, filling my soul with light. "I do love him." My voice rang with triumph. "More than anything!"

"Yes, but you can't let anyone else know that," Leon groaned. "It would shame the royal family, as well as the entire world."

I scowled at him. "I don't care about that. I don't care about anything. Let me go! I have to find Sora!" I was desperate now. I was ready to claw his eyes out to get away.

"No," Leon growled, bracing himself against my frantic attempts at escape.

"Please, please, please calm down!" Yuffie begged. "Be reasonable. Wait for Sora and he will come to you."

"No!" I shouted. "I'm tired of waiting. I won't do it!"

"Yes you will," Yuffie said sternly. "You're not going to ruin your reputation like this. As far as everyone knows, Sora had a little crush on you a long time ago that you never had and never will return. Got it?"

"No!" I wailed, tears burning my eyes.

"You're faithfully courting Prince Setzer," Leon said firmly. "And nobody can ever know any different, understand?"

"I want Sora," I whimpered pitifully. Leon's grip on my loosened as I slumped over in defeat.

Yuffie grabbed my hands in hers. "You will see Sora, I promise. And very soon. Just wait a little longer, Kairi. That's all we're asking."

I slid to the floor and buried my face in my hands. A sob shook my body and I felt Yuffie's arm come to rest across my shoulder. "You've got to be a good actress today, Kairi," she said gently. "The whole kingdom depends on it."

I shuddered. "I can't… I can't."

"Kairi," Yuffie said softly, "I know you. And I know that you can do this. You're strong enough."

I shook my head, still struggling to get a grip on myself before I had hysterics.

"I told you not to tell her," Leon told Yuffie, shaking his head.

Yuffie sighed. "Just one more day. You can be strong for him, can't you?"

I shivered, but nodded slowly. They were right; there was no choice. And I'd waited this long, after all. Maybe a little longer wouldn't kill me.

"Good girl." Yuffie said encouragingly.

~o~

I felt very uneasy as I walked back into the dining room and saw Setzer's face. His eyes were on me and there was a very shrewd, speculating look in them that I didn't like to see at all. He gave me a smug, almost knowing grin that sent a shiver up my spine.

Could he have possibly heard all that? Only if he'd been eavesdropping from the entryway. Only if he'd moved from that seat.

"I apologize," I said, a little shakily. "That took longer than I thought."

"Quite all right, my dear," Chancellor Tsukada said. "Prince Setzer took a moment to freshen up while you were gone, anyway. No harm done."

I gasped and Setzer gave me another smug look.

"Hurry and eat your breakfast, Kairi darling," Setzer said in a dangerously sweet voice. "We're going on a walk, remember?"

I sat down stiffly, picked up my fork, and began to eat the tasteless food again. Setzer's eyes were on me the entire time and I was suddenly so afraid of him that I wanted to get up and bolt for the door.

When my plate was empty, he escorted me wordlessly into the garden. Today the cool morning air and the fountains playing seemed to be mocking me. We walked for a long time before he finally turned to me.

"So... has your, uh, heart made its decision yet?" He asked.

I stood in silence for a moment. The very idea that I could marry this repulsive creature when Sora was so near was quite disturbing. What could I say? I wasn't ready to make this decision today. I needed more time to pull myself together before I voluntarily destroyed my own life.

"Not yet," I finally managed to say.

He didn't seem surprised. "Hmm," was all he said.

We paused at the edge of a large fountain and he stood admiring his reflection for a long time. Then he said, "Suppose I give you a reason to decide a little sooner, Kairi."

I stared at him distrustfully. "What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean," he said. I didn't like the knowing look he gave me at all.

I glared at him and he shook his head at my incompetence.

"And to think," he said in a soft voice, as though he were telling a story to a toddler, "that the handsome, perfect Prince Setzer of Albrook was not good enough for young, silly Princess Kairi of Radiant Garden. Who would have thought it?"

I froze.

"It is a real shame that she had to go and give her heart away to not one, but two others. This 'keyblade bearer' that everyone has been talking about in addition to a vagabond off the streets, who she has been courting in her room during the night hours. How dreadful."

He watched me hungrily, like an alligator watches its approaching prey, ready to ensnare it between its razor-sharp teeth.

"And now that she is forced to abdicate to Chancellor Tsukada for her unfaithfulness to not only Setzer and her own royal family, but her entire world, whatever do you suppose will become of her? And her little friends? Tut, tut, tut."

I was in shock.

"Poor princess. But Prince Setzer had to reveal her. It was his duty."

Horror broke through my wall of paralyzed terror, then blind fury. My hands curled into fists. I stomped my foot and cried, "You can't blackmail me, you bastard!"

He shrugged. "Oh, I think I can. It will be simple, because I've already scheduled a speech in the square today, in which Prince Setzer and Princess Kairi are to announce their engagement. Unless of course, you refuse." He gave me a wicked grin. "Then I might have to make a different speech entirely."

I was seething with a hatred fiercer than any I'd ever known. I'd always known that Setzer was a good-for-nothing idiot, but I'd never suspected that he could be such a monster. That he would force me to marry him like this.

"What have you been doing? Listening behind doors?" I growled.

"Well, yes," he said, unashamed, "but your little servant friends aren't too careful about where they discuss classified information, either. I hardly had to go out of my way to hear of your gaudy little ventures, I assure you."

I continued to glower.

"I can see that you find my reason a valid one," he eventually said, examining his fingernails. "I'll give you time to think it over. When you join me for our carriage ride to the square today, you can give me your answer then."

I looked at the ground now. My entire body was shaking with hatred.

"And Kairi?" He said in that soft, sickening voice, "This is our little secret. Unless you'd like the choice taken away from you all together?"

In that moment I hated him. I had disliked him before, but now I hated him. "I gave you a chance," I growled. "I knew you were an idiot from the start—but I tried to forget all that and give you a chance. And this is how you thank me?"

"I need more than a chance," he said slowly, carefully. "I need absolute and undisputable victory."

It took all my self control to keep myself from hitting him at that point. After grinding my teeth together and channeling all of my hatred into one smoldering glare, I turned and stomped away before he could say anything else.

~o~

I could not remember anything of being taught the differences between right and wrong.

Of course, I couldn't remember anything of my early childhood, either. Perhaps that was when I'd been rewarded for my honesty, praised for my charity, and punished for my wrongdoings insomuch that I feared them. Had someone, like my grandmother, spanked me for drawing on the walls in crayon? Given me a stick of candy for sharing my toys? Told me that I would grow big and strong if I ate my vegetables, rather than wrapping them in a napkin at the side of my plate?

My foster parents had never had any trouble with me. I was a good girl from the moment I set foot in their home. I willingly did my allotted chores, kept my room clean and did well in school. I never had any problem with getting along with the other children on the island. I never talked back, I never broke curfew, I never got into trouble. I'd been told that I was good.

But what did 'good' mean?

Did it mean that they believed me to be an easily-managed, well adjusted child, who always did what she was told by her superiors, like a puppet? Or did it mean that they thought me to have all of the qualities that made a strong, intelligent person?

I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe that I had the qualities of that sort of a good person, rather than just someone who followed orders. I wanted to believe that, when the time came, I could choose to be valiant and brave, honest and strong. Good.

But now I was faced with the sickening possibility that I couldn't do it.

I knew what was right. It was right to protect my people, to do what was best for my kingdom even if it meant that I would have to completely screw myself over. Setzer would be an awful husband and an unintelligent king, but I would be there all along to make sure that he didn't mess up. I would watch over him my entire life—and it would be like babysitting. I would keep my people safe and happy and unaware of the inner turmoil that tore at my soul.

My heart seared. I couldn't do it. Yes, I could. No, how could I? And yet I had to.

"You've got to do it," I told myself, my voice echoing against the high stone walls. "You can do it. You are good."

I was far beneath the castle, in a dim and dreary corridor that I had never visited before. Beside me was a large wooden door. A golden plaque above it read: Ansem's Study. It was slightly tarnished and dirty, but the dust was lighter over the engraved lettering, as though, several years ago, someone had wiped it clean with a fingertip.

I'd tried to open it, but it hadn't budged when I'd pushed or pulled on the door handle. So I sat, huddled against the wall, shivering under my thin jacket.

The others would be looking for me. But I didn't want to be found. I wanted to be alone.

Though I knew that they would always mean well, I didn't want their input now. I didn't want to hear their conflicting opinions or their arguments. I could handle no more argument.

Because the other half of me was screaming that there was no way I could marry Setzer. How could I sleep in the same bed with the person I hated most in the entire world? Someone who deserved not only my hatred, but to be punished by the law for blackmailing the princess into marrying him? He was a villain, a traitor, an evil, self-centered fool. And he was going to be the king. He was going to get exactly what he wanted.

No! That wasn't right; it wasn't fair. There had to be another way.

But there wasn't. If he exposed me, it would hurt everyone. Everyone that I loved. I would lose my crown and be sent back to Destiny Islands, probably, where I would live the rest of my life in shame. And what would become of my friends? They would lose their jobs and their high ranking city positions.

I couldn't do that to them. If I did, I wouldn't be 'good' as my foster parents had said. I'd be a selfish coward.

I curled up in a ball. Tears did not flow freely down my face. There were no tears for this kind of agony. For once, my eyes were dry. I closed them and for another moment, I could feel warmth on my cheek again.

Sora. His eyes shone through the blackness, the turmoil. They filled me with light, courage, and hope. Riku's words suddenly came to mind. Maybe you should take Sora's advice and follow your heart.

"How can I follow your advice, Sora?" I asked aloud. "How can I follow my heart if leads me astray? If it chooses wrong?"

Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? My echo said as it bounced along the walls and ceiling, as if it agreed with me.

I closed my eyes again and wrapped my arms around my cold, aching chest. Suddenly, I saw him again. His grin was almost smug. "Aw, Kairi," his voice said; it sounded so real that I was sure he must be in the room with me, "It's not gonna lead you astray. As long as you believe that, it never will."

Hope. Courage. Compassion. Strength. Honesty. In that moment, they glowed brightly within me. My heart gave a vital thud.

~o~

He watched me, his eyes narrowed and his expression shrewd.

I sat on the seat beside him with my head held high and proud and my hands folded in my lap. It was a long ride to the square and as the carriage glided through the castle gates, I knew I was in for it. But whatever he said to me, whatever he did to me, I knew I could handle it. Sora's bright light still burned within me.

"I'm sorry that this has been... unpleasant for you," Setzer said, but his tone was careless. "It was necessary, I assure you. You would have never chosen to marry me on your own free will." He shook his head. "Why—well, that's quite beyond me."

I held my head high. I did not grace him with a reaction to his words or even a sour glance.

"But I still expect you to behave yourself," he went on. "You must play the part of a contented queen, rather than the tantrum-throwing child that you are. Our decision to marry was a wise one. We are a smart match. Do I make myself clear?"

I gazed ahead of me, past the driver and the footman and along the cobblestoned road ahead.

"I said," he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me around, "do I make myself clear?" His eyes were arrogant and cruel. His hold on my shoulder was painfully tight.

I could feel cold hatred on my face as I looked up at him, so much that he actually flinched. "Go to hell," I whispered, my eyes narrowing.

He looked shocked at first, then fury drew his features into a tangled, ugly mess. "Care to repeat that?" He said, his voice low. "I'm not sure I heard you correctly."

I drew myself up, held my head high and said, "Go to hell," in a loud, clear, strong voice. "You can't blackmail me, you cowardly bastard. I'll never marry you, no matter what you do to me!"

His hand flashed through the air and came down hard on my cheek. My head was thrown back with the force of his blow. It hurt. But I straightened up and held my head proud and strong once more.

"You heard me," I seethed. "Nothing you do can hurt me, now."

His nostrils flared and his teeth were bared. Disbelief and blind fury had transformed him into a complete monster, a side of him that I doubted many had ever seen. He looked possessed.

"Fine," he snarled after a long moment. "Fine. You've made your choice. Now you'll have to deal with it."

"Do your worst," I said impassively. And I knew he would.