Spock was sitting at the table across from his father. They were playing chess. When Spock was growing up, they had always played in Sarek's fascinating study while his mother slept. Now it was Nyota who needed sleep, and they played at the kitchen table in Sarek's makeshift apartment.
As his father made his move, Spock sat nervously. Although the rest of the evening had gone without incident, he had no doubt that his father disapproved of Nyota. It was as if the room was filled with glass. Spock was worried that if he moved slightly, it might shatter.
"I wish you would pick a less dangerous profession," Sarek commented, as Spock lifted his bad arm and rested it on the table.
"It is not that dangerous," Spock countered, tired of his father pursuing the subject.
"Compared to what?" Sarek asked.
This was a good point. It was safer than mining or working on a private ship, but not much planetside. Spock picked up a piece and moved it, not giving much thought to strategy. He had been able to easily beat his father for some time.
"It can be logical to take risks," Spock said finally.
"But is it in this case?" Sarek retorted.
"While it is riskier than civilian professions, the majority of Starfleet personnel lead long and healthy lives," Spock recited from memory, a bit flippantly.
"Spock!" Sarek scolded.
"I am satisfied with my career," Spock said finally, "Risk is not a sufficient reason to change it."
Sarek moved a pawn and Spock captured it.
"I ... I do not understand why you want to be a part of Starfleet in the first place," Sarek wavered slightly.
"I have explained this to you before," Spock said a little too harshly, starting to become frustrated, "I think that Starfleet is a good use of my talents."
"But not the only use of your talents. You cannot deny that the Vulcan Science Academy was better suited for your skills."
Sarek picked up a bishop, and then decided on the knight instead.
"I admit there were other considerations."
"Like what?" Sarek demanded.
"Discrimination, " Spock spoke softly.
"Do you not also experience discrimination in Starfleet?" Sarek asked.
This was true, but it was the attitude that made the difference. In Starfleet, the majority of people tried at least tried to treat him well, even if they failed miserably. Mentioning his heritage in a public forum, like the admissions ceremony at the Vulcan Science Academy, would have been unthinkable tp anyone in Starfleet.
"They make an effort," Spock stated.
"So did the Vulcan Science Academy."
"Not a very good one."
Sarek looked at Spock. Spock looked away and captured Sarek's knight.
"Spock," Sarek said slowly, "I just never saw you as the sort of person who would join Starfleet."
"All sorts of people join Starfleet."
"But you are more of an ... intellectual. I always imagined you would spend your life thinking deep thoughts, not shooting Romulans."
"The two are not mutually exclusive," Spock snapped.
Sarek leaned forward and captured one of Spock's pawns. Spock captured one of his in return.
"But you would be able to devote more time to research without your other responsibilities."
Suddenly, Spock was sick of logic. He stood up.
"Twice, I have been offered the opportunity to stay on Vulcan," he yelled, "and twice I have made it clear that I wish to spend my life elsewhere. Why will you not respect my decision?"
Sarek indicated the room where Nyota was sleeping, and signalled Spock to be quiet. He stopped yelling and sat down. Sarek looked a bit sheepish and paused.
"My father spent his entire life in our family home on Vulcan," Sarek said finally, "As did his father, and his father. I assumed it would be the same with you. I never thought that I would have to deal with you leaving."
Spock looked up in astonishment.
"I imagined at this age," Sarek spat, "I would be spending too much time caring for my grandchildren, not watching the news to see whether or not you have been killed."
Spock felt ashamed of his outburst. He lowered his head, not sure what to say.
"I do not truly expect to change your mind on this matter," Sarek continued, "But I want you to be aware that if you ever do want to return, I have connections and there will be opportunities available for you."
For a minute, they say silently, ignoring the chess board.
"You do not like her, do you?" Spock spat out, his head still lowered. He wasn't sure why he had picked this moment, except maybe he felt that the ice had been broken.
"No, I do not," Sarek admitted. He restarted the chess game by making a move.
Spock considered asking why, but decided not to.
"But more importantly," Sarek continued, "I do not feel that she is well-suited for you."
"Why not?" Spock asked.
"What do you really have in common?" Sarek asked back.
Spock thought about this.
"We are both in Starfleet," he said carefully, "We are both dedicated to our careers." Spock paused, and then added shakily, "And she is very kind to me. She is so much like mother."
"No!" Sarek barked, "She is not at all like your mother! Who had never planned to leave the planet before she met me. Whose only ambition was to be the best grade two teacher she could be."
Spock posed to speak, but Sarek motioned him to stop.
"It is evident that your Nyota has a high opinion of herself, and ambitious plans for the future. I do not know her as well as you do, but I suspect that she is kind when it suits her."
Spock didn't know how to respond to this.
"Spock," he continued, "You need to be aware that I made a lot of sacrifices to be with your mother. Strangers would criticize me as I walked by. Many of my relatives stopped speaking to me, and I did not get to see them before Vulcan was destroyed. And being married to a human was not easy. I could tolerate everything about your mother, but there were many things that I could never come to accept."
"Do you regret marrying her?" Spock asked with a touch of anger.
"Regret is a human concept."
"I did not ask whether regret is a human concept," Spock persisted.
"It is," Sarek stated, "Because I do not believe that I had a choice. Considering how I felt about her, I do not believe events could have unfolded in any other way."
"Then why do you ask me to act differently?" Spock spat, his anger mounting.
"Spock!" Sarek snapped, "You are so much stronger than I was. When you were young, the thoughts you had, they were too old for someone twice your age. Even with your human mother, you were so much more advanced than your peers. I never thought you would find yourself in a situation like I did, making sacrifices for your emotions."
Spock was enraged.
"My whole life I have been the advanced one. The well-behaved one. In return, I get told that every new thing I try is unlike me. That it is unexpected that I would do that same things that everybody else does without even being noticed. I want her, and people act surprised. Say they do not believe me. Muse behind my back about how they must have misunderstood me. I want her! Why do you insist on telling me that I am too strong for this?"
Spock was shaking as he said this.
"You need to calm down," Sarek whispered.
When Spock's breathing had slowed down, Sarek continued,
"I am not trying to discourage you. I am being honest. Even now, after your mother's death, people still reject me. They are happy to take my expertise, but will not sit next to me at the theatre. I sold everything to to be with her, and now she is dead."
Spock looked at him for a minute, and then whispered,
"So you understand what it is like to rejected."
Sarek nodded.
"So then, you understand why I had to leave."
Sarek looked away.
"I always wanted to have more children than just you," Sarek said slowly, "But your mother felt it was unwise, considering that it was still unknown how hybrid children would turn out."
"Did I pass?" Spock asked bitterly. Sarek gave him a sharp look.
"I will not dignify that with a response."
He continued,
"So, I thought there might be a silver lining in all the horror, and once I had recovered somewhat, I went to see the matchmaker He gave me one name, but she would not meet me."
"Perhaps she had already found a mate," Spock suggested.
"I returned to the matchmaker, and he told me that many women were reluctant to meet a man who had been with a human."
This disturbed Spock slightly.
"You might meet someone rebuilding," Spock put forward, not quite sure how to respond.
"That is a human concept," Sarek stated, "But one I have considered."
"You have someone particular in mind?"Spock asked, a bit surprised.
"There is a woman who is a page for the council. She is much younger than I am, outside of the range that the matchmaker would have considered."
"How much younger?" Spock asked.
"She is twenty-five."
Younger than he was. Spock had to remind himself that there was no Vulcan taboo against large age gaps, it was just a matter of logic: she would outlive him substantially.
"She has rejected five mates from the matchmaker so far, so I suspect she might be open to alternative methods of finding a partner."
Spock tried not to think about this too much. Half of him was worried that she would reject his father. The other half worried that his father would charm her pants off.
"My point is, though," Sarek continued, "That the difficulties of marrying a human have outlived the marriage."
Spock raised an eyebrow and looked at him disdainfully.
"But there is nothing I can say that will change your mind about Nyota, is there?"
"I do not believe so," replied Spock.
"I do not like her," Sarek said finally, "But it is your choice to make."