Thank you all for the reviews and PMs. I'm really happy people are still invested in the story in the fluffier and harder chapters! I do apologise for the heavier themes - I know that Michelle is bordering on comedy villain at times and that the story is turning down a more messy and complex route (which after all the fluff is a bit of a dramatic swerve) but it's all to allow me to push the characters in ways I couldn't do otherwise and really explore them. This story is a long one and it may get a bit crazy (and very different from my others) but hopefully some of you will stay interested - and if I lose anyone on the way that's fine, it's why I've structured it the way I have so you can duck out if you don't like the way it's headed. I'll be grateful you've stuck with it as far as you do!
I wish I could obliterate Michelle but unfortunately it's the main plot! I promise though that for every blood curdling act of selfishness on her part the characters we love (and actually give a damn about) will find resolution - and it allows for some meaty exchange along the way. In the end it makes them all stronger - I promise! Anyhow, enough disclaimers! Would love to know what you think of this chapter - the good and the bad! It all helps me improve!
Stef threw her head down into her hands.
"We can't let him just storm off like that."
"He needs to cool down."
"He needs our help, Lena! I've never seen him like this!" Stef was growing as agitated as Jesus.
"And you don't think I'm trying?" now Lena's tone had grown to match.
"I don't understand why he is still in that class."
"I have tried and tried Stef! There is no other way we can fit it in with the rest of his schedule. I've gone to Karina, I've threatened to go to the board. They always tell me the same thing! He keeps getting into trouble which deflects the blame. Porter has friends on the board - they aren't going to do anything unless it can be proven. I offered to have someone monitor the class but Jesus won't let me as it would embarrass him. None of the other kids will back him up as they're all too scared of Porter. I thought Jesus was getting better but today he flipped again. We need to get him under control just long enough to either get Porter off his back or make him do something unprovoked!"
"What? With more drugs? I can't believe you would suggest that without discussing it with me first." Stef's eyes flared as Lena now nested her head in her hands.
"I don't mean it like that - look I'm sorry. I just running out if ideas. We can't keep punishing him, it's not working and it's not fair. It makes him more riled!"
"Maybe he needs someone to empathise with him?" a third voice intervened.
Both women swung their heads around as Evan peeked in from round the corner.
Lena bit her lip as Stef put her hand on her hip.
"Evan you know better than to eavesdrop on a private conversation." she said irritated but more from the residual adrenaline from being mid fight.
"I know, I'm sorry - I just heard the stool and wanted to check no-one was hurt...then I couldn't help but overhear."
Lena tapped the table stirred by the interruption.
"Look all I'm saying is...it sounds like you need a different approach...and maybe Jesus would benefit from someone who has been there." Lena shrugged as Stef looked across at her. It could work.
"I learned the hard way how to try and control my issues...and it still almost works." he buried his hands deep in his pockets as he waited for their response.
"Well that would be very kind of you, sweetheart." Stef finally responded trying to hide her still obvious stress.
Lena nodded in agreement. "But let's keep it above board Evan - if you take him to TP Porter's house you'll have us to answer to." she tried to joke but her voice cracking let her down. He smiled slightly and set out to find Jesus.
He was sitting out on the decking behind the tree staring out across the yard. Thoughts raced through his head. Porter, the weed, the pills, the first time Lena and Stef had tried to explain ADD to him, all the stupid questions he'd been asked about it, all the times he'd seen people's estimation of him drop as soon as it was mentioned. He was used to trouble, he didn't mind that. It was only when he was made to feel like a lesser human that he resented it. He resented that he had an automatic excuse - and that he pandered to it. The feeling he got when the reality would come crashing down that what he had just done was careless or reckless to do. Most times it wasn't strong enough to replace the excitement but when it was tied to his academic ability he felt like the person the accuser was projecting onto him.
"Mind if I interrupt your staring into space?"
He was snapped out of his trance by Evan's laid back approach.
He nodded silently as Evan slumped next to him.
"So, what is the usual reaction to chair kicking? Just checking as I think Stef will be giving me a house rules pop quiz any day now..." he chuckled.
His smile faded with Jesus' absent reaction.
"Not in the mood, huh?"
Jesus mumbled something almost inaudible in return. He was scared if he said something it may show Evan his weakness. He looked up to Evan so much. What would he think of him being so pathetic?
"You know, this one time at school I got caught about to pour sugar in my math teacher's car engine."
Jesus turned and looked at him but Evan's gaze remained fixed to the point Jesus' had been prior.
"What did they do to you?" he asked, genuinely intrigued.
"Well...my Mom had been dead about a year. That's the worst time you know. All the pain is still there but everyone else has forgotten by then. By then you're just "damaged" or "troubled", you're no longer hurt or in need of support like you were just a few months before."
Evan's voice was a lot more emotionless than Jesus imagined the boy he was describing would have been.
"So there I was...open hood...sugar and funnel in hand and my English teacher found me. He was a really good guy, I hadn't really paid much attention to him before then, I hadn't really paid much attention to anyone." his voice dropped slightly, recalling it clearly becoming harder than he thought it would when he began.
"So he said 'Do you think the car will be the only thing just stuck where it is if you do that?'".
Jesus eyes squinted slightly confused.
Evan smiled seeing a reflection of his original reaction in Jesus face.
"I just kind of shrugged putting up my walls but he came over and carried on talking, really calm. He asked me if I saw myself going anywhere, I continued to just try and ignore him, dismissing it as psychobabble but he didn't stop. He told me that I basically had a choice. I could keep everything shut off, stay in this endless rut of getting slapped down, lashing out and getting slapped down again or I could clean out my system. Try and let go of the resentment and the anger and get moving again. Basically, he was saying I could pour the sugar in but it was like I was pouring it in my own engine."
"Wow...that's uhm...pretty metaphoric." Jesus smirked as much as his mood would let him.
Evan looked over to him with a proud smile, even though he knew he was making fun of him slightly. "Well, he was an English teacher. The one who got me into books really. He got me to give the sugar to him and told me I should come see him after class. I guess really he was finding a way to give me detention that I wouldn't rebel against. When I would go he'd give me books to read...it kinda distracted me from my own problems."
Jesus looked forward and laughed again.
"Did moms send you out here to try and turn me into a book geek?" he laughed.
"No." Evan laughed nudging him slightly with his leg. "I'm not too sure that would be your thing. But it may not be a bad idea to figure out other ways to cope. I mean, don't get me wrong...I still got into trouble...but it wasn't from that angry place, and that made it easier. It took me many more years to fully figure myself out and I still am I guess...but the important thing for me was taking the control away from the people I didn't trust and putting it into the hands of those I did. And learning to trust myself enough to be one of those people."
Jesus' face dropped again. Did he trust himself? Wasn't that the problem? Could he trust himself or would the ADD screw it up for him? And what did this mean for the weed? Would that be a way of taking the control from others? Who would be controlling him with that? He realised that it may be time to ask a person he knew for sure he did trust.
"Evan...can I ask you a question?" he asked timidly.
"Anytime, dude". Evan waited patiently as Jesus found the words.
"What do you know about pot? I mean...to help calm you."
Evan's lip quivered. He could see where this was going and had to play it very carefully. He had been in situations like this many times but he had always been the one seeking the guidance. He knew the fragile state he was dealing with.
"Do you mean like, to help you cope with the stress or...?"
"No, I mean...well...this kid at school told me there's been these studies...about using it for ADD."
Evan bit his lip this time and looked forward. This was even worse. He could see the desperation in Jesus' eyes.
"I'm not too sure your Moms would get behind that dude, I think they'd want to consider other things first..." he looked back at him as Jesus' head dropped. Evan's heart sunk slightly again.
"I see. You don't mean with them on board." Evan took a deep breath. Stef and Lena were at their wits' end with Jesus. If they caught him using drugs they would not be happy - even worse they would really worry. It may be a straw to break the camel's back with communication and if Jesus reacted badly to however they tried to deal with it may do a lot of damage to the kind of support that Evan knew he needed.
"Well...I don't know about that, I mean whether it's real or not...but if there's one thing I do know about...it's that nothing good for me ever came from smoking."
Jesus looked across at him. "But...I mean...if this is valid doesn't it mean that it may help me?" Evan could tell Jesus had been trying to convince himself.
He took another breath.
"Well maybe...I mean most of my usage was at parties or whatever but there was a patch...the patch just before I stopped that I realised I had changed from doing it in that way...and I was doing it because I was trying to escape...I gotta tell you dude...those were some of the darkest times I've ever had. Spent all that time getting myself to a person I could be vaguely proud of and then realising that I was slipping back. It was...well, it wasn't good." Evan's voice dropped with genuine regret. Jesus looked to ponder his words watching his trainers kick some dirt around the floor.
"Honestly...I think that if you're doing it for the reasons you're saying then it's only going to end up as a slippery slope - and that's not even because it's weed...but because it's making a decision as if you are doing this alone. That's what you need to avoid bud - they rarely end well. You have an amazing family here - you don't need to do anything alone."
Jesus nodded gently. Evan had laid it all out so clearly. All day he had been suffering inner turmoil, trying to figure this out. Evan was almost explaining the fears he couldn't quite pinpoint.
"So...I guess there's one question for you...you gonna block your engine or not?" Evan smiled.
Jesus laughed a little at the corniness of the metaphor.
"I still don't think I will be able to cope with him Evan." He said earnestly.
Evan put his arm over his back.
"You want to hurt Porter, right?" He asked. Jesus looked at him slightly shocked before nodding guiltily.
"Then hit him where it really hurts. Focus all of your energy you possibly have remembering that you could hit him, you could swear at him, you could mention the fact that he probably only lashes out at you because he has a small penis." Jesus sniggered.
"But the only way to really, really hurt him...is to not give him the satisfaction."
Jesus sighed slightly.
"But I can't...I mean like today...I screwed up with my homework and he is right. I do screw up."
"Who doesn't? I do. Daily! Look how about this...books are probably not your key like they were for me...and I'm not suggesting that science is going to give you a new outlook on life...but how about we spend later on looking up some stuff round about what you're studying and find out everything you could possibly never want to know. Next time Porter starts ragging on you bring it up. Hit him with all of this stuff that sounds super impressive. Make him look like an idiot...then at least you won't be the only one!" He let his tongue peek out through his teeth as Jesus laughed down at the floor again.
"Well I don't think I'll have a computer for a while..." He admitted.
Evan hmmphed. "Well your Moms can't stop me from tutoring you some "science"." He replied "Anyhow, I think we better go in for dinner." Evan hesitated slightly realising the drugs issue was probably not tied up completely.
"Is there uhm...anything you maybe want to share the control with to deal with? Anything you want someone to get rid of for you? Someone who hopefully you know will always be happy to help you learn when to be in control and when it's best to delegate it?" He smiled affectionately as Jesus nodded slowly. He looked around and slipped the small bag out of his pocket and gave it to Evan.
"Michelle..." Stef greeted slightly nervously after the awkwardness of their last meeting.
"Hey..." she paused.
"Look I just really want to apologise for the other night. It was something that should never have happened and I'm sorry we violated your trust." She had written and practiced the speech to be as convincing as she could bear.
Stef nodded slightly and looked at Lena.
"Well...thank you for that." Lena replied.
"You know we told Brandon it may be better for you to many not come by for a few days..." Stef commented slightly annoyed.
"Yes, I know. He told me and I will go now I just really wanted to tell you in person." She smiled sweetly. "Plus I wanted to check on Jesus - I know what happened with my Dad."
Lena and Stef looked at each other again.
"Well...that was uhm...quite considerate of you. I'm sure he'll survive but it was not a good day for him." An awkward silence followed. "Now you're here...why don't you...stay for dinner?" Lena asked slowly to gauge Stef's reaction. She figured it would be the best step to beating the tension. Stef reluctantly signalled her approval.
"That would be very kind. Uhm, any chance I could have a chat with Jesus? I really want to apologise for my Dad..."
"Outside I think..." Stef said cautiously. "But it's a bit sensitive at the moment so..."
"I know, I saw him before...I just really want to do anything I can to help." Michelle smiled sweetly.
Lena threw a look at Stef to try and encourage her to be compliant. "Well...we were about to call him in...maybe you should go out and get them?" Stef said nervously with Lena's prompting but also glad to see Michelle was trying to make an effort.
"Sure..." she smiled.
She headed out to the yard and could hear the quiet voices. She had an inkling she knew what they would be talking about but hadn't expected it to happen so fast. Would this ruin her chances? She tiptoed round so that she could get a better look.
As she creeped closer she saw something which could potentially speed up her plan tenfold. Jesus handed Evan the drugs.
Don't panic folks - it may get rough but the worse it is now the better the comeuppance.
Chapter 21 Preview: Jesus makes up with his Moms, Michelle ups her plan to remove Evan and Stef is suspicious:
"Guys?" she shouted causing both to jump. Evan quickly shoved the weed into his hoodie pocket. They gawped at her, terrified about what she may have seen. Could she have seen?