A/N:
Well, well, well, what do you know? People do like this story! And so, give yourself a pat on the back, we have reached pass the 50 reviews quota I have been trying to reach, all thanks to you –my reviewers!And for those of you who do not know, I posted a new story, "Sweet Revenge You've Lied Again," with an M rating, for security and future chapters. Now, you all have been waiting for this so I'll stop ranting for now.
Read, enjoy, and leave me a comment after you do!
Memoirs of Her Scent
Ch7: Thinking Within Thoughts
Previously;
Then I remembered her embrace, her warmth, and the feel of her breakable body, trapped within my steel arms, trying to comfort me. My breathing quickened as I revisited the scene yet again and the warm fingertips of rain instantly matched the warmth of Bella's touch as I remembered every detail, every scent, and every emotion. And just as sudden as the warm memories had come they stopped. I stood frozen, looking more like a Greek statue by the hour as the moments, minutes, seconds, and milliseconds passed me by, and I tried to rid myself of the warmth that surged so uncharacteristically through my entire body.
Why was it that every thought that began with my Alice my thoughts would momentarily be drawn and pulled, in the most desperate of ways, to the thought of–?
My train of thought stopped as the sound of a twig being snapped somewhere to my left captured my attention and my body instantly shifted toward the sound instinctively.
A low but definite growl ripped from deep within my chest as the intruder made his appearance, stepping out of the woods and revealing himself.
As my body shifted instinctively toward the sound of the snapping twig the intruder had made, war flashed before my eyes…
Distorted images of my human-clouded mind fluttered restlessly behind my memory's eye and my breathing halted as I observed, as if from an outsiders point of view, disoriented, but only for a moment. My sense of smell was the first deliberate attack, to my persona, as the smell of blood, ever so sickening to my human nose, was the first and foremost of memories that ceased being only a mere memory and brought itself to life. The memory of the horrid smell of blood all around me was still just as sickening as it had been back then in the midst of war, yes, even to my vampire senses, the memory too vivid to be overlapped or tarnished by the demon.
I hid behind the soft enveloping darkness of my trembling lids, trying to escape the mental attack only to find that doing so only increased the intensity tenfold.
Bombs exploded left and right as I tried, dirtied, littered with debris and the occasional coil of aluminum that escaped onto my uniform each time I triggered my gun, to carry a fellow comrade to safety, his left arm and right leg no more. His good arm draped around my neck was held steadfast by my own bloodied one at his wrist and my one other, slightly burned, supported his weight around the waist as we both limped forward, thinking of how luck we were to still be breathing.
Amidst it all; our heaving breathing and heavy panting was loud in our ears, despite the ringing in them, given the explosions bombarding us. Left, right, we walked forth trying to salvage the last of our barely there sanity by trying with much effort to not step on our fallen friends and comrades –there were many– showing them the respect they deserved by not pitying theirs deaths and promising to remember them, always. Then a high pitched screech pierced our ears and my instincts were to double over and cover my ears, but I was supporting a comrade whom I now realized was limp at my side…
The image changed, completely blurry, even more so than the last –I shifted, moving lithely towards the upcoming intruder.
Now I could hear my own heavy panting of my ragged breathing echoing on my ears as if I were doing it presently as I watched the people around me running amuck as the desperate flames of fire licked their homes to cinders.
Men were hauling their wives, trying desperately to keep their grieving lovers from entering the infernal embers and attempt to salvage their broods. Throughout these, I watched myself watch with glistening brimming eyes as women screamed at their husband's words of hate in the heat of the demoralizing moment, lamenting in their requiem those loved ones whom they would never see again.
The disturbed images became even more so as my human self blinked, seemingly convulsively at the scene playing before us. The screaming of mother's searching frantically for their lost children, the smoldering looks of those filled with jealousy given that they still had children to call for and find along with the wailing chants of the children looking for their lost parents, cheeks streaked and glistening with their shed tears, leaving a clean wet trail contrasting against their soot stained faces. The children's cry tugged desperately at my human-broken heart, their cry was that of a despair too new and yet so ancient, the probabilities of their suspicions too great to be deniable. Thoughts of abandonment were wrapped and woven intricately within their deterred cries as they searched around, their eyes haunted, pooled with twin reflections of growing embers that licked and blazed, needing no encouragement, as they consumed everything they touched and without a thought turning all to vestiges, not even a whisper of the beauty it once held was left behind as the burning fire consumed the entire city. Burned, soot-tainted ruins they had become. The sight detained a terribly ethereal beauty to it all –were your thoughts sadistic as were mine in that one moment– flames licking its way in an almost lazy dance as it held everyone's despair in its burning tongues, suspended in a time that seemed never to freeze. However, despite everything, the children's cries and mother's calling seemed louder and clearer, more demanding of my attention, than any other surrounding background noise, becoming simultaneously white-noise, even the deft ringing of my humanly-delicate ears seemed to dim in comparison.
Chaos. The clamor of fire, the resounding booming of explosions, and the enthralling lament of those able to compose a requiem for their lost ones could only be described as that: Chaos. Within my thoughts, I thought, and everything I was seeing led me to believe that my weak human self felt like shutting down, due to the impending and emotional assault my weak body was undertaking at that one precise moment in time –not taken into account the many other before this one –it had been too much, as I saw it.
My eyes would forever be haunted, from the moment of first blood to the moment I drew first blood. Memory haunts, especially those who do not poses the means of escape sleep ensues, nor the shielding fluttering of black-crimson lids.
Everything darkened, voided of light momentarily, until only white began to exist and then I understood what had happened, a time lapses had occurred and the velvet caress of darkened heated wind made its awareness in the form of darkest night.
I was standing in the same place as before, just as tattered, the flames just as high and still licking their way into and through the concrete or wood that obstructed their path in its rather maniacal inferno, and still the people mourned for their loved ones. Collapsing… the world about me was collapsing and there was nothing I could do or could have done about it. And just as my own human body and mind was about to crumble and collapse, just like my world in that one moment in time so long ago, a tugging to the front of my uniform shirt brought me back to the awareness of the chaos before me, to reality in memory. My head sliced down lithely, instinctively, in response so that my eyes could zero on the source of pulling awareness. Abnormally large, innocent, and terrified grey eyes, much like my own crazed and haunted ones, as the knife that I had unconsciously procured rested, drawing a crimson lining of blood, at the neck of the child before me.
My own eyes widened in realization as I hissed silently, a prayer of forgiveness passing through my lips as I understood why the little girl's eyes were so abnormally large –she was terrified by my actions and the knife resting at her small tender neck, which could easily end her life with just the right jerk of the wrist. Not that I would do that. She had obviously come to me for help, thinking me one of the good guys… had I been one of the good guys? Carefully I retrieved my slightly tainted knife, mustering with my eyes that I meant her no harm as I meticulously cleaned the knife with the rough material of my military pants, my other hand reaching slowly to wipe away the lining of blood that I had produced at the nook of the neck of the trembling girl before me –trust despite the trembling seemed to flood pass her eyes as tears sprang from them. My filthy thumb dismissed her protuberant tears with undeterred clumsiness despite my attempt at gentleness. I drew back after the simple gesture, giving myself space to kneel so as to be eye level with her, and whispered mumbled apologies as my hands of their own accord opened up in a welcoming gesture.
As soon as my warmth enveloped hers a paternal side that I did not know had still prevailed took over and I dipped my head, placing a gentle kiss atop the little girl's equally soot stained forehead soon after removing her curtains if inky silky hair aside. Almost without hesitation the little midget of a girl launched herself into the warmth of my embrace, not caring for the filth of my clothes. I looked at her small hands clutching tightly to my shirt as if in fear of my leaving her to fend for herself, I smiled gently and sadly at her, holding her tightly before promises that I knew not I could utter caressed their way shamelessly out of my parting lips. Almost too trusting she relaxed within my embrace after a long infinite moment of searching for the truth behind my words by gazing into my equally grey eyes, satisfied, her little hands wrapped around my strong neck and in an equally loving manner she buried her tear stricken face onto the crook of my neck, inhaling a shuddering breath.
A few exhausted and similar shuddering breaths later, and she was asleep in my arms. I remembered how melancholy had engulfed me then as I thought home, my family… my own little sister, and how much I missed them. Still do, I never did get the chance to apologize for my abandonment of them. The enemy with their flare and terror were looming closer, without a second's hesitation, child in my arms I fled. A silent vow played its caresses within my lips –this child I would protect until my breath was no more and I ceased to exist.
The events following passed behind my eyes in an almost unrecognizable blur showering me with flashes of memories that still pained me to this day to remember –even in their broken up sequence. Unable to handle my waking nightmares I made attempt of stopping the still burning memories as they flashed and whisked in and out of sight behind my memory's eye and then, altogether, suddenly, I succeeded and they stopped, and I was brought to my present with much impending despair than before.
The intruder was reviled as he appeared out of the shadows of the forest's edge and a low but definite growl ripped from deep within my chest in warning.
"Emmett," I know it sounded like a spat but it really was mare curiosity and shock that quoted my words as the intruder was reviled to be the one brother I had not expected to see, standing before me.
"The one and only!" he boomed and I fought the obsessive urge to roll my eyes at his words as he made his way toward me at human pace, arms raised as if in surrender. An unusual grin that seemed not to reach his sharp eyes lacked his usually goofy gin's dominating presence as he glanced about our surroundings judgmentally –I was momentarily beginning to feel ashamed. Instead of the usual goofy grin that made me want to smack him in the head, that was faintly there, worry dominated his humorist eyes for once in my lifetime of knowing Emmett "the bear". He took in my muddied apparel and grimaced as his eyes quickly darted from the hole I had been previously buried in to my tattered and muddied clothing –no doubt putting two and two together as his stance took into the border line of sympathy. "You look like crap," he observed, voice almost silent. I smiled lightly at that and he responded in the same fashion, "hell" wouldn't quite make the cut, seeing as we all had glimpsed a sight of both hell and heaven during our agonized… transformation –the sarcastic cruelty of it always made me tick. It was as if death had been mocking me, us, saying, "Look, this is what you might have obtained. Now you'll never see or reached either," like an 'effing teaser trailer. However, lets put that aside… for now. The probability of his worry being in regard to me making me feel something I was not quite acquainted to, a joy of inexplicable sorts. Could the possibilities of this unlikeable probability be true? The thought alone made my enigmatic resolution falter and pulsate as if its rhyme were that of a franticly fascinated, yet scared, heartbeat, and its slow assonance requiem.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, suspicion creeping into my tone, my teeth exposed menacingly, almost making me flinch.
"Hey, don't kill the messenger," Emmett said in that teasing sort of voice he often used when his wanton purpose was to get under my skin and at my nerves. It was working. I glared and growled at him, he stopped abruptly and sighed, shaking his head. "Look, seriously now, Jasper, I'm only here because of Esme, Carlislesent me," my stomach churned at his words, Esme, sweet Esme, always worrying after me like a son, "Esme says to come home. She's worried sick about you." Finally reaching me and cautiously putting a hand on my left shoulder, patting it reassuringly, he smiled down at me, a genuine smile that reached his jovial eyes. However, I realized, a little too late, after his smile had faltered, that just as sudden as the genuine smile had come it had been swiftly replaced by one that had not reached his eyes. Still his voice and emotions rang with a sincerity I knew I did not deserve. My posture, which had been tens as if ready to attack at any given sign of danger, relaxed upon my discovery of sincerity. However, try as I may, I could not summon the courage within myself to look Emmett in the eye, though it probably would not have done much because he too seemed to avoid my eyes.
"Sorry," I mumbled, hanging my head in shame. Emmett laughed then at my words, a booming and deeply resounding laugh that echoed throughout the open field, strangely enough, and patted my shoulder with enough force to make my feet sink several inches into the moist ground. I looked up at him, startled by the sincerity the sound of his laughter merged, meeting his eyes and seeing that it had reached his eyes, making them twinkle in that way that only Emmett's eyes twinkle.
"It's not me you need to apologize to," Emmett informed me, eyes gleaming with mischievous tease, "I wasn't one of the worried sick family members. Thinking that maybe you had probably reached the edge of dramatization and had officially turned idiotic enough to burn yourself to ashes and leaving a note behind asking us to please step over your graying cinders." I smirked at that, he had obviously been worrying and pacing the entire home, inside and out in his worry –I could simply detect it and feel it. I rolled my eyes then as I mulled over his words, he isthe over dramatizer, over thinking bear… Gratitude radiated from me at the thought. Emmett, feeling my emotions smiled encouragingly at me.
"You know what? You're right," I admitted, offering a tentative smile of my own, Emmett sank me deeper into the ground as he patted me, showing his approval. "You know…" I began, trailing off, letting the teasing tone of my emotions sink in, "last time I checked I was not a dog, at least, not that I was well aware off. I could be wrong…"
"That's the spirit!" Emmett chuckled boomingly, throwing his head back in laughter as I smiled sheepishly in response. "But you know, Jasper, I'm quite disappointed in you," Emmett added, looking grave, and my stomach sank to its depth as my face, too, fell with it. "I thought that you, of all people would have known that anyone can be anything as long as they believe strongly in what they believethey are," he chastised, proceeding, seeing and sensing my sinking reaction. My head snapped up to see him smiling that dangerous smile that always had me thinking that one day he might end up dislocating his jaw, from grinning so much; I glared at him. But then I couldn't help but smile back genuinely as my dead heavy heart became alight with relieveas the veils of sorrow were suddenly beginning to retrievetheir assault on me. He winked at me. I was so easy to figure out… but that gave me courage amongst my family.
"Sorry to be such a disappointment, however, I think I prefer myself as a… vampire, much better," I teased back, almost wincing at the last chosen words. Did I like myself better as a vampire?
"And I thought I had you there!" Emmett pouted mockingly, and this time it was I who laughed out loud, while Emmett continued to grin sheepishly.
"One point for the J, zero for the E!" I grinned triumphantly. The sound of my own laughter felt liberating, I could feel and see the pride emanating from Emmett as he gauged the booming echo of my laughter that seemed to give his a run for his money. His expressions lead me to believe that he had just accomplished his goal by making me laugh –his emotions stated his feeling of accomplishment, he was practically gloating.
"So…" Emmett began, trailing off, I urged him on with an eager, yet, cautious nod. I could feel something lurking through the surface. "How about a bet, race you home?" So that was it.
"I'm game," I quickly accepted, glad for a chance at good distraction. However, Emmett kept quiet as his eyes once more fell on the hole I had quarantined myself in just moments ago. I grimaced at that. The feeling of shame beginning me to overshadow me as I heard him say in a voice almost too small for me to hear something that sounded terribly close to, nice hole, or something along the lines. "How about that bet you were offering?" I said uncomfortably clearing my throat as Emmett's attention returned to me once again. His smile grew wicked.
"Lets see…" Was he trying to kill me with the suspense? "I say I race you home, the long way, catch small game on the run, you know, add to the fun, and get in touch with our artistic side on the way," he allowed, gauging my reaction. I must say, I was surprised to say the least, Emmett was being beyond considerate. Giving me time to sort out my thoughts before reaching home, that was for sure. Destruction would reign in our path, I was certain of that… what, with the kind of art Emmett was referring to. Plummeted boulders, if you know what I mean… however, I felt more than compelled to engage in the action nonetheless. This would be fun.
"What are the stakes?" I questioned after analyzing the possibilities and simultaneously letting him know that I was definitely in, he smiled, pleased.
"Whoever loses… has to face Rose's anger…" That… does not sound so bad, I mean, I can easily calm her down, I smiled confidently. "After scratching all her cars, canning the ceiling, and denting all of her tools. And, the most important; the looser has to serve as a fire fighter for three months!" My smile faltered. Hell no! Damn, I cannot just back out, he will never let me live it down. Besides, I already said I was game. Stupid Emmett, I grumbled under my breath. "What was that?" Emmett asked with that cocky grin of his in place.
"Add a billion to the stakes and it's settled," I allowed begrudgingly as I offered my hand out for him to shake on it and seal the deal.
"Deal," he said coyly, without a moment's hesitation. Taking my hand in his and giving it a sturdy shake, grinning eagerly from ear to ear.
"Three month, huh, Alice and Rose are so going to mutilate you," I stated, grinning at the image running through my head, he was going to be in so much trouble. His smile faltered momentarily before the coy smile returned.
"I guess that's a plus, adds to the fun of things… besides, this is men's game!" I rolled my eyes, shaking my head, grinning too. "Ready, set, go!" he called and he was off, catching me completely off guard.
"Hey!" I protested, chasing after him, "Cheater!"
On the way home, despite the rush of the chase, I wondered with trepidation why Edward had not been the one to seek me out, and probably single me out, why Emmett? Was Edward really that disgusted and angry with me? The thought made my lifeless heart heavy yet again.
"He was taking her home," Emmett offered silently, from behind me, answering my silent question. I nodded my equally silent thanks and sped off as another silent question entered my mind. How was Bella doing? There had been so much blood… and no matter what she said that was a fact. Emmett was, yet again, sensible enough to answer my preoccupied question, which I had yet to ask.
"Carlisle patched her up good, a few stitches but no impendentdamage was done. All sweet smiles and hugs that girl…" Admiration, that is what I was hearing and feeling from Emmett. I almost could not take it, I wanted to run off again and cry my lungs out… the lungs that would never give out. However, I did none of that, I simply nodded, relieved, as he glanced at me from the corner of his eye now that he was almost level with me.
True to our bet; we chased small game –simply scaring them, really, we were not thirsty– and, cough, did some fine specimen of an art… if you can call an upside down, pebbled together, Sponge Bob that, actually, looked like a very deformed jellyfish Art. Meanwhile, I, being a bit more artistic, ended up reconstructing a small mound of rocks into the sleeping form of a naked woman with flowing hair –quite the record time I did it under too. To say I was proud of myself would be an understatement. Emmett was, of course, jealous. However, it did not make me feel that bad, he's had his moments of glory in the past –like, when he redid The Thinking man. I had been jealous then.
It seemed like in no time at all, after we had started our bet, I found myself staring at the closed door of my home –over Emmett's shoulder. Yes, the prude had won… hello, Jasper, the firefighter! Sarcasm, people, sarcasm. Momentarily I had loosed focus, blinked, and Emmett was opening the door, stepping over the threshold, and booming pompously as he went, "We're home!" The family was all gathered there, the exception being Edward of course.
I took a deep breath as I watched Emmett make a beeline into Rosalie's readily opened arms and embraced her as she too, lovingly, embraced him back with as much force as he mustered; content to have finally reunited with each other. If only she knew, I mentally chuckled darkly. I stood rooted to my spot by the door as all eyes turned to me, sheepishly I sought out each and every face of the members of my family, lingering the longest on Alice's as I silently issued her an apology, which she immediately accepted –blowing a scented kiss in my direction. However, I saw none of the hostility I had expected to see, instead, I found welcoming smiles and kind eyes staring back at me. My departed heart jolted, elated, as I once more forced myself to look at Esme, my mother.
Once my eyes connected with hers, her arms opened wide, inviting me and welcoming me to an embrace as she stepped forward and shortly, after a moment's hesitation –seeing as I was all muddied up– I met her half way. She cared not for my petty worries as she embraced me, caressing me with the touch and love of a mother as she cupped my face in her feminine hands bringing my face to level with hers and kissing my forehead, nose, cheeks, and trembling lids.
"Welcome home, Jasper, we've missed you."
Then, I almost sobbed again as I relished on the feeling of her unconditional welcoming love and buried my face in her soft caramel locks. Esme still wanted me here, even after what I had done and almost done. The thought would had brought tears to my eyes had I been human and I let her know as much, my emotions embroiling onto her with a feather's caress.
"I will always want you home, never doubt that, Jasper, my son. And never doubt that your family love's you," Esme whispered for only my ears to hear as she placed a feathery kiss there too, gratitude and relieve washed over me in tidal waves.
I was Home.
A/N: So. Here's the thing, sorry it took so long and it's not even as long as I wanted it to be but I've got to take care of my git of a hand, such a pansy, else I won't be able to write anymore –due to agony. So, my million apologies and wish me, as I wish myself, a speedy recovery.
By the way, there is something you should know… I didn't plan for this chapter to begin like it did; in fact I've never planed any of my previous chapters, I just kind of write as I go without an ACTUAL plan. However, there is a set goal. That is the reason why I can keep on writing, or should I say, that I'm excessively good at dodging things and pulling them out of my sleeves without working a sweat? Really… give me any topic and I'll give you a story on the spot! I thought this was a good detail for you guys to know, explains why it takes me forever to write… I might write a rough draft and then when I'm typing the actual piece I get this amazing idea and then what I previously wrote looks nothing like it ends up being, clearly my undoing –always.
For those of you who received quotes for this chapter and have yet to see them, please, be patient, you'll see them next chapter for sure… this really wasn't what I had planned for this chapter.
So?? What did you, my minions think of this thee chapter? Like it? Hate it? Stop it, you'll hurt yourself? Hit me, what's the verdict! Click that little review thingy like button and let me know, it'll make me feel better.
Oh, and my one shot"Devil Wears Prada" is coming soon, I'm typing it! Along with one other… that I believe might end up being titled "Self Induced Nightmares for Thunder and Lightning." It will be yet another one shot with Jasper and dear old Bella –Romance, Angst, and probably a bit of Drama, I think…
So for next chapter I might include a little preview for both, "Devil Wears Prada" and "Self Induced Nightmares for Thunder and Lightning."
The second one is a Jasper/Bella -Angst/Romance. It's about fear and it's a one shot, they're afraid of thunder and lightning, if you haven't figured that out... The day will start out with sticky notes -don't ask, lol. It'll probably end up being rated M
Let me give you a tinsy tiny preview for "Devil Wears Prada."
Impending doom...
Doom comes to you, creeps in on you through the silence of a dark night, in the form of racketting heels.
Heels that unceremoniously punctuate, on the tiled floor, the countdown to ones eminent doom.
Doom has crept in on me, like a thief on a particularly dark night, unannounced and unwelcomed.
Okay, the unannounced part is a lie...
The Devil personally had informed me of my doom just last night.
That's all for the preview, let me know what you think!
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Long ass Author's Note... sorry!