Chapter 12
She awoke with a sharp elbow poking her stomach. She groaned and was vaguely aware of a baby's crying.
"It's your turn." Liara said drowsily.
Cassandra groaned, trying to mumble something, she wasn't sure what. She stumbled out of bed, almost tripping on an edge of the blanket that was trailing on the floor. She didn't even want to know what time it was. She didn't know what was worse, having her sleep interrupted by nightmares or interrupted by her daughter's frequent awakenings. What was it she'd heard someone say long ago? Babies do four things: they cry, they sleep, they cry, they eat, they cry, they shit and then they cry some more.
She walked to the neighbouring bedroom. Aisha's room was sparsely furnished for the moment, having a crib, some drawers and a changing table. They weren't many toys or adornments yet. Most of those they'd received were gifts. The announcement had caused a big stir on the news sites with everyone wanting pictures but they refused. They had a right to privacy after all. Her life wouldn't be easy, being the daughter of a legend. She hoped it wouldn't damage her or their family.
Aisha was crying in the crib, tossing from side to side. She gently picked her up. It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to discern the foul and unmistakable odour emanating from her behind. Cassandra took her to the changing table and began the by now familiar ritual of changing her diapers. It hadn't even been a month and already she could do it on autopilot. She couldn't wait for Aisha to be finished with these. It wasn't as nasty as some of the things she'd done in her soldiering career, like the time she infiltrated a merc base by crawling through five miles of sewage pipes, but it was still unpleasant.
Having changed her Cassandra didn't quite feel like going back to bed yet. Cradling her precious daughter in her arm she began walking around, the dim moonlight providing just enough lighting to ensure she didn't trip over anything. She whispered to Aisha constantly, alternating between silly baby talk and more prosaic talk. Aisha listened patiently, her small blue eyes wide open, her head snapping in her direction with every syllable she uttered.
She found herself walking southward. She became aware of a dim light from the main lab. Walking towards it she soon saw Miranda alone, working in her office. She was diligently typing away, frequently consulting schematics lying open on her desk. Her desk was covered with varying objects, a few diagrams, some transistors and dozens of datapads and OCDs.
"How are you doing?" Cassandra asked softly as she entered the lab. Miranda was startled. She looked up at her and chuckled.
"I'm sorry." Cassandra laughed. Miranda sat back in her chair, a strange ambivalence in her. Her eyes darted briefly to the little blue bundle of love in her arms and then just as quickly darted away. She smiled awkwardly, she seemed unsure of herself. One of the few times Cassandra had seen her betray such feelings.
"It's okay, Shepard." She said. "I was going to turn in soon, anyway."
"How can you still be up?" Cassandra asked, grabbing a nearby chair and sitting opposite her.
"I give myself five hours of sleep per day. It's enough. It's more sleep than I had back on the Normandy." She said, almost casually.
"How are you doing?" Cassandra asked again.
"We're making progress. We just got some plasma from the corona of a dying sun. We found someone who can manufacture the specs of the regenerative transceiver which is the first step in we just need to find... Shit, I shouldn't bore you with technobabble. I wouldn't want to sound like someone from Star Blek, now would I?"
They both chuckled wryly. "That's not what I asked." Cassandra said quietly. Miranda's eyes shifted again from her to her daughter then back again.
"I'm fine." She insisted.
"Why don't you join us for dinner? I'd love to cook for you. You're my friend and my guest. I bet my food is better than the stuff you're eating these days."
"Thanks but I really should be focusing on my work." She said evenly, looking down at her desk.
"You're telling me you work almost 20 hours a day but can't spare an hour to have a proper dinner?"
"Well, I..." Miranda stumbled.
"Come on," Cassandra prodded, wearing a big smile. "You've been here almost a month and we've barely seen another except when you need me for tests."
"Well, alright." Miranda said, conceding defeat. "But I can't do it every day."
Cassandra smiled, knowing she'd won her over. Miranda's eyes again darted between her and her daughter. A strange looked passed through her eyes, not knowing whether to be attracted or revolted, the recognition of something she could never have. Yet maybe she could pretend, just close her eyes, and pretend just for a few seconds.
"You want to hold her?" Cassandra asked, knowing she was treading on thin ice.
"No." Miranda said sharply, her head twitched and she stared at the computer screen in front of you."I'll see you tomorrow... for dinner."
She went to bed and awoke a few hours later with the dawn. She and Liara cuddled together for some time before getting up. While Liara showered and changed, Cassandra put on the news. "...Once again our top story. The four batarians and one human who were involved in the mysterious Shepard Plot were found dead in prison. Prison officials insist the deaths are accidental. The Council has not offered any statement at this time and still refuse to comment on what exactly the Shepard Plot was. The batarian hegemony has issued only a short statement stating that the deaths are not an accident and retribution will be inflicted upon those responsible. Governos Pazness of the newly formed batarian confederacy will be appearing live on Citadel News Net within the hour. In entertainment news, Vorchathrone frontman Nocturno Blasto caused a scandal on a recent stopover on Thessia when he desecrated..."
Cassandra shut off the TV. She had a feeling something like this would happen. The Council wouldn't risk a trial, wouldn't risk airing dirty laundry, her dirty laundry. A strange feeling, a kind of ambiguous ambivalence flooded her. She'd wronged them before but they refused to do anything other than nurse old wounds, their hatred festered like gangrene. Just like hers had, not so long ago. She'd moved on, they hadn't. They were dead because of it, not because of her. Liara came out of the shower, her wet body wrapped in a towel. She looked extremely alluring but she wasn't really in the mood all of a sudden.
"What's the matter?" Liara asked her.
"They're dead. And it's not on me." She said, like a great burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She explained to Liara what had been on the news.
"It's sad they are dead but I'm happy you're not blaming yourself." Liara said, her relief was palpable, a light smile on her face. Cassandra walked over to her and they kissed warmly. Cassandra rued having dressed herself. Liara's hands guided themselves to the hem of blue skirt. Passion rose between them as Cassandra's hands reached for the hem of Liara's towel. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to take my clothes off. She thought wryly. And that's when Aisha started crying. They stopped kissing and looked at another. Cassandra giggled first and Liara quickly followed suit.
"Your turn or mine?" Cassandra asked, truly not knowing whose turn it was.
"It's yours." Liara said.
"Looks like you get to cook for once." She teased.
"For once?" Liara pretended to be offended. "For once? The terrible things you say about me."
They kissed another one more time before Cassandra rushed off to see to her daughter's needs. After changing and dressing her, Cassandra brought Aisha to the kitchen. All the while the strangest sounds coming from her mouth, trying to get her daughter to laugh or smile. That wouldn't come for a few weeks of course, but there was no harm in trying. It felt so lovely holding her, like nothing else in the universe mattered.
Liara and Aethyta were in the kitchen, a pot of gruella beginning to boil, the kettle brewing fresh coffee. It was a kind of warm oatmeal, only with actual inherent flavour, very nutritious. Aisha's babychair was ready for her, a bowl of baby food ready to be devoured by the asari toddler. Cassandra sat down next to her and fed her, using a spoon to slide the blue gelatinous food into her young daughter's mouth. She shared feeding duties with her enthusiastic father in law. Aethyta was gushing, making all sorts of funny baby noises. She was taking very well to being a grandfather. She had a truly golden heart.
"I need to ask you something." Cassandra said to Liara as she arrived carrying two steaming bowls of gruella. She placed one in front of her and another in front of her father-in-law. The smell was invigorating, as good as a fresh pot of brewing coffee.
"Anything." Liara said warmly fetching her own bowl and sitting at the table.
"I want Feron to look for any experts on fertility, genetic engineering."
"Of course. Why?" Liara asked.
"For Miranda. We owe it to her." Cassandra said
"Of course." Liara said, her eyes brightening with the epiphany. "We were always wondering how to repay her. That's a wonderful idea, I'll contact Feron."
She awoke in the middle of the night. She didn't startle into awareness, only gently and slowly arrived there. She had no nightmare, Aisha wasn't crying. As gently as she could, she slowly slid out of bed, not wanting to disturb her love. She walked over to the office in the adjoining room. She sat down and looked out the window. The moonlight was bouncing off the clouds, the rain gently falling, distorting the image, littering her ears with the ambient sound of rain tapping against the glass. She activated her Omni-Tool and opened the video recorder. She navigated to the directory Vids for Aisha. The directory had a dozen vids already. She thought it over for some time before creating a new recording. For Aisha's 20th Birthday.
"Hi Aisha, it's your madre. When you watch this it'll be your 20th birthday. Happy birthday! This year you should be starting advanced schooling. Most humans would call it going to high school. I hope you're being nice to your mom and grandfather. It's not easy on them. But maybe by now they're used to me being gone. It's not easy being my daughter. You get a lot attention, people look at you differently, they stare, they ask you silly questions, they'll want an autograph or take a picture with you. You do something a little out of the ordinary, and everyone's shocked and condemns you. Maybe you're dealing with it by closing yourself off, not having many friends. That can save you. But it can also condemn you. You need friends. The trick is knowing who to trust and who isn't. I made mistakes, trusted the wrong people. It hurts. But it's one of those mistakes you have to make. You learn to trust the right people. When I was fighting the Reapers, what kept me going was the love of my friends and your mother. I don't know what they've told you about me in school and vids, but If it wasn't for your mother and my friends... I wouldn't have made it through, we wouldn't have..."
She trailed off and started crying. Making these videos usually reduced her to tears. She rubbed her eyes. She hated to think back to those days, but she had to talk about it. A message in a bottle for her daughter, to learn from her, to learn about her. She let the video record while she struggled to compose herself. It was better this way. Her daughter needed to know who she really was and ignore the myths that would be built around her. Were being built.
"I guess you'll want to rebel, get tired of being Shepard's daughter. I get that. Just... whatever you do, don't hurt your mother's feelings. Don't push her away. She's been through a lot and if I'm not around, she'll need every ounce of happiness she can get."
She paused again, staring straight at the camera. Imaging she was looking at her daughter 20 years hence. A daughter who knew her only through this videos. She hoped she would never see them. She hoped her daughter would know her by virtue of being alive, and not a name, an image on a screen. She hoped so with every fibre of her being. There was an old saying, and she was taking that to heart. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.
"I wish I could be there for you. I never believed in an afterlife. But in case there is, I'll be watching over you. I'll always love you. Until my next video. Bye." She shut off the recording. She quietly sobbed. It was easy to talk about enjoying every moment. And she was. The bonding ceremony was fast coming up, just a couple of weeks away, the honeymoon quickly thereafter. But everything was done with this cloud lurking over the horizon, just out of sight. Everything a desperate attempt to cram as much happiness and distraction as possible to avoid even thinking about the doom that loomed over them all. She would treasure every iota of joy like a ton of gold. Every happy moment would be magnified and even exaggerated.
The five of them sat at the dinner table, eating her special lasagna. A recipe she'd cooked up combining her late grandmother's recipe and some local ingredients. It gave it a far spicy flavour than the dish was normally renown for. They were all getting used to having Miranda at the dinner table. They all shared a common desire to talk about things that didn't relate to her reason for being here, conversation was casual and free flowing. She and Aethyta got along fairly well, though the latter was for the moment leery of the former's sundered ties to Cerberus. Everyday Miranda would look at Aisha strangely, as if she were an indecipherable enigma. They hadn't told Miranda about her plan. They would wait until Miranda's work was finished. If she would ever be finished.
"Miranda, I need to ask you something." Cassandra stated, swallowing the last of her lasagna.
"Of course." Miranda said perfunctorily. As if nothing could be too much to ask.
"You know our wedding's coming up next week?"
"Yes. And your honeymoon after that." She said, the last sentence sounding like a teacher delivering a scolding to a disobedient student. It was only a two week honeymoon. She and Miranda had fought over the honeymoon. Miranda thought two weeks was two weeks too long. They'd argued up a storm, but in the end Miranda had conceded defeat. That was why she was asking this now, two days later.
"I'd like you to be my honoured maiden for my wedding."
Miranda dropped her arm and looked at her stunned, shocked.
"Wh...why me?" She asked, truly perplexed.
"Because after Liara and Aethyta, you're the most important woman in my life." She said simply. She didn't want to go any deeper. She knew Miranda was leery of displays of emotion and affection. She understood. She used to be the same way. Before Liara.
"Wow...I..." Miranda stammered looking around, shifting uncomfortably on her chair. "I'd be honoured." She said. "I never thought that...you'd think of me that way. Thank you."
This was it. She'd never been a girly girl. Big fancy weddings and sappy romance stories were for weak girls who couldn't stand up for themselves, dreaming of some prince to sweep them off their feet and suddenly make them a complete person. But she couldn't deny her whole body was buzzing with excitement, anticipation, joy. Her heart hadn't stopped beating since she'd awoken in the middle of the night. Liara hadn't been able to sleep very much either. They were standing next to another. Liara was wearing a silken dress that glowed, reflecting the various lights. She was wearing a simple black dress. Not the most appropriate colour, but she liked wearing black. Music was playing, a disc of Liara's piano playing. It was all very sweet. She wouldn't cry though.
It was strange being on Thessia. The first time since it had fallen to the Reapers. The planet couldn't hide the devastation inflicted upon it. But it was recovering and making progress. She was greeted here with jubilation. There hadn't been any recrimination. It was as Liara had told her once, the asari didn't hold her responsible. But it was herself she'd been holding responsible. She'd replayed those hours many times, never being able to find fault with anything she'd done. She no longer felt responsible, that she'd failed. An N7 instructor had once told her that it was possible to not make mistakes but still lose. Thessia had been one of those.
The temple was small and bare bones though it's ancient shape hinted at past magnificence. Stalagmites protruded from the ceilings, pale statues stood, mute witnesses to thousands of ceremonies both joyful and sorrowful. The floors were lined with carpets blue and purple, tapestries as rich in colour as they were in historical detail hung from every corner of the hexagonal chapel. They were in the centre of the room. The sitting areas were crammed to the brink, exceeding the recommended capacity by a dozen or so. They media were straining to get in. Barriers had been erected outside, security had been hired to keep camera drones, and other more dangerous foreign objects, away.
What was left of the batarian hegemony would love nothing more than to assassinate The Butcher at her own wedding. It had just been announced today. The Council was intervening in the batarian civil war. The Council had found its casus belli to intervene in the Terminus systems. It was going to be a long and ugly, but the hard-line factions of the hegemony were on borrowed time. No one substantial was coming to their aid, the Council races were banding together, sending a coalition force to deal with the forces of the hegemony. Humanitarian aid was another component. Who knew what the long term consequences would be. Part of Cassandra wished she was there, in the deliberations and negotiating sessions. There was also a greater need, a call for help by those in need. So long as she was alive she would hear that call, and the urge to respond nearly impossible to ignore.
She was standing at the front of the temple before the altar. A priestess was standing between them, reading from a memorized text. She'd officiated thousands of bonding ceremonies, but none as noteworthy as this. She was pleasant but shy, usually speaking in a quiet voice. They'd been rehearsing for 3 days. It all involved big speeches, solemn vows. She believed those words she'd spoken, and it was important for Liara, for both of them. But she couldn't help but feel sardonic at all the pomp and circumstance. That was why they'd skipped a ceremony in the first place. They'd just registered their bonding by filling in a few forms. It wasn't exactly the stuff romance tales are made of. But it was what she wanted. They were making time now for things Liara wanted. She'd been selfish and it had nearly cost them. Now was the time to make up for that.
Aethyya was standing by the side. Aisha was in a small baby hover chair, sleeping peacefully for a change. She wasn't quite mobile, but in a few weeks she would start crawling. She was starting to be more aware, moving her head around more, her keen eyes already more aware. Her eyes had a slight greenish tint. Aethyta was Liara's honoured matre for this ceremony, the closest equivalent was a bridesmaid. Miranda was standing next to her, wearing a red sleeveless dress. She looked absolutely stunning. In the past she'd taken Miranda's beauty for granted, it was impossible to do that now. If it wasn't for Liara, could I have fallen for her? She found herself thinking. She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. What a silly thought.
She turned and looked behind her. The front pews were lined with her ex-crewmates. Most of them were here. Only Traynor had no-showed. Williams was begrudgingly here, sitting at the back, out of sight. They'd hardly spoken to another since the battle with the Leviathans. Had it been Joker's death or something else? Had she shattered her faith, her delusions about her, the universe during those hours? Her uncharacteristic admission of doubt in the face of danger. Her revelation there was no afterlife.
In the corner of her eye she saw a blur of distorted motion by the opposite wall, in the umbra of two hanging lamps. She'd expected this. She didn't turn her head, lest she raise alarm and suspicion. She looked back to the pews towards Tali, sitting next to Garrus, holding hands. They're so cute. She nodded discreetly towards Tali and then turned her head in the direction of the visual distortion. It hadn't moved. It was still there, a familiar shape, reflecting what was behind it. I the corner of her eye she saw Tali activate her Omni-Tool. She wondered if this would work.
The distorted image field morphed from what it was to someone unambiguously human and female. The distortion field, instead of reflecting the image behind it, emitted a fluorescent montage of bright, almost nauseous colours like pink, orange, yellow, red. The figure desperately fiddled with her Omni-Tool as everyone turned to face the strange colour show. Security guards emerged and jogged towards the image, their weapons drawn.
"It's okay!" Cassandra yelled, unable to suppress a grin. The guards stood down and retreated to the shadows.
"What the hell?" Kasumi shouted, desperately trying to stop the embarrassment emitting from her hacked Omni-Tool. Cassandra giggled and a few others did too, though a few didn't know what was going on. Tali was laughing hysterically, Garrus next to her was chuckling heartily. After a full minute Kasumi managed to stop the malfunctioning Omni-Tool. The lightshow stopped and she stood, trying her best to look nonplussed. Walking, as casually as she could, to a pew with an open space.
"What was that for?" Kasumi said crossly, looking straight at Tali.
"Humans like to say that revenge is a dish best served cold." Tali said, her voice bursting with triumphant glee. "And revenge is served coldest by a quarian!'"
"Well done." Kasumi said, chastened but with sincere admiration. "You're the first person to hack my Omni-Tool. I guess I can't begrudge you... too much."
The priestess resumed reciting the rites. She was almost done. Liara was smiling brightly, her eyes were shining brightly, brimming with anticipation and just a hint of impatience. She smiled back. Cassandra was looking forward to their honeymoon. Liara had an itinerary of a dozen archeological sites she wanted to visit. It was strange, her interactions with Jaavik hadn't dulled her interest in the Protheans. She'd been guilty of idealizing them, they'd all been guilty of that, but her interest remained nonetheless, tempered by experience.
Cassandra herself found herself what to do with herself. Life in the military left her with few hobbies. She liked to read. Anderson had exposed her to music. She had to do more than simply being a wife, a mother. She and Liara would work on her biography. She hadn't mentioned it to anyone outside her family, she hoped the brass wouldn't object. There were a few sensitive topics she wanted to write about. Including Torfan. But that would come later. Now, there was something more important to attend to.
"...And so we find ourselves honouring two souls who in the vast infinitude of the cosmic oceans have against all odds found themselves. Declared their love for another and vow to remain by the other's side, regardless of the ebbs and flows of the universe's oceanic tide. These two souls have met and decided to remain as one under the eyes of the Goddess. May they forever remain in the eternal embrace of the Goddess. "
The priestess nodded to them. Liara reached for Cassandra, holding her arms. Her eyes glistened to black. Cassandra found herself on a warm beach, just outside their home on Elyssia. The waves were gently lapping against their feet, fish swam between their feet. She felt all the love and affection and joy Liara felt that same moment. It washed over her, enveloped her like a giant, warm glove. She closed her eyes and suddenly found herself back in the temple. She and Liara were tightly holding another, giggling joyfully. The temple was filled with laughs, clapping and expressions of joy for the happy couple. And music. Cassandra recognized the music, it was the piece Liara had played back on the Citadel in Anderson's apartment, when she'd awakened from her coma. The piece stirred such powerful emotions and memories she was overcome and tears of joy slowly trailed down her olive skinned face.
Author's Note: I apologize for the delay in publishing this chapter. I like to do one chapter per week but this past week I've been dealing with moving my grandparents into a retirement home on top of the usual things in my life. I don't think you can find a more depressing place to visit than a retirement home. I should be done with this tale before the new year. Hope you've enjoyed it and thanks for all your comments :)