Gibbs: There were no survivors...
--
Tony grabbed the closest thing he could find to wipe his face…which just happened to be his sacred Magnum P.I. Hawaiian shirt. His Father had gotten it for him and it was always something he wore on a night like this…
"Boss?"
"Either that or you're hallucinating."
Tony squinted. "Either is possible at this point."
"Phone broken?"
"No…"
Gibbs gave him a once over. "Your pride then?"
"Just about." He was still standing at the door, holding it open. "You come to pick me up for a case?"
"Maybe you are hallucinating," Gibbs retorted.
"Last time you came over in the middle of the night…"
Gibbs didn't let him finish. "I don't appreciate when my phone calls get ignored."
"So you came over here to yell at me?"
"Among other things…" He glanced at the empty beer cans donning the floor near his couch.
"How rude of me," he closed the door and acquired two fresh cans from the fridge. "Hope you like light…I gotta watch my figure now a days…"
"Getting older…" Gibbs stated simply; eyeing his Agent as he did so.
"And dumber." He opened the cans and handed one to him. "To unexpected visitors in the middle of the night…"
Gibbs didn't smile. "You want me to go just say so…"
"Why are you here?" Tony didn't shout the question, but his decibel was certainly louder than necessary.
"Didn't know I needed a reason…"
"You're Gibbs…there's always a reason…" He waited a few moments for a response. "You came her when Kate…" He didn't finish. "I can get through this on my own."
Gibbs set his drink down and gestured to remnants on the floor. "Obviously."
"Oh I'm sorry….would you rather I drink bourbon from dirty jars and sand a boat? Would that be up to your standards of coping?" He didn't wait for a response. "Wait….I forgot…you don't cope…you manage am I right? Manage to ignore the pain till one day it comes bursting out of ya like a wine cork…well I'm not all that interested in being a cork…"
"What are you interested in?"
"Crying into my glass…shedding a few miniscule tears…feeling some good old fashioned raw pain…okay?" He threw his hands at his sides. "Is that alright with you?"
"Never said it wasn't."
"Said…said? I cant remember you saying much of anything let alone it was okay to cry..." He set his beer down and began to pace. "You come strolling into the lab, drop the bomb of the century…only before walking out as if nothing had changed…said?Oh you said it alright."
Gibbs remained silent.
"Abby just about fell to pieces, though I'm sure you know that…judging from the time I'd assume you just came from her place…making your usual midnight rounds after the death of a colleague…cuz it would be so hard to offer comfort in an actual moment of shock."
"Are you done?"
"Why? Getting tired of hearing the truth?"
Gibbs took a step towards him. "Why does acting like myself suddenly surprise you?"
"Because I'm tired of not living up to it."
"It?"
"Being you boss…I mean maybe it wouldn't be so damn hard if you actually showed you were human every once in a while…"
"You want me to cry is that it?"
"I don't know what I want." He slowly but surely took a seat on the couch, his head now resting in his hands. "But I know one thing…I wish I'd never gone to her apartment that night…I wish my gut had been wrong…then maybe…maybe she wouldn't have been on that damn ship…and maybe she'd still be alive…"
"Cant change the past."
"Now there's a vote of comfort…do remind me to invite you over more often…oh wait, that's right you arrived unannounced…but then, no surprise there."
"Never said I was good at this."
"Guess you can't be good at everything…"
Gibbs kept silent, before turning towards the door.
"Boss, wait." Tony stood up. "I uh…I'm angry…at myself…at Ziva…at the world…you just happen to get caught in the cross fire."
"No happen about it Tony…" He gave a small smile before placing a hand on his arm. "You saying you knew I'd lose it?"
"I've been where you are DiNozzo…cried a million tears…I'm not sorry that I'm all cried out…" He opened the door and stood in silence for a moment. "Be happy that you have some left…"
Tony watched him close the door and found himself staring at it for minutes on end. His mind a whirl wind of emotions and regrets…It was then he cried…
For himself.
For her.
But most importantly…
For him.