Previously;
"Good." My hands moved on their own, caressing. Bella's eyes closed, surrendering her senses to the feel of my touch, so trusting. I watched my fingers, ghosting over her heated skin, under her jaw and traveling to the column of her neck, while my left untangled and knotted her hair at her nape. And enjoying the feel of her, quivering under my touch, I looked to her, seeking as her eyes fluttered open for me once more. "Trust me. I'm here not just because of the promise I made to you, but because I want to. You are worth it, Isabella." For the first time I did not feel Bella's reproach or annoyance at the sound of her name. Instead, there was confusion and a sense of satisfaction in its place. She was staring at me with a look I could not quite discern within those gentle brown eyes, but could not turn from. "The struggle for control and being away from Alice and the family, you are worth all of it… and so much more, Isabella," I continued. I could only hope for her understanding. "Besides, you became family the moment you entered our home, so I'm not away from everyone I lo–"
"Jasper," came her winded whisper, "why are you really here?"
Memoirs of Her Scent
Ch20: II. Qualm of Serenity
Bella's question rang, suspended in the chilling air as I froze in place and listened. Straining my ears, I waited to catch any sign or sound of the disturbance I feltcoming our way. No matter how much I strained, no other sound but the sounds of the forest, and Bella's quickening heartbeat and accelerated breathing reverberated back to me.
My eyes focused back on Bella and her wide, staring eyes, filled with alarm at my sudden change in demeanor. The air between us pulsated with the approaching danger she had no knowledge of. I stared deep into her eyes, past my tensed reflection in her slightly dilated pupils and tried to convey a sense of false calm that even I failed to convince myself to believe. Closing my eyes, I strained my ears and listened once again, without breathing and without moving .
The moan of the wind, the rustle of leaves, the stutter of fluttering wings that became the heartbeat of the forest, the scurrying of little paws, the muted thud of prancing hooves, and the lazy slithering against grass was all that echoed in my ears. And Bella's erratic breathing and quickening heartbeat, racing and stuttering with as clumsy a disposition as its owner, a sound that almost made me smile and the closest to me. Each sound was so acute in its singularity that there couldn't be anything I'd missed, only I knew I had.
My eyes flashed open as I felt Bella's warm hands cupping each side of my face. Her eyes danced between my own, this time she was the one searching for some kind of understanding. I saw my alarm reflecting back at me in the center of her fearful, dilated pupils.
Without thinking, I reached for her, my had moving too fast for her eyes to follow my movement and she flinched away from me and the involuntary, violent growl that ripped through my throat in a feral warning that froze her in place. I sighed as my fingertips came into contact with her overheated skin, igniting my own momentarily oversensitive skin with its consuming proximity. It almost felt too hot, scorching. I hissed with pleasure at the almost discomforting comfort.
I felt her tremble under my touch and my nose flared as I inhaled the scent of her delicious fear and a brutal smile twisted my mouth. I looked at her, seeking my reflection, but her eyes were closed and her fingertips on my face were trying to send me a message I didn't comprehend. Bella whimpered and I heard the sound I had been waiting for, a slight disturbance in the flow of the wind and I came back to myself.
I took a step back from Bella, feeling ashamed of myself. Silently, I growled to myself, there was no time to loose. I needed to act and act immediately, if I wanted to have Bella out of harms way so that I could protect her.
"J-Jasper," Bella stuttered as she swayed on her feet and stumbled. In a flash, I caught her before she could hit the grass. She smiled tentatively at me in thanks. I nodded.
"Bella, listen to me closely," I said urgently, waiting for her nod as my eyes danced between hers. She gulped, nodding, and I proceeded. "I need you to run."
"Jasper, you are scaring me," she whispered, stumbling over her words. "I don't understand." I sighed, smiling sardonically. Finally, she had a reaction befitting the situation.
"Right now I don't need you to understand, Bella," I told her, becoming irritated. The danger was getting closer, soon it would be upon us and Bella wasn't running. "I need you to do as I say and run."
"But–"
"Run!" I all but growled at her and she backed away from me, looking hurt. "I promise I'll explain, but right now you are in danger." She nodded, understanding. "Good. Now, run, get in your truck, get as far away from here as fast as you can, and don't look back."
She ran and I froze. She wasn't going to make it.
"Where's the danger?" I turned to face the owner of the voice, eyes wide. "You weren't talking about me now, were you, Jazz? You know, I'm harmless."
"Alice," I breathed and stiffened as one of her hands came around my neck, the other over my heart, and she pecked my lips. I knew Bella was still here, I could feel her heat, her shock, joy, doubt, hurt, and confusion just behind me, overlapping my own emotions. I wish she would run. Inexplicably, I wish she wouldn't see this.
"I'm hurt," Alice stated, all playful music coming from her lips. "Has it been that long since you've been with your mate that you've forgotten the sounds of my steps, my scent?" Her nose scrunched up delicately and she moved until her lips hovered over my right ear and whispered, "Or is it that her smell is so overpowering you can't get past it? You reek of her, you know." She looked at Bella over my shoulder and smiled wickedly. I knew that smile all too well. I also knew that it would look nothing but friendly to Bella when it wasn't.
"Alice." I had never spoken her name like that before. The urgency in my voice was different from that urgency it had when we were in private, much too different but nonetheless urgent.
"Don't worry so much, Jazz, it's not like you," she whispered as she sidestepped me. "Bella!" she chirped, all mirth. I cringed and turned, trying to catch Alice's wrist and missing by a breath.
"Alice!" Bella's heart skipped a beat and quickened as her incredulity turned to a tentative, welcoming smile. "Jasper, it's only Alice," she called to me and I grimaced, though I think she missed it.
"Yes, it's only little 'ole me," Alice chuckled, looking over her shoulder and winking at me as she stalked closer to Bella. There was something dangerous in her eyes that I couldn't quite understand, something off. Something not Alice.
Even her emotions were off. It was if she was hurt, but that couldn't be. There were no signs of her having been on a fight, her clothes and hair were perfectly in place. Bella too was closing the distance, I couldn't have that. I stepped between them, my back to Bella and facing Alice, my almost coiled body looming over hers.
"Jasper!" Bella gasped, confusion sending her other emotions to the background.
"Alice, darlin'," I greeted, sounding pleasant enough for Bella's ears and growling in warning at Alice, low enough that Bella wouldn't hear. Alice looked sincerely surprised by my intervention and when her eyes met mine for the first time everything that had been off about her seemed to melt away, leaving only sadness.
"I only want to greet my friend," she whispered for my ears alone, not looking at me. I scrutinized her and finding her intentions sincere, I touched her cheek gently and relaxed as I stepped aside. "Thank you." I nodded.
"Jasper? Alice?" Bella looked between the two of us, confused.
"Sorry, Bella, I was on defense mode. Even Alice can't snap me out of it." It was a poor excuse but she seemed to accept it. I watched their interaction closely for any changes in Alice, in case she reverted back to that unfamiliar Alice that had stepped forward.
"Yeah, it's nothing to worry about, Bella," Alice assured her, smiling sweetly at her. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, Alice," Bella confessed, hugging Alice. "But what are you doing here?" I was wandering the same thing. Seeming to sense this, Alice looked at me and I, too, asked silently.
"I had some things I wanted to discuss with Jasper and I just missed you too much!" Alice chuckled, hugging Bella tighter and I stiffened, a small growl stuck halfway up my throat. Alice didn't miss this and soon released her strong hold on Bella, allowing me to relax.
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"Alice, what are you really doing here?" I asked. Now that Bella was gone and we were alone, I wouldn't stand for any skirting around the problem. "And what the hell happened to make you act the way you were acting before you snapped out of it?"
"I just want to talk, honestly, I've missed you," Alice responded quietly. "Haven't you missed me?"
"You could have hurt her," I accused and she hung her head in shame.
"I know, but I wouldn't have," her whisper was so low and so full of shame that I almost missed it. "I love her."
"Hey, hey, darlin', it's okay, look at me." I approached her, touching her face, brushing her hair back, cradling her neck, and pushed under her chin with my thumb to make her look at me. "I know you love her and you know I miss you every time I'm apart from you." She smiled a watery smile and I held her close, comforting her and trying to convince her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, kissing my neck. I smiled at the gesture. Holding her like this, my neck was the closest spot she could reach without going on tiptoes or craning her neck too much.
"How's Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rose?" I asked, holding her at arms length.
"Emmett and Rose are still traveling," she told me, rolling her eyes. "Esme misses you terribly and worries, but Carlisle keeps reminding her that, even though he misses you too, he has faith in you and so should she. He's been rather smug about you really."
I chuckled at that. "That's good. I miss you guys too."
The mood suddenly changed from pleasant to uncertain. "Edward he–"
I growled at her and she flinched, surprise widening her eyes. "I don't want to know anything about him! Neither does she–"
"I wouldn't be so certain about that if I were you," she argued.
"Don't you darebring him up around her," I warned, feral. "She flinches at the mere thought of his name. I can't imagine what hearing it out loud would do to her so don't, Alice, just don't."
We stared at each other in defiance, breathing fast and not backing down.
"What is it that truly worries you?" Alice mused.
"What–"
"That I might be, what's the phrase, adding salt to her wounds or that she might still care for him?" I looked at Alice, my glare murderous. I knew, because I could see it reflected in her defiant eyes.
"Of course she's goin' to still care for him! He brokeher and she was willing to give him everything." My nose flared in my rage as my breathing became ragged. "Really, what's your angle, Alice? What are you trying to get at?" I was furious and I didn't understand where she was coming from, I only knew that her words had struck a cord. I didn't like the vulnerability this realization provoked.
She ignored my question and threw some more of her own. "Are you worried, Jasper, that he might realize that leaving her was the worse mistake he ever made? Or that he come back to her." She wouldn't back away and I didn't want to hear any more when she finally sank her venom-coated teeth deep into the root of the problem. "No, I think what concerns you most is that she might actually forgive him once he comes crawling back to her."
I think I barely managed to not flinch as her final jab came at me like a soft, unassuming tidal wave. She looked triumphant, but also, she looked like I had just ripped her head clean off her shoulder with my own two hands, so hurt.
"If she takes him back…" I began weakly. "That has nothing to do with me." My words sounded so hollow, even to my own ears and I didn't even understand why.
"You don't even realize it do you?" Alice sobbed and I was the one that stumbled back from the onslaught of her heartbreak. I was so confused.
"Alice, I don't–"
"Let's go," she said urgently, a new kind of determination gleaming in her eyes. She looked demented and I couldn't help but drop her hand like a hot rod when she tried clinging to it.
"I can't leave her," I argued, shaking my head. "I can't leave Bella, I promised her."
"Of course you can!" she urged, sounding near hysterics and pushing me towards the thick lining of trees leading in the opposite direction of Bella's home. "We need to go now so she can forget all about us, all about everything that puts her in danger."
I sank the heels of my feet into the dirt, somewhat stopping her pushing and shoving. "What's gotten into you Alice? You are freaking me out."
She chuckled nervously and my eyes widened as a sob mingled and twisted its way out. "You don't know…" she sobbed over and over again.
"Alice, what don't I know?" I asked sternly, my aggravation reaching an all time high. Alice only shook her head, denying me an answer. "I'm tired of this Alice," I sighed, gesturing at and at nothing in particular. "You with your secrets and I always in the dark, fretting after you and not knowing how to make it better."
"Don't say that," Alice choked out, pleading. "Just don't."
I looked away from her, I couldn't stand the sight of a woman I have known to be so strong crumbling before my very eyes. "Bella needs me," I told her. "She must be worried, wandering where I've gone or if I've left with you. I can't have that."
"Don't I matter to you?"
I stopped mid step at her words, turning to face her again and glared. "How can you accuse me of that Alice?" She didn't say anything so I continued, "Everything I do, and everything I've done since I met you has been for you. How can you accuse me of not caring for you, about us?"
"Then why won't you leave with me?" It was a simple enough question but for some reason, it added fuel to the fire.
"Because," I stretched out the word, trying to reign in my anger, "your friend and family, myfamily, Isabella Swan, needs me and you can't control this."
"I need you." It was but a whisper, but it made my entire frame quake with anger. Faster than I've moved in years, since the war, I was at Alice's throat, holding her aloft.
"Your needs can wait. Don't you daretry to manipulate me into leaving. I'mthe one with the manipulating gift here," I hissed at her, my teeth scraping the curve connecting neck to shoulder, making her his in pain. I wasn't even remorseful at the knowledge that it would leave a lasting scar. Just because I could and because I wanted to drive my point home, I took hold of the pain she was feeling and doubled it and then again.
Alice struggled, feet kicking, nails scratching at my arm, and screeching like a banshee from the pain. "Shh, darlin', you're scaring the poor birds away," I soothed, watching a flock of birds take flight in fear, their little hearts working overtime. "I'm done playin' your guessin' games for now, Alice. You and I have an eternity to work things out, she doesn't. End of discussion."
"Jasper, please." I released her, feeling disgusted, and she crumbled to the grass like a sack of boulders, nursing her throat and coughing.
"Next time I wish to speak with you, Alice, I shall come find you. Until then, stay away from me. Stay away from here, darlin'," I told her sweetly, eyes gleaming and dangerous as I paced before her, hands behind my back, right hand holding onto my left wrist.
Alice stood, putting some distance between us, and nodded.
I winked at her. "Love you, darlin' Ali." I was gone before she could blink again.
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A/N:Finally, another chapter finished. I hope you enjoyed it. I had so much fun writing this one. We are getting closer to Jasper's epiphany, just a little more patience is all I ask. Please, Reviews?