A/N: IT'S HERE! GO AHEAD AND READ MY EAGER MINIONS!
...
Formerly;
Jasper, I know what you said, and I'm sorry.
But Bella asked me to write.
She's worried about you.
...
As I read this next portion of the text, I smile, my first smile in the last forty-eight hours, I realize as I glance at the clock on my screen. I'm here, Bella, I'm still here. I remember our promise and I haven't gone anywhere. We won't go anywhere.
But as I read the last portion of the text, my hands shake so much that my phone drops out of my hands and I can't catch it as I make to stand, momentarily freaking out, and finally obey my demon and my thirst, keeping that last sentence running on the back on my mind in a loop.
...
We are on our way home…
...
...
Memoirs of Her Scent
Chapter 29:
Vestiges of April
Stagnant, caught in between the all enveloping stillness of the surrounding pines, haphazardly caging me in their scented sea of green and brown, and the mouthwatering thirst, and need to sink my venom coated teeth into the pelt of my possible prey. With its wet, strong, compelling, and thundering heart, thumping in my ears noisily and luring me in.
Like an undeviating cry for the unquenchable thirst, constricting, pounding, thrashing, crashing, and tempting. Conducted by a small heard of deer that currently beckon to me, I can just hear and feel them. They are just a rush away from my location, grazing urgently at the grass beneath their delicately prancing hooves in their hunger, and as of yet, unaware of my predatory presence so close to their peaceful midst.
It would be so easy… If I just launch and run stealthily to the southeast of where I am now perched, squatting on a sturdy pine tree branch, then I will surely catch up to them and be able to quench my thirst, all before any of them has the opportunity to flee. I am sure.
It would be quick and lethal, primordial. Uncalculating, with only my instincts spurring me into action and allowing me to feast, bask in the moment, and the prime animalistic nature of it all -the anticipation of the hunt.
Only, this hunter is looking, searching, and hoping for another kind of heartbeat. Stronger, wetter, and much, much more fragile and appealing to its taste buds than that of a deer's, which he cannot seem to place in this blasted green and brown infested vicinity. But it knows he isn't allowed to go seeking after its preferred pumping beat….
Human… Just this once… it breathes weakly, pleadingly and eagerly, and hopeful, like it always does during these moments. Like the olden days of savagery and galore… glorious conquests… the tang of FEAR that lingers teasingly on the tongue… Glorious…
Even though it knows that his needs will not be taken into account, it cannot give up his pleads without trying, once again. That's our one common denominator, in a sense, and what makes our coexistence bearable.
My fingers are knuckle deep into the pine tree's trunk, supporting the weight of my somewhat diagonal pose, and sinking deeper into the bark as I listen, intently and attentively, to the convening lullaby of my thirst. Needing and wanting for a taste of that fiery-liquid song, which streams lethargically through the canals of arteries and veins like a plentiful river, but stubbornly abstain.
Thu-thump, thud-thu-thump, thud-thump, thu-thud-thump… The hypnotic melody entices, causing my venom to pool and inundate in the cavern of my mouth with the oppressing need andmy entire body coils and tenses in anticipation.
My tens limbs wait for me to allow myself a chance to spring into motion with a trickle of burning, lingering eagerness that flames up from the coccyx's of my vertebra throughout the length of my spine, trying to reach and cloud my judgment. It wants to take over and push me aside.
There is nothing to lose, I think, trying to appease my mind and morbidly add, only myself.
Not ready to yield my control, I fight against instinct and try to not give into my demon's persuasive pleas. Instead, I decide to distract myself by arguing with it verbally.
I've come too far to slip up now, I scowl, letting my demon know that I am not up for entertaining its shenanigans at present time. I -we- can't disappoint her now…
How do you know she'll be disappointed? It argues hoarsely. And prodding weakly into the forefront of my mind, pointedly indignant and exploited by my denial, just as weakly ads, Isabella knows and accepts our nature, what we are. It pauses, savoring her name and the accompanying memory of her smell against its tongue, before continuing. She can't hold our source of sustenance against us…
Even if she can't, I can, I interject pointblank, dismissing his argument as if it I had never heard it in the first place, or at least try to. Though you make quite a morbid point…
JAS-
I shut my demon out. I do not want to hear, I no longer want to be influenced by anything or anyone, by it. Too long it has been, since I can feel any semblance of total control over what I do, feel, see, hear, and observe. Now it is my turn to be in absolute control.
I'm not about to give up on the chance to feel like I belong to myself, and myself alone, for once. Now that I have the rare opportunity to bask in how peaceful it feels, I cannot, not fight for control, even if it meant going against my stronger self, the demon in my view.
Knowing that it isn't every day that I get to not feel anything beside what I am supposed to feel because it belongs to me and me alone, I relish in the atypical occasion. There is nothing and no one here to taint my emotions, and I find cannot be more protective of this moment of opportunity, even if I try. Keeping that in mind, I launch into a swirling and soundless decent onto the untraded path of misty green grass, still holding onto clinging droplets of early morning dew.
Glancing up at the dancing leaves, I close my eyes and allow myself to feel as a torrential breeze rushes by, roughly greeting the gathered pines in passing and carries my scent along. Continuing to fleet onwards, the wind playfully stills and then, just as soon, rushes ahead, once again, in the direction of the once peaceful heard of deer, now fleeing thanks to its subtle warning.
As my demon roars in aggravation, I throw my head back and thank the wind and its inopportune appearance for the small respite it momentarily provides me with. Of course, now that my focus is captured by the immense blueness of the sky above, I am forced to admire it.
And not for the first time, I wonder why there is no rain, no bleakness, and no natural manifestation to simulate my darkest hours of absence of Isabella Swan. Even nature takes it upon itself to deride my pain, I can only assume. I sigh as my eyes scan more of the vast skies. Naturally, I catch sight of the sun next; luring me into observing the great shifting shadows it casts upon its vast dominion of swaying evergreen bellow.
Unable to further prolong the inevitable, I am pain strikingly reminded of the current time. Sixty-two hours and a half of absence of Bella… about another ten hours, until the time I will have the humbling privilege of catching a glimpse of her and her dark tresses catching and bellowing in the wind's playful nature, or her skin, translucent and radiant, under the unaffecting kisses of sunlight, and her molten chocolate eyes, which can destroy or restore me with one glance.
I am afraid to even ponder as to what they might reflect upon her return, what they might inevitably tell and inform me, and afraid that they might hold the key to my reluctant freedom. Whether they will be as sadden as I first saw them the second time I willingly returned to her side, or will they still hold in their depths that familiar kindle of mirth I have slowly witness giving birth within their dark vigor.
Growing amidst the nadir of her tortured abyss, slowly but surely, it began from the embers of her melancholy dwindling, still fervent and present at times, to form a brittle spark of contentment, which later turned into blazing joy. With growing force, I witnessed its nurturing fire smolder and grow during my days spent, anchored to Bella and her addicting warmth.
Like a moth to a flame, I stayed by her and fed the flames of her mirth any way imaginable, from jokes to simple gestures that were a little too risqué from someone like myself, who kept claiming to be just another, if unlikely, friendly vampire. Probably, I hadn't been trying to fool anyone but myself.
Trying to rid myself of these morose thoughts, I begin a lazy run in the direction of the departing hooves and their noisy prancing, in search of that hypnotic call without a sound in my step. Basking in the thrill of the hunt, coursing with tingling tendrils through the length of my moving body, I allow the anticipation to build and guide me. An exhilarating leap that has me soaring above the peak of some pine trees later and I taste the venom flooding my mouth and burn down my throat as I swallow it.
Even though my thirst is at its most scorching peak, demanding to be quenched with its painful blare burning up the column of my esophagus, I feel rather reluctant to give in and let my demon do what it does best; hunt, kill, and devour. For once, I am willing to share in the moment and do it together, alongside my demon.
Together, my demon accepts and I am surprised to find that it almost sounds pleased despite its obvious defeat.
Together…
Once again, I'm leaping and soaring, moving my feet faster and faster, until they are practically soundlessly gliding over the cool grass, still damp with the clinging drops of dew, and everything around me is but a blur of brown and green in the peripheral of my focused vision. Except, this time, as I tense the muscles of my legs for another leap, I startle myself as a plea of exhilarated laughter tears from my throat and ricochets all around me and causes a flock of birds to caw angrily at the disturbance and flee.
Oops… there goes my meal, I chuckle as I hear them trying to flee and escape from the oppression of my incoming intrusion, now not so silent than before. Feeling reckless and with not a care, I throw my head back again and laugh out loud. Bella's coming back, she's on her way home!
At last… HOME is coming to us.
…
By the time my demon and I finish fully gorging ourselves in the exhilaration of the hunt and its reward, the blood, five hours and forty-two minutes have eclipse us by in the time that it took us to track down the heard and feed, after some liberating fun.
Now we were retracing our titillating trail back to Forks, Washington. Apparently, I had gone quite off track, heading nowhere in particular, fast, when I'd set out for a bite in my state of… Well, I had been freaking out, what can I say? To say that I'm a little ashamed is stretching the truth quite thin.
Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to Bella's return but I know that if she sees me in the state that I'm in right now, looking like a crazed nomad, it wouldn't bode well for either of us. Especially if she comes dragging Edward in tow by the hand close behind her. Just the thought makes my chest and heart contrite! And then, what if-
Don't, don't think it! my demon admonishes and pleads. Grateful, I relent.
I want to be near her… feel her skin, run my hair through the dark river of her tresses, and taste her nearness in my tongue…
To be tempted by the caret rivers of her rushing veins… and those titivating pools of blood that seem to take permanent residence on her soft, delicate cheeks… to feel the burn, want, need, desire, longing, and protectiveness only she can summon…
Feel her warmth under my fingertips and against my body… witness the effect my frosted fingertips, warming over her skin, evoke from her skin, hyperaware of our clashing temperature, sweet torture, as it puckers and brailles under my vacillating, unsure caresses…
Fighting against the role of Death bringer and the need to allow her to live through yet another midnight silver moon, so that we can be in awe of her writhing bodice under its illumination, fighting nightmares that I can only hope I star in…
Her comforting hands caressing and reassuring on either side of my face… her wide, doe eyes, open and trusting, a smile curving the twin corners of her mouth letting me know that there's no way I can ever hurt her…
To hear her voice… a whisper made up of water and smoke, a breathtaking thief, that is always accompanied by the sound of that stuttering heartbeat, like hummingbird fluttering wings…
Receive the searing, electrifying shock at the feel of her lips upon my cheek or brow and desiring that her lips may stray to, at least, the corner of my mouth…
The sound of her moan when she's pleased…
The sound of her content moan when the calming, warm tendrils of her shower relax her muscles and she lathers her body with whatever it is that makes her scent that much more maddening, intoxicating, and tempting… Yeah, just water…
Her blood…
Her beating heart…
Ours beats for her…
It does…
I sigh longingly and my body momentarily trembles with that same longing as a breeze catches on to my blond, slight curls with engaging eagerness, as if prompting me onwards. With a slight frown, I obey the silent beckon.
Another five hours… I think, coming to a screeching halt and digging my barefooted heels in the dirt as I unceremoniously trample on the grass beneath my feet. We sigh, as the realization hits us and we become ruefully aware of the fact that there are, still,another five hours to endure…
We should have gone with her, it bemoans.
You know we couldn't have, I remind it, we have been banned by the Volturi from ever again setting foot in Volterra, in Italy, period.
Oh, that matter… my demon mutters mockingly. That was ages ago, they've probably forgotten all about us by now…
Remember now? I sigh in frustration, It was your doing, thanks to your blunder. Anyway, the Volturi certainly never forgives, or forgets.
Quick to point fingers, aren't we? it says with snide. If I remember correctly, and I always do, you were there too…
That's beside the point, I point out, after all, there's very little you can do without me. Oh, no, wait. There's nothing you can do without me.
Fine! It actually pouts and grumbles, Rub it in Jasper… it's not like I want to need you…
Fine, I placate, it was all for Maria… when we still thought she might actually love us.
My demon snorts and hisses, You never did let me kill the bitch.
Even you have regrets… I whisper delicately. Surprisingly, I feel a brush of vulnerability from my demon that fades as soon as I sense it. That's why we couldn't go and accompany her, why it never occurred to us to go with her.
The Volturi simply fears us, it argues, annoyed with my unwillingness to go against the Volturi mandate for the sake of the one we love and happy to have something to be angry about that doesn't involve feeling vulnerable. They fear our strength and power… they know and have seen what we've done and accomplished, together. My demon furiously and savagely snarls, They wouldn't even severe our head, we are too valuable to them, indispensable. There's nothing we need to fear for!
I fear for Isabella, I quietly reflect and my thoughts sober my demon up instantly, causing its mood to become solemn. I frown, for the first time eager and impatient to hear its thoughts. So eager, in fact, that when the silence stretches too long, I want to speak up again and ask or demand for an answer… Instead, I search for a surge of patience and hold on to it, waiting for it to be ready and supply me willingly with the answers that will satiate my curiosity.
You are right… I'm surprised by its sudden admittance, when the answers are finally provided. Don't act so surprised, it berates and I cringe, by now you should understand this, we are one and as one I love, care for, and die for what or, in this case, who you love… Isabella...
Isabella, I agree, smiling ruefully as I dare and utter her name out loud, "Isabella."
Each syllable and consonant of her name feels like a caress against my savoring tongue. Just then, I am aware of the fact that I have miss saying her name out loud. I have miss calling for her. Suddenly growing impatient with time's crawling passage, I dare glance at my watch.
"Four hours!" I groan loudly and something, or rather, someone behind me rustles out from between the overgrown branches and close knitted woods. Calmly, I turn and I'm eye level with a heaving, wet smelling, and warm chest of russet pelt.
My eyes travel the width and length of the massive chest until I'm met with rather intelligent black eyes for a brute animal and that's when it hits me, Jacob Black. Bella's best friend, male best friend, Jake, and one of the resident shifting werewolves of the off limits La Push reservation with a mutant growth spurt. I knew something was stinking up the air… I sigh.
That small and unconscious reminder alone helps me remind me that I must keep the beastly mutt alive and not damage him in any form or manner, unlike last time while he was still human. At least, until Bella gets back and I can talk her into allowing me to vent my pent up anger and aggravation on her bestie, with the very false promise of compromising to try and be civil.
Since I can't lie straight to her face with the promise of trying to become "friends" of all things, that's such a big lie I can't even bring myself to believe. The mutant beast above me growls as it sniffs me and his snout draws back in distaste, revealing dangerous looking canines. Returning the courtesy, I look at Jake with contempt.
"Don't worry mutt," I tell him, rolling my eyes, "I don't like your brand of cologne either." For emphasis, I scrunch up my nose as I take a hesitant sniff. Jake huffs and rolls his eyes. However, when I do, I'm forced to take a step back from the concentrated stink now muddling up my thoughts of Bella. "Man, what do you eat for breakfast?" I protest, "Stink bombs?"
The sadistic beast actually has the audacity to look and sound like he's laughing, or barking a laugh, I should say. I smirk or maybe grimace. And next thing I know, there's a six foot something, taller than I, naked teenager standing in front of me.
While Jacob puts on his pants and looks anywhere around us but at me, I avert my eyes and give him some privacy. Though I want to, I keep the snide comment about how he's actually the one that decided to shift back in front of me rather than, let's say, going behind a tree, which they are in abundance, and coming back to talk or whatever after he's decent.
Therefore, I am the one who should be having the right of passage to look remotely embarrassed, not him, if anything. But, sometimes I'm nice and benevolent to mutts and people alike, and besides, I figured the situation was awkward enough without my snide help, so I let it be.
"So, aren't there supposed to be some treaty lines in effect or something?" I ask offhandedly, for something to say before my own thoughts about Bella took me from the here and now. "Not that I'm not happy to see you…" I add sarcastically.
Jake snorts. "They are," he admits, shrugging, "And I would be following them if we were still within the limits… since we are not… it's a free for all!" His smile widens, almost a smirk now, and his eyebrows rise up to his hairline, a small challenge shining through his black eyes.
I ignore it. "Right." Jake relaxes slightly and I scratch the nape of my neck, looking around and trying to figure out where the hell we are. "Where exactly are we?" I'm really out of it.
"South, heading north, if you want to be heading to Forks," Jake answers slowly, uncertainly. I nod, answering his question and asking for him to go on as my golden eyes meet his black ones again. Yes, he's wearing pants, but no shirt. "We're nearing the Olympic National Park in about another…" he takes a moment and sniffs the air before adding, "one hundred and twelve miles." I nod slowly in thanks, making quick calculations as to how long it might take me to get back home before Bella does when-
"Can I ask a question of my own?" Sharply, I meet Jacob's eyes but he doesn't flinch, he has a determined look on his face. Reluctantly and a little resigned, I nod. Let him have his question, it'll be my way of repayment. Jake sighs, relieved, and asks, "What's going on with Bella, why did she leave with that other bloodsucker, and where was she going with her?"
"First of all," I gritted out, trying to contain the fury brought on by Jacob's casual use of Bella's name, "that's three questions. Not one." I breathe in deeply and continue, "Second, is that any of your concern?"
My words are biting and so is my stance, and the look in my eyes can't be anything short of murderous. So how is it that Jacob is still standing before me, looking solemn of all things? As I get a probing of his feelings, I understand; comradeship. For a moment, I'm so confused as to what brought up this particular emotion in him that all I can do is tremble with fury and questions.
"You too…" he finally whispers and my eyes widen several times as understanding spreads through me like a balm, because, suddenly, I'm no longer shaking. Instead, I'm looking for answers in the eyes of someone that I never would have imagined could hold any.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," I mutter shakily through trembling lips and try to pass it for a dry laugh, only, it's too painful to keep up the pretense.
"You love her," he grimaces and, as if he needs to, clarifies, "Bella." Jake laughs dryly and swallows thickly as if all the water has suddenly evaporated from his body, leaving him on the verge of dehydration.
"And if I do?" I scowl, trying not to flinch at the sound of her name in the lips of another man. "How's that any of your business, mutt?" The mutt in question flinches at my vehemence, but otherwise, doesn't seem affected.
"It isn't," he admits and flinches, saying, "I just understand how you feel… hopeless but unable to give up hope."
For a moment, his words resonate so deep and true within me that I can't do anything but stare and glare between his twin orbs of sorrowful onyx. Hating the truth behind his words I reach out to him, hoping to catch the deceit I couldn't hear in his voice through his emotions. Emotions can't lie.
What I find there further annoys me, because I can feel that he honestly believes that he does understand and for that fact, I don't lash out at him. I bite my tongue and swallow the bile of venom trying to lurch out my mouth along with all the things I want to tell him, just to prove and let him know the many ways that we are nothing alike. Instead, I continue to silently tremble in place because no matter how much I deny it, he does, to some extent, understand.
Strangely enough, my demon is leaving me all alone to handle this one, his emotions passive and serine from within, basically, everything that I'm not right now. Once again, I detest my demon but by now, after those three mutilating days, in which only its consciousnesskept me grounded and sane to some degree, I embrace the opposite poles of our strange correlation.
As this thought occurs to me, my demon stirs within and I feel him whisper something that I can't quite make out but it feels like a hugging caress and sounds like an old promise made. Sounds like, "I promised."
"You are so young, Jacob," I whisper and my voice is a strangled cry that stretches out and grabs on to him, momentarily panicking before I see the tears I want to shed rolling down his cheeks. "Thank you…" I show my gratitude and feel his confusion trying to override everything I'm imposing on him as I continue to cry. "Thank you for crying the tears I can't," I clarify as I cry my dry tears.
I'm really losing it now, I contemplate dejectedly, crying alongside my enemy… But strangely enough, I feel no embarrassment or regret to be unwillingly sharing this moment with the mutt, with Jacob Black, Bella's best friend. For the first time, I think that I understand why Bella keeps him around, not that I'll ever admit it to anyone…
"Wha-what is this?" Jacob asks, trembling alongside me as my uncontrollable sobs rakes his and my body and not understanding the reason behind his sudden, unnatural weight of foreign sorrow.
"My sorrow," I tell him and I'm surprised that I'm being honest without further explaining and that he somehow manages to understand.
"Is this, like, your… power?" Jake asks, feeling like the word power might not be quite right for the phenomenon he is experiencing but figuring it is the best he can come up with, given the situation. "I've heard the tales… do all of you-"
"Yes," I answer quietly and add, "No. I'm the only one I've ever met with this rare… gift?"
He nods and I suddenly realize that I'm willingly giving the enemy vital information that no matter how they try can never be used against me. I don't care. Somehow, in the short time we've been forced into this situation, I've managed to esteem the mutt up to be someone who doesn't like to play dirty.
He should be honored, my demon sneers and I fight to keep my eyes from rolling, lest I look like a crazed Vampire who's lost his marbles. Marbles, my demon snorts, chuckling.
"I'm sorry," Jake interrupts, effectively providing me with the distraction I needed before I ended up laughing, "but do you think you can, you know, stop?" I try. "Your sorrow feels… old?" Jake gives me an apologetic smile and I can't help it, I laugh out loud.
"I'm sorry…" Of course, a moment later, Jake is laughing with me, still under the influence of my projection. "Decades to practice and I still need more practice," I explain as my laughter dies down. "That would explain why it feels," I snort at the absurdity, "old."
Jacob snickers, smirking. "I meant no disrespect, honest!"
There's a long moment of comfortable, amiable silence that ensues and I take a moment to gather my thoughts and control as we continue to walk north, in the direction of Forks. Slowly, as I walk and Jake keeps pace with me, his enemy and Vampire, I contemplate about how much to tell Jacob, in regard to Bella's disappearance. Figuring that he's going to find out about it all later, anyway, I decide on everything that applies to Bella, no Volturi.
More calmly now, I answer his questions, "She went to rescue Edward from his suicide mission in Volterra, Tuscany Italy." Pausing to see if the mutt is still following, I meet his eyes and they are wide with horror and shock, and further explain, "The person you spoke to on the phone that time was Edward, he thought that…"
Instantly I feel the slam of recognition, followed by a pang of guilt in quick succession. Then, with a big gulp that makes it look like he's swallowing against sandpaper, he attempts to finish my sentence, since it is obvious I can't bring myself to finish it.
"It was Bella's," he chokes on the unthinkable word before trying again and in a hush says, "funeral?" I nod; Jacob goes pale and buries his face in his big hands, more of that gnawing guilt eating him from the inside. "It's my fault…" he bemoans. This time, I'm kind and don't nod, his guilt is enough. "You think…" I know he's about to say something unthinkable and prepare myself as best I can as he adds, "she'll come back alive?"
His question is like a punch to the gut that manages to take a fist of it before coming back for more. Previously, my demon and I, we hadn't dared think of the possibility of Bella not coming back alive, the idea to horrible to entertain. As far as we got was imagining her returning with a broken leg on a cast and a few bruises, things that we'd already witness her enduring through her experience with James…
No matter how I prepared myself to hear it, it still hurts… so much that I'm projecting again and Jake yelps and groans under the weight of its oppression before I manage to throw and apologetic glance his way and breathlessly answer;
"She has to…" Jake nods, head still bowed and eyes now closed as if in a silent prayer that I managed to add a silent Amen to when I saw his dilated eyes burst open and glance my way with a crazed and desperate flare pouring from much as I need Bella to return to me safe and sound, Jake just wants her to return home breathing and alive. Again, like a prayer, I repeat, "She has to…"
There's no conviction there, and still, Jake nods, wanting to believe my words even though he doesn't know the worse of it… the Volturi… But I won't tell him, I need for him to hold on to the hope I feel going down in embers within me.
Or I'll go kill her myself, my demon adds, wide-eyed, unable to keep his horror at the very idea hidden from me.
…
Blinking rapidly, I stare at my phone and at the message that I've been reading for the past… according to the digital clock on the mobile device, hour, and try to process what they mean… What the hell is Peter thinking? I wander for the, I've lost count, in an hour.
Actually, I've been standing inside Bella's closed closet for about an hour and a half now. The first half hour was spent staring at my phone like it was Pandora's box when I first spied Peter's two texts on my inbox, ominously titled, Vestiges, along with a missed call from Emmett and chose the cowardly way out and called Emmett instead.
However, as it often happens with missed calls, I didn't get Emmett on the phone so I forced to once again ponder about what to do with my Pandora's box, open it and spread the evil onto the earth with only hope left, or never open it and avoid the catastrophes.
Even though it was half an hour later, curiosity did kill the cat and I had had no other choice but to give in and open the damned thing, which kept me frozen like a Greek statue for the next hour after that and still, Emmett wouldn't call back... I'll make him pay next time I see him, I thought maliciously.
Now, finally I was regaining eyelid movement. Hence, the blinking… and my voice, vowel movements are working too, judging by the hiss whistling right between my tight lips.
With a heavy sigh, I glanced at the lit up screen and reread what I had reread for the past hour one more time, Peter's and Charlotte's ominous texts;
Brash as ever Major?
Need a wingman? Call Peter!
(My number is on the sender box!) ;]
STUPID ASS MAJOR!
(That's Lottie, not me, mind you.)
…
If you need help, stop jerking off
and FUCKING call a brother, Major.
We're on our way DUMBASS Major! (Lottie)
…
Groaning, I dragged a rough hand across the length of my face. What does Peter, with his knack for knowing crazy and random shit, know now? Clearly, I have no if the crazy shit knew what I was thinking, my phone buzzed in my pocket and upon inspection, it revealed it was another text from Peter. Scowling, I opened it;
NO 'EFFIN' IDEA!
Stop sweating the MINOR details
DUMBASS MAJOR (Lottie)
Still Love You (TOTALLY Lottie) ;]
…
These two will have me in a nutshell by the time they get here if I don't get some answers right this minute… I can just picture Peter rolling his eyes at me and the imagery makes me smirk slightly. And of course he would fit this into the minor details category, figures, so like Peter to do. The little shit, I think affectionally, I love you too, moron.
Deciding that I was too riled up to text at the moment, still inside Bella's closet, I sank to the floor with a heaving sigh. I will deal with this shit later, I promised myself. For now, there's still another forty-five minutes…
…
Forty-Five Minutes Later…
There's something wrong with me, I figured. My daydreaming and hallucinations were now getting the better of me, I understood and recognized. Because there were still another fifteen minutes left before Bella is due to arrive and here she is before me, smiling and crying at the same time, like a crazed person, and calling my name, which sounds amazing coming from her fake lips… which strangely enough feel so real when she leans forward and kisses my brow.
I frown and feeling slightly crossed eye, stare intently at the fake Bella before looking around the room, because I had moved to her bed five minutes ago, and that's when Bella's hallucination decides to take me by surprise and hug me… it's so warm I barely manage to moan in pleasure… Again, I frown.
"Jasper!" the hallucination cries, "I'm here! Jasper!" And her hands are on either side of my face, warming me up and making my heart ache… if only she were truly here… Then, the most curious thing happens… her palm in on my heart and I can't have that. My heart doesn't belong to some hallucination, it belongs to the real Bella Swan, the one that arrives in another ten minutes…
Faster than a mere hallucination can blink, I grab it by the throat and plan on making it disappear by slamming it against the wall when I realize something else… I can touch and feel the warmth of a hallucination and it gets realistically startled, enough for me to emotionally feel it?
Before the head and body of the hallucination can slam against the wall, I cradle it, keeping it from harm and my grip against her throat slackens while my body flushes against the hallucination that refuses to disappear. She's now breathing easier, but shallow, and her heart is pounding almost too real and erratic in my ears.
Wanting to see if the hallucinations eye bare some semblance to the eyes of my Bella, I crane my neck and stare into the twin pools of chocolate that still trail tears, though drying ones now. They look exactly like hers and I want her to vanish, I need the real Bella, not this conjured up semblance of my imagination. Even though she's a hallucination, I can't bring myself to hurt her, to hurt Bella, so I can't say the words that will vanish her for fear that the hurt in her eyes will be similar to Bella's.
Instead, body slightly quivering; I decide to test something else… her warmth. This hallucination is wearing skin painted jeans, that's how tight they seem in my eyes, so I allow my hands to deftly find the backs of either side of her knees and push her further up against the wall until I'm breathing her warm breath and our foreheads are touching.
Like this new position entitles, the hallucinations legs wrap around the small of my back and my center and hers are aligned. I take a shuddering breath to try and remind myself that this isn't Bella, because the real one, I couldn't do this with the real one. Too real, too real, too… impossible… There's still another five minutes before she arrives.
Still, she feels so warm that my fingers can't help but skim over her warmth reverently, from the outside of her thighs, slowly past her waist, vacillate over the swell of her puckering breasts, and finally admire the column of her neck as she whispers my name with the imitation of her voice.
Now, because I want and need to know, I bury my face in the crook of her neck and inhale her in. This is the final test; a hallucination can't possibly smell as good as the original, as authentic. Once again, this hallucination dares to prove me wrong so I can't do anything but ask;
"Must you torture me so?" It is but a plead, which I pour into the depths her doe eyes, too similar to hers to actually be possible, and effectively heartbreaking. "I just want the real Bella back…" I bemoan and like the crumbling man I am, I begin to quiver and expect little bits and pieces of me to fall but they remain, and that's when the hallucination startles me with her laugh.
"Jasper," she breathes, catching her breath between chuckles and I shiver as she adds, "I am the real Bella!"
I scrutinize her features for a moment and my eyes go to the open door and I find myself frowning as I almost cannot dear to hope, a moment ago, that door hadn't been open… I glance back at the woman, literally, trapped between the wall and me in wonder… Can I dare to hope?
Yes, my demon urges, eager to find out if this could be it, finally it. She's back? It isn't certain but neither am I…
"I found… you?" I finally manage to choke out, fearing that this is naught but a dream…
But the warm woman, still flush against my winter gives a nod of confirmation as she bites her lower lip, trying not to laugh at, probably, the stupid and astounded look on my face.
Without further preamble, I hug her closer, almost too close, close enough to break her, and burying my face at her neck I inhale her in, deeply, and my lips brush against her warm column as I whisper, "Bella… I can't believe I've finally found you…"
…
…
A/N: Tata! The end! For now, I mean… don't freak out on me, I wouldn't be that mean... *smirk*
So, guys, this is the end of the next chapter. I hope it's been as enjoyable as the previous ones. What are your thoughts and opinions on what you want and hope to see happen next chapter? You can let me know by reviewing or personally PMing me, and I will e-mail you a teaser for the next chapter for your time and troubles.
On another note, I would like to let all of you that I am slowly going back to the beginning and revising every chapter I have written for this story and editing it. Meaning, I might have added a few sentences here and there, while correcting spelling, putting periods, commas, semicolons, and the like where they belong, fixing run in sentences, and minor errors of the like. Or in some cases, added some uncut material that didn't make it, for some reason, the last time I first posted the story.
In general, I am embellishing this story in order to make it that much more enjoyable and hopefully some of you will love to go back to the beginning and checking out those long ago chapter that have lead us to this point. Kind of nostalgic, huh? Anyway, I've edited Chapters 1 through 3 and I'm currently working on Chapter 4.
Okay! Enough of this long Author's Note… All I want to say is, you guys are AMAZING and thank you for being patient with me and sticking with me through this four years (for those of you who this applies to, of course) and for the newer people, is I haven't said it yet; Welcome to the Memoirs of Her Scent lethargic rollercoaster!
Thank you for reading!
Sincerely,
Amaterasu Kinesi