I don't own TMNT or UY.

Xxxxx

I felt terrible. I knew it wasn't my fault but I still felt responsible for the botched infiltration mission three days ago. I should have read over the files I'd acquired from Bishop's computer more thoroughly! I should have tried grabbing some info about the base itself and not those idiotic meeting minutes and files on the men in Bishop's employment! I should have made sure I understood Bishop's labelling on his specimens properly! Why didn't I do my research? Why did I dive head-first before I was sure I understood the entire situation? I knew I wasn't solely to blame and that every-one had been anxious to move in and rescue Jotaro and that no-one held me accountable for what happened, but I still felt guilty. The whole mission had been a disaster. The only saving grace was that no-one had been hurt which in itself was a miracle.

I just hoped Leo wasn't blaming himself for all this. Normally it was very easy to tell when Leo was trying to carry the weight of responsibility all by himself, but if he was, it was masked by his concern for Usagi.

Man... if there was one person I felt worse for than Leo it was Usagi. He'd been putting all his hopes on rescuing his son that night, having believed all this time that even if he couldn't see him, he at least knew where Jotaro was. Now all that hope had been ripped to pieces and he was right back to where he started when he'd first jumped into the blue-suited guy's portal. Everything we'd done so far, everything we thought we'd achieved, it all turned out to be for nothing. My God, I don't know how he was even still able to stand! Myself, I felt like getting into bed and just never getting up again until the world decided to sort itself out on its own.

The night we got back Master Splinter had greeted as at the lair entrance. When he saw us enter with no child-rabbit in tow he'd turned to give Leo a confused, almost horror-struck expression. I had no doubt he'd expected the worst in that moment. Leo had merely shaken his head as an answer to the silent question, saying 'We've had a bad day, father'. After that Leo and Usagi had spoken to our Sensei in private, recounting the entire misadventure to him. Raph had paced the main room for a while and I expected him to go the dojo to do some damage, but surprisingly he didn't. Instead he'd sat himself down on the couch next to Mikey.

Mike had sat down the minute we'd gotten home and had stayed there, hugging his legs against his chest. A typical Mikey sign that he was very distressed. Raph had sat down beside him where he proceeded to fume quietly. I hadn't stuck around to watch them. I went to my room, threw down my duffle-bag and collapsed into the chair at my desk. I wasn't sure how long I sat there with my face in my hands before I climbed into my bunk and curled up, trying to force myself to sleep and forget the expression on Usagi's face when he'd gotten into the Battle-Shell.

That was three days ago. Needless to say the lair had not exactly been the cheeriest place to be in for a while. They whole thing had hit us all pretty hard. Usagi had grown very quiet, rarely saying anything when we were together in a group, but then again none of us have been very talkative anyway. I knew he and Leo were talking in private with each other but I wasn't privy to their conversations, nor did I feel I had any right to ask what they spoke about. Master Splinter was also having some private discussions with the samurai without Leo, again I had no idea what they said to each other.

When Leo wasn't with Usagi he was in the dojo, practising his katas and his sword-work. He had that super-focused demeanour about him that said a storm was brewing in the back of his mind and that he was conditioning himself for whatever is to come. Sometimes Usagi would join him and they'd have a friendly sparring match. I found myself going to watch when I heard their swords. Somehow watching them relieve their own stress made me feel a little less tense myself, although not by much.

Raph was a being a bit insufferable. Any time he found the dojo empty he went about beating the living daylights out of his punching-bag. When he wasn't slamming his fists against something he was either brooding darkly to himself or he was making snippet remarks to whoever was in the room with him. Never enough for a fight to break out but just enough to ruin the mood. He was really bad the first day after the mission but he seemed to ease up a little as time went by. Oh sure he was still being a giant jerk whenever he could but I noticed him slowly give the rest of us a break and calm down. I also couldn't help but notice that although he was being snappy and aggressive, not once did he say anything out of place to Usagi. I silently commended him on that.

I was also glad that he and Leo weren't blowing up at each other. The furthest either of them went was to have short, frivolous arguments over small, everyday things. It never got out of control though and they both did their best not to start ripping into each other. I was very relieved. I honestly don't think I could handle another Leo and Raph fight right now.

Mikey was also taking it easy but, there it didn't feel as comforting to me. He was cutting back with his pranks and jokes but then he'd been doing so for a while now. At first I thought perhaps he was just moody because he was sore from his fight, but as the days passed he didn't cheer up again, in fact quite the opposite. He became quieter and quieter up to the point where when he did say something I was always jolted, surprised to see him in the room. It bother me. A lot. I didn't know what to do though. I figured his depression stemmed from the failed mission and to be honest, I didn't feel any better about the situation myself. I had no idea how to start cheering him up when I myself felt like my insides were eating each other. Besides... cheering people up is, ironically, what Mikey is best at. Not me. I didn't have a talent for it the way he did. I wanted to tell Leo to perhaps try and talk to him about it but Leo was trying to handle so much I didn't want to burden him with this as well. Raph was no good, he was still too irritated and moody. That only left Master Splinter, and Sensei was devoting his time to Usagi. I was hoping a few days recuperation would make my little brother feel better and he'd soon start annoying us again and we'll actually miss this short period where he didn't say much. Until then, I would make an effort to be extra nice to him. I know, it sounds lame. But what else could I do?

I was in no condition to try and cheer people up anyway. I was downright miserable.

I stared at the computer screen in front of me. The info I'd stolen from Bishop's computer during the botched mission flickered silently along with the info I'd acquired via turtle-bot, like it was taunting me. A map of New York with the second, larger base marked with a red dot cast its glow down on me as I rested my chin on my crossed arms, staring at the info blankly. A column of text lay beside the map window, relaying information on the basics of the base.

It was a lot tighter security wise, a lot more formal looking than a mere disguised office building and had a lot more man-power inside it. From what I had been able to figure out, re-reading Bishop's info over and over again, was that the base we'd infiltrated was in fact a sort of side-branch to this larger one. The one we'd entered focused on smaller, less important projects regarding alien visitation and reverse-engineering of basic weapons and ships and other things I wasn't able to get clear data on. It was also where Bishop handled his human resources, that is having meetings with other government officials in person as well as contacts and scientists in his employment. That explained why we had seen him meeting the blue-suited man there that night. The larger base was where Bishop was conducting his more costly projects that needed more space. This second base was not meant to be open to any-one besides people working directly for Bishop himself. It also happened to house the larger containment area where Bishop kept most of his specimens.

I groaned and hid my face in my arms. I was getting a headache. When was the last time I'd gotten a full night's sleep? I can't even remember any more. I'd been devoting so much time reading these files over and over again, writing down any facts I thought could be useful, trying to envision how the second base could be laid-out comparative to the base we'd infiltrated, what kind of computer programs or mechanics I may be able to whip up to help us when we try taking on this bigger, much more dangerous place. It all swam around me, overwhelming me as fatigue and guilt weighed me down. I felt sick.

I lifted my head, checking the time on my computer. It was just about half-past five in the morning. I sighed, getting stiffly out of my chair. I needed some food and a bit of a break before I tried tackling this again.

I left my lab, walking quietly down the hallway for the kitchen, making sure not to wake the others. I walked into the kitchen and clicked on the light, heading for the kettle before switching it on. I opened the cupboard for a mug. I placed it on the counter as I got the coffee and sugar. I went about making the drink silently, letting my mind blank.

"Ohayo" Came the polite greeting behind me.

I turned, blinking blearily to see Usagi walk into the kitchen.

"Oh, Good Morning." I replied, pouring the water into the mug.

Usagi may have been rather quiet lately, but I was relieved to see he wasn't looking necessarily bad. He was taking care of himself, eating, and apparently getting at least enough sleep to prevent from getting sick. He still looked very tired and drained though, and it was obvious all of this was really taking it's toll. But despite it he was carrying on and not caving under all the misfortune we've had. I didn't know how he was managing it, but I decided not to question it and just be grateful for his survival instincts.

He walked to the fridge and opened it, looking around inside before removing the milk. He closed the door before he put the milk on the table. Somewhere in the back of my mind I found it amusing that he'd become so comfortable in our modern kitchen. Well, relatively comfortable at least.

I focused on my coffee, stirring it quietly.

"Did you sleep at all Donatello-san?" I heard him ask.

I turned to look at him.

He was staring at me quietly. I could see soft concern on his face.

I sighed. "Not really. I just... I wanna make sure we know everything before we make our next move this time. I've been going over those files from Bishop, making sure I haven't missed anything."

He said nothing, staring at me thoughtfully.

I put my mug down and went to get the cereal. "I'm sure after our little screw-up Bishop's aware of our involvement and has some sort of nasty surprise waiting for us if we try something again. On top of this I'm trying to figure out the best and fastest way for us to break in so that we can get Jotaro out of there. I wanna be one hundred percent sure of all my information before I even think of taking a step further and-"

"Donatello-san. Stop." He interrupted me.

I turned away from the cupboard to stare at him, confused.

He frowned at me lightly. "Donatello-san, you cannot carry on at this pace. You are starting to look ill."

I blinked at him, taken aback by this. I sunk as I removed the cereal and came to the table to put it down.

"The whole bonehead plan was based on my information and what I was able to find out from Bishop's files. If I hadn't been so impatient to get started and had just taken some extra time to figure things out I might've saved us this whole mess."

I turned to get some bowls. "I just... I don't wanna make the same mistake."

Usagi gave a sigh. "It is not your fault that they moved Jotaro-kun to another location. You cannot blame yourself for this."

I felt my shoulders tense but I turned and came back to the table with the bowls, putting them down in their appropriate places.

"I was the one who'd told you we'd have him out of Bishop's hands and back here once we got in that base. I let you down." I shook my head. "I just can't believe how stupid I was! I should've made sure we were making the right move! Instead here we are with nothing to show for it but a giant fiasco! And after I'd been so arrogant to promise you it would be alright I-" I misjudged how I was putting down one of the bowls and it fell from my hands, hitting the floor and breaking.

"Dammit!"

I knelt down and started picking up the shards, but my hands were shaking a little, making it harder than it should be.

I heard Usagi's chair scrape against the floor as he got up before I saw his tabi socks round the table before he came into view in front of me. He crouched down and started helping me pick up the shattered porcelain.

"Donatello-san." He said as he worked. "Your devotion is very commendable, but if you continue on like this... your own desire to succeed will be the very thing that cripples you."

I pulled a face, keeping my eyes on the broken bowl. "Yeah but... I've gotta do something."

"Why?" Usagi raised his eyes to look at me. "Why is it so important that you alone do something?"

I looked up to face him. "'why'?! Because you guys were counting on me! I.. I let every-one down!" I sank, staring at the broken pieces in my hands. "I let you down."

Usagi said nothing for a few moments and I didn't have the courage to look him in the eye.

He then gave a soft sigh. "I had thought you had more faith in me than that my friend."

Now I was thoroughly confused. I looked up just so I could frown at him.

He tilted his head at me. "You seem to be under the impression that I have been broken because of this setback." He shook his head lightly. "I did not know you underestimated me so greatly."

I goggled at him, sitting up straighter. "No not at all! I just... I meant that all this... I mean it was terrible! To have gotten so far and have it all smashed to bits like that! I didn't mean... I...."

I didn't know how to end my sentence.

Usagi smiled at me. A real smile, not a forced mask put on to comfort me. I could see it in his face.

"And yet we are all still here and unwounded, and we still have the knowledge that Jotaro-kun is alive."

I made a noise at this. "I guess so but.. ..it's not enough."

"That is why we prepare to do more." Usagi said.

"But that's what I've been doing!" I said desperately, looking up again.

"Hmmm." Usagi eyed me. "I am not so sure."

He got up, moving to throw the glass away. "You ponder over facts and logic, trying to formulate an answer from broken pieces of knowledge, hoping a simple solution will produce itself if you look for it hard enough. While doing so you exhaust yourself, tiring your mind and your spirit with both guilt and exhaustion."

He turned back to me. "Now is the time to gather ourselves up again before we strike. The time for self pity is past."

I stared at him from where I sat on the floor, the remaining glass still lying in my hands. I realised I was gaping at him and changed my expression.

"...But... I can't just sit around doing nothing."

He shook his head, coming back over and holding out his hand to help me up. "It is not doing 'nothing';"

I freed one of my hands, taking his and getting to my feet.

"It is persevering." He said, giving me a kind smile. "Sometimes, that is all we can do."

I pulled a slight face, not really sure how to handle this situation. Wasn't I suppose to be the one comforting him?

I looked him over again. He looked tired but then again so did I. I mean what was I expecting him to look like? Had I thought finding Jotaro was not where we thought he was would cause him to just give up and go home? Well no, of course not. But I admit, I had expected him to be thrown into despair by all this. Heck I know I was, just about. I mean I could see the setback had hurt him. How couldn't it? I just hadn't considered that he'd have the courage to keep going as strongly as he was. I guess I had been underestimating him. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting him to be super-powered and able to shrug off all the hard knocks and blows we received, but I'd forgotten he's no stranger to bad situations and dire circumstances. Heck he's probably seen more of them than I have! Besides he was right. We were all still ok and unhurt, and we knew that even if he wasn't where we thought he was, Jotaro was still alive.

I gave a long exhale. "Usagi, I gotta tell ya, I dunno how you're not going out of your mind."

The smile he had given me stayed as he turned back to the table.

"I have some good friends who are watching out for me." He said, sitting down. "They do more than they know..."

Xxxxx

*Mournful sigh* I struggled very hard with chapter 22 which I've just written. I haven't read over it yet but I don't know if it's any good at all. Lately my self confidence has been rock bottom in everything I do.

This chapter was difficult for more than one reason. On the one hand it was very hard to write the first half just because of the content. It was very emotionally draining (I guess that's a good thing?) On the other hand it was difficult because I didn't want Usagi to come across as a total Stu. Hopefully I've not crossed that line. The truth is I don't think this is very far fetched behaviour of him, but I don't think I have Stan Sakai's skill at pulling it off.