I don't own TMNT or UY.

I REALLY shouldn't be uploading this as I haven't finished chapter 25 yet... but seeing as I rewrote chapter 24 today as well as half of chapter 25, I felt it would be alright to break the rule this ONE TIME. But never again. Somtimes the only thing keeping me going is knowing I have a cool chapter already written but I can't upload it till the next one's done.

Also... I felt Raph deserved this chapter.

Xxxxx

I sat in silence, arms resting on my knees as I listened to the nothing in my room. I had heard voices outside for a while but they'd gone quiet by now. At some point Leo came to bang on my door, asking me to come out so he could hear what the hell just happened but I ignored him and eventually he went away. I wasn't mad at him or anything, I just really couldn't handle listening to goody goody Leo right now. I know he was freaking out, and it's not that I didn't care, but I just wanted to be selfish and focus on me and how I was feeling; and I was feeling like shit.

How the hell did I screw this one up? I thought things were going ok. I tried running the scene over in my head again to try and pin-point just where exactly I messed up but it was all still too fresh in my mind and I felt the whole event meshed together in a giant blur. Dammit. Probably would've been fine if I didn't fly off the handle, again. I didn't mean to I swear. Mikey had just really ticked me off when he wouldn't stop shoving me. I shouldn't have hit back though. Urgh! Why do I always do that?!

I sighed to myself. I shouldn't have tried talking to him. I mean yeah, some-one should have tried talking to him, but I shouldn't have tried doing it myself. I mean I keep saying it but I'm really not good with this kinda stuff. I know what I want to say but somehow what I want to say and what I actually say are always completely different things. It's like my tongue ain't connected to my brain right or something. It makes sense in my head but then when I try saying it out loud it just all goes to hell.

I mean heck; 'Mikey. You're hurt, you're sad and I'm very worried about you. Please talk to me.' That Ain't that hard is it?! Yet surprise surprise, I'd somehow found a way to mess it up and turn it into a scene. I just made things worse. Ain't no way Mikey's gonna tell any-body what's wrong now. And who do we have to thank for that? Yo, right here! Raphael Hamato! At your service!

Jackass.

I got up, my legs getting sore from sitting on the ground for so long. I pulled down my mask and rubbed my face roughly. Stupid wuss. Why you gotta be so quick to start blubbering?

I removed the bandanna and retied it around my face.

I don't think Mikey meant it. Oh sure some part of me knew he was just yelling whatever he knew would hurt me the most but at the same time... it hit a nerve. I mean I've done some pretty mean things to him in the past. Never 'cause I really wanted something bad to happen to him, but sometimes I'd just lose perspective and do something stupid, not really thinking about the consequences. The incident with the lead pipe comes to mind despite my efforts to stop it. But that's just one big thing, there's a million other tiny things that just build and build to form one giant shadow of mistakes leading all the way from when we were kids. Call it paranoia or insecurity or whatever the heck you like, but the point is hearing Mikey physically say something that I guess I'd secretly been afraid of really messed me up bad. It hurt.

I grumbled to myself thumping a fist against the wall half-heartedly. And of course I hadn't achieved a damn thing. I still had no clue what was bothering him. Heck I didn't even have the foggiest idea. He hadn't let slip anything, and now I'm gonna have to try explaining to Leo what happened and I'm gonna have to try sorting things out with Mike and Sensei will probably have me apologise to every-one formally for being an idiot. Ugh! Makes my head pound just thinking about it!

There was a knock at the door. I winced, turning to look at it but not answering. If it's Leo again he's just gonna hafta accept I really don't wanna hear him right now.

When I didn't answer the knocker spoke up. "Raphael? I know you are in there my son."

I gave a long, drawn out groan. Great, that's all I needed.

"Yeah." I answered, subconsciously crossing my arms.

The door opened and Master Splinter walked in, the light from the hallway flooding into the dark room. I didn't turn to look at him, knowing he was gonna give me his disappointed expression he only saved for when one of us royally screws up. I leaned my shell against the wall instead. I kinda wanted to say something but I had no idea where to start so I just kept quiet.

He came over to me but stopped a few feet or so away. He paused before he said anything.

"You appear to have calmed down."

"Don't be so sure." I said darkly, still unable to look at him. "...you here ta tan my hide?"

"No." His tone of voice was calm.

There was another pause in which I found myself turning to face him slightly. He was standing silently in front of me, his sharp eyes focused on me intensely. He didn't look mad though and I relaxed a tiny bit.

I looked away again when I asked my next question. "Mikey ok?"

Splinter gave a sigh. "He is still highly upset, but he will calm in due time. He is not injured."

I felt relieved but hid it. I didn't know why, maybe just to be defiant and not show how messed up I really felt.

I heard Splinter take a few step closer and I turned to him again. I saw him look me over slowly and carefully, not saying anything for a few moments.

"You are not hurt?" He asked carefully.

I gave my head a shake. "Nah."

He nodded but didn't look any more relaxed. "That is good."

I shifted my weight slightly. Master Splinter wasn't asking direct questions about what happened, but I could tell he was in no hurry to leave. He was trying to get me to say something on my own. Now sure I can try and belt up and just stay quiet, but I knew from experience he wasn't gonna leave till he knew what had happened and why. No point trying to act tough in front of him.

I shook my head again with a slight noise.

"Didn't mean for it to go down like that..." I mumbled as an apology.

Splinter blinked at me quietly. "What were you hoping for my son?"

I felt my mouth pull slightly. "I was tryin' ta talk to him. I wasn't even mad! I just..." I huffed, feeling frustrated. "I just wanted to talk."

Splinter nodded. "I see."

"I mean he's been actin' weird for days now!" I blurted out before I could stop myself. "He's been mopin' around and actin' like the world's comin' to an end and it's just been drivin' me crazy! I didn't mean for it ta blow up like it did, honest! I just thought maybe if I tried talkin' to him he'd tell me what was wrong and I could.. .." my sentence petered out pathetically. "I dunno.. I could.. do somethin'."

I gave an aggravated breath. "It ain't right. Him actin' like this."

Splinter said nothing for a few moments, letting me finish before he spoke again.

"You feel he is wrong behaving the way he is?" He asked.

I shook my head hurriedly at this. "Nah not like that. I mean.. sure he's kinda bein' a downer ta every-one else but that ain't it at all. I just.." I ran my hands back over my head. "He's just... this ain't him and it's drivin' me outta my mind 'cause I don't know what's wrong. I.." I hesitated, turning to face Master Splinter straight on. "I wanna help."

Splinter nodded again, but this time it was a nod of understanding. "Ah."

"He's drivin' me nuts Sensei, he really is." I said. "I just... I wanted ta talk to him." I finished lamely, crossing my arms again and glaring at the floor.

Master Splinter took the last remaining step forward and I felt a gentle hand placed on my arms.

"It is alright Raphael." I heard him say.

I shook my head, turning to look at him "But it ain't is it? All I did was manage ta piss him off and cause this whole mess and just freak every-one out even more."

He was staring at me with a sympathetic look. "Your actions may not have been the wisest Raphael, but your heart was in the right place."

I made a small noise, slowly feeling myself relax more. "I didn't think he'd lash out at me like that. I guess I pushed too hard."

Sensei's whiskers twitched lightly. "He hit you first?"

I hesitated, the word 'tattle-tale' spinning around my head. But I'd already spilled the beans so I gave a reluctant nod.

Master Splinter took back his hand with a troubled noise. "He is more distressed than I thought."

"What the heck's goin' on with him Sensei?" I asked, maybe more desperately than needed.

"I do not know my son." Splinter said truthfully, his face a mask of worry.

"You gonna try ask 'im?" I asked hopefully.

"Mmm." Splinter thought for a moment. "Perhaps it would not be wise to pressure him just yet." He turned to look at me again. "I had thought to try and speak with him during this time before the next move is carried out, but if he is still so defensive about it then it would be best to give him more time. At the very least until he is calmer following this event."

I flinched slightly, lowering my gaze.

"...I'm sorry Sensei." I said.

He shook his head and gave me a caring smile. "You are a very passionate person Raphael, and I know you feel your emotions strongly. You should not apologise for caring about your brothers."

I grumbled something meaninglessly at this, feeling embarrassed. That was a little too touchy feely for me, especially since I knew it was true.

Master Splinter reached out and patting my arm comfortingly, giving me an affectionate smile. "I will speak with Leonardo and let him know it was only a misunderstanding that spun out of control. He will not reprimand you."

"You won't tell 'im what I said will ya?" I asked, a little nervous about this. I didn't want Leo to hear what a big baby I was being.

Splinter gave a small chuckle. "No, I will not repeat to him what you have told me apart from that you were trying to help."

I gave a grateful nod and tried to return the smile.

"Should I..." I gave a small shrug. "I dunno... go say I'm sorry ta Mikey or somethin'?"

"You were not the one who started the fight," Splinter said, placing both hands on his cane. "Do you feel it necessary?"

I made a noise. "I dunno. He was pretty mad at me." I physically felt my expression pain. "He.. he said some stuff that kinda bugged me."

I saw Splinter drop his smile, staring at me gently. "What did he say?"

I pulled a face, feeling my shoulders tense. I broke my gaze from him. "He sorta said... ...he said he hated my guts."

"Is that what he said, or is that how you interpreted it?" Splinter asked cautiously.

I shook my head, staring at the floor. "That's what he said..."

Splinter made a caring noise, as if he was tutting a child before he walked to stand next to me. He reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I felt him give me a soft squeeze.

"He lies, my son." He said with a soothing tone.

I said nothing before I gave a small nod. "I know..."

"Do you?" Splinter asked, tilting his head very slightly, eyeing me.

I thought for a few moments.

I nodded again, turning to look him in the eyes.

"Yeah. I know."

Xxxxx

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