I don't own TMNT or UY.

Xxxxx

I'd never been so scared in my whole life.

I lost it. I completely lost it.

I don't freak out easily. Ok, that's not really true, I freak out very easily. But it's almost always in anger. There's a reason they call me the hot-head you know. I have a moto; Don't get scared, get angry. It's how I function, how I stop myself from freezing up. It's how I make sure I get the job done. Sometimes it spun a little outta control or I'd overreact to something or throw myself head first into danger, but whether I liked it or not, this was my coping mechanism.

Master Splinter had said I feel my emotions very strongly. Ain't that the truth! To be honest I don't like how easily I got mad. I sometimes snapped too easily or made serious mistakes 'cause I couldn't keep myself under control. But at least with anger I could react.

But this....

I just lost it.

I knew something was wrong. Don't ask me how exactly 'cause I'm not sure I could tell you. It's just when we came to a stand-still on that dock thing, I just suddenly felt myself get worked up, knowing something wasn't right. Maybe something about Mike had physically changed, alerting me we had a problem. Maybe, despite my attention being all over the place, I had still been feeling his breath against my neck or something, so when it stopped I immediately became aware of the danger.

Once the sub'd stopped acting like a washing machine I'd checked Mikey over to see how he was doing. When I found he wasn't breathing I completely freaked out. I'd been worried about him for so long, and I don't just mean during the escape we'd somehow managed to pull off. For days he'd been acting weird and gloomy and stuck in a giant rut. I've been worried sick. Then he pulled his little stunt with the gun, then he completely broke down in front of me, spilling his guts, then we got split up and I didn't see any trace of him 'till he came bursting into the portal room. And before you know it, he gets zapped by one of those damned energy bolts! My nerves were shot. By that point I was practically on the verge of hysterics already, but I could handle it. I needed to focus on getting outta the place and getting Mikey to safety. With that in mind I could handle it.

But then to have it all smash to pieces in front of me by finding out Mike wasn't breathing... it was just too much.

I went berserk.

Leo yelled at me, ordering me to put Mikey down so he could try and revive him, but I couldn't do it. I didn't wanna let go of him. Looking back on it I feel like a giant idiot for acting the way I did, even if my moment of insanity was brief. Thankfully, Leo is some-one who can somehow panic and think at the same time. He's got a mean arm on him too, and he hits pretty hard.

He snapped me outta it before getting me to let Mikey go. Once he got our little bro lying on his shell he went about trying to get his heart started again, trying to get him to breathe.

It wasn't pretty, and I remember sitting there, watching helplessly as Leo tried to save him. I was half aware of Donny jumping up from his seat and coming closer to assist. I wanted to do something, anything to help, but there was nothing left for me to do. Trying to help when Don and Leo were already doing what they could would only make things worse. So I waited, my heart slamming against the inside of my plastron, the side of my face still stinging from Leo's strike.

I had tunnel vision, staring at Mike's face. My view was hidden every few moments by Leo as he breathed for him. I bit my lip, shaking my head hard. This wasn't happening. This had to be some kind of mistake, or one of Mikey's pranks or something. The whole situation just... lacked reality.

Something gripped my shoulder before squeezing it, hard. I twisted my head away from the horrifying scene and found myself face to face with Usagi. He'd put one of his hands on me, his other arm curled around his kid, clutching him close as the child stared at my brothers. The boy was crying.

Usagi's eyes bore into me as he gave me a heartbroken look. I felt a stab of pain run through me as I shook my head wildly at him, my vision blurring. Usagi said nothing, blinking silently at me almost with concern.

"Dammit no!!" Leo sudden blurted out, giving me a bad jolt as I spun back to the scene.

Leo shook his head furiously. "Mikey!!" His face twisted as his eyes filled with tears. "Oh God NO! Michelangelo please!!"

He leaned forward, sharing his air with Mikey again before he pulled back. He was shaking all over, the carefully timed First Aid process of his was becoming frantic and unstable. Donny remained silent, keeping his beats on Mike's chest almost clinically steady and calculated in between Leo's breaths. His face was devoid of any emotion. He was shutting down, focusing only on his task.

Leo shook his head, putting a trembling hand to Mike's face, cupping his cheek. "Mikey please breathe!! Please you CAN'T LEAVE US!!" He didn't bother checking with Donny to see if it was time to give Mike air again, moving forward and doing it anyway. "Breathe!!"

There was a sudden, violent jerk and Leo nearly leapt backwards, pulling away from Mike sharply.

Mikey twitched... then gave a weak cough followed by a small, shaky breath.

Leo took a strangled breath himself, moving forward hurriedly. I blinked, pushing Usagi's hand off me, perhaps a little rougher than I meant to as I leaned closer as well.

"Back up guys back up!" Donny snapped, his hand flying out, trying to keep us at arms length. "For heaven's sake ease up! Give him some air!!"

I froze in place, my gaze locked on Mikey's face. I could see his eyes flicker as he took short, fevered breaths. He looked in pain.

Leo put a shaking hand to his own forehead. He looked faint.

Donny leaned over Mikey, his hands running over him furiously as he checked breath, pulse, eyes, chest. Don looked almost sickly he was so pale, his shoulders were trembling but he was somehow managing to keep his hands steady as he looked Mike over. I sat frozen, almost afraid to move, as if it would somehow cause everything to fall apart again.

Donny turned his head towards Leo. "We need to get him home. Right now." His voice sounded raspy.

Leo's eyes fluttered and he focused on Don again. "Is.. ..is he gonna be ok Donny?..."

Don pulled a face, his expression paining. "I don't.. ..I don't know. But we gotta move. We need Master Splinter. He.. ..He'll know what to do to help. He can fix this."

Leo nodded, agreeing with Don's childish faith in our father. Donny got to his feet and turned, stumbling back to his seat and steering the sub forward again. Leo moved closer to Mikey hesitantly, reaching out and placing a hand to his forehead carefully as he sat beside him.

I was afraid to get closer, although Lord knows I wanted to. I just stayed where I was, staring at the two of them. My heart was still pounding as if it wanted to burst out my chest and I could hear a ringing in my ears, but I felt more aware of myself. I could feel how badly I was shaking, how cold I felt, the feeling of tears running down my face. The world around me was flooding back into focus as my blind panic subsided.

There was a noise and I heard the tread of sandals on the ground. Usagi crouched down next to me, his son's hand gripped in his own firmly but gently. The boy was still staring at Mikey, but his breathless, horrified expression had been replaced by a tormented, anxious one. It wasn't much of an improvement. I somehow managed to tear my gaze away from my two bros to blink up at the rabbit. He stared at me, serious as all hell but with something sympathetic in his eyes.

"Raphael-san," His calm tone of voiced sounded forced, shaking just slightly. "Would you look after Jotaro-kun for just a moment?"

I blinked blankly at him before I gave a confused nod.

He gave me a nod back, letting the boy go and ushering him closer towards me. Jotaro didn't break his gaze from Mikey but he let himself get led over to me. Somehow, I found just enough sense left in me to be surprised when he put his arms around me very slightly, still staring distractedly at the scene but subconsciously looking for comfort. I didn't shrug him off, instead I put a hand on one of his shoulders, turning my attention back to Mikey and Leo.

Usagi got up before he went over to them, crouching to his knees beside Leo, inspecting my older brother's face with concern before he started speaking to him with a hushed voice. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I knew whatever it was, it was meant to try and calm him.

"(He is not dead is he??)" Jotaro asked. His voice was very small.

I shook my head slowly. "(No.)"

The boy turned his eyes to mine anxiously. "(Will he be alright??)"

My shoulders tensed as I felt my eyes narrow slightly. "(I don't know.)"

Jotaro swallowed, turning to look back at Mikey. "(....I'm sorry Raphael-san!.... I.. ..I just wanted to help Usagi-san.. I .. ...I never meant.. ..I didn't mean....!)"

I gave my head a hurried shake, something knocking me out of my daze as I turned to give the kid a sharp frown. "(Hey. Hey! This ain't your fault! Don't even start with that kind of crap! If I were Mikey I'd have done the same damn thing! If you wanna blame someone for this blame us for being overly noble idiots! This was not you fault! You hear?!)"

He blinked at me wide-eyed, his ears standing upright in stunned silence.

I glared at him for a moment before I calmed down, sinking back and looking away as I realised I'd just snapped at a child who had gone through enough shit for a whole life-time, let alone one night.

"(Sorry Kid.)" I mumbled to the floor. "(I just... ...I'm scared.)"

I didn't know how else to say it. I'm sure there was a better word to use but I hadn't practised my Japanese in a while, and it was the only word that seemed to describe how I was feeling accurately enough.

I felt his grip on me tighten a little. "(Mikey-san said.. ..he told me, you were very brave... ...)"

I felt my face pull into a painful expression. "(Sometimes that moron doesn't know what he's talking about.)"

Jotaro sunk a little at this, turning back to Mikey, saying nothing more. I risked turning back to look at the boy. He had a deeply troubled expression on his face. I felt my frown soften as I gave a sigh.

"(This ain't your fault kid. I swear.)" I said, a little less roughly this time.

"(He will be alright Raphael-san.)" The boy replied with an even tone of voice. "(I haven't thanked him yet.)"

I blinked at him for a moment before I gave a nod, turning back to Mikey, Leo and Usagi.

"(Yeah... and I still gotta whack him upside the head for scaring me like this.)"

----

There were rays of sunlight filtering through the water as we made our way home. I wasn't sure what time it was exactly. It must've been early still, but I'd lost all concept of time. To me it still felt like it was the middle of the night, despite the obvious sunshine above the water and the slowly drifting hulls of ships moving idly over our small sub.

We were all silent.

Leo remained vigilant by Mikey's side. Keeping an obsessive eye over him, making sure he was hanging in there. Usagi in the meantime remained glued beside Leo. He was watching Mikey with a deep-set frown, but he kept his thoughts to himself. I didn't like his expression. Usagi's not a pessimistic guy, in fact he's the complete opposite. He tends to hope for the best regardless of the odds... kinda like Mikey. I didn't know if his frown had anything to do with Mike's condition exactly or if he was perhaps thinking about other things. That Tibalt Bastard had said some pretty deep rooted stuff to him. I mean I didn't have a clue what the man was getting at exactly but you didn't need to be a genius to figure out he'd touched on some very sensitive issues. Hearing stuff like that would screw any-body up for a while.

There's also the possibility that Usagi's frown had something to do with pain. We'd all had our asses handed to us, but Usagi had taken some particularly hard knocks and unlike the rest of us, he had no protective shell to dull the blows. I was worried about him. We needed to focus on Mikey first and foremost, but I made it my personal mission not to forget the rabbit. He needed to be checked over as well.

Leo was calming down. This helped the atmosphere in the sub a lot. With Leo calmer, more focused and less hysterical it felt like the rest of us had a better idea of how we should feel as well. I guess that's the whole 'leader' thing in play right there. I poke fun and give him a hard time for it, but it's at times like these that I realise, to my own horror, how much I watched him just so I'd know how to behave and react in situations. Damn him.

Jotaro was still clinging to me. To be honest I wasn't sure how I felt about that. On the one hand I was a little uneasy, simply 'cause I didn't really know the boy and I was never really good with kids, I just don't know how to act around them. On the other hand, I found it was calming me down. I dunno what that was all about, but I didn't question it. I let him cling and didn't push him away.

After what felt like a trip through limbo we finally got back to the Lair. It felt strange. Almost surreal. The idea that a calm, safe, welcoming place should still exist after what we've been through seemed bizarre. Yet here we were, and our home was still standing and in one piece, and Master Splinter was still there, waiting dutifully for our return.

When we surfaced I saw him through the window of the sub, getting out from his lotus position as he stood up, placing his hands over his cane. Donny got the sub settled before he sprung up, clambering over the seat before running to get the hatch open. He twisted his head around, telling Leo and Usagi not to move Mikey. He was gonna get Master Splinter inside to look at him before he wanted to risk picking him up.

With that he leapt out the sub. I saw him through the glass almost slide on the wet surface of the vehicle as he stumbled frantically over to our Sensei. Master Splinter first greeted him with a hopeful smile, but upon seeing Don's panic his face crashed. I saw Donny go into a terrified ramble, indicating with his hands wildly. Master Splinter blinked, frowned, then pushed past him, marching towards the sub himself, hell's fury in his eyes.

Jotaro shifted his weight from one foot to the other next to me. I tore my attention away from the approaching figure of Splinter and towards the kid instead. He was still clutching me lightly, but he was looking around the interior of the sub restlessly. He said nothing, trying to keep silent but I could see he'd had his fill of all this and wanted to get somewhere less mechanical and safe.

Master Splinter dropped into the sub and was beside Michelangelo in a flash, inspecting him with a hard frown, his whiskers twitching in concentration. He didn't even acknowledge Usagi or Jotaro. I knew that look. That was a rat with only one concern on his mind right now.

It seems I've been seeing that expression a lot lately... a parent fretting over their kid I mean.

Jotaro sunk closer against me at the appearance of Splinter. He wasn't scared, just nervous and that probably had more to do with Splinter's expression than anything else. I stared at the boy thoughtfully for a moment, a deep frown on my face.

I turned back to the others. Splinter was running a hand over Mikey's forehead, frowning in concentration. Leo was sitting close by, watching Mikey's face anxiously. Usagi remained silent, frowning lightly to himself, keeping his eyes on Splinter but not interrupting.

I pulled a face to myself before I made a decision. I wanted to stay with Mikey. I wanted to stay here and know that he was gonna be ok. I wanted to be with my brother. But there were others watching out for him right now, and besides, I'd made Usagi a promise.

I got to my feet, picking the boy up and onto my shoulders before I walked to the sub's ladder and climbed out. No-one stopped me.

I made sure not to slip on the sub's wet surface as I climbed down and off it, my feet touching solid ground. I put the kid down again, taking his hand before walking him towards the couch. Donny ran past me in the other direction, a first aid kit cradled in his arms. I watched him go as I walked.

He clambered into the shell sub and out of sight, not showing any indication that he'd even seen me. I turned my gaze back to the front, making my way over to the entertainment area before I sat the boy on the couch, collapsing down next to him.

I gave a long, drawn out breath, closing my eyes. I kept them shut for a few moments before I opened them again, staring at the overly familiar room. I stared unseeingly for a minute or so before I turned back to the kid, feeling I should try and keep the boy calm until things cooled down. He must be scared.

I was a little startled to see he was staring at me with his large eyes. I blinked back at him before I opened my mouth to speak. I didn't get anything out though before he interrupted me.

"(It'll be alright Raphael-san.)" He said.

I blinked and closed my mouth, giving a shaky nod.

"(Yeah.)" Was all I could think to say.

He nodded back, shifting closer before he leaned himself against me. "(Mikey-san said your Sensei knows everything. It'll be ok now.)"

I felt my throat tighten as I gave another nod.

"(...Yeah.)"

----

Eventually he fell asleep, resting his head on one of my thighs. I sat silently, staring at nothing as I waited.

Splinter, Leo and the others had eventually clambered out of the shell sub, taking Mikey to Leo's room since it had a flat bed and not a raised bunk. I'd twisted my head to try and see how things were looking when they did, but I didn't wanna interrupt them and be a distraction.

I dunno if it was wishful thinking or my tired imagination or just me going crazy, but I thought things were looking better. Mikey had more colour to his cheeks and was breathing easier. I only caught a glimpse though, so I wasn't sure.

Since then I'd been left alone with the boy. We'd had nothing to say to each other and eventually he dozed off, curling himself in Usagi's kimono to keep warm. The thing was much too big for him, but it made for comfortable sleeping I suppose.

I waited, still anxious but not feeling as paralysed by fear as before. As they say, no news is good news right?

The boy slept quietly on my lap, breathing calmly, untroubled by dreams or bad memories. He felt warm against me, and his heartbeat was hypnotic. I felt myself getting groggy, my adrenaline spent and my fatigue getting the better of me. I started to doze off myself.

Before I was able to properly fall asleep though, soft footsteps woke me up again and I turned to see who it was.

Usagi blinked at me, stopping for a moment before coming closer again.

"I thought you had fallen asleep." He said quietly.

I shook my head. "Nah. But your kid wasn't so lucky." I pointed to the boy resting on my leg.

Usagi gave a small, tired smile, moving closer and sitting down beside me.

I was almost too afraid to ask.

"How's Mikey?"

Usagi gave a sigh and for a moment my heart froze before I realised he was doing so out of exhaustion. "We may all recite the sutras in gratitude tonight my friend. Mikey-kun will be alright. He has had a bad blow, but he will survive."

I sunk in my seat, exhaling as I closed my eyes. "Thank you God."

Usagi gave a nod, taking my blasphemy a little more seriously than I did. "Indeed."

I turned to look back at him, giving him a once over. I noticed the blood had been cleared from his face as much as possible apart from some places were it was caught in the fur. I was glad to see he'd not been forgotten in all this madness. Even so, I wasn't sure he'd been given the attention he needed.

"How ya holdin' up Long-Ears?" I asked, quite seriously.

He blinked, turning to look at me again. He gave a nod. "I am worn out. But in all honesty I am better than I have been in days."

I pulled a face. "Sure. But what about injuries. Ya badly hurt?"

He shook his head. "I do not believe I am seriously wounded. Although I might be saying otherwise tomorrow morning."

I made a noise and nodded. "I heard that."

Usagi stared at me, his expression slightly uncertain. "Raphael-san... do you mind if I....?"

I frowned, giving him a sideways glance. "Mind if ya what? Spit it out, I'm too tired ta try and read our mind."

Usagi nodded, holding a hand out towards Jotaro. "...My son."

I blinked. "Wha? Oh. Oh! Oh yeah sure." I shifted, gently lifting the boy off of me and getting up, letting Usagi slide over and take my place.

Jotaro shifted with a murmur but remained asleep, curling himself closer to Usagi as the rabbit put a hand to the boy's head, stroking it softly. He smiled to himself, almost sadly.

I watched him for a moment. "...Ya gonna be ok here by yerself?"

He lifted his gaze to me, giving a nod. "I will be fine."

I gave a nod. "Good. But don't hesitate ta give a shout if ya need us."

I turned and walked away at a brisk pace, heading for Leo's room, and for Mikey.

Finally... finally... things were starting to feel less desperate, settling into something I could cope with. We were home. We might've been badly hurt, beyond exhausted and probably in need of some serious therapy, but we were home, we were together, and every-one was still alive.

I was almost too afraid to believe it, but I could slowly feel relief washing over me.

We were together, and every-one was still alive.

Xxxxx

For those who haven't read UY, 'Long-Ears' as actually Genn's nickname for Usagi, not that Raph's aware of this :)

I hope those still following the story are still enjoying it in its last phases. It seems to have had a dramatic plummet in traffic suddenly. I hope it's not because the climax was a let down :'( *whinewhineemowhine*

Almost done.