Hey :3 RATING CHANGED TO M! I wasnt planning on doing that so soon but... well lets just say things played out differently.

This one was a bit difficult to write in a bunch of places and then suddenly the words would start flowing and I would be found typing till four in the morning and then of course, trying to catch a few seconds of sleep during my classes . I hope it was worth it.

Your reviews would certainly make this Merthur shipper very happy, yep :3 even if its constructive criticism :)

(Note: Agoraphobia (an anxiety disorder) is basically fear of situations and places where one might have a panic attack. This includes wide open spaces, airplanes, crowded areas, etc. Which is why, those suffering from it often have a hard time in life because they like to stay inside where they feel safest and calm.)

The doorbell rings again, more insistent this time. 'Coming.' Merlin grumbles only loud enough for Arthur to hear who is right behind him. Merlin yanks the front door open just as the bell starts to ring a third time.

'Jesus- oh. Hello Jaden.' Merlin says and steps aside to let the visitor in.

'Hey, Merlin.' The sandy haired young man drawls and saunters inside lazily. 'Who's this then?' He nods at Arthur, eying him up and down.

'This is Arthur, he's my, uh, friend.' Merlin turns to Arthur who is standing rigid, staring at Jaden. 'Arthur this is Jaden, he lives above us.'

Jaden holds out his hand in Arthur's direction. 'Nice to meet you.'

Merlin frowns at Arthur's clenched fists at his sides as he glares at Jaden.

'Are you sure he isn't the jealous boyfriend type, Merlin?' Jaden raises an eyebrow and starts to bring his hand back down.

'What? No-' Merlin splutters, flushing. 'We're not-'

'Nice to meet you, too.' Arthur blurts out and grabs Jaden's fingers. A gasp escapes his mouth and he stumbles back, letting the hand go like it's hot coal.

'Arthur, are you okay?!' Merlin reaches out to touch Arthur but his hand is pushed away.

'Get out.' The blond growls at Jaden who takes a step back, a confused look on his face.

'I'm sorry?'

'I SAID, GET OUT.' Arthur bellows and shoves Jaden.

'What the fuck-'

'Arthur what are you doing!' Merlin grabs Arthur's arm but he tugs it away.

'Merlin make him leave, I-'

'Jaden,' Merlin cuts Arthur off and turns to his scowling neighbor. 'look I'm sorry. But for some reason your presence is upsetting him. He's a bit… He's not feeling well so if you could just come back later-'

'Yeah, yeah.' Jaden shoots a dirty look in Arthur's direction and leaves. Merlin shuts the door behind him and turns around.

'What was that all about, Arthur?' He asks, unable to keep the slight irritation out of his voice. He can't tell whether its because of Arthur having a fit over a friendly neighbor or 'the incident that happened earlier' as Merlin refers to it in his head.

Arthur is standing with his back to Merlin, his legs trembling. 'I need to lie down.' He says quietly, his voice quivering and breath heavy.

Something inside Merlin softens. 'Hey.' He murmurs and slides hands over Arthur's tense shoulders comfortingly. 'What happened?'

Merlin half expects Arthur to yell at him about… 'the incident that happened earlier' but he bucks over and retches. Warning bells go off in Merlin's head as he rubs Arthur's back. He magics a bin over which Arthur bucks and vomits out his insides coughing violently.

'How the hell are you vomiting?' Merlin mutters, supporting Arthur back to the bedroom. 'You barely ate anything.'

A short session with the mouthwash later, Arthur is back in bed, blood drained from his face. Merlin pulls the blanket over his trembling body and sits down beside him, waiting for him to calm down. Once his breathing normalizes, the warlock voices his question.

'Why did you need Jaden out of the house, Arthur?'

He doesn't reply immediately and looks away before he does. 'He isn't a good man.'

Merlin frowns. 'What do you mean? How would you know?'

'I felt it.'

'You felt it?'

'Yes. I felt it inside me. And… When I shook his hand the feeling just… burned even more.'

'So you just felt it. Just like that.'

Arthur doesn't reply.

'Arthur if you're just… just jealous of-'

'I'm not jealous.' The blond replies quietly.

'Good because I cant- We cant- I couldn't handle it last time Arthur.' Merlin's voice quivers as he says the last bit.

'What did you want me to do, Merlin?' the once and future king responds in a defeated tone.

'Something.' Merlin whispered.

A deafening silence fills the room after this and is only broken with the rustle of Merlin's clothes as he gets up to leave. In less than a second his wrist is in Arthur's firm grip. Merlin turns around but the King's eyes are focused on the ceiling. The warlock sighs and sits back down, watching Arthur slip into a restless slumber.

'Merlin! The water is not hot enough.' Arthur complained, dipping his toe in the tub.

The warlock rubbed his eyes sleepily. 'It's three in the morning, Arthur.'

'The time is no excuse for your incompetence.' The prince pouted and placed his hands on his hips.

'But I'm so tired.' Merlin said in a small voice and failed at stifling a yawn. Arthur huffed.

'Very well, get in the bed and I'll wake you up when I need my clothes.'

Merlin raised his eyebrows. 'Your bed?'

'Don't be an idiot Merlin. I'm not speaking another language. You did take a bath after cleaning the leech tank, didn't you?'

Merlin nodded and yawned yet again. Arthur busied himself in scrubbing the layer of dirt and sweat off his body. He had been on a hunting trip to kill exactly three deer, a result of a slightly drunk bet with the knights during one of the castle feasts.

The dark haired boy slumped onto the bed and scrambled under the smooth, silk covers. His eyes strayed to Arthur's now bare body, the muscles in his back rippling as he worked on his ankle and foot. Merlin tore his eyes away and turned his back, warmth seeping into his ears and cheeks. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself and buried his face into the pillow, dozing off in less than a minute.

'Merlin.'

'mmmff.' Merlin mumbled and rolled over onto his stomach. His arm draped over something cool and damp. The warm stupor dulled his senses and he ignored when his mind asked him to open his eyes, letting sleep take control. He felt a gentle touch over his cheekbone. Something traced his lips and this time his eyes fluttered open. Silver light from the window caressed Arthur's face, making his blue eyes glitter as they found his own. Merlin's breath caught in his chest as the prince cupped his cheek and pressed his lips to the warlock's mouth. His body stiffened and eyes widened but Arthur's fingers slipped into his hair, pulling him closer, sliding his lips gently against Merlin's, sucking softly on the lower lip.

Merlin found himself responding to the urgency in Arthur's kiss, his body relaxing against the more muscular one and his hands traveling up the smooth chest. He let out a breathy moan into Arthur's mouth when the blond let his hand slide beneath Merlin's tunic to feel the pale skin and his tongue traced Merlin's lip timidly, seeking entrance which was granted almost immediately.

Encouraged by this, Arthur let his hand settle at the small of Merlin's back as their tongues explored each other and pushed his hips against Merlin's, letting out a raspy groan, breaking the kiss gently for only a second. 'Merlin,' He whispered with longing and tilted his head, taking the dark haired boy's soft lips once more.

Merlin stifled a gasp when he felt Arthur's hardness against his thigh. His body responded in the same way and his lips became desperate against prince's, needing more. He let himself go in Arthur's arms, allowing himself to be consumed by the longing he had always had for him. He gave in to the need he had suppressed for so long, knowing he would fall hard and it would be impossible to pick himself up. But this time, this time, wasn't Arthur there to hold him?

Arthur's fingers fumbled with Merlin's cotton pajamas and his hand slid beneath the waistband. Merlin gasped out his name when the cool fingers curled themselves around his erection. Merlin's nails dug into Arthur's chest and he whimpered. The prince let out a low chuckle and pulled back. Merlin's eyes flew open in alarm but he found his shirt being lifted and tugged off his body.

'I want you bare, Merlin.' Arthur murmured against his neck and planted a soft kiss just beneath his ear. 'Come on, let me see you.' His fingers tugged at Merlin's waistband and before Merlin could say anything, he was lying naked in the prince's bed being straddled by the prince. He closed his eyes tightly, blushing furiously, knowing Arthur was watching him. 'I- I'm not much to look at-' Merlin mumbled opening his eyes just a little bit.

'Shut up Merlin.' Arthur leaned in, tongue flicking over the warlock's earlobe, sucking it briefly. 'You're perfect.' He breathed into his ear. Arthur hips thrust themselves against Merlin again and the young warlock breathed in sharply, biting his lip, and inwardly cursing the thin fabric that still separated their skins. Arthur's damned pajama bottoms. His fingers pulled at them weakly but Arthur pushed his hand away, grazing his fingers over Merlin's thigh. His lips in the manservant's neck, sucking and nipping all the way to his shoulder and then his chest, tongue flicking over a nipple. Merlin's fingers tensed in Arthur's wet hair, holding him in place as he breathed hard, an 'Arthur…' escaping his lips.

The prince took Merlin's aching cock in his hand and stroked slowly once, twice, savoring Merlin's whimpers and groans, watching his features carefully under the moonlight. Then he jerked him off, hard and fast to see Merlin struggling to maintain his breathing and the bites of the lip and the shuddering of his body as he came, mumbling Arthur's name, barely coherent. The blond couldn't take it anymore. He was close, so close, just watching Merlin in this state, knowing he was the one who had done this to him. He was the one who had been able to bare Merlin in more than one way and have this affect on him. His hand slipped inside his own bottoms, pulling himself a few times before coming too and collapsing over Merlin whose senses still seemed to be dulled.

Arthur shifted them so Merlin was draped over his chest. The dark haired boy pressed his lips to Arthur's neck and clutched at the sheets bunched up around them. Everything felt exactly the way it should be. And exactly the way it shouldn't.

Merlin watches the steady rise and fall of Arthur's chest until sleep tugs his eyelids close and he leans back, allowing himself to be taken into sleeps arms, letting him, for a few hours, forget the aching hole in his chest.

'Morgana.'

Merlin's eyes fly open and his head snaps in Arthur's direction. Sweat beads Arthur's forehead and his eyebrows are bunched together. His fingers are clutching the covers. 'Don't… Morgana…' He whispers.

'Arthur?' Merlin shakes the blonde's rigid arm gently. 'You're dreaming.'

'I cant… It hurts… no, please… Please… Not again…'

The warlock shakes his arm harder, fear seeping into him. 'Wake up!' He says, louder this time. Arthur's body relaxes and the creases on his forehead smooth out. His eyes open slowly and he looks up at Merlin who whispers again. 'You were dreaming.'

'It- It didn't feel like a dream,' Arthur said quietly. 'It felt like… It had happened before.'

'What were you dreaming?'

Arthur thinks for a second and then shakes his head. 'Nothing,' he murmurs. Even though Merlin knows better, he doesn't ask again.

'Merlin, this is fantastic.' Arthur says through a mouthful of ice cream he had found in the 'big ice box of food'. 'What is it?'

'It's ice cream, Arthur. And I don't think you should be eating that considering the condition you are in-'

'I feel great Merlin, if you want me to save some of this for you then just say so. Stop depriving me of the fruit of the new world. Where can we get more of this?' Arthur starts to dig in the fridge once more. Merlin rolls his eyes and turns back to his laptop (curious light book, as Arthur called it), his fingers tapping away on the keyboard, adding and subtracting tags on Google. 'Come on, come on.' He murmurs under his breath. 'Something. Anything.' How was he supposed to protect Arthur when he didn't even know what was harming him?

'I hink I need a bath.' Arthur sniffs at his sleeve. 'How do we warm up the water for the tub?'

Merlin smiles and gets up. 'Come here.' He says to Arthur and leads the way to the bathroom.

'What are those?' The blond asks, pointing to the taps. 'I meant to ask earlier but I was too busy keeping my intestines from spilling out of my mouth.'

'This is where water comes from. Here.' Merlin takes Arthur's hand and places it on the tap. 'Twist it.' And Arthur does. Water flows freely and Arthur's eyes widen. He puts his hand under the steady flow and pulls it back quickly. 'It's hot!' He exclaims.

Merlin laughs. 'It's a new system of water. Pipes carry water to the required places and valves, levers and taps work those pipes, releasing the water when it's needed.'

'How does it become warm?'

'There are heating systems to make the water hot so we don't have to do it manually. Look there is a tap for cold water too.' Merlin points out. Arthur turns to face the tub.

'So we just turn the taps and water starts filling into the tub?'

'Pretty much.' Merlin grins, enjoying the feeling of knowing better than Arthur for a change. That and watching him become fascinated by such simple things. His reactions were rather interesting to watch. Merlin suppresses the sudden rush of affection he feels towards Arthur, failing miserably. So he just gives in and gazes at the blond turning taps curiously and examining the tub plug and its chain.

'For once I'll be able to have my bath at a perfect temperature, Merlin. No thanks to you of course.'

Merlin rolls his eyes. 'If you're looking for a quick bath then you can just take a shower.' He slides open the door of the glass cubicle.

'A shower?'

'Yeah its like… rain. Sort of.' He leans in and flips open the shower, wetting his clothes a bit in the process.

Arthur stands there in awe of the peculiar spray of water and then shakes his head. 'I'd like a long bath please. Helps me think.' He turns back to the gradually filling tub and tugs off the jacket. Merlin quickly shuffles out of the bathroom. 'I'll, um, bring you fresh towels.' He mumbles.

'Don't take too long.' Arthur calls back, his voice betraying tenseness and agitation at the thought of Merlin being in another room. 'Just sit in the room.'

As Merlin looks around the room, the wilting money plant catches his eye. Buck was in a bad condition and the warlock fretted for its well being. Arthur had the entire house in darkness because he refused to look out of the windows. Curtains were drawn firmly over anything that gave even the tiniest view of outside. The outside world made Arthur panicky and anxious. He felt completely left out and out of place. Even Merlin had not been able to comfort him enough to allow a few rays of sunlight into the apartment.

The warlock decided to take the doomed plant up to Jaden's place. He picks up his phone and dials the number quickly, cradling it between his shoulder and ear as he looked in the cupboard for clean towels. Jaden picks up on the second ring.

'Hello?'

'Hey Jay, its me. Listen I need a favor.'

'Sure, what is it?'

'Buck, my money plant? It isn't getting much sun at my place and I was wondering if I could drop it off to your place for a few days. Will that be okay?' He grabs a big white towel and closes the cupboard.

'Yeah mate, bring it over. Whats wrong with your place, though?'

Merlin searches for an explanation that won't sound crazy. Well you know Arthur? He is actually King Arthur from the legends and he has risen once more. And he isn't use to cars and pretty much most of the world freaks him out so we keep our windows covered.

'He has um agoraphobia.' Merlin mumbled. 'Arthur.'

'Oh. So he cant… Leave the house or anything?'

Merlin shakes his head and then remembers Jaden can't see him. 'No, but um, we're working on it. A therapist will start coming soon.'

'That's good. When will you be coming?'

'Right now, actually. Arthur is in the shower, I'll just drop by quickly, yeah?'

'See you then, mate.'

Merlin drops his phone onto the bed and knocks on Arthur's door. He frowns and then enters without waiting for permission.

'Since when have you started knocking Merlin?' Arthur sounds genuinely surprised and twists around to look at Merlin placing the towel on the edge of the bathtub.

'I don't know.' Merlin replies quietly. Arthur's eyes find Merlin's and the warlock sees a flicker of understanding and alarm in his eyes. An inaudible 'oh' leaves Arthur's lips. In those few moments, the excruciating past, aching present and the uncharted future surrounds them making the atmosphere heavy with melancholy.

'We cant do this anymore Merlin.' Arthur said looking out of the window, not facing Merlin.

The manservant didn't reply, images of stolen moments in the forest playing over and over in his head. The hasty tugging of clothes, the quick, desperate kisses along the hot skin, back pressed into the soft ground, the smell of damp grass mixed with Arthur's scent. The stifled moans and gasps as the prince worked him in ways he didn't know could feel so good.

The few moments in Arthur's bed were slower and he was allowed more time to memorize and feel each and every little inch of the pale, muscular man. He left open mouthed kisses along the Arthur's jaw, his throat, all the way down to his belly until the prince couldn't take it anymore and captured Merlin's mouth with his own, licking into it and working his skilled fingers around Merlin's throbbing cock until he would cry out Arthur's name like it was the only word he knew.

'Merlin, I said we can't do this anymore.' Arthur repeated, turning around to face his most loyal friend, his face unreadable.

'Okay.' Merlin replied. He had always known this would be coming sooner or later. He has just been naïve enough to hope that maybe, just maybe they could- No. He was just delusional.

Arthur's eyes widened at Merlin's reply. All the defenses he had put up, the reasons he had thought of to give Merlin, the logical explanations, justify himself, all in response to Merlin's possible reactions, left his head. He had prepared for anger, protest, hurt, questioning. But not direct acceptance. This was harder to bear.

'Merlin,' He whispered tugging him closer by his tunic and he tumbled forward into Arthur's arms. The prince breathed into his hair, neck, kissing it softly. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm-'

'Don't.' Merlin mumbled forcing his body to pull away instead of melting into Arthur.

Arthur's features twisted into a pained expression. 'I don't have a choice- I… Merlin I swear to you that I love-'

'Don't say it.' Merlin said horrified.

The prince ran fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. 'I need you too, Merlin… But we- Father, he will have you thrown out. I can't let that happen. I-' He wanted to say so many things but he knew that all of them put together wouldn't make this any easier or justified. 'the people of Camelot wont accept-'

'I know.' Merlin said, his voice shaking. 'Your job is to be the greatest king the world has ever known.'

Arthur frowned. 'What?'

'It's not my destiny,' Merlin whispered more to himself than Arthur. 'You're right. We can't.' With that he turned around and fled the chambers of the prince of Camelot, ignoring his calls. Tears streamed down his face and he wiped them away furiously, making his way to the place where he believed some answer lay. Maybe confirmation of what he had already just stated to Arthur.

Arthur turns around and slides deeper into the tub, foam touching his chin. Merlin notices Arthur's white knuckles as his fingers clutch the sides of the tub tightly. He feels he will suffocate if he stays a moments longer and stumbles hurriedly out of the bathroom.

'Not many will accept a king who shares a bed with another man, young warlock.'

He grabs buck from beneath the window and the apartment keys from the table.

'It is your destiny to help Arthur bring Albion into being, Merlin.'

He slams the door shut behind him and pokes the button of the elevator over and over, trying to breathe normally. The doors ping open and the button for floor twenty becomes the next victim of Merlin's finger violence. The newly married couple gives him an alarmed look and shuffles to the other side of the lift.

Merlin slims his finger into Jaden's bell and keeps it there till the door is opened.

'Bloody hell mate, you look like you could use a drink.' Is Jaden's greeting as Merlin strides inside, placing Buck on the closest window.

'You could say that.'

'Have a seat.' Jay waves his hand lazily in the direction of the couch. There is already a bottle of expensive scotch sitting on the table. Jaden pours it out in two glasses and hands one to Merlin.

'What's got your knickers in a twist then?'

'It's nothing.' Merlin mumbles, taking a large sip and sitting down.

'Oh come on, you can tell me.' Jaden sits down beside him and places his glass on the table.

Merlin sighs. 'We sort of, um, had a fight.'

'Blimey, are you sure he isn't your boyfriend?'

The warlock frowns. 'Yes I'm pretty sure.' He says curtly and downs the remaining drink in one go, feeling his head getting heavy and his thinking hazy.

'Well let's get your mind off your friend then, yeah? How is your writing going?'

'Actually I feel a bit dizzy...' the glass slips from the long fingers and Merlin barely registers the loud sound of it hitting the floor. His head is spinning, dulling his senses. He falls back on the couch, squinting at a blurred Jaden watching him, saying something. He catches a few words. 'Drugged' is one of them.

Well I feel mean, leaving Merlin in peril like that.

Enjoyed it? Hated it? Please let me know in the reviews :D

xoxo