A/N: Thank you for your lovely reviews! They are what keeps me going :3

I'm sorry this update was so delayed; I've been going through a bunch of personal problems which have left me a wreck.

Also for the guest who asked, yes the ones in italics are flashbacks :)

'Sire, I have prepared your clothes for tomorrow.' Merlin said, closing the cupboard and turning around. Arthur nodded and their eyes locked, the silence lengthening. Arthur was sitting on the table. In front of him sat the bowl of fruits the manservant had left for the king because his dinner had gone untouched. Merlin dropped his gaze to his shoes. 'Do you need anything else, my lord?'

Another pause.

'No.' Said Arthur, almost a whisper. He cleared his throat and got up. Merlin started to leave but stopped just before the door.

'I, uh,' he hesitated. 'I never did get the chance to congratulate you.'

'Don't.' Said Arthur too quickly, his heart beating faster. 'I mean, congratulate me tomorrow after the wedding.'

Merlin looked up, searching Arthur's eyes for something. Something to force him out that door. Something to make him stop being in love with Arthur. 'She makes you happy, doesn't she. Gwen.'

Arthur didn't trust himself to open his mouth. He nodded instead, desperate words dying on his tongue.

'I just want you to be happy.' Merlin murmured, swallowing a few times to keep himself from falling apart, begging Arthur to choose him and call off the wedding. Arthur watched Merlin's Adam's apple bob in his throat and tried hard not to wonder if the skin there tasted the same that it had a few years ago.

He had really thought they had moved on.

It had been extremely hard to get used to the absence of Merlin's warm body against his own. The way Merlin would smooth out the creases on Arthur's forehead when he was tensed about something he had not even voiced. But somehow Merlin looked right into Arthur's thoughts through his eyes.

Once such time was when Agravaine had disclosed his opinion about Arthur taking Guinevere as his wife. What if his uncle was right?

'The people of Camelot will welcome your decision, Arthur.' Merlin had said as he made Arthur's bed. 'You will be making one of them your wife. They will feel you are one of them rather than someone who is superior and powerful. They will feel you treat them as equals.'

'I never thought of it like that.' Arthur had replied, slightly taken aback by the point of view Merlin held. It really made a lot of sense. And whether he admitted it out loud or not, Merlin's opinion often mattered to him greatly. The statement removed any doubts Arthur had and led him to the choice he made.

'How did you know what I was worried about?' Arthur had asked later.

'It's easy to guess what a dollop head is thinking.' Merlin had shrugged in response and that had been it. Arthur knew Merlin had moved on too.

I miss you Merlin, Arthur thought now as he looked at Merlin's scruffy appearance after the day's work. His hair was messier than usual and Arthur resisted the urge to reach out and smooth it down.

'Arthur? Are you nervous about tomorrow?' Merlin asked. The King realized he had been staring for a few moments now and felt blood filling his cheeks.

'Nervous? No. I don't get nervous. What's there to be nervous about?' Arthur huffed and sat back down. 'I don't think I'll be wearing these shoes tomorrow, Merlin. Take out my new leather shoes, will you?'

Merlin rolled his eyes and sighed, walking back to the cupboard.

'When will you learn to respect the king, Merlin?'

'When he stops being such a prat.'

Arthur didn't reply. Instead he watched Merlin's long fingers rub his shoes with a rag cloth.

It was when he had seen Tristen holding Isolde in his arms as she took her last few breathes that he saw himself and Merlin in them. The truth punched Arthur hard in the gut and the air rushed out of his lungs. The truth he had denied and buried at the back of his mind.

He panicked.

He forced himself to see sense.

He calmed down.

He moved strategically.

He proposed to Guinevere.

He didn't give a chance to the newly recovered feelings to register fully in his system and over lapped them with new feelings instead.

So this was it. He was going to wed Guinevere tomorrow. After that, she would be with him on most occasions and in his room every night. He felt irked for a few moments. As much as he loved Guinevere, he liked being alone in his room sometimes. Now he would never get that solitude he wished for occasionally, so he could think about different matters in the comfort of his bed. He didn't have to worry about someone asking him what he was thinking about. Guinevere had the habit of giving him a smile you would give a small child and ask him what was on his mind. It could be quite frustrating.

He felt trapped, suffocated. There was no turning back.

Merlin pushed his hair off his face and continued to polish the shoes, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration. Arthur smiled. I have never minded Merlin's presence though. The king breathed in sharply. The thought had caught him off guard.

'There.' Merlin dropped the shoes next to Arthur's bed. 'Satisfied, your royal pratness?' he turned to face said pratness and gave a crooked grin.

'One more night.' Arthur blurted out before he could stop himself. 'One last night, Merlin.' He got up.

The grin slipped off Merlin's face and he took a step back, his heart racing. 'What?'

Arthur closed the distance between them, slipping his hands to Merlin's waist. 'Please, just once more.' He whispered, terrified of what Merlin would say. 'I know that… its unfair of me to ask but… You don't have to say yes. I- Its fine if you refuse. Really. I just-'

'You said we couldn't.' Merlin said, not meeting Arthur's eyes. His words had a more bitter tone than he had intended.

Arthur winced, but recovered quickly. 'I know. I know I did. But not because I don't-' He stopped, struggling for words, an explanation. 'Not because I didn't need you Merlin.' He rested his forehead gently against the manservant's, not daring to breathe.

'You love Gwen.' The dark haired boy mumbled.

'I'm- I'm not in love with her.'

Merlin looked up; his wide eyes met Arthur's.

The gaze held for a couple of moments before Merlin's eyelids slid shut as Arthur carefully placed his lips on Merlin's, one hand pulling him closer and the other cupping his cheek gently.

Their lips were unmoving, only placed on one another's. Their breathing stopped, as did hearts. The world stilled around them.

And Arthur felt complete, scared and over whelmed all at once. Afraid to move a muscle yet wanting to love Merlin in every possible way. That feeling he had of something constantly missing vanished. He wanted to whisper comforts into Merlin's ear and tell him they would never be apart again.

But he couldn't lie.

No. He couldn't do this. He wasn't going to make Merlin and himself go through this. It was wrong.

But then Merlin kissed back.

His fingers clutched Arthur's clothes and fisted in his hair, his lips pressing more firmly against the king's. The need in Merlin's desperate kiss, Arthur realized, was a reflection of his own.

And then he couldn't let go.

So he pressed Merlin against the wall and bit his lower lip gently and then harder because he couldn't stop himself. The manservant whimpered softly but tugged at the hem of Arthur's shirt. A low growl rumbled in his throat as Merlin broke the kiss gently. The offending shirts came off hastily.

'I missed you.' Arthur breathed against Merlin's neck before kissing his way down it, nibbling, lips parted, trying to concentrate on Merlin's moans at the same time. His teeth grazed a nipple, coaxing another muffled groan from the manservant.

Every touch fueled the fierce need for Merlin he had ignored for so long and he could feel it catching up with him. The strength of it terrified him for tomorrow. But he couldn't think about that now.

Everything else disappeared into the background.

Arthur's fingers fumbled with the laces of Merlin's breeches and he dropped to his knees, pulling them down with him till the ankles.

Merlin's breath caught as Arthur planted soft kisses along his inner thigh. He bit his lip, nails digging into his palms. The blond wrapped his lips around the top of Merlin's cock and the warlock felt as if he had gained everything and lost everything.

'Arthur-' He gasped out, struggling to control the volume. His legs trembled. 'Damn-'

Arthur sucked experimentally before taking in more slowly. He had never done this before. Merlin thrust forward his hips involuntarily, head tilted back, breath coming in quick, short, gasps. Arthur's hand pinned his waist against the wall as he sucked slowly at first and then his head was bobbing at a rapid pace.

Merlin's fingers fisted in Arthur's hair, his mouth open and dry.

'Don't- Don't stop-' he choked out as the king brought him closer to an orgasm with every second. Arthur's jaw hurt a bit but he kept going until Merlin was hot inside his mouth. He swallowed but choked a bit, not used to it. He rested his forehead against Merlin's thigh, catching his breath. They stayed like that for a few seconds before the warlock pushed off his shoes and breeches and slid down, sitting beside the king, nuzzling his nose into Arthur's neck, his hand palming the rock hard bulge under the leather bottoms. He left wet, sucking kisses over Arthur's jaw, greedy and eager.

The blond moaned, pushing into Merlin's hand impatiently. The warlock slipped his hand beneath the waistband and curved his fingers around Arthur's cock, starting to stroke him.

And Merlin still remembered exactly the way Arthur liked it. Stifled mumbles of 'Merlin, yes, just there' were whispered filthily in his ear. But every time he would be close to the peak, Merlin would slow down, just to hear those frustrated grunts of need and want for him.

'Please Merlin, just let me- Oh-'

The manservant increased the pace until Arthur spurted onto his hand, eyes rolling back into his head. Merlin tugged off the bottoms and cleaned them both up with his tunic. His fingers traced the body before him, feeling each familiar inch, need still not satisfied.

'Bed.' Arthur whispered hoarsely. 'Need you in bed.'

It was a hurried scramble for the king's bed, limbs tangled in each other beneath the silk sheets. They kissed and they kissed until the lips were swollen.

Arthur sucked and bit any part of Merlin's skin he could, to leave angry, red marks which would later turn blue, aching with each movement the man made, reminding him of this night.

Arthur couldn't get enough of the smooth skin, the gangly limbs and the short gasps. He felt dizzy, intoxicated by Merlin. His damn scent-

He buried his nose into Merlin's hair, holding him against his chest. He stroked his back slowly, not missing Merlin's quiet sigh. They were silent for a few moments, just holding each other. Arthur rested his chin on the other man's head, discomfort seeping in. As much as he tried to ignore it, the thought of tomorrow would not leave his head.

'Stop it.' Merlin murmured quietly.

'Stop what?' Arthur responded, startled.

'I can hear you thinking. Don't. Please.'

He could hear the silent plea in Merlin's voice but he didn't know how to put a stop to his thoughts. 'Merlin what if-'

Merlin pressed his lips firmly to Arthur's, successfully invading his thoughts and consuming them.

The sky had started to turn a faint pink just as Arthur finally fell asleep in Merlin's arms. He wasn't awake to hear muffled sniffling. He wasn't awake to see the tears dampening the pillow. He wasn't awake to feel the soft kiss Merlin planted on his forehead before hurriedly putting on his clothes. The warlock left Arthur to wake up to an empty bed and a hollow heart.

Merlin watched Gwen walk up the aisle, her flawless dress flowing behind her. A small smile dancing on her lips, she kneeled before Arthur.

The king looked around the room as he spoke, loud and steady. His eyes carefully looked everywhere except at Merlin. 'By the sacred laws vested in me, I crown you: Guinevere,' He placed the crown softly on her head, 'Queen of Camelot.' Merlin watched as she looked up, smiling, and their eyes met. Arthur held out his hands with fondness in his eyes and hers slipped in them, fitting perfectly. She stood up, stepping up onto the platform and leaned into him. Their lips touched.

Merlin stood paralyzed, breath caught in his throat. He swallowed over and over and tried to breathe more easily.

I want to be Arthur's. Why can't I be?

Gwen was the first to pull back and break the kiss gently.

Why was she the first?

Merlin knew he sounded like a child but he couldn't care.

The king and queen turned to face everyone else. Arthur held her hand and raised it. 'Long live the queen!'

'Long live the queen!' The entire room echoed.

'Long live the queen!' Merlin said as loudly as he could, his body trembling.

'Long live the queen!'

Merlin had fallen.

A searing pain shoots up Merlin's fingers and he sits up, trying to pull his arm away (unsuccessfully) from whatever is squishing it. He blinks, trying to make out his surroundings but it's all a blur. A groan leaves his throat, result of the unbearable throbbing of his head.

'Morgouse… Not her… Please…'

Merlin murmurs a spell with his dry mouth and his vision clears. His hand is gripped tightly by Arthur's fingers, knuckles white. He is sitting on a chair right beside Merlin's bed, bent forward, head rested on the mattress.

Another nightmare, Merlin thinks. 'Wake up,' He croaks, reaching out to touch the pale golden hair. A wave of nausea hits him and he collapses back onto the bed.

And then Arthur is screaming and screaming. Merlin sits up and shakes him vigorously, yelling his name. Panicked, he whispers a spell and his eyes glow gold. Suddenly everything is silent except Arthur's rapid breathing. 'I remember,' he mumbles, raising his head. 'I remember.' His eyes flutter open, grip tightening further on Merlin's hand.

'What? Remember what, Arthur?' Merlin asks, placing the free hand on the blonde's forehead and letting his magic flow out. It seeps into Arthur, caressing every inch and calming his mind as much as possible. He sooths him, and it's all painfully familiar to Merlin. He had done it countless times for the king of Camelot when he was stressed.

Only this time, it didn't work like it had worked before. Something was stopping his magic; the barrier that Merlin was unable to penetrate.

He removes his hand, biting his lip. How is he supposed to protect Arthur? Something is wrong and he does not know what.

'Stay close,' Arthur whispers shakily, his body shivering. 'Just stay close, Merlin. I get better when you are close.' He clutched Merlin's fingers with both hands, rubbing circles in the back of his hand with a thumb. 'Stay close.' He mumbles over and over until Merlin pulls him into bed beside him and holds him close. His eyes fall on the Excalibur lying on the floor, the blade soaked in blood. A surge of panic takes over his mind until he remembers Arthur was not physically damaged when he tried to calm him down through magic.

'What do you remember?' He asks Arthur softly.

'I remember. What- what happened after I died, Merlin.'

More explanations will be coming in the next chapter! Please review and give me your feedback and I shall reward you with cookies with Merlin and Arthur's face on them :D

Okay thats a lie. I'm despicable.

But reveiw anyway please? :3