Hello beautiful people. I know this chapter has been looong over due but my laptop broke and I have lots of studying to do and a story to give to this editor. I'm so sorry!

Even right now I'm up at 4am to finish this chapter!

Please review because those are super motivating and I can really invest myself into the story.

Since my laptop got screwed, I felt there should be a place where I can update you on the fic and that's on my tumblr: blackforthesakeofsanity . tumblr . com (sorry about the spaces, i dont think fanfiction allows links but you can also find my tumblr on my profile.). Click the fic updates link on my navigation cloud thing (hover over the The Fault In Our Stars clouds)

I'll keep my progress updated there!

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'Arthur! Unlock this door.' Merlin bangs his fist on the closet door.

'Go away. I'll come out when I'm done reading the books.'

'They are silly children's books. Why would you want to read them? You've seen them, isn't that enough?'

'No.'

'Arthuuuur.' Merlin whines. Miserably. When there is still no reply after several attempts, Merlin sighs and scuffles to the kitchen to make himself a rich, chocolate milkshake. And none for Arthur, he pouts.

The Adventures of Merlin and Arthur series was about two children around the age of seven. Merlin and Arthur became neighbors when Merlin first shifted next to Arthur's place. He was watching the cute blond child playing with his shiny red ball with a few other friends when they spotted him and said his hair was funny. Merlin ran back into his house and didn't come out for the next few days. The next time they met, Arthur was alone and offered his ball as an apology. In a few days they became inseparable. It was when they caught snatches of a movie about King Arthur and his court sorcerer Merlin that their games of pretend began in the cardboard castle they built together in Arthur's backyard.

They went on quests, rescued princesses and fought wars alongside brave knights and killed ugly trolls. A lot of credit went to his illustrator, Evan, who made the colorful pictures of their adventures.

Merlin feels a surge of guilt when he thinks of Evan. Endless unanswered calls and ignored text messages plagued Merlin's phone. He glances at the intimidating object as he sips the hot liquid. Picking it up from the kitchen counter, he shoves it in one of the cabinets and reasons with himself. Arthur had come back, for God's sake. He didn't have time for other people right now.

Arthur.

Merlin's tummy does another flip as he thinks of Arthur in the closet with his books. He hears the door click open and debates going inside, eventually deciding to wait till Arthur came to him.

'Merlin?'

'In the kitchen,' Merlin responds, ignoring his hammering heart. He grips the mug tighter than needed.

'He moves away, at the end of the last book.' Arthur says , entering the kitchen. 'Arthur.'

Merlin nods and shrugs. Arthur and his family had moved away in the last book. They had promised to be best friends, painting their initials on a tree in Arthur's backyard, the day Arthur's family left.

'It was when I died, wasn't it.' Arthur stares at the book in his hand. He isn't really expecting an answer and Merlin doesn't give him one. He doesn't need to. He sets down his mug and takes Arthur's hand. 'Come with me.'

'Where?'

Merlin ducks into the bedroom and grabs the folded blanket before hurrying them out again and unbolting the front door.

'Merlin-' Arthur begins, his body going rigid. Merlin turns around.

'Arthur.' He says firmly. 'Do you trust me?'

Fearful blue eyes find the warm blue ones and Arthur nods slowly. Merlin's lips curl up into a smile and he tugs a reluctant Arthur out the door. The blond fidgets as they wait for the elevator and is unnaturally still once inside it, hands pressed to the wall, holding himself steady and alarmed eyes darting from place to place.

'Do you want to press the button?' Merlin tilts his head to the left slightly and points. Arthur presses down a finger over the silver circle cautiously and holds it there. The doors ping close and the panicky feeling rises.

'You can let it go now, Arthur.' Merlin grins. Arthur snatches his hand back, blushing furiously and mumbling something about 'new to this.'

'You remember how elevators work right?' The warlock asks and gets a nod from Arthur.

The doors open into a small grey room with stairs leading down on the left. The doors ping closed and the soft rumble indicates the elevator is going back down. The ground is cold beneath their bare feet. Merlin walks to a white door at the end of the room and pulls it open. A gush of cold wind causes Arthur to wrap his arms around himself. Merlin unfolds the blanket and tosses it over him and tugs him out onto the roof.

'We're on the top.' Merlin beams, walking toward the parapet and gazing down, standing on his toes even thought the wall is till his chest. Arthur follows, a gasp leaving his lips. 'It's beautiful.' He whispers, taking in the glittering lights scattered over the dark night, as far as they can see. It's quiet, with no traffic on the streets.

Merlin watches him fondly, a small smile on his lips. 'See its not that bad.' He says softly.

'No, its not.' Arthur agrees, unable to tear his eyes away.

They stand there in silence for a while, looking at the sleeping world that surrounds them until Merlin starts to shiver, letting out small huffs of breath.

'Idiot.' Arthur mutters and wraps his blanket around Merlin's gangly body. The warlock fidgets, ducking his head slightly. Arthur wraps an arm around his waist. 'Keep still. I need to ask you something.'

'No we're not ordering another milkshake, you clotpole.' Merlin's grin falters when he doesn't even get a small smile in reply. 'What is it?' He asks, his heart hammering.

'You were the old sorcerer who came to heal my father on his deathbed.' Arthur says quietly.

Merlin's body tenses up against Arthur's as he hastens to explain what had happened. 'Y-yes Arthur, but I swear to you I did nothing to harm him, I meant to make him well and I have no clue what happened and-'

'Calm down Merlin,' Arthur cuts in and turns to look at him. 'I know you meant well. I just don't know what happened. I'm struggling to understand everything. I wanted my father to get well and an old sorcerer came along, claiming to be able to heal him. But father died instead. Later I find out it was my loyal manservant who has never let any harm come to me. Who had always been at my side. I just need to know what happened.'

'I don't- I didn't kill your father Arthur. I would never do that.' Merlin says quickly. 'The spell I used was supposed to make him better but it did the exact opposite. Gaius said it could have been sorcery. There are spells that can reverse other spells.'

Arthur considers it for a few seconds before nodding and turning to look at the houses in the distance. 'Okay.'

'I'm surprised you didn't ask me sooner.'

'I didn't have to. I thought it could wait till we were both more stable.'

'Weren't you suspicious?'

Arthur shook his head. 'I can feel you, remember?'

'Oh.' Merlin drops his gaze too.

'why do you think-' Arthur hesitates. 'why do you think I need you around all the time? Especially after… You know.'

'what?' Merlin shakes his head. Even in the faint moonlight, Merlin can tell Arthur's cheeks have turned pink.

'After I get sick.'

'Why?'

'I don't- I don't fully understand this… thing. Yet. But I think that because my actual body is still new to it, since I came out of the lake, I'm having a hard time with the souls which have evil in them. They damage me. But the good ones, there are like the medicine. They heal. And- and yours. Your soul Merlin. Its pure. I…'

The warlock's fingers curl around the hem of Arthur's shirt, unconsciously, as he watches him at war with himself, struggling to explain what's going on inside him. 'It's okay,' Merlin whispers. 'As long as I'm close, you'll be fine, right?'

Arthur gives him a tired smile. But it's genuine. And that's all that matters for now.

'Will you write another book? For when Arthur and Merlin meet again?'

Merlin laughs. 'I've already written it.'

'You have?' Arthur asks, surprised. 'I didn't see it in the box.'

'It's not published. Nobody knows about it.'

'When did you write it?'

'Right after the last one.' Merlin shrugs.

They become quiet for sometime before Merlin speaks. 'Oh just say it.'

'Say what?' Arthur looks startled.

'The thing you're thinking.'

'I'm not thinking anything.'

Merlin rolls his eyes. 'I can feel you twisting your ring. Its not that hard when you're got an arm around my waist.' His ears become warm. Arthur's right hand falls away.

'What do you mean?'

'Arthur, you're always over working that small brain of your when you're twisting that ring.'

'Am I?' He sound stunned.

'So?'

'What?'

'Say it.'

'Oh. I- I was just thinking about before. If- if I wasn't meant to be king. Things would be different between us.'

Merlin swallows. 'Different?' he chokes out. Arthur's fingers curve against his waist.

'I wish so badly, Merlin…'

'Arthur, you died,' accusation seeps into Merlin's tone. 'And- and here I was, unable to end my life, no matter what I did. You were gone. I was left to deal with-'

'You tried to end your life?' Arthur asks angrily, taking a few steps away from Merlin. 'How could you?'

'I- Yes because can you imagine, watching everything that ever mean to you, withering away around you? Watching everyone you ever loved take their last breaths? Your life falling apart?'

'Merlin I wasn't on a picnic after I died, I was going through torture-'

'And you said yourself you would have rather died than face all that!'

'Yes but I thought about you every moment the pain left me alone!' Arthur shouts and pushes off the blanket, turning his back to Merlin. 'And I don't understand why you wont- you wont let us- I know that you want it too.' His fingers clench into fists at his sides. 'I realize that what I did that night before- before the wedding was wrong. But even you knew that we couldn't! For Camelot- but now? Now when we finally can be? Merlin why wont you-'

'So I just- We just go for it and I surrender myself in every way possible only to end up in the same place! Don't you understand Arthur? I will never die. But you will. And what do you expect me to do then? Arthur I cant wait another thousand years to hold you again.' Merlin's voice breaks and he feels drained. His knees give away and he's on the floor, pressed to the wall, breathing hard.

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