A/N: Okay guys, this chapter is up a little later than anticipated but I've been feeling under the weather recently so I haven't really been in the mood to write but I'm better now :) I would just like to say THANK YOU sooooo much to everyone who reviewed in the past few weeks, especially nevisveli who left me four lovely reviews for earlier chapters and has got this story to 80 reviews (I'm so happy right now!) anyway, I'm rambling so on with the next chapter! (it was super fun to write!)
"Haymitch I'm pregnant."
It seems like an eternity before either of us speaks again. "I'm sorry what?"
I'm not sure what possesses me to but I smile to myself, possibly because that was exactly what I said when I first found out. "I said I'm pregnant. I'm having a baby." I know that he heard me the first time but somehow I find that saying it out loud helps me realise that it is really happening to me.
"And is it – is it mine?" he asks repugnantly as if the words are venom on his own tongue. I nod because I know it is.
He moves across the room and sits down in one of the chairs, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He occasionally glances up at me but neither of us says anything; we just stare at each other.
Without warning, Haymitch rises from his seat and strides towards the bar taking two bottles of liquor from the surface almost seamlessly and heading down the corridor to his room.
"Haymitch, believe it or not, this isn't something you can walk away from." I call after him.
"Fuck off, Trinket." I hear his door slam but I am nowhere near done. I walk down the corridor as if I have not just lost every ounce of self-confidence and push open his door with greater force than intended – that should teach him to use a lock.
He looks at me with tired eyes, already nearly finished with one bottle which I find absolutely astounding. "What part of 'fuck off Trinket' don't you understand?"
I ignore him completely. "It is not something you can drown in alcohol either." I make a grab for the bottle but he moves it away from my reach.
"I will do whatever the hell I want sweetheart, and if that means drinking until I pass out then so be it! In fact that sounds pretty good right now." He yells and I feel tears prick my eyes.
"Don't – don't you dare! This is equally your fault so don't try and pin all the blame on me! You're in this now whether you like it or not so for once in your life pull your head out of your own ass and look around. In – oh I don't know – six months' time I will have had or be having a baby that I have no clue how to look after, a baby that is half me and half you which is unchangeable. So please, for your own sake wake up and smell the fucking coffee!" I collapse in the nearest chair; feeling completely exhausted and put my head in my hands letting the tears that have been building up all day finally fall.
"I just – I don't know what to do. In my life, I've always had a plan and now I don't and it scares me." I mumble into my hands.
"Well you're the things mother, aren't you meant to decide?"
I bite my bottom lip to refrain from saying something I might regret so instead I come out with: "Yes, and you're the 'things' father," he flinches "I would appreciate some sort of input."
He stays silent. "Haymitch, all I'm saying is that I can't be responsible for another child's life or certainly death if that's what I was to choose. Especially not my own."
"Yeah but Eff's, you gotta think here. The President wasn't happy with us when we were sleeping together, think how he would be if he found out…you know - that."
I can probably make an educated guess. "It's just a baby, a little baby who hasn't had a chance in life before it's even started." I say it more to myself but Haymitch still replies.
"Doesn't mean shit sweetheart. It's us that'll get it, after all it is our fault but that's not to say that he wouldn't go after the kid as well, I know all too well what he's capable of." He looks pained and I frown, perching next to him on the edge of the bed.
"I just can't do this on my own."
"I know and I don't expect you to but I just have too much going on at the moment, this couldn't have happened at a worse time."
The statement leaves me irritated and feeling somewhat hurt. "Well I'm sorry that I couldn't have got pregnant at a more convenient time, it's not ideal for me either."
"Effie," he says exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"No, whatever you have to say I don't want to hear it. I'm not in the mood." I mutter folding my hands in my lap.
"And you think I am? To put up with one of your bitch fits I mean?"
"Excuse me?" I ask, shocked although I didn't really expect less from his reaction.
"You heard me loud and clear, sweetheart." He says bringing the bottle back to his lips. This time when I make a grab for it, I don't miss.
"Effie, give me the damn bottle!" Haymitch almost shouts trying to reach across me for the alcohol.
I stand up and cross the room to his dresser and take a glass from the top not really caring how long it's been there. "It's impolite not to offer your guest a drink," I say pouring myself a generous amount from the bottle and slamming it down with insistent force on the wood surface.
"Effie," he crosses the room "give that to me."
I shake my head bringing the glass up to my lips. Even after a few sips I can feel warmth spread through every inch of my body, the thoughts of a baby already beginning to dissolve. I don't drink much more than that before Haymitch takes the glass from my hands.
"Effie, you're pregnant. Get a damn grip." He reprimands me and I smile sardonically.
"You," I jab him in the chest "are a hypocrite, but at least it's nice to know you care." Again I smile but this time because I have caught him off guard. He looks to the ground, face flushed from anger.
"I don't care sweetheart; I really don't so if you want to go and get pissed out of your mind then you go ahead. Just know that from the bottom of my heart I really don't give a fuck." He intended to hurt me and it worked. I find myself on the brink of tears again.
"You know what's funny Haymitch? For a minute I actually thought that you would care about me and maybe even the baby but I suppose I was wrong. You really are heartless."
He laughs bitterly. "I don't think you should really be telling me that when you are the exact epitome of the word. You're like the pied piper, tearing children from their families – leading them to death. In my eyes you are equally as guilty as the almighty President himself."
"Don't you dare say that, you know I had no choice." I hiss recalling when I told him about why I took the job in the first place.
"Yeah, well you have a choice now." He says with finality, obviously referring to the child, and with that he exits the room taking the bottle and glass with him.
In an hour or two Katniss and Peeta return and we all go to dinner. I spend most of the meal in silence having no great opportunity to speak but also, I don't really feel like talking.
"So have you… reconsidered who you want to team up with? I had yet more requests this morning." Asks Haymitch in between mouthfuls of potatoes and gravy.
"No," says Katniss plainly not bothering to turn her attention away from the lamb stew.
Haymitch puts down his fork quite forcefully on the side of the plate making me jump. "So you're telling me you want an octogenarian for an ally?"
"And District Three." She reminds him. He sighs exasperatedly.
"What about you Peeta? Have you had any more sensible thoughts?"
Peeta shrugs. "I'll go with what Katniss says," he pauses and looks over at Haymitch who is clearly extremely displeased. "Though I suppose it would be helpful to have someone like Finnick on our side."
"Finally some decent judgement." Again he sighs but this time out of relief.
"Yes but maybe I don't want Finnick." Mumbles Katniss earning a glare from her mentor across the table.
"And why on earth wouldn't you want Finnick?"
She doesn't answer but instead goes back to running her finger round the rim of her empty bowl and licking the leftover stew from it – much to my distaste.
"You know what, I give up with all of you." He stands from the table, taking his drink with him. "Come and find me when you have reached a reasonable conclusion." He calls behind him.
Both Peeta and Katniss look to me as if asking me to either bring him back, sort him out or both of the above. I decide to do nothing other than enjoy the rest of my dinner in silence.
Shortly after dessert has been finished and cleared away, Katniss and Peeta disappear to lord only knows where leaving me practically alone in the penthouse aside from the probably intoxicated man I have no will to speak to. Unfortunately one of said man's many talents (aside from drinking) seemingly includes mind reading.
"Still pissed at me sweetheart?" he asks me from behind with a slight hint of snide amusement I can only associate with alcohol.
"What do you think?" I reply checking my reflection in the mirror as I walk past and down to my bedroom. He follows me.
"Even I'm not still pissed at you anymore."
"No, you're just pissed. And besides, I didn't say such awful things that brought you to tears." I didn't mean to say the last part. It makes me sound weak.
When I next look over at Haymitch, he looks guilty. "I didn't mean it." He says as an attempt of consolation.
"Of course you did otherwise why would you have said it?" I sit down in front of my mirror and begin to arrange various bottles and tubs on the dressing table surface. "Besides, it was all true."
Haymitch sits down on the edge of my bed and leans back on his elbows. "No it wasn't."
I roll my eyes. "If you would kindly stop contradicting me - yes it was and you know it. You were just shocked about the news of the baby that's understandable."
There it is – that strange pang of emotion that hits me whenever I think of or say the 'b' word, an emotion I have yet to place but one that makes me feel intensely guilty and yet distantly happy at the same time. No, not happy - I'm not happy.
"Yeah but it's not excusable."
"Wait," I say "can I please record this or am I wrong in thinking that you are actually apologising?"
"Funny, Trinket."
There is a short period of silence as I finish rearranging my various facial products in time order as to when I use them at night. "I accept your apology." I finally say looking at his reflection in the mirror.
"Did I say anything about apologising?" I glare at him and he relents. "Fine, I'm sorry."
I grin complacently and he huffs. "Don't look so smug sweetheart; it doesn't look good on you."
I can't help but laugh at the comment whether it was out of bitterness or that he had to ruin the moment with some snide remark. Haymitch and points at me.
"That on the other hand really does suit you. You should laugh more."
"I do believe you have told me that before," I say remembering the night on the train to Eleven.
"Yeah but you needed reminding."
I begin to wonder if he is drunk or genuinely sweet-talking me. Either way I feel a blush creep to my cheeks.
In the reflection, I see him stand and cross the room presumably to leave but again I am wrong. He stops just behind me and for no reason whatsoever leans down and places a soft kiss on my neck, just below my ear.
This takes me aback. He has never done that before, never kissed me unprovoked – though I'm definitely not complaining – and it brings on a whole new feeling which takes me barely any time to figure out that I like it.
Now he does go to leave as if he might think I don't want him but I do so I stop him. My hand finds his wrist brushing past solid gold as it does so. I smile as I realise he is still wearing the golden bangle. I stand and without having to say anything Haymitch kisses me again but this time square on the lips.
I desperately try to think. I feel like there is something to do – not that I want him to stop. I can't think of anything though… We can't be late for dinner because we already had it, and we can't have copious amounts of work to do because there is none.
Oh well, I think as his hands and lips roam my body, I will have to endure it. I smile to myself. That shouldn't be too difficult.
A/N: Okayyyy, I really don't know what the last part was so please kindly ignore it… I hope you enjoyed the chapter though :) it turned out longer than I thought it would be but I'm sure that none of you mind that ahaha! I am going on holiday for the next week or so to paris so I won't be able to update/write for a bit so I apologise for the probable lateness of the next chapter. Please, please, please keep on reviewing (they make me so happy!) and I will see you all next time!
~H x