Roy Mustang, Hopeless Romantic II
Roy slouched over the typewriter in a depressing lump. His initial burst of enthusiasm had abandoned him as he succumbed to writer's block.
"AGGGGGHHHHH! I haaaaate this! It makes my brain itch!"
Ed just laughed as he slurped his Ramen, nearly causing himself to choke.
"Hate to sound rude, babe, but did it ever occur to you that you may actually have no writing talent?"
Roy, indignant, gasped at Ed's insensitivity, and shot a glare at him, which softened to a pouty look of hurt.
"Well, that's not very kind, Fullmetal."
Oh, shit. He doesn't call me that unless he's pissed!
"I am, after all, only a beginner." Stated Roy coolly, in a voice which told Ed he'd be getting no action for at least a couple of days.
Me and my big mouth….
Not wanting to do any more damage, Ed felt it was best he finish his Ramen in the kitchen, at the table.
Roy was glad for the privacy, as his companion had a tendency to be rather annoying when the mood struck him.
Struck… AHA!…
The pointy end of the saber struck him, puncturing his chest, sending a red curlicue of blood throughout the white shirt's fibers.
"Damn it all! And to think, defeated by a lowly WOMAN! AGGGHHHHHH!" He hissed, his final words swallowed by a choking, gargling, gurgle, and his body contorted into its final resting position. Well, maybe 'resting' wasn't the right word, since his body was contorted painfully, contrived into a shape some crazy, pretzelly, contortionist circus freak would envy.
"Haha, jerk! You got beat by a gir-irl! And so shall all who are stupid or unfortunate enough to get in the way of me, Bryna O' Malley, Princess and Future Ruler of Landeris, Beautiful and Terrible Warrior (with a nice rack, she might add), in search of her one true love, Handsome, Roguish Freedom Fighter Brogan McMurphy, the one and only man who may bring her true, pure, never ending happiness!" She finished breathless and triumphant. It was dark now. She marched on into the shadowy woods nearby, where unknown danger lurked.
God, this is boooo-ring! Ed thought, sitting alone at the kitchen table. When will Roy get this stupid novel idea out of his head? That's all he thinks about lately... Aha! I'll write my own romance novel, not the gross guy/girl kind, but my own, kickass, yaoi-riffic kind! See how he likes it! Muwahahahahahaha!
"Mwahahahahahahahahaha!" Evilly snickered a sinister, mustachioed man wearing all black, with an eye patch, a wooden leg and a gold tooth who sat sharpening his giant, curvy, knife-sword thing, menacingly.
"That silly princess... Doesn't she know everyone could hear her a million miles around? Any who, my gloriously EVIL plan may now be set into motion! Hehehehehehehehehehe!"
He crouched in the woods, waiting for Bryna to pass. As soon as she did, he jumped up, knocked her unconscious, bound, gagged, and blindfolded her, and carried her to his pure black horse whose eyes seemed to glow red in the darkness, previously hidden in the thick woods.
"I'll fetch me a king's ransom for this! A specific king's ransom, that is. There, there, my pretty, all will go well if your father only cooperates. And maybe I can get something from that dreamboat roguish freedom fighter you kept rambling about. Hehehehehehehehehe!"
He put her on top of his horse, and climbed on behind her.
"Yes, yes, I think this will work out mighty well for me!" Sang the awful, bad, depraved, despicable, evil, incorrigible, mean, nasty, wanton, wicked ninja-pirate kidnapper, thinking he'd gotten home Scot-free.
But who should pop out of the shadows just then but Dreamboat Roguish Freedom Fighter, Brogan McMurphy! He pulled out his own saber, frightening said ninja-pirate kidnapper into stopping his horse, nearly dropping Bryna O'Malley in the process.
"You thought you could get away with kidnapping Bryna O'Malley, Princess and Future Ruler of Landeris, Beautiful and Terrible Warrior (with a nice rack, I might add)-"
"Yeah, yeah, I already heard all that. Now, prepare to meet your doom, Dread Pirate Richard!"
Brogan started in enthusiastically, but then stopped, confused.
"Richard?"
"Yes, Richard! Ever had your ass kicked by a guy named Richard? 'T Ain't fun! Now, prepare to meet your doom!"
"This shouldn't be too hard... I mean, all that Roy/Ed yaoi goodness on the 'Net is pretty hot...Hehe. I guess that's not all I have to go on, though, is it?" Ed giggled, until he remembered his current standing with Roy. "Well, maybe for right now it is. Humph."
And Ed put pen to paper.