Thanks to Angel and Dezo again for all their help.
My red eyes slowly open as the light they had been trying to avoid finally covered them completely. I looked out over the room and realized that I had one arm hanging off my side of the bed. After lifting my head from the pillow and trying not to fall into the floor, I noticed that Nanoha's sleeping habits had once again taken almost the entire bed. It was at times like this that I missed our Royal King size bed. I lazily moved my legs over so I could put my feet on the floor and stood up in a stretch. Turning to look back, I saw Nanoha sprawled out, lying almost sideways on the mattress. It was amazing how she can lay so still after making love, but is such an annoyance when she just sleeps...
Amber Dreams II
By: Satashi
Deciding to not risk the chance of waking her up, Fate left the girl where she was and started looking through the closet to find some clothes. Happily, she pulled on a shoulderless short-sleeved shirt and a pair of denim jeans. Socks were found, and after rooting around a little more, a pair of black panties with cherries all over them were reluctantly taken. 'Nanoha still buys me things to wear even if I'm not here...' A small smile tugged at her lips and a few moments later a bra was found that she could unsnap the shoulder straps to. Once dressed properly, she made her way to the bathroom connected to the master bedroom and started combing her hair, finishing it with a fluffy silk white ribbon that matched her shirt.
Silently walking through the room, she moved to the podium by the bed and greeted both devices with a good morning. Soft replies came back and she picked up Raising Heart from the pillow. "Ready to go?" she asked her politely. The device flashed and the word 'Yes' scrolled across its smooth glass-like surface. "Bardiche," She whispered to the gem still lying on the pillow. "Take good care of Nanoha for me please?"
"Yes sir."
Fate smiled and nodded to her device before leaving the room. One outside, she noticed sounds coming from the living room and after a short walk, smiled at Vivio curled up in a blanket watching the early morning TV. "Good morning," she greeted pleasantly, getting a reply in kind. "Do you want some breakfast?"
"I already nibbled on some leftovers." Vivio revealed while watching her mother walk through the kitchen. "There are some frozen breakfast things in the freezer, I think."
Fate instead poured herself a large cup of orange juice and proceeded to drink almost the entire thing in one go. "I'm just thirsty." A second turn of the cup finished the liquid and she proceeded to rinse and dry the glass before replacing it on in the cabinet. "I'm going to go to the base for a while, do you need anything from town?"
"No ma'am." Vivio looked back over to Fate when the blonde came closer and felt of her forehead. "I feel much better, thank you."
"Good." Fate kissed Vivio's head after moving her hair out of the way. "I'm off then."
"You're staying today, aren't you?" Vivio asked suddenly, looking at her with slightly worried eyes.
"Yes, I'm leaving tomorrow." Fate's words both cheered up Vivio and depressed her at the same time, leaving the child with a strange expression on her face. "Don't worry; we'll have lots of time today." Leaning over, she ruffled Vivio's hair lightly and had to force herself to start walking to the door again. "I'll be back soon."
"Have a safe trip."
The warm air outside greeted her with a light breeze, lifting her hair slightly and making her ribbon flutter behind herself as she walked. The door to her jet black sports car was opened and after sitting in it and turning it on, the top material broke down and reformed itself into a convertible. A small moment passed by before Fate sighed slightly and reached over to the passenger seat to move around a few pieces of trash and empty soda bottles so they wouldn't blow out. 'You can tell Nanoha is a single mama...' A feeling of guilt flashed through her chest before she shook her head to clear the thoughts.
Moments later, Fate found herself driving down the small neighborhood that her friend lived in, smiling brightly and waving to the children playing on their front lawns, and even waiting patiently for the group of slightly older males to clear out their street baseball game. With a happy nod at them when she drove by, she couldn't help but let out a small giggle. 'This is such a great little neighborhood.'
~**~
Fate contently ignored the strange glances cast at her while she walked down the large pavement parking lot of section six. Having rested her car in one of the closest parking spaces normally reserved for high ranking officials, she had a few people attempt to stop her and ask her to move, only to fall silent when Fate's pleasant questioning smile met their eyes. Finally entering a large building, she began walking off to the mechanical studies part of the complex when a secretary at the front desk stopped her. When a visitor's pass was offered, Fate simply took out her wallet from her purse and showed her the ID card within. Fast apologies were given and the blonde was free to make her way to where she had originally been heading.
Upon entering a smaller room filled with podiums and scanning equipment complete with robotic arms to modify devices, she stopped and took Raising Heart from under her shirt and unclasped the necklace. "Shari?" She asked politely, making her friend look up from her desk and grin at her. "Hey, how have you been?"
"Just fine, just fine. How about you? On leave?"
"For today, yes, I have to report back in tomorrow."
Shari put on her glasses and tapped a few things on a monitor to open a storage area for a device. "Poor Nanoha misses you a lot; you should try and come back more often so we don't have to put up with her whining. Speaking of, she was supposed to bring me Raising Heart today."
"I have her," Fate held out her hand, offering the gem.
"Oh? She needed to sign some papers to approve the additions."
"Additions?" Fate tilted her head to the side.
Shari blinked twice before looking at the small orb. "Raising Heart, did you tell Nanoha what you requested?"
Raising Heart flashed lightly as it replied. "Fate has the authority to approve of my commands."
Shari sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose but Fate leaned closer to inspect the now hovering orb in the container. "What additions did you request that Nanoha wouldn't know about?"
"A civilian mode with flight capability."
Fate hummed lightly in thought. "Why?"
"I believe a physical change in appearance will show my desire for my master to rest." The robotic voice held a hint of desperation in it. "Please, Fate, help my master rest."
The blonde looked at the orb in shock for several long moments before giving it a fond look. "Thank you, Raising Heart. I'm sure your feelings will reach her." Turning to Shari, Fate smiled at her. "I approve the changes. Will it take a long time?"
"Are you sure you should do that? This is Nanoha's device and all..."
Fate shook her head lightly. "Raising Heart can think for herself. If she wants it, I can't tell her no. Nanoha would agree."
The scientist put a hand on her hip. "I'm not taking the blame for this if she storms in here demanding to know why I altered her device." Fate nodded at her again and she sighed out. "Okay, okay. I ran all the compatibility test last check up so all I have to do is install and activate. It shouldn't take more than three hours since RH here is in good condition and prepped for it already."
"Thank you," Fate bowed lightly at her. "I'll come back to pick her up then. I need to go see Hayate for a while."
"Okay, I'll get started then." The two friends waved at each other before splitting up.
Fate walked down the hallway, pondering exactly what her friend's device had requested for on her own. 'Even Raising Heart is concerned about Nanoha... After the JS incident her body got really weak... and now she's still on active duty, pushing herself without even allowing her linker core to recover from being drained so much...' She shook her head and rubbed her eyes. 'That girl, always making me worry... Maybe Hayate can force her to take more time to rest.' Her friend's door came into view and a light tapping on it with her knuckles gave her permission to enter.
"I'm really busy," Hayate stated firmly, eyes on her monitor while typing quickly on the keypad. "Make it quick, please."
"Too busy for me?" Fate asked playfully, watching with amusement as Hayate jumped in her chair and looked at her with wide eyes. "Hello, Hayate."
"Fate-chan!" Hayate stood quickly and started saving all her work while bent over. Once everything was taken care of, she ran around her desk and gave her old friend a tight hug. "Hey! I thought I missed you, I was so mad you didn't come by!"
"I was going to before I left, but I decided to stay another day. I have time now, so I wanted to see if you could get some lunch? Maybe I could help you with your work too?"
"No, no, sit down silly girl, I have time!" She led Fate over to the couch in her overly large office and sat down with her. "How are you? We haven't talked in weeks!"
"I'm okay," Fate felt relieved that her friend was still able to smile like she was after all the stress of rebuilding her base and re-establishing her battalion. "How about you? I've heard you weren't sleeping enough."
Hayate grinned. "You going to listen to Nanoha about sleeping enough? I'm just fine, really busy, but fine. Have they been working you too hard? How is Tea doing?"
"She's doing great. She already has a lot of respect around the ships and has completed several complicated missions. I couldn't ask for a better partner."
"Except Nanoha-chan, hmmmm?" Hayate nudged her. "You stayed an extra day? Did you and Nanoha-chan get back together!?" The sudden uneasy smile she received made her groan out. "You got my hopes up."
"...Sorry."
"What is it with you two anyway?" Hayate asked in an exasperated voice. "You two have been together since before you even knew what dating was. When you finally announced your relationship here I felt like I was finally able to make you two happy by putting you together like that..."
"Don't worry about it, Hayate, I'm-"
"I do worry about it." The short girl took both of Fate's hands in her own. "Not just for you, but for Nanoha-chan as well. She can't handle this; it's too much for her. Why in the world are you so hard headed?"
"…What do you mean?" Fate shook her head lightly. "She can't handle it? Work? I know she-"
"No!" The brown haired girl looked at Fate with an exasperated expression. "I love you to death, Honey, but you're so dense. Nanoha needs you. She buries herself in work more and more because she just can't deal with the fact that you're not there with her anymore. She wants you to take care of her, you know that!" The look on Hayate's face made Fate not try to deny the fact. She knew it more than anyone else: Nanoha worked hard, and didn't want anyone to worry about her- even if it meant lying to her best friends. When it came to Fate, however, Nanoha showed a distinct difference in behavior. Whenever she was scolded or pampered, Nanoha wouldn't complain or act like it wasn't true. Instead, she always smiled fondly, gave a look of appreciation, and accepted the words. Nanoha needed to be taken care of; it was something that she had secretly craved all of her life but would never allow anyone to know.
"… I heard you forced her to take the weekends off… Is she really that bad?"
Hayate looked down a moment before slowly nodding. "She doesn't let anyone know, but it shows. I want to ask her to take some time off, a vacation of some sort, but she got so mad at me for using my position to force her to rest on the weekends… She didn't talk to me for almost four days." That revelation made Fate almost gasp. Nanoha never held grudges, least of all to her best friends. "Fate-chan, I'm worried about her. Not just her work, but her being a mother as well. She tries really hard, but she can't do it on her own… please tell me, what came between you two? I know you still love her."
"What makes you say that?" Fate's voice asked softly.
"Fate-chan, you can't even say the word sex without stammering and looking at the floor while twiddling you thumbs, yet you and Nanoha-chan go at it like jack rabbits in mating season." Just as she had expected, her friend was blushing hard while attempting to stutter out some sort of reply. "For you, who is so shy and kind and gentle," Hayate held Fate's hands a little firmer, voice going soft. "Who blushes at just getting a loving look… for you to have an actively sexual relationship with your lover, even after breaking up, clearly states how you feel. I know that Nanoha hasn't given up on you yet because of this. You love her, I know you do."
Fate stayed silent for several moments, gazing down at her lap until she finally looked back up with tears forming in the corner of her eyes. "But I don't know if I do." The simple words made the room go deathly quiet for several long moments.
"…What?" Hayate blinked slowly, unsure if she just heard her friend correctly.
"You said it yourself," Fate continued softly, looking down at her lap. "Nanoha and I have been together since before we even knew what it was… She was there for me when I needed someone most; she stayed by me when I was having such a hard time in my childhood… She showed me how to live with friends and how to start accepting people…" Fate closed her eyes and held onto her pants lightly. "She was always there, always by me… always giving me what I needed." She turned to look at Hayate and re-opened her eyes, showing moistened red orbs. "Just as she needs someone to take care of her, I craved someone to need me. To touch me, to tell me they loved me, to be paid attention to… She gave me everything I wanted… But do I love her or do I need her?"
Hayate opened her mouth but found no words coming from it. After a few seconds passed by in silence, Fate picked back up again. "I always latched onto her, and took care of her when she needed it. I know she loves me, and I thought I loved her too…, but… What is Nanoha to me? I've told her I've loved her so many times, but did I tell her because I did, or because I needed to hear it back?"
"You didn't-"
"I did," Fate interrupted her friend quietly. "I have called her countless times, just to ask her if she loved me." Fate shook her head lightly, tears starting to spill over her cheeks. "Erio and Caro too… I wanted to adopt them both, to take care of someone who knew the pain I went through as a child… But I failed them both, they didn't need me… In the end, it was I who saved by them. When they left, I just… My world broke. My two little children who I was taking care of were able to live on their own…I clung to Nanoha more, now with Vivio. She called me 'mama' and I felt loved, I felt like I belonged again. But the thoughts kept coming back. Would they leave me? Are they better without me? Could they live on their own without me like Caro and Erio are? If they didn't need me…"
"Fate-chan, you're not thinking straight-"
"I know!" Fate shouted at once, tears now freely rolling down her cheeks. "I tell myself all the time that I loved them both, that I wasn't just staying to feel like they needed me! But the question won't go away! Do I love Nanoha or do I have needs that she just so happens to be able to fill!?" Silence came again, broken only by Fate's heavy breathing. Slowly Hayate moved to pull her friend into an embrace and she found it more than welcomed. "I'm sorry," Fate whispered into the stiff uniform pressed against her cheek. "I just blew up on you."
"It's okay…" Hayate whispered back as they slowly pulled apart to look at each other. "I'm sorry, I had no idea…"
Fate averted her eyes again. "I have a lot of emotional issues, I know that. Nanoha knows as well, and yet she still loves me." Wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, Fate sniffed loudly. "Why can't it just be easy? Why can't I just know how I feel? Why do I question everything good in my life?" Her words started shaking again and once more she was pulled into a tight embrace. "Hayate, I'm scared… What if I just used Nanoha to make myself happy?" Her hands tightened, pulling on the uniform. "When Nanoha and I have sex, I tell myself that I love her so much, but the feelings she gives me when we…" She stopped her sentence, blushing and crying. "When I think about how she will feel if I try to talk to her about it… What would she think if I suddenly told her that every time I said I loved her, I wasn't sure if I actually meant it or not?"
"Shhhhh…" Hayate soothed her gently. "Don't think like that, Fate-chan. Nanoha can tell how you feel, it's just something that people in a relationship can do… You can tell she loves you, right?" A small nod came to answer. "I can't give you your answer, but I do know this:" She moved back enough so she could put her palms on Fate's cheeks. "Fate-chan, the girl I grew up with and whom I call my best friend… wouldn't use someone just to make herself happy. You have doubts about yourself, but everyone believes in you. You said it yourself, Nanoha loves you despite knowing you are emotionally upset sometimes. She wouldn't be so intimate unless she knew." A light shade came to her cheeks as she tried to talk about her best friend's intimacy that she normally tried to avoid. "When you two make love, I'm sure the feeling you get is because you love her, not because you crave the feeling that sex brings."
Fate swallowed and nodded, moving to wipe her tears again. "I'm… going to have to face this aren't I?"
"I'm sorry," Hayate took her friend's hands. "But I'll be here if you ever want to talk about it during this."
"Thank you," Fate nodded, truly happy to hear those words.
~**~
"Shari?" Fate's voice floated easily through the room, mixing in with the various sounds emitting from devices and computers.
"Over here," The woman called out happily. "You're just in time, I was about to take my break." The scientist allowed the blonde a few moments to find her position before picking up again. "Raising Heart is finished, she's around here somewhere."
"Somewhere?" Fate asked, almost shocked by the vague location. "What do you mean somewhere?"
"She hasn't sat still since she was finished." Shari smiled and pushed up the bridge of her glasses. "Try calling to her."
"Raising Heart?" Fate spoke up after a few moments of confusion.
"Here I am," The robotic voice made Fate turn to look behind herself. Instantly a hand went to her mouth and her red eyes widened slightly. No more than three feet directly in front of her, Raising Heart was hovering eye level with her. Bright pink wings that mimicked Nanoha's magic were fluttering peacefully off to each side of the orb.
"You can fly?" The blonde finally asked her question in an amazed statement.
Shari walked behind the device and put a hand on her hip in a proud stance. "She can fly without the wings, but I thought it would be a lot easier to know where she was if there was something that caught your eye. I know Rein gets walked into at lest once a day, so I figured wings would look perfect." She watched Fate reach out her hand, offering her palm for the device to rest on. "I added in several more security measures for her defense, so no one can just snatch her from the air, but the main upgrades are all what she requested and you signed to."
"What are they?" Fate pondered, smiling at her best friend's device, who took off her palm after only resting for a moment to be inspected. Raising Heart chose to answer, bringing up several monitors around Fate. Each screen varied widely, showing a weather forecast, a diary for daily activities, a meal planner, a cook book, a direct link to Vivio's school that offered helpful advice on studying with their child, and many more that she would have to turn around to see. "A complete civilian device?"
"Upgraded," Shari corrected with a matter-of-fact tone. "Raising Heart can do anything that Nanoha would ever need, and then some. Tell me, though, why the sudden interest in a civilian mode?"
Fate watched the small red orb fly around her, turning her head every now and then to catch up with the speedy thing. "I have a feeling that I'm going to have a long talk with Nanoha tonight…"
"I'm sorry," Raising Heart told her, stopping to hover so Fate could easily see her. "Please…"
Fate reached up slowly, once more letting the orb rest on her palm. The glowing pink wings fluttered, showing energy feathers drifting off until they vanished into the air. "Don't worry, Raising Heart, I didn't need to keep putting it off like I have been…"
"Thank you, Fate."
~**~
"I'm home!" Fate called as she walked into the front door of her friend's house, getting shushed instantly by a smaller girl walking to the door.
"Nanoha-mama is asleep." Vivio told her with an amused look. "We had magic practice this morning but she fell asleep on the couch when we got home."
"I see," Fate mused while watching Vivio's initial reaction to her mother's device. The child's eyes were wide and shook with excitement as the orb flew around her several times in greeting. "I need to talk with her a bit. After that, I can help you study if you'd like?"
"Yes, please." Vivio smiled up at her god-mother before continuing along her way.
Fate took off her shoes and walked to the living room slowly, mentally running over her speech one more time. Her friend was on the couch just as Vivio had stated, eyes closed and breathing peacefully. The blonde gently sat down on her knees in front of Nanoha and reached out to lightly move some hair from the sleeping girl's face. 'She is so peaceful when she sleeps… I hate to wake her up just to start an argument…' Her expression turned sad as she thought about what they were going to talk about. 'Even after I finally realize what made me so nervous, I'm instantly upsetting her instead of trying to make things work out like she wanted… But I can't talk about that now; I need to ask her what everyone wants me to ask her…' Her hand went to the girl's shoulder and pressed on it just enough to give her a small shake. "Nanoha? Wake up, Nanoha."
Nanoha slowly opened her eyes and greeted Fate with a pleased look. "Morning, Fate-chan."
"Good afternoon," Fate played back with a small laugh. As Nanoha sat up sleepily, she took the warm spot left and put an arm around the blue eyed girl's shoulders. Nanoha made a pleased sound and leaned against Fate instantly, resting her head in the crook of the blonde's neck. "Don't go back to sleep now."
"I won't" Nanoha promised, wrapping both arms around her friend and reclosing her eyes. "But you're comfortable enough to."
Fate smiled to herself and hesitantly shifted so Nanoha had to move and look at her. "Nanoha, there's something I want to talk to you about."
"Yes?" Nanoha instantly became more awake, a slight hint of excitement in her voice. "What is it, Fate-chan?" Her left hand instantly went out to embrace Fate's free one.
The red eyed girl instantly felt guilty, knowing that Nanoha was wanting to talk about their relationship. "It's… about you."
"Me?" The pleased look died at once, replaced by confusion.
A slow breath was taken and Fate tried to steady herself for the upcoming conversation. "I think… That you are pushing yourself too hard again." Before Nanoha could make an attempt to pull away, Fate held onto her a little more firm. "Please, listen to me?"
"…Fine," the girl looked away, clearly upset about being woken up for this after getting her hopes raised.
"Nanoha, sweetie, please look at me." She waited until her friend reluctantly made eye contact again. "I know you don't like talking about this, and I know you say you are fine-" Fate could tell Nanoha held back interrupting her at that moment. "But, you are pushing yourself too hard. You are very strong, but even the strongest people need to take a break every now and then… If we had a repeat of what happened before… I don't think I could handle it, let alone you."
"Fate-chan, I am more than capable of doing what I do. Hayate-chan already makes me take the weekends off; I don't need to do anything else."
"You are exhausted when you come home, and you nap after helping Vivio train. Even with the weekends off, you are pushing yourself too far little by little. At this rate, you will be at one of your tired moments and be called into action… Like before."
"I learned my lesson from-"
"No you didn't!" Each girl stopped a moment, shocked at the loud interruption. Fate recovered first and continued in a milder voice. "I'm sorry," She apologized softly. "I didn't mean to yell… But you didn't, Nanoha. You train others to not make the same mistake, but you still keep pushing yourself to the limit. This time, however, it's not just you who will be at a loss if it happened again… How would Vivio get by if you were in a wheelchair? How will Hayate feel every time she sees you? How will…" Fate paused and realized that her chest was aching at what she was about to say. "How will I feel seeing you hurt again?" She held back saying how much she needed Nanoha and felt her heart hurt more when she didn't know if it was love or her need that made her think it.
"I'm stronger now," Nanoha insisted softly. Anyone could tell she was upset at having to repeat herself on the topic, but she was also obviously trying her best to speak calmly about it.
"I know," Fate sniffed quietly. "And nobody knows that more than Raising Heart, right? Not even me." Nanoha blinked at the strange remark and was about to question it before Fate called out. "Raising Heart, come here please?"
Nanoha felt her world stop for a brief second when she saw her device fly around a corner and zoom over to her. Hovering two feet away from her, Raising Heart spoke up to join the conversation. "Master, I fear for your well being."
"Raising Heart?" Nanoha finally whispered, moving away from Fate so she could reach out with both hands. Palms upwards, she offered a landing point for her device and brought it close to her when it landed. "What…?"
"I requested a way to look after you," it spoke to her at once. "Fate signed the approval after I asked her. I am able to help you live a normal life now, Master."
"But…" Nanoha shook her head in disbelief, not able to fully comprehend what she was hearing.
Fate placed her hand on Nanoha's shoulder again. "Nanoha, I'm sorry… But she is right. You need to rest. Not permanently, but enough to let your body become normal again, to let your linker core grow and be healthy, and to make sure that when we do need you, you'll be able to help." Nanoha felt a tear run down her cheek as her device floated up from her palms and started displaying her new features. Several monitors came up, along with everything she would need to know about Vivio's studies as well as how to do things around the house. "Raising Heart chose this on her own, so she could help you adjust."
The small red orb made the displays vanish and she moved over to Nanoha again. "Please, Master," she asked in a pleading tone. "Let me carry your wings while they rest."
Nanoha sniffed and reached out again, pulling Raising Heart to her chest and hugging her. Several moments went by as the girl stayed there with her eyes closed, not saying anything. Finally, she leaned over towards Fate and got an arm placed around her shoulder once more. "I don't know what to say," she finally spoke up, voice soft. "This will change my life, as well as Vivio's…" She pressed her cheek against Fate's neck and held up Raising Heart behind the blonde's back, looking at it with moistened eyes. "I will have to think really hard about this…"
"Please," Fate whispered softly into Nanoha's ear while stroking the girl's hair. "That's all we can ask of you. Just remember that we will all be here to support the choice that you make."
"…Thank you." Nanoha closed her eyes tightly. "Both of you."
~**~
Vivio yawned sleepily for the third time in under ten minutes, her half focused eyes drooping yet again. "Vivio," her mother's voice made her blink and sit upright again. "If you're tired, you should get some rest."
"No, I'm okay." Vivio's words were slightly slurred from another yawn she was repressing. "Really, I'm fine."
Fate looked at the small watch on her wrist and smiled at it. "It's almost an hour past your bed time, young lady." The older woman started closing the books around them and stacked them neatly on the table before handing them to Vivio. "You need to rest if you have an exam tomorrow."
"But… Fate-mama is leaving in the morning…" Vivio looked at her godmother and pouted. "I will miss you."
"I will miss you too, but you don't need to push yourself so much." Bending over, she touched Vivio's nose. "Sleepy girl needs to sleep. I will miss you too, and I promise I'll tell you when I leave tomorrow." She reluctantly handed the books to Vivio and started walking with her to the smaller girl's bedroom. "I'll help you study more when I come back, okay?"
"Promise? You'll come back before school ends then?" Vivio placed her books into her backpack and turned to look up at Fate. "It's a promise, right?" She held up her pinky, a habit she got from Nanoha.
Fate slowly brought up her hand and gripped Vivio's pinkie. "I promise I will do everything I can to be back before school lets out." Vivio frowned at the word choice so Fate tried again after thinking about it for a quick moment. "I promise I will come back before the school year ends, even if it's just an overnight stay." This time she got a happy nod and they shook on it. "Sweet dreams, Vivio."
"Sweet dreams, Mama." Vivio smiled once more and went to her dresser to pick out her night clothes as Fate made her way to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Yes," Fate looked over her shoulder and smiled once more before leaving the room. As the woman walked to the door leading into her bedroom she let out a soft sigh. Knowing she couldn't put it off much longer, she steadied herself and opened the door slowly. Nanoha was lying on the bed with several monitors around herself, lifted by the several pillows piled behind her back. Raising Heart was resting peacefully on her stomach, perched on her bellybutton and raising steadily with each of her master's breath.
Noticing her friend, Nanoha turned to look at Fate and smiled lightly. "You wouldn't believe what neat little programs I have," she stated in an amused voice.
"Really?" Fate took the offered conversation starter and walked to the dresser to pick out a shirt to change into.
"Yes, I can do anything I want to…" Her words trailed as Fate's shirt was taken off. Blue eyes looked lovingly at the body of her ex-lover and Fate had to turn away to avoid her blush from being seen. "I'm sorry, did I embarrass you again?"
"You always embarrass me, you know that." Fate's words held a kind tone to them, not offended by the casual action that always took place when they were alone. "But what is so neat?" The black shirt was pulled down over her stomach and she walked over to the bed to crawl into it and lean against the large stack of pillows near the headboard.
"Well, besides keeping tabs on Vivio's school, I can access a meal planner that not only suggest what to cook each day for dinner, but also step by step instructions on how to make it." She pointed to a screen and it began to play, showing a video of how to correctly hold a knife while chopping vegetables.
"No more nicked fingers, I hope." Fate's words made Nanoha blush this time, and the screen turned off to avoid further embarrassment. "So, you like the upgrade?"
"…Yes." She picked up Raising Heart and smiled as the wings instantly formed, the orb fluttering so it wouldn't have to be held. "I don't really know what to say about… you know."
"Take your time, it's an important decision. We all understand that you can't just make up your mind overnight." Fate let Nanoha rest her head onto her shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No…Yes… I don't know." A soft sigh came. "I just…"
"I know."
"I know you do." Nanoha moved her hand and placed it on Fate's stomach, gripping the shirt while laying on her side now. "I wish you didn't have to go away, I really need you here right now."
"I'm sorry." Fate shifted so she could move her arm around Nanoha's shoulder to prevent it from falling asleep on her now that Nanoha's weight was on it. "I wish I could be here for you."
"It's okay, I'll get by for a while. When will you come back?" A small moment of silence answered her question so Nanoha sighed again, resting her cheek on her friend and got comfortable. "Vivio graduates next month."
"Mm." Fate nodded slightly. "I promised her I'd drop by before then, I just don't know when I can."
"Please don't miss it…" Nanoha ran her hand in a small circle on Fate's stomach. "It would mean so much to her if we were both there."
"… I promise." Fate felt her cheeks color as Nanoha shifted again, now moving to straddle her. "Nanoha?"
"I'm just getting comfortable." The girl laid her cheek just above Fate's breasts and looped both arms under the blonde's back while her body slid down to lay onto her friend's. "Though if you want to, I could welcome a distraction…?" Fate wrapped her arms around Nanoha and held on to her to prevent the girl from trying to press the notion. "Okay. If I can't show you, I'll tell you. I love you, Fate-chan."
"…I know." The reply didn't affect Nanoha like she thought it would. Instead of the hurt look she had expected, she simply got a small hum. "Are you not even going to say anything?"
"What?" Nanoha did move this time, looking up into Fate's red eyes. "About you not saying it back?" A small nod answered her and Nanoha simply lay back down and closed her eyes. "I can tell you're depressed or confused about something. The way you talk to me, how you stare off in the distance when you're thinking… I've known you for too long not to notice. You're easily upset and tend to think about things too hard and read too much into situations that you shouldn't worry about." Her hands moved so they were rubbing the blonde's back. "It used to really worry me, but I've come to understand it. Right now you're probably thinking about our relationship and not just me taking a break from work."
Fate stayed silent, her hands not moving despite being placed on her friend's back. When no words came, Nanoha started explaining some more. "When you are like this, I try to support you without making you worry. I know you need me to say I love you, most of the time we make love because I'm not really good at explaining how I feel exactly." She smiled against Fate's chest. "It sounds cheesy, but I love you more than words can say, Fate-chan. I know you love me too, I don't have to hear it."
"How can you know?" Fate finally spoke, her voice so soft that the other could barely catch it.
"The way you look at me, the way you smile when Vivio calls you mama, the way you seem so happy at the littlest thing... How you touch me when we make love, the way you hold me… I can't really explain it, I just know." She pulled Fate closer in a small hug. "I like hearing it, but just knowing is okay for now. I'll wait until you can say it again." A sudden tight hug made her give a small smile, realizing that she had hit the topic. The sniffling and the wet drops now felt on her head made her try and move to embrace Fate properly, but found that the girl wouldn't let her go.
"I'm sorry," Fate whispered softly, voice so sad it made Nanoha's chest tighten. "I don't deserve you."
"We could fight all night about that." Nanoha protested, only to be held tighter. "Ow, Fate-chan, you're going to crush me." She got a small half-laugh, half-sob and was allowed to finally move so she could embrace the crying girl. Holding Fate close, she gently finger-combed her hair and allowed her to calm down at her own pace.
"I've done nothing but cry today," Fate spoke after a few moments, forehead resting on Nanoha's shoulder. "How can you possibly put up with me?"
"The same way you put up with me, I suppose." Nanoha replied back, trying to keep her voice from sounding sad. "Hey… look at me?" Fate nodded and moved back to look up, only to be kissed on her forehead. "I trust you, Fate-chan. I told you I would wait, and I will. I love you, after all."
Fate smiled again, lips quivering as tears threatened to come once more. "Thank you."
"Here, lay down…" Nanoha eased Fate into the bed and pulled the covers over them. The lamp by the bedside was cut off and the blue eyed girl held Fate against her chest. "If you want to cry, just let it out… I'll always be here to hold you." She felt her shirt being held tighter and the body against her shake lightly. "Just let it out, it's okay…" Nanoha whispered softly into the blond hair.