Hello again!

First of all, I gotta say sorry for not having it posted earlier. I know that it's a lame excuse, but I've been busy with school. My teachers just LOVE to put all these big tests and shit the same week. I hate it.

Sooo, anyway. I've been almost done with this for about... a long time by now, and I feel stupid for leaving it there, looking lonely and sad on the desktop, when I just gotta write a few hundred words more. Silly me.

Disclaimer: (insert optional disclaimer here.)

So, on with the chapter.

Chapter four

"Have you ever thought about that it actually was your own fault that I left you behind, have you?!" he said, his voice increasing for each word he said, his eyes like raging fire. "Have you ever considered the thought about you being so fucking annoying all the fucking time made me go by myself, huh?!"
When an intense pain flickered past the redhead's eyes, all the blonde wanted to do was to beg for forgiveness, but as usual, his pride wouldn't let him.
The emotion was gone from Matt's eyes as sudden as it had appeared. Hidden by the usual mask of his.
"…I-I'm going out" he said quietly and walked off before his so-called friend was able to say anything more.

The scene replayed itself before Matt's red trimmed eyes. It had been awhile since he had felt as heartbroken as he felt right now.
The redhead took a long, almost painfully, slow drag on the fag he had brought a packet of on his way to the local park he found himself in. He sat on an old, abraded bench, its green color weared, holding the cigarette between his index- and long finger.
Shakily exhaling the grey smoke, he sadly looked at the people around him; couples, friends, parents and their children.
Wherever he looked, his eyes always got stuck on people who cared about each other, who laughed and talked happily with one another.

He couldn't stand it.

They kept reminding him of what he had never had, for it all had been nothing but an illusion.

It was all just a lie.

He had never had the friend he thought he had had.
Those 'happy moments' of his were as false as the lies he oh-so-often told himself at night, to avoid crying himself to sleep, which he did anyway.
Yes, everything he had believed in had been nothing but lies.

Tears once again began to roll down the ginger's cheeks.
He didn't bother to wipe them away. More salty tears would just take their place.

At last, the young man had calmed down enough to actually think about it. Mello surely didn't want anything to do with him.
Before that call, the blonde had probably had the redhead's phone number for some time, in case he needed a loyal dog once again.
Hadn't it been what all the other people had called him at Whammy's? Mello's dog. His doormat.

Matt could not avoid going back to his apartment; it didn't matter how much he wanted to just walk away. He had things worth a fortune in there.
But it wouldn't hurt if he didn't come back until later that night, Right?

Right.

Mello still sat on the couch where Matt had left him, staring off into space. He would never learn how to keep his mouth shut, would he?
What he said hadn't been true. He hadn't left Matt because of his clinginess, and it hadn't been the redhead's fault.
No, the reason that he left without him was because he didn't want to jeopardy the other's safety; it had been enough to risk his own.

He'd wanted the redhead to keep the naivety of his. How stupid of him: it was as good as lost as the role model of most kids at Whammy's died.

Not much was left of the happy ginger, the memories of whom Mello kept close to his heart.
His smile was now strained, too knowing of the terrible world surrounding him.
His eyes weren't as lively, the spark in them long gone.
The bags beneath his eyes told tales about the countless sleepless nights.
The hardly noticeable slouch of his showing whoever looked carefully the too big burden being nestled on his shoulders.

The blonde had never told his game-obsessed friend goodbye, out of fear of not being able to leave if he did.
Neither had he left a message, because there was nothing left to tell the younger boy.
All he had wished for was to not to brake the little boy's heart; but with one look at his older self, he knew he'd done exactly that.

Later that night, when the sky was pitch black and the temperature had dropped a great deal, the sleep-deprived young man walked in through the apartment door, hoping that the injured one had gone to bed. He really didn't feel inclined to face Mello. Not after what he'd told him.

Matt looked around the seemingly empty apartment with red-trimmed and puffy eyes and let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding when he saw no blonde tuft of hair.
When he heard some ruffling from the old, stained couch he gave a startled jump.

"Where have you been?" the blonde asked harshly and glared daggers at the poor redhead, something that made the striped-clad man flinch and take a step back. "…S-sorry…" he said, wondering why he found himself apologizing. It was probably out of habit.

"I… I don't wanna talk to you right now," he said quietly. He didn't bother to hide the tears threatening to spill over, nor did he hide the pain and betrayal that were so clear in just the slump of his shoulders. His whole being radiated sadness, despair, and confusion.
But it was most visible in those intoxicating, green eyes of his; dull, lifeless, and glazed with unshed tears.
The broken redhead staggered towards the bedroom – the bedroom where the one and only bed was to be found – before Mello could say or do anything, leaving what he had once called his friend behind on the old, sagged sofa.
Slowly, and only just audible, Matt closed the door behind him.
With that action being done, something broke inside him. His legs doubled up and he slid down the wooden door, his back pressed against it, quietly sobbing. He buried his face in his knees that were drawn up to his chest, his arms encircling them, shaking violently.

What had he done?
He surely hadn't been looking for the one and only person he had ever cared for just for… this.
Just to make him leave again.
Just to feel his heart being ripped into small pieces.
Just for… nothing at all.

What had he done?


So, whaddya think? Like it? Love it? Wanna tell me what's good and what's not? - Review! Pretty please?

Special thanks to all the reviewers of last chapter (and Dlvvanzor, of course):

Miss Hal Gibson
InnerShadow
YaoiFreak-0ww0
jinnabun