I AM THE INCOHERENT NARRATOR AND I AM BACK AND STUFF.
SO CARLY THINKS JACK MIGHT BE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE TO HER BETWEEN VOMITING WHEN IN FACT HE IS TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE BETWEEN DUELIST 1 AND 2, AND JACK THINKS HE HAS ONE HOUR TO LIVE BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN THE SUPERSTITIOUS OLD MEN OF THE SEA.
TO JACKS SURPRISE, DUELIST NUMBER 1 AND CARLY ENTERED THE ROOM AND SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND THEM OR THE DOOR SHUT BY ITSELF HE COULDN'T TELL.
JACK BEGAN "I HAVE AN HOUR TO LIVE."
"WH-WHAT" CARLY SAID "WHAT DO YOU MEAN AN HOUR!? OH MY GOD!"
"I'M SORRY I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE YOU AS A MARRIED PERSON." HE INTERUPTED.
"WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO-" CARLY BEGAN TO CRY "OH JACK, YES! YES I WILL!" SHE BAWWED ONTO HIS ARM. "BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU! BAWWWWWWWWW" JACK CLOSED HIS EYES AND LOOKED REGAL. DYING WAS A GOOD THING.
"IF IT HELPS" DUELIST NO 1 BEGAN, "I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOSE PEOPLE, I MEAN I HAVE LOST "PEOPLE" - LITERALLY. ALL OF THEM. EXCEPT THAT GUY - I WAS STUCK WITH HIM FOR OVER 40 YEARS"
"AND DON'T YOU EVER, EVER LET HIM GO!!!" JACK SAID, GRABBING DUELIST NO 1'S ARM WITH HIS BEST MANLY GUTS FACE, CARLY STILL ATTACHED TO HIS TORSO.
"NO..." DUELIST NO 1 SAID "SERIOUSLY I DON'T THINK I WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN AFTER THIS. 40 YEARS MAN."
"WHAT!? BUT YOU CAN'T GET DIVORCED BEFORE YOU'RE MARRIED!" JACK CRIED
"OH." CARLY SAID, REALISING THE SITUATION. "OH I SEE." AND WENT TO THE CORNER TO FEEL EMBARRASSED. THE EMBARRASSED CORNER.
"MARRIED!? HE WANTS TO MARRY ME!? THAT'S UH- WOW WHAT?" DUELIST NO 1 WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE. "THAT'S A LIE, YOU'RE DELERIOUS. SERIOUS DELERIOUSNESS."
"MAYBE... THAT'S WHY HE WAS TRYING TO BURN THE BOAT. HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE HIM. IT MUST BE NICE HUH... HAVING SOMEONE THAT DEDICATED TO YOU..." CARLY SAID DEPRESSEDLY, STILL LOOKING AT THE WALL.
"BUT HE TOLD ME YOU TWO WERE THE ONES THAT-"
SUDDENLY DUELIST NO 1 WAS CUT OFF AS THE PHONE RANG.
"W-WE HAVE A PHONE?" DUELIST NO 1 WHISPERED IN DISBELIEF
"AND GPS." CARLY ADDED, BEFORE SNAPPING OUT OF HER EMBARRASSMENT AND JUMPING TO ANSWER THE PHONE.
"THEN WHY THE HELL HAVE WE BEEN USING DIARIES AND COMPASSES!? I COULD'VE BEEN ON LAND BY NOW"
DUELIST NO 1 WAS IGNORED AS CARLY PUT THE PHONE ON LOUDSPEAK AND JACK CONTINUED PREPARING FOR DEATH.
"HELLO?" CARLY SHOUTED "WHAT'S THAT? HELLO? HEY GUYS IT'S JUST SILENCE. HELLO? HELLO! HELLOOOO!"
"OH." SAID JACK, SITTING UP "IT'S YOUSAY. TALKING IS NOT HIS SPECIAL SKILL"
"OH HEEEEY YOUSAY, HOW IS EVERYTHING?" SILENCE "GOOD? OK NICE. WE'RE OKAY, WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO-"
"DON'T BRING KILLYOU BACK, OR I WILL KILL YOU. X"
"YOUSAY YOU KNOW THAT X IS A KISS RIGHT? YOU DON'T JUST SAY X, IT'S A SOUND EFFECT." JACK RETORTED. "AND NO WE WON'T BRING BACK KILLYOU WE'RE GOING PURELY TO SOLVE CARLY'S MYSTERY. BY THE WAY I HAVE AN HOUR TO LIVE."
"HE DOESN'T LOOK WORRIED" SAID CROW, JUST LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD. JACK THREW SOMETHING AGAINST THE WALL.
CARLY PUT DOWN THE PHONE AGAIN AND IT IMMEDIATELY RANG BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT PHONES DO.
"HELLO? HEY, IT'S ME, KILLYOU. ON MY TRIP. DOING TRIP THINGS. I WAS JUST WONDERING... IS YOUSAY ON THAT SHIP? BECAUSE I CAN SEE THAT SHIP FROM MY ISLE WHERE I'M HAVING MY TRIP. AND YEAH, THE SHIP IS NEAR MY TRIP. SO I WAS WONDERING..."
FINALLY! JACK THOUGHT, SPRINGING TO LIFE. KILLYOU HAD BEEN CALLING THE BIKESHED TO TALK TO HIM ALL ALONG - THE YOUSAY PART DOESN'T MATTER, IT WAS IRRELEVANT. TOTALLY IRRELEVANT.
"KILLYOU, IT IS ME, JACK ATLAS. I'M GOING TO DIE IN ONE HOUR"
"OH JACK, HEY! YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE YOU'RE DYING."
"I'M JACK ATLAS."
"YES, YOU SAID…"
"AND I'M DYING IN ONE HOUR"
"OH. OK I GET IT WOW YES, THAT'S INCREDIBLE."
"ISN'T IT. NOW I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU ANYTHING IN MY WILL IT'LL JUST UPSET THINGS AT HOME. BUT SINCE I MAY BE DYING CLOSE TO YOUR TRIP I WAS HOPING YOU COULD SUPPLY THE BOAT SO IT CAN TAKE US ALL HOME AGAIN"
"YOU WANT TO SEND YOUR ROTTING BODY ON ANOTHER 3 DAY JOURNEY?"
"JACK ATLAS DOES NOT ROT. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"OH! YOU'RE HERE."
AND THE BOAT COLLIDED WITH THE ISLAND.
"OH, I TOTALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS AN ICEBERG." SAID DUELIST NO. 2.