The sound of the Chases' car pulling into their driveway awoke Brian from a nap he hadn't even realised he was having. He peered out, watching as first Patty and then Angela emerged from the car and made their way inside. He let out a long sigh; partly in relief, partly at the recollection of the events prior to the crash, undecided as to whether he felt predominantly depressed or embarrassed about it. Depression seemed to be prevailing at that moment; embarrassment was something he'd come to accept on a regular basis.

"Brian!" his mother called from downstairs, "is your light on? Are you still awake?"

"Going to bed now mom!" he called back.

He leant across and switched the lamp off, but instead of going to bed he sat in the chair by the window. After some time the front door of the Chases' opened and a figure slipped out. It was Angela. She walked to end of the porch and sat on the balustrade, tucking her knees under her chin. Brian sat motionless watching her; afraid even to blink in case he missed something – a movement of her hand, her hair blowing in the breeze. Maybe she might even look up at his window, although he thought if ever she did he'd probably die.

When they were six Angela kissed him. They were watching television in his sitting room, his mom had let them eat their dinner on their laps – she never did that. Just as Brian asked her if she would prefer ice cream or cookies for dessert she kissed him. Even now, if he closed his eyes and concentrated hard enough, he could still remember how it felt. Especially as he'd never been kissed since.

At first Brian couldn't understand why there was a bell ringing in the middle of the forest. Then he realised; it wasn't the bell, it was his alarm clock.

He didn't see Angela on the bus; he guessed she wouldn't be coming into school. She was probably with Jordan.

He spent English going over the conversation they had outside his house about the letter. Part of him wished he'd just admitted writing it, he felt foolish for having tried to keep covering it up when it was so obvious she knew already. But then if he'd admitted it that would have been like admitting … everything. He looked around at the two conspicuous empty desks, and imagined Angela sitting at Jordan's bedside, holding his hand, and probably whispering things to him. She would never break up with him now; he had the advantage of like … almost dying.

--

Angela awoke from strange dreams. She dreamt that she and Rayanne were sitting in the waiting room at the dentist. Rayanne was reading aloud all of the posters on the wall and it was driving Angela mad. When her name was called Rayanne asked Angela to promise she would wait for her, but when the nurse had led her away down a corridor Angela stood and left.

She felt a pang of guilt but she wasn't sure whether it was real or just left over from the dream. It was too confusing. Looking across at the clock Angela realised she had slept until well into the afternoon. Her arm ached and there was some blood on the pillow where the cut on her forehead must a bled a little overnight. There was a knock at her door and Patty came in carrying a tray.

"Are you awake?"

"Uh huh,"

"I thought you might be hungry,"

Angela managed to sit up and Patty set the tray down on her lap before sitting down on the edge of the bed. She pushed Angela's hair back from her face and examined the cut on her forehead. Angela hissed as her mom touched the sensitive skin.

"Sorry,"

Angela surveyed the tray of food; a muffin, some fruit, a glass of orange, some toast. Nothing really appealed to her.

"Rickie rang, he's going to come by after school today. He asked if you'd mind if he brought Rayanne so I told him it would be fine,"

Angela picked at the muffin, a subtle hint to Patty that she had probably done wrong.

"You know," Patty continued, "I talked to Jordan last night,"

"So," she didn't mean for it to sound as bad as it did, but she wanted to make it as clear as possible that she really didn't want to have to hear what her mom was about to say.

"I have to say, and I realise I don't know everything of what's gone on between the two of you, he really seems very sorry if he's hurt you,"

"Did he tell you about the letter?"

"He told me there were things he wished he could say to you,"

"How can things ever change if he can't even talk to me?"

"Well," she placed an arm around her daughter's shoulders, "you don't always make it easy Angela,"

When you've been really angry about something and then someone points out your own part in it, you feel really stupid.

Patty kissed her on the top of the head before leaving the room.

--

Brian had never really given much attention to the view from the bus on the way home from school; he would usually just stare at Angela's hair, or at her profile when she looked out. But on this occasion Angela wasn't on the bus home.

As he walked from the bus stop to his house he considered visiting her. Maybe he could justify it by saying he was there to tell her about the biology work they had to do, or maybe that would just be foolish. He found himself engaged in a one-man debate at the bottom of his own driveway.

"Brian?"

He knew the voice but decided he could in all probability have not heard it, so he started toward the house.

"Brian wait,"

He paused, seriously disliking the fact his debate had been in vain and the decision had been taken out of his hands. Angela crossed the street.

"Hey,"

Angela had clearly left the house in a hurry; she had her jacket wrapped around her shoulders, not having taken the time to deal with her injured arm in its sling.

"You were lucky you know, over forty thousand people are killed every year in car accidents in the US. I read that somewhere,"

"Thanks for the statistic," Angela glanced around clearly searching for the words, "Brian I wanted to apologise, I never meant for you to get caught up in this stuff between me and Jordan Catalano,"

"It wasn't exactly your fault, I mean I did it of my own free will,"

"I know but it wasn't fair because-,"

Both knew what had to be said but neither really wanted to have to say it. Unusually it was Brian who spoke first.

"I guess it's what people do, when they care about someone. They try to make them happy, even if that means-,"

There was an awkward pause.

"Brian,"

Angela took a step toward him and her hand extended out as if to touch his arm. Brian couldn't take the tension; he moved his arm out of harms way and quickly changed the tone of their meeting "so Ms. Chavatal said we can hand in our biology projects at the end of the month. I can probably get most of it done by myself, maybe you could just look over the results, I don't know, whenever,"

Angela retreated, she nodded slowly, knowing she had lost the chance to actually speak to Brian – Brian's brain had stepped in instead.

"I've got a lot of homework to do. I mean I can't stand here talking, so I'd better-," he indicated to his house and began edging away from Angela.

"Sure," she smiled.

Once inside Brian leant back against the door and tried to work out why he was so totally incapable of behaving like a normal person around Angela Chase. The night before he had watched her, imagining how it would be if she were ever to show any sort of feelings for him. Yet when there was the slightest chance he pushed her away. He sighed, why was he like this?

--

Shortly after five there was a knock at Angela's door and Rickie entered, closely followed by Rayanne. Rickie bounded toward her and hugged her, being careful to avoid her arm.

"You're poor arm, does it hurt?"

Angela smiled, "it's not too bad,"

"What about Jordan?" Rickie asked cautiously.

"He's stable,"

"God we were so worried about you,"

Rayanne was hanging back near the door "so how long are you gonna be outta school?"

"I don't know, another day or so,"

Rayanne scoffed, "are you kidding me, a day or so? You've got a license to stay off school right there, use it. Unless you can't stand being away from me and Rickie, I mean obviously," she let out an exaggerated laugh but her smile slipped when she realised no one else was sharing the joke. "I need the bathroom," she scuttled out.

Rickie shifted awkwardly, "she won't admit it but she was really worried about you,"

The idea that Rayanne could be worried about someone other than herself was like a totally alien concept.

"So did you talk to Jordan, about the letter?"

She frowned, "sort of,"

"What did he say?"

Angela shrugged, "not much, I guess I kinda monopolised the conversation,"

Rickie toyed with the items on the dressing table, "so did you meet his dad?"

"No," replied Angela thoughtfully, the weirdness of it only just becoming apparent, "no, nobody else came. Why did you ask?"

Rickie focussed on the lipstick he was playing with, winding it up and down.

"Is that wierd?" she continued, "that's wierd right? Rickie? What kind of parent wouldn't be there?" Rickie offered no reply but Angela could tell from the look on his face that he was withholding something. She decided to tease out an explanation "I mean it's just not normal is it?" she watched for any hint of Rickie's defences crumbling "a parent not visiting their injured child?"

"Okay," Rickie had cracked; he finally put down the lipstick. "So at Christmas when Jordan took me to the-, you know. He kinda told me something about his dad, something private,"

Angela moved closer to him, determined not to let him clam up "like what?"

"It's not like I asked or anything, I guess it was just a coincidence, I mean there were similarities," he was babbling.

"Rickie,"

He calmed himself, "okay so it's kind of like his dad used to be violent or something,"

Angela's jaw dropped, "his father, what violent to Jordan?"

Rickie nodded, "but not anymore, not that that changes anything,"

"Oh my God, how could I not know this?"

"I guess it's not something he would want to talk about usually,"

It dawned on Angela the 'similarities' Rickie had hinted at, she reached out and touched his arm.

"So you two, what are you gonna do?"

"I told him I just wanted to be friends,"

Rickie lowered his voice "is that really what you want?"

Angela went to answer but …

"You and Jordan Catalano just friends, in what universe?" Rayanne burst back into the room, "so is your arm broken?"

"No." Angela's reply was short, kind of stunned by Rayanne's last comment given her past behaviour.

"I broke my arm when I was in preschool, screamed so loud some daft kid wet himself,"

Rayanne laughed but for Angela the harmless anecdote was too close to Jordan's story, only serving to remind her of … what happened. It was something else Jordan and Rayanne like 'had' that she didn't.

"Well it's not broken,"

"Lucky," Rayanne turned to the mirror above the dressing table and began fixing her hair; entirely unaware of the deeper meaning Angela had taken from their exchange. "So I guess you and Jordan are back together now,"

"Rayanne," Rickie cautioned.

Rayanne turned from the mirror and raised her hands in ignorance "what? You're telling me you two go through a life threatening event and you're just gonna be the same as before? Don't you watch movies?"

"It doesn't work like that,"

Rayanne scoffed, "right,"

Rickie jumped in, "is anyone else hungry? I'm hungry, does anyone else want food?"

Rayanne sees things in black and white. Sometimes I think my life would be a lot easier if I could just do the same.

--

Angela waited at the hospital desk with the basket of fruit Patty had given her. She tried to explain to her mom that taking fruit to Jordan was just plain embarrassing but Patty insisted. As she waited at the desk, while the woman in front argued with the receptionist over a parking space, Angela's attention was drawn by an elderly man wheeling an elegant old lady through the waiting area in a wheel chair.

A nurse directed her to the same room where she had left Jordan the night before. The nurse entered but Angela paused for a moment at the door, looking through the small window at Jordan lying seemingly asleep. He was still pale; his hands lay limply on top of the bed sheets and his hair was splayed out on the pillow. The nurse appeared to wake him gently whilst checking the monitor next to his bed. She could read the words 'Angela's here' on the nurse's lips and Jordan's gaze turned to the door. The nurse helped him sit up and he spoke something to her, to which she nodded nurse before leaving. Angela stepped inside as the nurse left and closed the door behind her.

"Hey," his voice was soft.

Angela indicated to the basket, "my mom made me bring you this, if you don't want it I-,"

"Fruit?"

Angela shrugged "I can just take it home,"

Jordan closed his eyes briefly "is there a peach in there?"

Angela couldn't help the slight smile that spread across her face, "I think so,"

The door opened and the nurse reappeared with a plastic chair, which she placed next to the bed, "there you go," she noticed the fruit, "oh, do you want me to bring you a plate?"

Angela smiled and nodded at her.

When she turned back to Jordan he smiled knowingly; he had solved the problem of the seating arrangement from the night before. With Angela so close Jordan was able to savour her scent. He hoped it would linger into the evening and that he fall asleep with it.

"We got interrupted last night," Jordan began.

"Yeah we did,"

"Angela I-,"

The door opened, the nurse gave the plate and a fruit knife to Angela.

"Thanks," she looked at Jordan, "so you want this peach?"

Jordan nodded, so Angela set about cutting it up, stealing the occasional glance at him.

It's so strange how a person can seem like a certain way, and then in a split second something can make you see them in a totally different light. Like someone who once seemed so strong can suddenly seem vulnerable.

"Have you had many visitors?"

Jordan frowned, "just you,"

"What about your parents, I thought they would have been to see you?"

He sighed, "my dad's out of town a lot, I think its Texas this time so it's not exactly an easy drive back,"

"But you could have died,"

Jordan bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes, "just leave it okay,"

The fact he didn't even raise his voice, like he was resigned to it, just made it worse.

"Here," she held the plate out for him and watched him as he ate, wiping stray juice from his chin with the back of his palm and licking his fingers. No matter how hard Angela tried to convince herself otherwise, she had to admit – Jordan Catalano had a hold over her that was like impossible to ignore.

"Do you want a piece?"

His voice disrupted her contemplation and she blushed at where her own thoughts had taken her. Then his words sank in, as did the sight of him holding out a piece of the peach toward her. She had a decision to make, take the peach from him by hand, or …

Everything seemed to slow down. It was one of those moments that are so intense you can hear your own heart beat.

She leant in and took a bite from the end of the slice, unable to break the eye contact with Jordan who then finished the rest, wiping a hand across his mouth. He smiled, "juicy,"

Angela couldn't help but laugh; the tension was just too much. She nodded, "yeah,"

Jordan laughed but stopped when it began to hurt him. He eventually brought his breathing under control but his smile did not return, he turned to Angela with a sudden sense of seriousness "I thought about what you said, about being just friends,"

Angela waited for him to continue, taking a deep breath as if to prepare herself.

"You're probably right,"

That was it? For a moment Angela thought she might just break down and cry right in front of him. Even though she had pushed him away the night before, part of her was still wishing that he would come out with something uncharacteristically profound and win her back. At least try and fight for her. At least act as though he cared. Angela tried to swallow her disappointment, unwilling to let on to Jordan how she felt.

Angela nodded slowly, "yeah,"

Jordan thought for a moment that he heard Angela's breath hitch as though she was crying but he couldn't bring himself to look at her to confirm it. If he looked at her he'd take back what he just said and he knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't prepared to hurt her again. He had to hold it together.

"I mean we get on, you know, we get on well,"

Angela nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak with a steady voice.

"So we'll just-,"

"Be friends," Angel completed the sentence. She smiled at him.

I hate him. No, I hate myself … and him.

Jordan picked up the last piece of the peach, "one piece left," he smiled and held it toward her, expecting her to take it as before.

"I don't believe you!" Angela stood up.

He withdrew his hand, "what?"

"You can't say one thing and then-,"

"What? What did I do?"

Angela rubbed her forehead.

"Just 'cos I offered you some fruit?"

"No," Angela paced around the bed to the window.

"What do you want Angela? I mean you say you want to be friends but it doesn't work does it?"

She turned back to him; the same uncontrollable rush of emotions overtook her. He was right; she didn't know what she wanted. Or was she just too afraid to admit it?

Jordan watched her deliberating with herself at the window. He was confused; confused by himself and confused by her. He knew very well it wasn't just the fruit, it was the look in her eyes as she had taken it into her mouth, a look he knew equally well he had reciprocated. This was something new, something more than the naive fantastizing which he had sometimes suspected of Angela. The way she looked at him now, it was as though she actually wanted him.

"I should probably go," she made toward the door.

"Ironic,"

She stopped, "what?"

"You're normally the one who wants to talk, now you don't want to,"

"I have to go,"

"You're running away,"

She shook her head, "I'm not, it's just I have all this work-, biology work to do. I have to go,"

I'm a coward; even now I can't even bring myself to tell Jordan Catalano the whole truth, because it's just too complicated and ridiculous to even try. I want Jordan Catalano, like in every way possible, but for some reason it's just not enough.

Thank you so much for the reviews, I hope you enjoyed this chapter xx