THE ISLAND WAS NOTHING SPECIAL. IT HAD A BEACH AND A WALLMART EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ELSE APART FROM KILLYOU LIVED OR WORKED ON THE ISLAND.

KILLYOU WASN'T LOOKING SO GOOD EITHER. JACK THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE THE BABY OF ROBINSON CRUSOE AND SEPHIROTH (WHO WAS NOW A MAJOR RELIGOUS FIGURE).

"THIS IS THE WORST ISLAND EVER." JACK STATED AS A GREETING.

"WHY ISN'T YOUSAY WITH YOU? DIDN'T HE GET MY FAXES?" KILLYOU RESPONDED.

"OH, THE FAX MACHINE IS BROKEN. YOUSAY WASN'T INTERESTED IN FIXING IT AS IT IS NOT A BIKE, OR TO DO WITH BIKES." JACK EXPLAINED, WATCHING CARLY CIRCLE AROUND HIM LOOKING AT THE SAND.

"OH, I SEE." KILLYOU SAID SADLY.

"SO YOU THINK WE CAN REALLY FIND THE SOUL OF THIS CRAB- I MEAN - DESCENDENT OF THE ATLANTEAN KING SOMEWHERE AROUND HERE?" CARLY SAID PEERING OUT FROM BEHIND JACK "WHERE IS THE CORPSE? OH I'M SO EXCITED"

"SHE'S NICE. YOU PICKED A NICE ONE JACK." KILLYOU SAID SARCASTICALLY AND GOT PUNCHED INTO A TREE.

"JACK!" CARLY SAID, OBLIVIOUS TO THE DEFENDING OF HER SOAP OPERA NAME "YOU SHOULDN'T PUNCH PEOPLE IT'S NOT VERY KING-LIKE"

WHILST JACK HAD HIS FITS OF SILENT RAGE ABOUT THE FACT THAT CARLY DID NOT NOTICE HIS CHIVALRY, DUELIST NO 1 AND 2 WERE ON THE BOAT STILL, LOOKING AT THE LAND.

"IT'S BEEN SO LONG, IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD I THINK, GOING ON LAND AGAIN" SAID DUELIST NO 1 "I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GET THAT CHANCE."

"YEAH, AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN IT." SAID DUELIST NO 2 "WHAT WAS WRONG WITH PLAYING DUEL MONSTERS ON THE SEA FOR ALL TIME? I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY EPIC. HEY- WE COULD ALWAYS GO BACK. WHO NEEDS LAND, RIGHT? WE HAVE OUR CARDGAMES." DUELIST NO 2 SAID IN HIS MOST LYING-CONVINCING VOICE WHICH WAS NOT VERY CONVINCING AT ALL ACTUALLY.

"NO. I'M SORRY DUEL PARTNER BUT I LIKE OTHER GAMES TOO. I HAD FUN THESE LAST 40 YEARS BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEELING YOU LIED TO ME AND TRAPPED ME THERE BECAUSE YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH DUEL MONSTERS AND I'M PARTICUARLY GOOD AT IT. THERE I SAID IT AND I DIDN'T LIKE SAYING IT BUT I SAID IT AND IT'S DONE."

"I GUESS THAT'S THAT THEN." DUELIST NO 2 SAID WITH NO INTENTION OF "THAT" BEING JUST "THAT". "WHAT'S OUR NAMES ANYWAY? I'VE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING EXCEPT HOW TO PLAY DUEL MONSTERS." HE CONTINUED.

"I'VE NO IDEA. BUT IT'S A FEELING I'M USED TO. I THINK IN MY PAST LIFE I WAS ALWAYS FORGETTING MY NAME OR SOMETHING. I THINK I'M GOING TO START A NEW LIFE - I WILL CALL MYSELF BLACK MAGICIAN GIRL."

"Y-YOU CAN'T NAME YOURSELF AFTER A CARD YOU IDIOT - ESPECIALLY A GIRL ONE."

"NO? OH I GUESS I'LL GO FOR MY SECOND CHOICE: TED"

"WHATEVER."

WE MISS THEIR EPIC FIRST POST 40 YEARS STEPS ONTO LAND BECAUSE CARLY FOUND THE DEAD CRAB. IT REALLY DID LOOK LIKE YOUSAY.

"DID YOU HAVE TO SHARPIE THE THING WITH ABUSIVE COMMENTS?" JACK SAID TO KILLYOU "IT'S LIKE NO OTHER DESECRATION I'VE EVER SEEN." AND JACK HAD UNFORTUNATELY SEEN MANY A DESECRATION.

CARLY KNELT BY THE CARCASS AND BEGAN CALLING TO THE DESCENDENT OF THE ATLANTEAN KING "OH CRAB SPIRIT, PLEASE COME OUT AND TALK TO US, WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO TELL US"

JACK WATCHED OVER THE PROCEEDINGS. THAT'S WHAT KINGS DO.

"THIS IS NEVER GOING TO WORK" SAID KILLYOU

IT WORKED.

"KILLYOU, I THOUGHT WE WERE BFF'S HOW COULD YOU KILL ME EAT ME AND WRITE HORRIBLE THINGS ON MY CARCASS!?" SAID THE CRAB.

"I'M SORRY" KILLYOU BROKE DOWN "I JUST WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND SO MUCH AGAIN THAT I GOT ANGRY. I DO REALLY STUPID THINGS WHEN I'M ANGRY. LIKE JOIN EVIL GANGS AND TRY TO KILL EVERYONE AND BLOW UP CITIES. IT'S NOT MY FAULT IT JUST HAPPENS."

"NO SHIT." JACK SAID, BEFORE NOTICING CARLY WAS CLUTCHING HIS COAT, FULL OF TEARS AT THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP THAT WERE CLEARLY NOT HAPPENING IN FRONT OF THEM. JACK WAS SMOOTH, SO HE PUT A COMFORTING ARM AROUND HER. HE'S JACK ATLAS.

"I FORGIVE YOU KILLYOU" SAID THE CRAB.

"YOU DO!?" KILLYOU SAID, TEARS IN HIS EYES, HEAVENS OPENING.

"YES, I FORGIVE YOU BECAUSE I AM JUST A REGULAR CRAB. I HAD NO AMBITIONS IN LIFE BUT TO CRAWL SIDEWAYS, BUT NOW I HAVE A COOL STORY TO TELL IN CRAB HEAVEN. WE WILL ALWAYS BE BFF'S KILLYOU. ALWAYS!"

"WAIT, DON'T GO YET!" SAID CARLY "YOU SAID YOU WERE JUST A REGULAR CRAB? AREN'T YOU A DESCENDANT OF AN ATLANTEAN KING?"

"OH NO, I HEAR FROM THE OTHER CRABS THAT WOULD BE YOUSAY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR." SAID THE CRAB "DESCENDANTS OF THE KING ARE NOT SO FORGIVING AS REGULAR CRABS. IN FACT, IF YOU DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A DESCENDANT OF THE ATLANTEAN KING, HE WOULD PRETTY MUCH HATE YOU FOREVER."

KILLYOU BEGAN TO CRAFT A KNIFE TO KILL HIMSELF. NO ONE NOTICED EXCEPT TED WHO ASKED IF HE WANTED ANY HELP AND DUELIST NO 2 WHO ASKED IF HE COULD WATCH.

"THANK YOU MR CRAB" SAID CARLY, "HAVE A NICE AFTERLIFE!"

"WILL DO. TOODLES!" AND THE CRAB DISAPPEARED. JACK BURIED IT WITH A KICK OF THE SAND.

"WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOUSAY WAS DESCENDED FROM CRABS?" CARLY SAID.

"IT MAKES A LOT MORE SENSE THAN YOU THINK. BUT WAIT, ATLANTIS? I THOUGHT OUR PROBLEMS WERE WITH THE AZTECS"

"WHAT ABOUT EGYPTIANS? DID EGYPTIANS LIKE CRABS?" TED SAID, NOT REALLY UNDERSTANDING HOW HE COULD REMEMBER EGYPT BUT NOT HIS NAME.

"UGH, GODDAMN THESE STUPID CIVILISATIONS"

JACK WAS NOW BORED BUT HE REALISED HE WAS ALONE ON A BEACH WITH CARLY. WHAT A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME DESPITE THE DEATH THAT SURROUNDED THEM. HE THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA THAT THEY RAPE WALLMART OF THEIR CHAIRS AND PLASTIC CUTLERLY AND - TEA. YES, PERHAPS HE AND CARLY COULD NOW DRINK TEA TOGETHER LIKE HE'D ALWAYS DREAMED. MYSTERIES WITHOUT. HE TURNED TO CARLY WHO WAS STILL HOLDING ONTO HIM FROM THE DRAMA AND DID HIS BEST CHARISMATIC FACE.

"CARLY."

"Y-YES, JACK?" CARLY SAID, RED FACED. IT WAS TERRIBLY ROMANTIC.

"CARLY, I-"

AND JACK FELL TO THE GROUND.

IT HAD BEEN EXACTLY ONE HOUR.

"WHOA, DID NOT SEE THAT COMING." SAID DUELIST NO 2.