"SO WHAT YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING IS THAT YOU WANT ME TO FLASH MY BOOBS IN FRONT OF YOUSAY TO STOP HIM FROM REPEATING THE SAME JUMP-OFF-A-BUILDING-TO-FIND-KILLYOU-AND-DUEL-HIM-INTO SUBMISSION BEHAVIOUR." AKI SAID, SIPPING HER BLACK ROSE TEA.

"YES." SAID JACK. "IN FACT THOSE WERE MY VERY WORDS."

CARLY FELT UNCOMFORTABLE. AFTER JACK HAD EXPLAINED WHAT THEY DID LAST TIME TO HELP YOUSAY, SHE THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO GO ON A QUEST TO FIND KILLYOU AGAIN - MAYBE BUY ANOTHER BOAT WITH CROW'S MONEY. BUT INSTEAD HE LED HER HERE, TO AKI'S APARTMENT. IT WAS A STRANGE APARTMENT, DECORATED IN SHADES OF RED - OR BURGUNDY - WHATEVER COLOUR THAT IS.

"IN A NORMAL SITUATION THIS WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM." SAID AKI - "I MEAN I'M AROUND THE BIKESHED MOST OF THE TIME DOING THAT ANYWAY. WELL... I WAS UNTIL HE CAME ALONG." SHE SHIFTED ON HER SEAT AND LOOKED INDIGNANT AND SAID "AND NOW I HATE YOUSAY WITH THE HATE OF A THOUSAND BROKEN PROMISES. SO NO, I WON'T HELP YOU HELP HIM."

"TOLD YOU THEY HAD A FIGHT" JACK SAID UNDER HIS BREATH TO CARLY, TOTALLY DOING THE LEANING DOWN AND TALKING USING THE SIDE OF HIS MOUTH THING. CARLY NODDED EMPHATICALLY BECAUSE NOW A SIMPLE REQUEST HAD TURNED INTO A MYSTERY.

"I MEAN WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BLUE-HAIRED GUYS ANYWAY? ISN'T RED A GOOD ENOUGH COLOR? I MEAN HIS BIKE IS RED. HIS BIKE! BUT NO, AS SOON AS THE NEXT BLUE-HAIRED THING WALKS IN I'M YESTERDAYS NEWS." THE TEACUPS BEGAN TO RATTLE ON THEIR OWN "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH RED."

"I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO SAY SHE'S THE BIKE... OR SOMETHING." CARLY WHISPERED. JACK NODDED.

"I'VE GOT MAGICAL POWERS, DAMMIT. SEE THIS STUPID TRADING CARD RIGHT HERE? I CAN MAKE IT COME ALIVE." SHE SAID.

"YES. YES YOU CAN." SAID JACK, WHO HAD NOW GOTTEN UP AND WAS PUSHING CARLY TOWARDS THE DOOR. "I TOTALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE ISN'T JUMPING ON YOU."

"I KNOW RIGHT!?" WAILED AKI "THIS IS ALL I BLOODY NEED, A MAN WHO SAVES MY LIFE, STEALS MY HEART AND THEN KICKS ME TO THE CURB. MY LIFE IS A FRIKKIN JOKE."

"HOPE THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU." JACK SAID, ALMOST OUT OF THE DOOR. "WE'RE GOING NOW, TALK TO YOU LATER."

"TELL YOUSAY SHERRY CALLED ME." AKI SHOUTED AFTER THEM.

THEY LEFT THE APARTMENT BUILDING AND CARLY WAS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING WENT AKI LEANED OUT OF HER WINDOW AND SHOUTED "AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I PICKED UP THE PHONE AND SAID HELLO TO HER." WITH THAT SHE SLAMMED THE WINDOW SHUT BUT THEY COULD STILL HEAR "GOD FUCKING DAMN YOU YOUSAY" FROM INSIDE.

"I THINK... THAT WAS A FAILED PLAN" SAID CARLY

"IT'S A GOOD THING I'M DEAD OR ELSE I WOULD SAY I JUST WASTED 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE." SAID JACK "BUT I HAVE A NEW PLAN. I LEFT YOUSAY OUT OF MY WILL SO THIS IS THE LEAST I CAN DO"

"OH. THEN WHO DID YOU GIVE YOUR BIKE TO?" SAID CARLY

"YOU OF COURSE. WHO ELSE?" JACK SAID, CHOOSING NOT TO EXPLAIN WHY HE HAD TO LEAVE CARLY HIS BIKE. HE EXPLAINED THAT IN THE DIARY ENTRY 5 CHAPTERS AGO WHY DID HE NEED TO REPEAT IT?

"OH." CARLY BLUSHED "OH." AND FOLLOWED JACK.