II
"Holy shit, that's good stuff."
I coughed, laughing as I sat around with the boys, smoking at James's coffee table. I took another hit, and James took it from my mouth and took a hit of mine. The party was in full swing. Celebrities that I'd known for a few years had come by to say hi, including Mindy Kaling, Jason Segal, Aziz Azari, and a few more.
I'd gone outside by the pool and talked with Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Jonah. A drunk and coked-up Michael Cera had stumbled over to us and slapped my butt (I guess that was a recurring theme with him tonight), causing me to spill my vodka all over Chris, and Michael had asked if I'd give him "a lap dance like I'd given Franco". After I said no, he'd blown a fistful of cocaine in Chris's face.
Jonah and I gawked in shock at Michael, pushing him away, asking him what the hell was wrong with him. Chris was freaking out because he's never tried cocaine before. He was freaking out. While I hate Michael Cera and love Chris—we dated two years ago for a short period of time—I had to admit it was pretty funny. Especially when he shouted "McBlowin'!" instead of "McLovin" and blew the cocaine in Chris's face.
After that little incident, I made my rounds around the party. I really didn't have a lot of girl friends in Hollywood. I don't know, it just seemed harder to be friends with competitive, catty girls, and it easy and more fun to be in a close-knit group of boy friends with the the clan I was friends with now. It was easy, no drama, and stress-less. I came outside after grabbing a lemon for my water out of the fridge. Everyone was outside sitting around Craig while he was sitting at keyboard, playing a tune. I squeezed through the crowd, standing in between Craig, James and Jonah.
"C'mon and take your panties off." Craig was crooning, playing the notes on the keyboard. Everyone laughed and repeated the line after him.
"Hey, Rihanna. C'mon and take your panties off for me!" Craig sang lowly. Everyone laughed.
"C'mon, Craig can you fuck off of me?" Rihanna sang back, swinging her head around with a smirk.
I laughed, as did everyone else, a glass of vodka in my hand. I looked to Jay, who looked weirded out by the fun we were having. I arched my eyebrows in sympathy. He felt so out-of-place, I could tell. I felt horrible. He was in Los Angeles and he wasn't even having fun.
"Take your panties off." Craig crooned again, and the huge crowd of us repeated the line back to him.
"Girl you know you get me off. Girl, it's nothing to a boss. Give it to ya nice and soft. Blake, take them panties off for me." Craig sang, James and Jonah joining in. I smirked at them and laughed, rolling my eyes. May as well play along with my idiots, right?
I looked at them and gave them a little grin and a little hip shake, grabbing Jonah and James's hands, "C'mon, boys, then get on top of me."
Everyone laughed.
After that, everyone headed inside. Paper Planes by M.I.A. began playing through the stereo system, so naturally, James, Seth and I had to shout-sing the lyrics at each other.
Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bombs
Running when we hit 'em
Lethal poison through their system
No one on the corner has swag like us
Hit me on my burner prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going to hell, just pumping that gas
I sat with James and Seth for a little while by the obnoxious penis statue, where they were discussing plans for Pineapple Express 2. I rolled my eyes as James explained to us the plotline.
"Okay, so I think that Red has become a drug lord, right? And Saul and Dale have to rescue you from him before he kills you for holding back information on the newest drug, okay? And then Saul sacrifices himself to save you and Dale." James explained to me, clearly very excited about the idea.
Seth and I stared at him. While we all loved being in Pineapple Express, it was a weird idea. Seth seemed to love it, "Yeah, man! I'm down. Let's do that shit."
"Blake? What about you?" James asked, "You in?"
"Who wouldn't want to play Saul Silver's girlfriend again?" I asked, giving him a smug grin, "Of course I am. What about Danny as Red? He'll do it, right?"
Danny McBride. The epitome of awkward, annoying and asshole. But still one of my best friends.
James didn't say anything, he just looked at me. And so did Seth.
"He has to play Red. There wouldn't be a Pineapple Express without him. Red's fucking hilarious because it's Danny. He needs to be in it." I commented, then asked, "Wait. Where is he? I haven't seen him at all tonight."
James shrugged.
"Don't tell me you didn't invite him." I said, arching my eyebrows at him with an "are you serious?" look on my face.
James shrugged again.
"James! Danny's a close friend. You didn't invite him to your goddamn house-warming party?" I asked, "Why? That's like not inviting your own brother."
"He's been getting on my last nerve! He's annoying as shit and all he does is get drunk and take ecstasy in my fucking bathtub." James exclaimed, "I'm sick of his shit."
"So we're replacing him as Red?" I asked, shocked, not believing what I was hearing.
"I never said that," James said carefully, "I said I was sick of his shit. We'll see how he is."
After that, James, Jonah, Craig, Seth, David Krumholtz, Aziz, and Jason Segal sat around on the couches by the coffee table in the middle of the party's crowds. I took up camp on James's couch and began smoking.
Jay wasn't anywhere to be found, and I turned to Seth, whilst reaching for my joint from James and grabbing it from him, taking another drag.
"Where's Jay?" I asked, "He hasn't been with us all night. He seems...I don't know. Annoyed? Uneasy?"
"Awkward? 'Cause he's awkward as fuck, man." James grumbled.
I rolled my eyes at him, "Don't be a bully."
"I think Jay's a very nice guy." Jonah said, going back to the original topic, smiling that "America's sweetheart" smile he always flashed. "I think we should really try to welcome him into our friend group."
"Shut up, Jonah. You're just being a kiss ass." I laughed at him, taking James's joint and inhaling.
"Hey, don't be a bully." James retorted back at me with a smug smile on his face, nudging me in the ribs.
Seth smirked, taking a drag of his joint, "I don't know, Blake. He's always hating on Los Angeles. I don't think he likes it here. I also think it's fuckin' awkward for him to be around us. I mean, we all live in Los Angeles and he lives in bumfuck."
"He lives in Montreal." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows knowingly at him.
"Exactly. He lives in the middle of fucking nowhere so we never see him." Seth commented, pointing his joint at me, as if to prove the point, "He hates LA."
I shrugged, "He seemed fine when we had to stay here for Tropic Thunder. Maybe he doesn't feel included in our group. Jonah's right about that one. Try to reach out to him, huh? Maybe not be so clingy and buddy-buddy with this dickhead over here." I jerked my thumb to James.
"Hey!" He said, laughing, grabbing me by the waist and holding me against him so I was slumped against him, and said to me, "Look who's trying to be the mom of the group."
"I'd agree that Blake's the mom of our group." Jonah piped up, his expression completely serious, "Totally agree. I mean, you've sobered me up more times than I can count and you've told everyone to fuck off when people were shitting on me for the weight thing."
"I'd second that," Craig chimed in, "The drunk, weed-smokin' mom of the group."
I looked up at James as I lay slumped on his lap, his arm wrapped around my waist, and reached up and grabbed the joint out of his mouth and took a long inhale. I blew it out in his face. He coughed, laughing.
"Oh yeah, the mom. No question." Seth added sarcastically, "And you are the designated driver for when we're drunk. And you tell us what to do. And you boss us around."
"Only sometimes!" I said, sitting up against James, "And only if you're about to do something stupid. Someone needs to be the mom of this group. You guys are lucky I've taken on such a difficult, trying task." I said, over-dramatically putting the back of my hand to my forehead to show my distress.
"You're a fucking drama queen." Seth said, laughing.
Just as he said that, Jay came stumbling out of the crowd of party-goers, looking as awkward as ever, walking to the edge of the couch to talk to me. His hair was in disarray as always, with a crooked frown on his face. He looked very out-of-place, anxious, and tired. He looked like he'd rather throw himself in front of a bus than be here at this party.
"What's up, Jay?" I asked, "Where have you been?"
"Mingling," He said, "At least, attempting to...hey, Blake? Y'know where I could get a pack of cigarettes around here?"
Despite Jay's obvious presence, the guys apparently appeared to ignore it and keep smoking. I looked at them and rolled my eyes. I sat up from James's lap and leaned over the back edge of the couch, and turned back to Jay with a whip of my head.
"Yeah! There's a drug store about a block away. You want me to come with?" I asked, looking at him with guilt. I felt bad. He came all the way from Montreal to a city he didn't even like to be with Seth, and Seth was rolling a doobie on James Franco's coffee table.
"Would you?" He asked, his eyebrows arched, as if it was a inconvenience to accompany him to the drug store.
"You know it. I want to grab some vodka, too, because this idiot doesn't have any in his fridge." I said jokingly, untangling myself and climbing off of James. James inhaled deeply from his joint, then looked at me, "Where are you going? I have vodka in the fridge, didn't you check?"
"Drug store. I'm getting vodka, Jay's getting a pack of cigarettes." I said, "I did check. You have a half a bottle of peppermint Smirnoff. That stuff's gross."
James grinned at me.
I gave him a knowing look, arched my eyebrows and with a sigh, asked mockingly, "You want anything, Harry Osborn?"
James smirked at me, "Get me a Milky Way."
"Of course." I said, with a smile and eye roll. That food was his obsession.
I looked to Seth, "You coming?"
Jay couldn't see, but I urged Seth with my eyes to come. Jay was his guest, he should be spending time with him.
"Give me a this much time! This much of my joint." Seth said, holding up the doobie.
"No. Let's go." I said.
"Okay, okay, let me get my coat." Seth said, handing his joint to Jonah.
"Shit, my cardigan's upstairs." I muttered.
James shrugged off his grandma-looking cardigan and threw it at me, "Here."
"Thanks, douche-bag." I smiled at him, shrugging on the over-sized men's wool cardigan.
"You're welcome, bitch." He said, smirking back at me, then turning back to smoke with the boys.
Seth grabbed his coat and shrugged it on. We walked out the door and down the street to the drug store. There I was, walking the streets of Los Angeles with Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel while wearing James Franco's oversized men's grandma cardigan.
I need girl friends.
Once we got to the drug store, I retreated to the back of the store to grab a small bottle of Smirnoff. I went over to Seth, who was rummaging through different stuff while Jay got his cigarettes.
"Do you think he hates it here?" Seth asked in a low voice.
"A little." I said, arching my eyebrows at him, trying not to make Seth feel like shit, "Just try to include him a little bit more, you know?"
"Yeah, I just wish he'd try, too.?" Seth said.
Before I could say anything more, Seth and I turned to hear the old woman at the counter yelling at a father and his daughter for asking to use the bathroom. Jay walked over with his pack of cigarettes and Seth looked at the two of us, then me. He handed me the bottle of water.
"The cashier lady seems really mean and evil, and you know that I have anxiety about that kind of stuff...so will you buy it for me?" Seth asked.
I smirked at him, "Seth, you're thirty-one years old and you can't even pay for a bottle of water because of some bitchy cashier?"
"This is why you're the mom of our group. This is one of your duties as group mother." Seth pointed out with a grin.
I gave him a look and sighed, was about to say something, when there was the loudest, most massive shaking of the ground I'd ever heard. I screamed as the entire store shook violently, as if someone had picked up the store and shaken it. Everyone began screaming. There were loud, thunderous noises erupting outside, and cars began crashing into each other. Blueish-white beams suddenly burst through the sky, and beamed on a few of the people in the store. They all stared up into the beam and were suddenly lifted up, rapidly, through them. I screamed again and the store shook once more, sending Seth and Jay to the ground, and I fell on top of them.
"What the fuck is going on?" Seth shouted as the store continued to shake, like an ever-lasting earthquake. I curled into him and Jay as a display rack fell on top of us.
"I don't know!" Jay shouted back.
"What the hell was with the beams? Was that aliens?" I shrieked in fear, huddling inside James's oversized cardigan.
Before we could say anything else, the violent shaking stopped. The three of us lay on the floor of the connivence store in shock, staring at each other. I got my bearings and I pulled myself up, and helped up Seth and Jay.
"Shit," I said, looking outside to the windows to the Los Angeles summer night. The sky was an orangish-black color. Cars were getting in accidents everywhere, with car alarms going off everywhere. People were screaming in the streets, running around like animals. Lights were flashing, the clouds were disturbingly dark, and the Hollywood hills looked like they were on fire.
Jay and Seth stood on either side of me. We turned when we heard the old woman at the cash register shout at us, "What the fuck!"
We turned to see a huge chunk of ceiling fall on her, blood splattering everywhere on all the walls around the store. I screamed, disgusted and disturbed, jumping into the boys.
"What the fuck!" Jay shouted, clutching onto Seth and I.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" Seth screamed.
"We gotta go," I urged panicedly, grabbing the boys and beginning to run out of the drug store and into the turbulent, chaotic streets of Los Angeles.
"We've got to get back to Franco's house."
Reviews would be fantastic! I wish there was a category for this story, but for now it's in Misc. Movies. So yes, please review.
That's the only way I'll know if I should update. Thank you!