run, i'm a natural disaster
33. Hear No Evil
Heinkel and Darius have just come out of the campaign in Ishval, though at the same time they really haven't.
They cannot put the radio on in their shared dorm without remembering the young man who cheerfully ran communications until he went mad and shot himself, after hearing too many death screams and cries of "man down".
They cannot watch a fire without remembering the Ishvallan mother and child that burned to death while they watched helplessly, as explosions reigned down from the sky.
They cannot hear the sound of a car backfiring without forcing themselves onto the floor, remembering gunshots and explosives traded as easily and as fast as exchanges of insults.
They cannot go into a hospital without remembering the putrid smell of steadily rotting corpses, fallen comrades, civilians, rebels.
They cannot go into a shop without remembering the conscripted people in their battalion, not career soldiers like them, civilians that were unlucky enough to be male and fit and of age.
Ishval ripped away their ability to function outside of their two-man unit and gave them an us-against –the-world mentality. Ishval ruined their ability to deal with people outside the army and themselves, and instead granted them a dependence on alcohol as if to compensate.
They hate themselves, their hands drenched in blood- not only of the so–called enemy, but of friends and comrades that they could not save. The negative emotions they feel burrow into their hearts, like shards of shrapnel, ripping through their chest.
They want to be better people, get rid of the dark cloud that has been following them, rid themselves of a part of themselves that has become such a large part of their core.
That's why they volunteer for the experiments to make better soldiers.
To make themselves anew or die trying.
[The first time they realised that they had succeeded was when they took a small blond boy to the hospital after they help him heal a huge hole in his chest, deep in a freezing mine in the north. Staying with him, later her, was a form of thanks that they could never voice aloud.]
A.N: I am alive
Welcome to the marathon updating session that is me going to the point i am currently at
there will be no review replies for a while whilst i am getting all of this stuff up
thank you all for your support
i am sorry that i am a bad author- i know how much people hate authors not updating when they say they will
thank you again
i will make it up to fifty by the end of the year
then it will be as and when i feel like updating updates
sorry that there is no structure
this will be the last authors note for some time
thank you all of you, you are the best readers, i am glad you like my fics