Don't freak out. This is NOT the last chapter but this doesn't really count as part of the fan fiction. I decided to roll in all the News update chapters into the one chapter because they're very short.
interview 1: Xaldin
Namine: welcome to news update. I'm your host, Namine
Xaldin: …and I'm Xaldin. Why am I in here again?
Namine: because the news team didn't think you had a big enough roll in the story
Xaldin: OF COURSE I HAVE A BIG ROLL IN THE STORY!! I'M THE LUNCH MAN DAMN IT!!!
Namine: but we haven't seen you speak at all
Xaldin: observe
Video footage:
Xaldin sighed as he served Friday's soup. "I hate this job"
News Update:
Namine: that was only one line…you suck man
Xaldin: BETTER THAN NOT BEING IN THE STORY NAMINE!!!
Namine: but at least I get to host the news! Hmph
commercial break
Interview 2: The Exchange Student Defence Force
Namine: welcome back to News Update I am your host, Namine
Kuri: I am Kuri, Captain of the Exchange Student defense force!! (Poses)
Rikku: I am Rikku! Vice Captain!
Paine: I'm Paine
Yuna: I'm Yuna
Namine: now what made you want to join the defense force?
Paine: I was forced to join
Rikku heheheheh
Video
Paine was walking down the hall on the way to the Library until…
"AAAAHHHH!!!" Paine screamed as she was being kidnapped. "LET ME GO YOU (Dusk)!!"
"Relax! It's just me!" a strangely familiar voice said. Paine looked behind and saw…
"Rikku?! Why did you kidnap me?!"
Rikku Shrugged. "On to business! There's an exchange student hate club out to annihilate the exchange students"
"…And"
"Aaaannndddd the exchange student fan club has a defense force…"
"What does that have to do with me?"
Rikku bent down on one knee and held a blue bandana to Paine. "PLEASE JOIN THE DEFENSE FORCE PAINE!!!"
Paine took one look at the blue bandana and the puppy-eyed Rikku and said. "No"
Rikku's puppy eyes changed to dark, evil, glaring eyes. "If you don't join…" Rikku grabbed a folder and held out… "I'll email your baby pictures to everyone"
Paine's eyes widened. "You wouldn't!!"
"I would" Rikku smirked,
News Update
Paine: thanks a lot Rikku *glares*
Namine: and how about you girls
Yuna: I like the exchange students, they're nice…well some of them are and I want to protect them from the evil Leon
Paine: Tidus is just as bad
Yuna: but Tidus is kind and sweet and…I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM!!!
Namine:…………and why did you volunteer to be captain of the defense force?
Kuri: they hired me for my investigating skills
Namine: uh…
Kuri: I'm the greatest detective on these Islands
Namine: but why did they-
Kuri: I've been solving cases since I was 10 years old and I'm also a fan of Demyx and-
Namine: See ya after the break
Kuri: I DIDN'T FINISH TALKING YA DAMN-
Channel 13 is currently having technical problems
Interview 3: Cloud Strife
Namine: WELCOME BACK TO NNNEEWWWSS UPDATE!! I'm your host, Namine
Cloud: and I'm Cloud…what's up?
Namine: now why did you disappear through out the story?
Cloud: Well you see
Video footage
Cloud smiled as he entered the building. "It's another beautiful day in Destiny high"
"So how was your vacation Miss. Lockhart?" Miss. Gainsborough said. Cloud peered through the door to the office and there was Tifa talking to Aerith.
"AAAAHHHH!!!" Cloud ran out of the building like a maniac.
"Did you hear something?" Tifa asked.
"Yeah, I heard someone scream…oh well"
studio
Namine: you ran away because Miss. Lockhart came back from her vacation?
Cloud: SHE'S A FREAKIN STALKER!!!
Namine:……………rrriiiggght
Neko: (walks in) hey? Why are you in my locker? It's not Thursday so there's no rave party in here
Namine: hi! I'm Namine
Neko: oh so this is where the hidden studio is. Sweet!
Commercial Break
Interview 4: Zack Fair and Angeal Hewly
Namine: Welcome back to News Update. Let's welcome back Zack Fair and Angeal Hewly
Zack: OH MY GOD I'M ON TV!! HI MUM!!
Namine: ……………So why did you go missing?
Angeal: (pointing to Zack) HE thought he saw a mermaid and was gone for a month…I LOOKED EVERYWHERE AND I LOST MY JOB THANKS TO YOU!!
Zack: …can we watch the Alice in Wonderland movie?
Angeal: NO!
Zack: (puppy eyes) pleassse
Angeal: NOOO!!!
Zack: ……can I have a cookie then?
Angeal: PLEEAAASEE KILL ME NOW!!!
Namine: you guys call yourselves teachers…you act like children
Sora: (walking in) hey! So there is a TV studio in here…HI MUM!!!
Namine: this thing is broadcasted on the school network not on TV!!!!
Zack and Sora: awww
Namine: oh why did I sign up for this?
Commercial break
Interview 5: Riku and Genesis Rhapsodos
Namine: Welcome to News Update! Today I'll be interviewing Mr. Rhapsodos and Riku who is obviously running late will be joining us
Genesis: I have a drama rehearsal to go to so what is it?
Namine: you should be happy you're being interviewed!
Genesis: well my life currently sucks! I'm working under a housewife who bakes cookies for 2 demonic girls. Zack didn't end up buying the new books so I have to work with Alice in Wonderland instead of Loveless and The Snow White rehearsals are being disrupted by Mr. Xemnas, Riku fan girls and Xion fan boys.
Namine: …want a cookie (passes cookie)
Genesis: (munches on cookie angrily) Maybe I shouldn't force them to kiss
Namine: that would be better; you don't want Riku to be horribly mauled by Mr. Mansex…oh damn this is a school broadcast.
Yuffie: Want me to bleep that?
Namine: yes that would be nice
Yuffie: okay! But first of all… (Jumps onto the set) It's time for Yuffie's super fantastic magic show
Namine: GET YOUR OWN TV SET!!
Yuffie: I can't get a TV set in my locker so I'm stealing the spotlight!! Look I can juggle kunai (Juggling kunai)
Riku: (walks in) so there is a TV set in here
Namine: oh good you're here!
Riku: what is it?
Namine: The fan girls wanted you on the show as the co-host
Riku: …uh…okay?
Namine: on one condition
Riku: what is it?
Namine: you don't bring the following onto the show: Kairi, Xion and Selphie.
Riku: why not? I'm not in love with Kairi and Selphie
Namine: what about Xion?
Riku: WHY DOES EVERYONE BUG ME ABOUT THIS?!!!
Yuffie: HEY! WHY DOES HE GET TO BE THE CO-HOST?!!
Namine: The fan girls requested him to be on the show. If I don't make him the co-host they'll kill Snowball
Yuffie: I'LL KILL SNOWBALL IF YOU DON'T LET ME ON THE SHOW!!!
Riku: Snowball?
Namine: my cat
Genesis: this thing is stupid I'm outta here (leaves)
Riku: This is too weird. I'm outta here (leaves)
Namine: thanks a lot moron! (Pokes her tongue at Yuffie)
Commercial break
Interview 6: Xion
Yuffie: da da dum da dum duuuuumm
Namine: why must you do that?
Yuffie: Because I'm still mad at you for making a pretty boy the co-host and not me
Namine: Riku's not the Co-host anymore and Snowball is dead now…I didn't think the fan girls would actually kill my cat.
Yuffie: neither did I
Namine: Any way welcome to News Update, I am your host Namine Hikari
Noctis: and I'm your other host Noctis Lucas Caelum
Yuffie: Hey how come THIS pretty boy is here?
Noctis: Because I'm teh smex
Namine: Narcissist
Xion: I seem to have been forgotten here
Namine: right! We'll be interviewing one of the infamous exchange students Xion
Xion: since when did we become infamous?
Namine: Since Axel and Demyx blew up the science lab, since Larxene became Queen (Berserker), Since Axel bought Neko coffee, since you had an alliance with the demon sisters
Xion: hey they bullied us into having an alliance
Noctis: you're a tough girl. Grow some backbone
Xion: I'm not actually as scary as everyone thinks
Noctis: right you're the nice one who is the victim of the Riku fan girls. Larxene's the (berserker)
Xion: how many victims are there?
Noctis: Kairi, Selphie …any girl who has even had contact with him, even Namine
Xion: wow…they're really scary.
Namine: SNOWBALL!! I SHALL AVENGE YOU!!!
Xion: now that I think about it they've been picking on me a lot lately
Noctis: would it be because of this (plays video)
"Good bye" Xion said but before she could move he placed a quick peck on her forehead and walked away.
End
Xion: (blushing) YOU RECORDED THAT??!!!
Namine: we record everything
Xion: pervs! (Pokes out her tongue)
Noctis: wait, I have another video to play!
Xion: NO MORE VIDEOS!!
Namine: okay, here's my question: Why did you decide to come to destiny islands?
Xion: Well, why not? It's a beautiful place
Namine: wonderful answer!
Noctis: I have a question (plays video)
"did you guys…y'know…?" Demyx was trailing off.
"I don't know" Riku glared at him.
"well…you have her panties…and she's been quite shifty around you lately, did you guys perhaps"
"I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER!!!" Riku yelled. The cafeteria was quiet while every eye was on Riku. He looked at the crowd and hid his face from the other tables.
End
Noctis: did you or did you not have sex with him?
Namine: Noctis! This is a school broadcast!
Xion: I'm going to have to answer your question with another question. WHY ARE YOU TAPING THESE THINGS?!!!
Namine: We tape them because we're the School's news broadcast.
Xion: then how did you get that tape of Riku and I in the park?
Namine: that's confidential
Xion: uuuhhh
Noctis: that's all for News Update
Namine: and for all the Riku fan girls out there…
(Room suddenly turns dark)
Namine: Snowball will be avenged
Noctis: Nice work with the lights Yuffie
Yuffie: THANK YOU!!
N-E: Btw I have heard that nobody has been able to review coz it doesn't work so if you want to review plz send it to me via private message. If it does work then fire away!
Axel: FIRE!! WOOOO!!!
Zexion, Roxas, Xion, Larxene, Demyx and N-E: *sweat drop*