Page 9 of 9Aftershocks - Chapter 7

Holy November Batman! I finally finished chapter seven. I struggled with some of this. Let me know what you think.

As always they belong to Dick Wolf. If I owned them Dean Porter would have died before the credits rolled on Spooked.

* * *

Olivia awoke from the nightmare with a rigid shake. Every muscle in her body was tight with tension making the landing on the floor hurt that much more. She looked around desperately trying to take in her surroundings. Need tore through her and panic set in when she couldn't find Alex. She called out her lovers name sounding desperate and raw.

She looked around frantically, terrified and soon realized she was in her own apartment on the floor in front of the couch. Her chest heaved as she fought to control her breathing. Her stomach rolled and she knew it was inevitable. Olivia managed to crawl to the small trashcan that she kept under the end table before she quit fighting her stomach. The bit of soup that she had choked down combined with the bile and fear. When the dry heaves finally subsided she lay back on the floor while pushing the can away.

The images from the nightmare swirled in her mind. The horror of seeing Elliot bleeding to death caused her body to shudder. They had come with in a breath of dying but her own death was not what terrified Olivia. The thought of Elliot vanishing from her life made Olivia's stomach clench again.

While just the thought of Elliot's death made Olivia sick it was not what had her on the floor shaking in fear. On any given day someone else could have been with them. The fact of the matter was it was rare that the two detectives would eat lunch alone. Some times Kathy would sneak off from her job at the hospital and enjoy an extended lunch. Before she had passed, on her better days, Serena Benson had met her daughter for a quick bite between classes.

If she had not been in court Alex would have been sitting next to Olivia. Olivia closed her eyes making herself think about something else but it didn't work. The image of Alexandra Cabot covered in blood put Olivia in the fetal position.

It took Olivia a long time to stop shaking and even longer for the tears to dry.

Once her breathing was under control and she was sure her stomach was no longer going to revolt Olivia looked around and decided that in her absence the dust bunnies had gotten out of control. The platoon under the couch looked like they were ready to raid a terrorist training camp.

So her apartment needed a good cleaning. No surprise as she had spent the last nine days at Alex's place. Add to that the insane amount of time she had put in at work in the month before the shooting and Olivia couldn't remember the last time she had cleaned. She contemplated giving her place a good working over but then remembered that her hobble and limp had grown exponentially.

An image flashed in her mind and she wanted to call Alex and make certain that the lawyer was okay.

Calling Alex really wasn't an option, not tonight. Even if it wasn't four A.M. Olivia knew that the call would send Alex over the edge with worry. She wouldn't do that to Alex especially after leaving the night before on a semi bad note. The thought remained as she sat up carefully. Her neck was stiff and back aching from falling asleep and then falling off of the couch.

Olivia struggled to her feet and picked up the bowl of soup that she had given up eating the night before. With the bowl in the sink and its contents in the disposal Olivia shuffled back to the living room with an ice pack. She was sitting square in the middle of the couch with her injured ankle on the coffee table covered with a bag of ice when the ice began to work it's magic when Olivia let her mind wander.

Before she could stop it the shooting came to her conscious mind. She didn't want to think about it. Reliving it did no good. She would not allow the luxury of another breakdown.

Olivia pondered that for a good while. In the past she had always dealt with fear directly. She was afraid of heights so she took up wall climbing. She was afraid of becoming her mother so she limited her alcohol intake and attended Al-Anon meetings. Her fear of becoming her father had plagued her in the past but she had proven several times that she wasn't some genetic time bomb of violence.

This fear was different. The shooting had been random. Anyone could have been in that diner. Anyone there could have died. Olivia had dealt with this type of violence before but as an outsider. Working the case and being in the middle of the carnage were completely different things.

Most of the time she worked off the cuff taking her clues from the person she was attempting to question or console. It was an ability that had caused George to tell her more than once that she would make a good therapist. It wasn't much help now though.

Olivia had to view herself as a victim and she didn't like what she saw. She scowled a bit as she realized what Detective Benson would tell Olivia the victim.

See a counselor. Don't cut yourself off from loved ones. Maintain your routine. Eat right. Exercise. Think positive. Do something constructive.

Well I fucked that up pretty good, Olivia thought as she laid back and closed her eyes.

She woke up an hour later feeling like shit. It was six in the morning. Too early to call Elizabeth Olivet but it wasn't too early to call Alex.

Olivia picked up her personal use Blackberry, a gift from Alex on her last birthday. She sent Alex a three-word message and then hobbled down the short hall to her bathroom. After showering she found her Blackberry chirping for her attention. She played the voicemail from Alex and felt her heart jump at the sound of her voice.

I'm an idiot, Olivia thought as she played it a second time. Alex didn't answer either of her phones so Olivia called Vicky. Alex had already left for work and with a glance at her watch Olivia knew Alex was in the weekly staff meeting that Elizabeth Donnelly insisted all of her underlings attend.

She chatted with Vicky for a few minuets. The kids had been upset to awaken to find Olivia gone so Olivia agreed to meet them for breakfast. Olivia was grateful that Vicky didn't say anything when she hesitantly asked if she would bring the hated crutches to the coffee shop.

The kids loved the coffee shop especially Kyla who thought that donut and hot chocolate should become a breakfast regular. Gus gave Olivia heart-melting grin when she helped him clean off the cream cheese mustache. Both kids were pumped about their Aunt Alex agreeing to take them to FAO Swartz when she finished up in court. Their mother was less than thrilled by the idea.

"Oh you just wait. I'll have my payback when Alex has kids," Vicky said of the spoiling.

"Your mother thinks that should be sooner rather than later," Olivia replied.

"It means she likes you. She's never pushed Alex about settling down before."

Kyla agreed that more cousins would be nice but she wanted one her own age. Gus on the other hand declared that babies pooped too much to be fun.

"Tanner's sister just had triplets," Vicky said amused at her son.

"That's a lot of baby poop," Olivia told Gus who nodded at her in his serious way.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Kyla asked after a large gulp of hot chocolate.

"No. It was just me and my mom," Olivia told her.

"What about your dad?" Kyla asked.

"He wasn't around but Mom and I did well enough on our own," Olivia explained.

"I'd really sad if Daddy went away," Kyla said with a frown.

"Your daddy is a really great guy. Mine was a big meanie," Olivia told her using the expression that she had heard Kyla use about a bully at school.

Kyla continued to fire questions, in a frightening imitation of her favorite aunt, at Olivia about her family. With well-practiced ease Olivia sidestepped most of the questions and managed to turn the conversation to Kyla's school and the soccer program Gus was in.

The kids wanted to visit Alex at work. Kyla pouted when Vicky refused. Olivia wrinkled her nose at the pout.

"Why would you want to go listen to your Aunt argue with a defense attorney?" Olivia asked her.

"Argue?" Kyla asked.

"Sure. Alex says something, the defense objects and then they argue. The judge makes the decision who's right," Olivia explained.

"Aunt Alex must be really good at her job," Kyla said.

"Yes she is," Olivia, replied amused but confused at the non sequitur.

"Well she had lots of practice. Grandma told me that Mom and Aunt Alex used to argue all the time," Kyla explained and the two adults laughed. Kyla still wanted to go see Alex argue but Gus put his two cents in for exploring the park before lunch with Grandma.

The kids squabbled a bit before Vicky put her foot down about seeing Alex at work. She passed on Jane's invitation for Olivia to have lunch with them. Olivia watched Gus light up when she agreed that if she were done testifying she would join them.

Making her way to the Manhattan Criminal Courthouse Olivia sprung for a cab. The subway would be too much hassle with the crutches. She had just given the driver her destination when he asked, "You a lawyer?"

"Cop," she replied and was treated to a story about his uncle's brother in law who had been a FBI agent during the Hoover years. For once she listened to the cabbie as he attempted to make conversation. The distraction was better than the late night television she had failed at using the night before. She tipped him well when he dropped her, a block from the courthouse.

It took her longer than usual to get through the crowd and security but she was still thirty minutes early. To her surprise Kathy and Elizabeth Stabler were sitting on a bench outside the courtroom. She plopped down next to Elizabeth wanting to shove the crutches up Zachary Jiles' ass.

"Mind if I join you?" Olivia asked with a grin at Elizabeth.

"Hi Olivia!" Elizabeth said grinning back.

"Hey kiddo, waiting on you dad? Hi Kathy," Olivia added.

"Yeah. He's testifying now," the young girl said. Olivia noted that she was dressed up for an outing with her parents. She mentioned it and Elizabeth smoothed out her skit and sat up straighter.

"Lizzie decided last night she wants to be a police officer when she grows up. Elliot and I thought that we would show her other parts of the criminal justice system," Kathy responded. She squirmed in her seat a little and Olivia pointed down the hall when Kathy asked where the restrooms were.

"Mom doesn't want me to be a cop," Elizabeth explained as they watched her mother walking swiftly down the hall.

"It's a dangerous job and I bet she'd worry," Olivia told her and Elizabeth nodded.

"Mom wont admit it but she worries about Dad a Lot."

"I'm not surprised. Don't you worry?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah. I worry about you too," Elizabeth admitted. Olivia watched her shoulder hunch a little.

"Your dad and I take care of each other," Olivia said firmly and Elizabeth slouched further.

"I know, but what happens when that's not good enough?" Elizabeth asked as she slid an old batting glove out of her pocket. Olivia watched her fiddle with it for a moment.

"It has to be good enough. I can't tell you nothing bad is ever going to happen, Elizabeth. We just have to do our best to keep each other safe. That goes for everyone you care about not just your dad and I when were working. It goes with caring about someone, you don't want them to be hurt."

"Like Alex making you use your crutches?" Elizabeth asked.

From the mouths of babes, Olivia thought as she tried to not wince. She nodded, "Or your mom insisting your dad were that silly sling. Sometimes you have to protect yourself too. Like maybe punching some little jerk in the face when he wont keep his hands to himself."

Elizabeth buried her face in her hands and groaned. She said, "I can't believe how much trouble I got in."

"You got in trouble for not telling your teacher when it happened. They can't punish you for defending yourself," Olivia told her.

"It feels like it," Elizabeth grumbled as she sat back up. She crossed her arms and slouched with a scowl. Olivia was struck by how much the girl looked like her father. Olivia tossed her arm over Elizabeth's shoulder.

"When do you go back to school?"

"Tomorrow. I have to apologize to Stan," Elizabeth said wrinkling her nose.

"That doesn't seem right," Olivia, replied with a slight frown as she watched a man who was adjusting his stuff in front of God and everyone. She turned to Elizabeth and made sure that the young girl was focused on her.

"The only thing I'm sorry about is I didn't hit him harder," Elizabeth told her and Olivia laughed. Elizabeth looked sheepish and shrugged.

"Well I doubt that will work as an apology."

"My parents didn't laugh."

Olivia would bet the bank that Elliot nearly popped a vein in keeping a strait face.

"Why should I apologize when I'm not sorry?" Elizabeth asked.

"Detective Benson," A voice interrupted.

Olivia glanced up, "Chief Donnelly, Your Honor."

"I thought you were testifying in the Tobias matter," Donnelly said with a glance at Elizabeth.

"I am. This is Elizabeth Stabler." Olivia introduced Donnelly and Judge Petrovsky and Elizabeth grinned.

"I know who you are. My dad talks about you sometimes," Elizabeth said to Petrovsky.

"Really?" Lena Petrovsky asked.

Oh ho, Olivia thought.

"Do you really throw books at people?" Elizabeth asked as Kathy stepped up next to the bench. Donnelly laughed.

"Not really. It's means that I put people in jail for a long time," the judge said giving the bureau chief a look that stopped the laughter but not the smirk.

"Mom can I go say Hi to Hannah?" Elizabeth asked pointing to the redhead standing down the hall.

"She looks kind of busy," Kathy pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess. Wonder if that guy she's with is one of the bad guys she defends," Elizabeth mused.

"That's Trevor Langdon. He's another defense attorney," Olivia said.

"Oh. He doesn't look like a boil infe… Oh I can't repeat what dad says about him," Elizabeth said.

Olivia chuckled and shook her head before saying, "I bet not. I know your dad doesn't like him much but everyone is entitled to a good defense."

"Maybe I'll become a defense attorney," Elizabeth said.

"An hour ago you said you wanted to grow up and be Alex Cabot," Kathy pointed out.

"I like Alex. I don't know. I still want to be a cop," Elizabeth said.

"Keep thinking about it. Maybe you can go to med school," Olivia told her.

While Elizabeth pondered medical school Elliot joined them. With him was Alex's second, Harvester Young. He was holding a box that could not be left alone or the chain of evidence would be broken. Olivia caught sight of Alex making her way to the bathroom.

"How's the case?" Donnelly asked Harvester.

"Miss Cabot is in rare form," he reported.

"I'm not going to be hearing from Judge Ridenour am I?" Donnelly asked wincing. Harvester shook his head with a smile. Judge Petrovsky convinced Donnelly that micromanaging Alex would probably lead to disaster and they should leave before she returned.

"Ready Lizzie?" Elliot asked.

"I want to say bye to Alex," Elizabeth told him and he nodded.

"How's your shoulder?" Olivia asked. He looked at the sling then back to her.

"Stiff and sore. How's the ankle?"

"Swollen," she said with a grimace.

As Olivia continued to chat with the younger Stabler, Elliot and Kathy moved away from them and began to speak softly. As Alex joined them Harvester handed her the box and took his turn trekking down the hall.

"Coffee," Alex said with a shrug at the two left on the bench.

"Hi," Olivia said using her observational skills on the ADA. Olivia didn't like what she saw especially since it was probably her fault.

"Hi," Alex replied and Olivia could see Alex sizing her up. Like Olivia, Alex didn't comment instead turning to Elizabeth. "Still want to go to law school?"

"Maybe. I might go to med school instead."

"Sounds good," Alex told her.

"I gotta warn you cops don't listen to doctors," Olivia commented.

"Well duh. You'd be back at work if you listened to your doctors," Elizabeth said rolling her eyes. Olivia could see Alex fighting to keep the smile from her face. Olivia wondered which of her parents Elizabeth had heard that from. Elizabeth hopped up and hugged Alex. "Bye Alex." Then she hugged Olivia.

"That question you asked earlier about apologizing when you're not sorry?" Olivia asked after Elizabeth pulled away.

"Yeah?"

"You're parents are going to hate me… I don't think you should lie. If you're not sorry you shouldn't say so. Explain it to your teacher that you're not sorry for defending yourself but that you are sorry you didn't tell right away."

"What if that's not good enough?" Elizabeth asked as her parents approached.

"It's the truth, that's what matters," Olivia explained.

The detective stood on her crutches next to Alex as they watched the Stablers walk away. At one point Elliot and Kathy both turned and looked back at Olivia. She shrugged at them and then smirked. Elliot grinned and directed his wife and daughter to continue down the hall.

"Think that'll work?" Alex asked.

"She shouldn't apologize for something she's not sorry," Olivia said.

"Hmm…" Alex commented.

"I think we need to talk," Olivia said.

"I agree," Alex said not meeting Olivia's eyes.

"Meet me at my…" Olivia hesitated thinking about the condition of her apartment.

"Your place?" Alex asked.

"If you're not afraid of the dust bunnies…" Olivia began and Alex smiled hesitatingly.

"I'm not."

"Good. When you wrap up here call me and I'll order dinner," Olivia said. The usually calm and self-assured detective wavered and said, "Alex. I'm sorry."

Alex thought for a moment and then replied, "So am I."