Remember, Never to Forget---36
Elizabeth looked around the infirmary and realized every member of John Sheppard's team was either in a bed or resting in a chair. Rodney and Ronon were both suffering from serious, but non life threatening injuries. Teyla was sitting in a chair, eyes closed, yet Elizabeth knew she wasn't sleeping. Rita Murphy had examined the Athosian and pronounced her battered and bruised, but ambulatory. She'd given Teyla a mild pain reliever and told her she needed to rest.
Elizabeth glanced at the clock and noted nearly an hour had passed since Beckett had disappeared inside the room where John Sheppard was housed. She kept looking at the door, hoping Carson would bring them some good news, but so far the door remained closed.
"Dr. Weir, has there been any word?" Evan Lorne asked.
Weir shook her head and wished she could give them something to hold on too, but until Beckett joined them there was nothing she could do to ease their minds. It seemed like the news of John Sheppard's return had reached everyone in Atlantis and they'd been stopping by the infirmary hoping for good news. Did she really expect anything less? Sheppard was a mainstay amongst the Atlantis expedition, and his loss had left many people demoralized, but they'd continued about their daily routine. Having John back had put a smile back on their faces, until they heard he was in bad shape.
"Dr. Weir?"
"Sorry, Major, no…Carson is still in there with him," Elizabeth answered.
"Damn, is there anything we can do?" Lorne asked.
"Not yet, just make sure the teams continue with their assignments," Weir answered. "I'll let everyone know as soon as Dr. Beckett gives me an update."
"Thank you," Lorne said and reluctantly left the infirmary.
Weir turned back to find each member of Sheppard's team watching her closely in spite of the fact that each set of eyes had that glazed look the spoke of exhaustion and heavy meds. "Carson's still in with him," she answered the question so easily read on each face before pulling up a chair and sitting down.
SGASGASGASGASGA
Carson Beckett pulled off the blood stained gloves and wiped the sweat from his forehead as he looked at the man whose life he was fighting to save. John Sheppard was a man he admired and respected for his strong will to survive. The man had proved time and again that he would not back down when faced with adversity that would make just about any other man cringe. Sheppard had survived a Wraith feeding, an Iratus Bug, nearly turning into a bug and countless other dangers that would make any man think twice about the decision to take a post in the Pegasus Galaxy.
Beckett knew of all the jobs that went with Colonel Sheppard's position the hardest one had been telling a family that their loved one had been killed. It was doubly hard for Sheppard because he could not tell them the real truth behind the deaths even when he wanted to tell them of the heroics they'd all witnessed.
Carson glanced at the nurse who was securing the tubing leading down into Sheppard's lung and wished there was something he could tell her that would ease the worry lines etched on her face. "I'm going to speak with Elizabeth and the others, but I want you to keep an eye on his temperature…keep an eye on all his numbers, Lass, and let me know if there's any change at all."
"I will, Dr. Beckett," Sharon Kempner assured him. She'd seen Beckett's anger when he worked to save Sheppard's life and knew how worried the physician was. The fact that Sheppard had suffered internal injuries that would require further surgical intervention was cause for concern considering how weak he was and how low his blood pressure and how high his temperature had risen during the surgery to stop the bleeding from an artery.
Beckett took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping through. He sighed and nodded his thanks when Rita Murphy handed him a glass, but frowned when he smelled the contents. "I don't…"
"Drink it, Carson, you're two shades whiter than pale," Murphy ordered, relieved when Beckett did just that before turning to face Sheppard's team.
"How are they?" Beckett asked.
"Teyla's bruised from head to toe, and should be resting in her quarters, but I figured that's a fight I'll leave until after they hear how Colonel Sheppard is doing. Rodney has a knife wound to his shoulder and lost a considerable amount of blood and will probably be bitching about the accommodations by this time tomorrow. Ronon has several broken ribs and a concussion," Murphy explained and continued with her description until Elizabeth noticed the two of them talking.
"Carson, how is he?" Weir asked, not surprised when Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney opened their eyes and listened for the report on their team leader.
"I am not one to hold back, Elizabeth, and I'm not gonna start now. Colonel Sheppard stopped breathing, but we managed to bring him back. You should know that it will probably happen again…we're ready if it does. He's on a ventilator and I'm going to keep him sedated until he's strong enough to breathe on his own. His blood pressure is low in spite of having been given 6 units," Beckett said and continued with the list of injuries he'd found during his examination of John Sheppard. "He's also malnourished and that can affect his major organs. To put it bluntly he's in for a major fight to get back on his feet, but I don't plan on letting him quit…"
"None of us do, Carson," Weir told him.
"How long will you keep him sedated?" McKay asked worriedly.
"At least 48 hours…possibly as long as a week if things don't improve," Beckett answered.
"Can I see him?"
"Not right now, Rodney, you need to rest and you won't be getting out of that bed for at least 12…"
"24 hours," Murphy corrected her colleague.
"24 hours and no, Ronon, you're on bed rest as well," Beckett said and turned to Elizabeth. "You can see him for a few minutes, but I want to warn you that there's more than just the injuries to contend with…"
"I know…"
"Carson, can I see him?" Emmagan asked
"Yes, but then I want you to do as Rita said and go to your quarters and rest or I'll find you a bed right here," Beckett warned.
"I'll see that she does, Carson," Weir said. She knew the room Sheppard was in was equivalent to an ICU in hospitals on Earth, but was still unprepared for the scene in the room. She felt Teyla tense up beside her and swallowed several times before moving to the bed.
John Sheppard, a man whose very presence was that of a giant on Atlantis, looked dwarfed by the equipment the medical staff was using to keep him alive. There were tubes in his mouth and nose and Elizabeth knew there were more hidden beneath the thin sheet that covered him from the waist down. There were bags of IV solution, antibiotics, and blood hanging above his head. Then there was the extra machinery surrounding the bed, some of it she knew and understood, but this was not her turf and she could not hazard a guess as to what some of it was used for.
"He looks…"
"Alive and that's what we need to hold on to," Weir finished when Teyla didn't seem to have the words.
"Yes, and if there's one thing I've learned about John Sheppard is that he's too stubborn to let something like this beat him," Emmagan said, grabbing the bed rail when the room seemed to go in and out of focus.
"Come on, Teyla, I'll take you to your quarters," Weir said and reached out to steady the Athosian. Teyla's face had gone considerably paler while she'd been standing and Elizabeth knew the woman needed to rest.
"Thank you, Elizabeth," Emmagan said and took one last look at Sheppard before leaving the room with Weir.
SGASGASGASGASGASGA
Suduko Breathed deeply of the cool night air and smiled when his sister moved to stand beside him. He'd known she was watching him closely since they'd returned from Hawk's fortress, and understood the worry and fear she had during that time. "Kierra, you should be in bed with your husband."
"Bendor knows where I am and he is fixing something for you to eat."
"He did not need to, Kierra…"
"We know that, but we are both worried about you, Suduko. I know you wanted Shazzia and I wish I could help, but for now you must concentrate on growing strong again," Kierra said.
"Did you know Kudrone has convinced Shariel to give up 'slaving'?" Suduko explained. Kudrone and Shariel had left before the sun dropped below the horizon with the promise that they would visit when they could and help fight the war against slavery of any kind.
"That is wonderful, but what of the people she has already enslaved? What will become of them?"
"She and Kudrone are returning them to their homes, but some of them do not have a home and will be given the choice to stay with her or she will help them find a place to call home," Suduko explained.
"It still does not excuse what she has done…"
"No, it doesn't, but at least she is now on our side and willing to work with us. She is also going to speak with other 'slavers' and try to convince them that what they are doing is wrong."
"I hope she is successful, but she needs to be careful or it could get her and Kudrone killed."
"She knows that, Kierra," Suduko assured her and smiled when she hugged him.
"I am glad you came home, Brother," she told him and hoped his nightmares would end soon, but knew in her heart that would not happen until Shazzia was caught and made to pay for the pain she'd caused so many people.
SGASGASGASGASGA
Rodney McKay knew he was taking his life into his own hands, figuratively and literally because if Beckett or Murphy caught him he'd be in four point restraints until he was old and grey. That didn't scare him as much as the possibility of never being able to verbally spar with John Sheppard again. He would never tell anyone, but he enjoyed those times when Sheppard showed just how smart he was. The man had passed the MENSA test for God's sake.
Rodney managed to stand on his own two feet and grabbed onto the pole with the IV hanging from it and waited until the dizziness receded before taking small shuffling steps toward the closed door.
"Going somewhere, Rodney?"
McKay jumped and silently cursed before turning and expecting to see a red faced Beckett standing behind him, but it was Ronon's pale smiling face that stared at him. "If it's any of your concern I'm going to see Sheppard!"
"Not without me you're not," Dex told him, gritting his teeth as he slid from the bed and stood on shaky legs.
"Keep the grunting and moaning down or you'll get us caught," McKay grumbled.
"It's not me," Ronon said and smiled when the Canadian clamped down on the sounds he was making.
"They must be giving you the good stuff," McKay grumbled.
"Guess they like me better," Dex said with a grin and began moving slowly toward the room he knew Sheppard was being cared for. He pushed it open and smiled at the nurse who'd replace Sharon Kempner.
"You two are supposed to be resting," Pamela Wallingford said.
"We just wanted to check on Sheppard," McKay told her.
"You can stay for a couple of minutes, but I need to do some things for Colonel Sheppard that is unpleasant to watch," Wallingford told them.
"Thanks," Dex said and made his way to one side of the bed as McKay moved to the opposite side. He saw McKay's face turn whiter than he'd ever thought possible and knew the Canadian was as worried as he was…as they all were. "He's strong."
"I know…doesn't make seeing him like this any easier though," McKay said.
"Never does…but he's alive," Ronon told him.
"He is, but you two won't be if Dr. Beckett finds you here," Wallingford told them,
"Guess we should get back to bed before he finds us…"
"Too late, Rodney," Beckett said. "Come on then…back to bed with the both of you."
"It was all his idea," Ronon whispered.
"Coward," McKay said as Beckett turned a somewhat stony look in his direction.
"Settle, Children, or there'll be two sharp needles ready to put you down for twelve hours," Beckett warned. He helped McKay into his bed and checked his vitals before repeating the process with Ronon. "Now, do I need to put a guard in here or will you two sleep now that you've seen Colonel Sheppard?"
"He looks like he's been through hell," McKay offered.
"He has, Rodney, but don't go giving up on him just yet," Beckett said.
"I'm not. We fought to get him back and I refuse to entertain the idea that he won't survive," McKay said and frowned when Beckett did something to his IV and he felt himself drifting toward sleep. He swore he heard a softly muttered curse from Ronon and knew he'd been given the same medication.
"Sleep well and maybe I'll even let you have some real food for breakfast," Beckett said with a smile. He watched the two men for several minutes while checking the monitors to make sure nothing had changed. He turned to walk away and wasn't all that surprised to find Elizabeth Weir standing behind him.
"Are they okay?"
"They're fine and they'll stay that way if they don't make any more midnight trips."
"Sheppard," Weir said with a hint of a smile.
"I found both of them in there, and decided they must need a wee bit of help getting to sleep," the physician told her, studying her face and seeing the lines of strain that spoke of extreme weariness and worry. "Elizabeth, you should get some sleep…you look exhausted."
"I could say the same thing to you, Carson, how long since you had any sleep?"
"This morning…"
"It doesn't show," Weir teased.
"Well, why don't we go into my office and I'll prescribe a little relaxant for us…"
"Scotch?"
"Of course and only the best."
"I wouldn't expect anything less," Weir said and looked at the closed door to the CIU.
"He's holding his own, Elizabeth, and right now that's better than the alternative," Beckett explained and took her arm as they walked toward his office.
SGASGASGASGASGA
Rodney opened his eyes and turned his head to find a nurse checking the monitors over his head. He had no idea how long he'd been out for, but knowing Beckett it was at least a full eight hours and probably closer to ten or twelve hours. He shifted slightly and the nurse smiled at him before plumping his pillows.
"Good morning, Dr. McKay, how do you feel," Gillian asked.
"Ask Dr. Beckett, he's the one with the sneaky approach to sleeping," McKay grumbled.
"Dr. Beckett just wants what's best for his patients even the…"
"Stubborn ones," Beckett said as he walked toward the bed and adjusted the flow of medication in McKay's IV.
"Carson, how is Sheppard?" McKay asked as the throbbing in his shoulder eased.
"He's still the same, Rodney," Beckett answered and moved to help Ronon sit up while the nurse adjusted his pillows. "How do you feel, Ronon?"
"Oh, you he asks how you feel…me he just…"
"Rodney, were you in pain?" Beckett asked.
"Well, yes, but…"
"Then what are you complaining about?" the physician asked and turned back to the Satedan.
"I'm okay, Doc," Dex answered.
"Now that's a lie if I ever heard one. Anyone can see you're hurting," McKay said and turned his attention back to Beckett. "You mentioned something about real food."
"I did and it'll be here shortly," Beckett told him.
"Real food…not that liquid crap you usually give us after we're hurt," McKay grumbled.
"What liquid crap?" Dex asked.
"Don't tell me you get real food…"
"Rodney, Ronon doesn't have a delicate stomach," Beckett said.
"See, McKay, you're delicate…I'm solid…like a rock…"
"Oh, please, you're in worse shape than I am…"
"All right…settle. It's not a contest, but Rodney, go easy when they bring breakfast," Beckett warned and walked toward Sheppard's room. He pushed open the door to find the new nurse checking the intubation tube and smiled when she looked up at him. "How are things with Colonel Sheppard this morning?"
"His temperature is still high, but his blood pressure is a little better," Paula answered. "I changed the bandage covering his chest wound and thought you should have a look at it."
"Let's take a look then, Lass," Beckett said and lowered the blanket so that he could see the wound. He helped ease the bandages away and winced at what he saw. "We need to put in a tube and let it drain."
"Yes, Doctor," the nurse said and moved to ready the items they would need.
SGASGASGASGASGASGA
What was that noise? Why couldn't he move or open his eyes? God, why did he hurt so damn much? Where the hell was he?
The questions repeated themselves in his numbed mind, and he knew he should be glad he felt numb, but that was not who he was. Never had been, never would be, but for once that's exactly what he wanted. To stay numb and not feel the pain he knew would be there on awakening.
John fought the lethargy and managed to move his tongue, but found there was something there, something that shouldn't be and he panicked as he tried to breath on his own. There were voices, ones he thought he should know, but that familiarity was not enough to hold on to.
'Hawk,' John thought and fear made him struggle against whatever was holding him down.
"Colonel, you're safe. You're home on Atlantis and you have a tube down your throat to help you breathe. Don't fight it, Lad," Beckett told him, but the fear in the eyes told him he was not getting through to Atlantis' military leader.
The voice was familiar, but John could not quite grasp why and renewed his efforts to get free. He cried out as he shifted slightly and was forced to be still as unfamiliar hands caught and held him down.
"Come on, Lad, just look at me. It's Carson and you're in the infirmary, but you're going to be fine as long as you do as your friendly doctor tells you too," Beckett soothed. Three days had passed since John Sheppard's return to Atlantis and although his fever continued it hadn't gotten any higher. Carson had made the decision to ease off on tha sedatives and allow the injured colonel to wake up.
'Carson…' John repeated the name, but felt only a cold dread as he looked at the man and woman standing beside the bed. He shook his head slightly and wished he could tell them he didn't know who they were. God help him, but he felt so alone and almost wished Hawk was there…almost. He began to shake and his eyes grew wide when the woman injected something into the tube in his arm and darkness descended over him.
"He should sleep for several hours, but if there are any problems just get me," Beckett said and exited the room to find Elizabeth, Teyla, Rodney, and Ronon waiting for him. It had become the norm for them to be there, especially with both Ronon and Rodney still patients.
"Carson?" Elizabeth was the first to speak.
"He was awake for a few minutes, but he panicked and right now I can't let him do anything that's going to set him back…"
"Did he know who you were or where he was?" Teyla asked softly.
"I don't know…but something tells me he really didn't understand what was happening," Beckett answered.
"He didn't know us when we saw him," Ronon said.
"He did seem to know Rodney," Teyla offered and looked at the pale faced Canadian sympathetically.
"Rodney?" Beckett asked.
"He said my name when we found him in Hawk's chambers, but I don't know if he really remembers me," McKay answered.
"Well, the next time we let him wake up I want you in there," Beckett told them.
"When will that be, Carson?" Weir asked.
"Probably this afternoon, meantime you two should be resting," Beckett motioned both men back to their beds and received an uttered curse in reply.
"I could…"
"Ronon, you're not going anywhere for another day…after that we'll see," the physician told them and turned to McKay. "That goes for you too."
"I didn't say anything," Rodney sputtered.
"No, but you were going to. Now I have a few tests to set up for Colonel Sheppard so please try not to harass my nurses," Beckett warned before leaving the four people alone. He knew Weir would give a base wide update on Sheppard and wished he had better news to give them, but right now there was nothing more they could do until Sheppard was awake and aware of his surroundings.
TBC