Remember, Never to Forget---43
John woke with a start and sat up in bed while glancing around the darkened room. His body trembled uncontrollably as memories from his nightmares followed him into the real world. His gut churned and raced for the bathroom as the meager contents of his stomach made a return trip. He sank to the floor and leaned his head against the wall as he tried to think past the nightmare images that turned his stomach.
John lost track of time as he sat on the floor with his legs drawn up and his arms wrapped around his knees. He couldn't stop the onslaught of images as horrific images flashed across his mind. The creatures were insidious, but it was Shazzia and Hawk who were the real monsters in all this. They were slavers, people who bought and sold living beings as if they were sheep in some bazaar, twisted frightening reality based on some cheap horror novel.
Sheppard drew in a deep breath when he heard the familiar sound that signaled someone was outside his door. He wanted to stay where he was, but whoever was out there was insistent on seeing him and he finally stood up and walked toward the door. John closed his eyes and again breathed deeply before allowing the door to open. He gasped and tried to call for help as he felt sharp pinpricks on his chest, arms, and legs and knew the small suction cups were sucking the life from him. He stared into a bulbous mouth with rows of razor sharp teeth.
John tried to draw air into his oxygen starved mouth, but the creature's arms were wrapped tightly around his chest, trapping his arms against his body as its mouth closed over his throat. He managed to scream, but no sound escaped as his mind began to shut down and his body convulsed against the hideous creature.
"No!" John screamed as his eyes shot open and he stared around the room in horror. The light was dim, but he knew where he was and struggled to his feet as a chill raged inside him. God, he was so damn cold and he trembled as he tried to rub feeling back into his arms.
John stared at his image in the mirror, an image he hardly recognized, yet he knew he was awake for real this time as pain flared in his leg when he tried to put weight on it. He cursed softly and leaned in close to the mirror as sweat beaded on his forehead and weakness made him lightheaded. The familiar sound that signaled someone was outside the door startled him and he froze at the thought that he was still locked in his dreams.
The sound was repeated and John knew he had to answer it, even if it was another waking nightmare. He walked slowly, wincing at the pain in his leg and waiting for it to pass as he reached the door and opened it to find Elizabeth Weir standing there.
"John, are you all right?"
"I'm fine," John lied and motioned her to come inside the room.
"Are you sure…you look like you haven't slept," Weir remarked.
"Slept some," John told her, but didn't mention that it had been on the bathroom floor.
"Carson said he talked to you about surgery on your leg," Weir said. She'd seen the way he favored it and hoped he would agree to have it fixed.
"He did," Sheppard answered softly.
"Did he say when?"
"He said it was my choice, and right now I'd rather not think about it, Elizabeth."
"John…"
"Look, I will have the surgery, but I'd rather wait until I know…until the…"
"Until what, John?"
"Until I'm ready, Elizabeth," Sheppard snapped and immediately regretted the sharp tone he used. "I'm sorry…it's just…look, I just need some time."
"I understand," Weir said.
"Rodney mentioned going to visit some place called The Retreat," John told her.
"I don't think that's wise right now. Not with…not while you're…"
"Not while I'm what? Not while I'm a liability?"
"I didn't say that, John," Weir said and watched his face as several emotions seemed to be warring for dominance.
"I know you didn't, Elizabeth, but right now that's what I am…to the expedition…to the city…and especially to the people. I'm no good like this! I have trouble remembering who key personnel are and I'm supposed to be the military leader here. I need some time to myself and The Retreat sounds like something I'd like to see…it fits my mood lately because I seem to have retreated from everything I once knew."
"John, nobody considers you a liability…"
"Have you asked Kavanagh? I don't think he'd agree with you."
"Do you remember him?" Elizabeth asked hopefully.
"A pain in the ass who worries too much about his own behind."
"Your memory is returning…that's an apt description of him," Weir said of the man she'd dressed down on more than one occasion.
"Elizabeth, I need to do this…I need to know that I can trust myself," John told her.
"When do you want to go?"
"As soon as possible," John answered.
"I'll agree to this if Carson clears it. If he does then I'll have Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon go with you," Weir said.
"Thank you for understanding," John said, and watched her leave. He made his way back to the bathroom and again stared at the stranger in the mirror. His face was pale and gaunt, while his eyes still held a hint of the unknown and that terrified him more than anything. He wanted…needed to know he could trust himself before he allowed others to trust him. He leaned his head against the mirror and allowed his mind to wander.
Images flashed like random pictures in a montage that left him craving more. He knew who he was and what he was supposed to do, but he couldn't put his faith in his memories because he didn't trust himself. Not while his thoughts were so jumbled and his visions were a reminder of how he'd lived as a slave for so long…too long. With a heavy sigh, John made his way back to his bed and lay down before giving in to the nightmares that plagued him.
SGASGASGASGASGA
Carson Beckett folded his arms across his chest and stared at the man standing before him. John Sheppard was stubborn, even if he didn't have all his memories. The physician wasn't sure he liked the idea of this man going off world when he still had some healing to do.
"Carson, I'm okay and I need to do this," John told him.
"I understand, John, but your leg needs to be taken care of soon," Beckett told him.
"Let me do this and I'll report to the infirmary as soon as I get back," John offered.
"How long will you be gone?"
"A week maybe a little longer, I just need some time to make sense of everything," John answered.
"Who's going with you?"
"Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon," John answered.
"All right, but…"
"Thanks, Carson…"
"Let me finish," Beckett told him. "If there are any problems, no matter how small, I want you back here. I want you to report any change in your memory especially if they're accompanied by headaches."
"I will," John said and shook the man's hand before leaving the infirmary. He knew he was taking a chance by going off world because Hawk was out there and John knew he would not give up easily. If there was one thing he'd learned about the slaver, it was that the man coveted his possessions, and would do anything to make sure they stayed in his hands.
"All right…take the time you need and report to me as soon as you return," Beckett told him.
"Thanks, Doc," John said and didn't even realize he gave him the trademark Sheppard grin that everyone else would recognize as cocky and sure. He left the infirmary and made his way toward the mess hall where the others were waiting.
SGASGASGASGASGA
"John, would you like to take the controls?" McKay asked as soon as they were through the stargate.
"I don't remember how to fly it," John answered solemnly.
"It should come naturally to you," the Canadian explained. "You just need to think about what you want the ship to do."
"I don't…"
"John, if it does not work Rodney can take the controls," Teyla offered, hoping the colonel would understand how completely they trusted him.
John looked at the trio who made up his team and saw trust in each of their faces. He took a deep breath and was soon in control of the ship. It felt so right being here, able to control the movement of the craft as he flew across the valley toward the mountains in the distance.
Rodney smiled as his friend seemed to relax in the command seat and glide the Puddle Jumper over the treetops toward their destination high in the mountains. Even with his memory loss Sheppard could fly the ship and that was something of an enigma considering he couldn't recall most of the things that went with being Atlantis' military commander.
"Rodney, where is this retreat?" John asked softly.
"Not far, just continue on the course set out," McKay answered.
"Maybe you should take it from here," John suggested.
"Even with your memory loss you're far more natural with the controls than I'll ever be," the Canadian said. "Just think about where we're going and relax."
"Relax, he says," John grumbled, but found himself sitting back in the command seat as they neared their destination.
"Change course until you fly past The Retreat and you'll see Suduko's home near an open valley," McKay explained.
John took a deep breath and concentrated on the craft. Again he felt at home and allowed his mind to calculate the distances they were traveling. He soon spotted The Retreat and flew over it until he reached the outskirts and spotted the valet McKay had told him about. It was beautiful as was the home set against the large trees with the mountains rising high above the area.
"John, you're doing fine," Teyla offered with a smile.
"Thanks," John said as he settled the ship in a clearing near another unfamiliar craft. He felt tiny beads of sweat on his face, but he returned Teyla's smile as he turned to see his team watching him.
"Knew you could do it," Ronon said softly as the rear hatch opened and Suduko stood watching them.
"Welcome back," Suduko said simply.
"Thank you," Teyla said graciously stepping out of the Jumper. "Thank you for allowing us to return so soon."
"You are always welcome in my home, Teyla Emmagan," Suduko said and turned to study the man standing between McKay and Dex.
"Suduko, allow me to introduce Colonel John Sheppard," Teyla said.
"You look healed, Colonel Sheppard," Suduko said and offered the man his hand, surprised when it was taken and held in a firm grip.
"I am…pretty much any way," John told him.
"Has your memory returned?" the big man asked.
"Some of it," John said.
"Suduko, it is in bad taste to allow your guests to stand out here while the mid day meal cools on the table," Kierra scolded and smiled at Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney before turning her attention to the newcomer. "You look as if you could use a good meal or two…"
"Kierra, this is our friend Colonel John Sheppard," Emmagan said by way of introduction.
"I am not on fro formalities…may I call you John?"
"John's fine, Ma'am."
"Very well and please call me Kierra," the woman said and linked her arm through his. "Come, there is plenty of food and perhaps you would enjoy the sweet dessert I prepared."
John looked helplessly at the others as Kierra propelled him toward the house, but he knew he wouldn't get any sympathy from them. Kierra was talking excitedly to him, but only a few words reached him as they entered the house. The smell hit him and his stomach rumbled anticipatorily as he was finally seated at the table.
"John, this is my husband Bendor," Kierra said.
"Hello, John, I have heard many stories about you from your friends and I am pleased they were able to rescue you," Bendor said.
"Thank you," John said, surprised at how easily these people seemed to accept him into their home.
"There is no need for thanks, John, your friends are our friends and have proven themselves by helping my brother and bringing him home," Kierra explained and filled the bowl she'd placed in front of him. "This is a stew made from the roots of a Sakurios Tree and will help you."
"Help me?"
"Yes, it is said that those who eat the Sakurios Tree roots are able to draw on their memories…"
"Even those that are no longer there," Teyla said. "I had thought the Sakurios Tree was destroyed many cycles ago."
"It was and there is very little of the root to be found. I used the last of what I had to make this stew because Suduko asked it of me. He is hoping that someday John and all others like him will be able to help rid our galaxy of people like Shazzia and Hawk," Kierra explained.
"I'm all for that," McKay agreed.
"Likewise," Ronon agreed and watched as Sheppard tasted the thick, sweet smelling stew.
"The roots are naturally sweet and have been given to our people when they are afflicted with memory loss due to age or other diseases."
"If this is true it could be a cure for Alzheimers," McKay said excitedly. "Are you sure there isn't any more of these Sak…Sak…"
"Sakurios roots," Kierra offered. "I am afraid they were totally destroyed during a solar storm more than forty cycles ago. We have tried to grow them, but I'm afraid there is nothing left of the trees."
"Perhaps in some other section of your world…somewhere you haven't looked?" McKay asked.
"We have searched everywhere, but you are welcome to conduct your own search," Bendor told him.
"Teyla, this could be an important discovery…would you come with me to search the planet?" the Canadian asked hopefully.
"Of course," Teyla answered with a tilt of her head.
"Ronon, you stay here with John," McKay ordered and received a slight nod from the quiet Satedan.
"I don't need anyone watching over me," John said softly.
"We know, John, but Teyla and I can search the planet for the roots using the Puddle Jumper. This way you two can get some rest until we return," the Canadian explained.
"How long will you be gone?" John asked.
"That depends on how soon we find the area where the trees grew," McKay answered.
"Perhaps I could show you," Bendor offered. "I know the area in the mountains and it can be dangerous if you are not careful."
"Thank you…we would be honored to have you with us," Teyla said and watched as John finished the stew.
"John, we'll be in radio contact if there are any problems," McKay assured him as Teyla followed him out the door.
John looked at Ronon and saw a hint of a smile on the other man's face as he watched the others leave. "Wonder how long it takes for this to work?"
"If it works…heard tell of it on Sateda," Dex explained.
"It works," Suduko told them. "I have seen many people afflicted with memory loss recover…Kierra was the one who suggested trying it on you."
"Thank you, Kierra," John said.
"You are welcome, John, and I hope it works for you."
"How long before we know?" Ronon asked.
"There is no way to accurately predict the time, but if you are as strong as your friends say you are it should begin working very soon," the woman answered.
John nodded and realized how tired he suddenly felt as he looked around the room. He rubbed at tired eyes and tried to stand, but a hand grasped his arm and he looked into Kierra's sympathetic eyes.
"I forgot that the roots also cause weariness…I am sorry, but the effect will not last long. We have a guest room and there are clean blankets on the bed," Kierra offered.
"Sheppard, are you okay?"
"Think so, Ronon, just so damn tired," John told him and allowed the bigger man to help him to his feet.
"Bring him this way," Kierra ordered and led them toward a room at the back of the house. She helped Ronon settle the weary man down on the bed and lifted a soft blanket up over him as a heavy sigh escaped him.
"I'll stay with him," Dex told her.
"He will be fine, Ronon, I would not do anything to harm him," Kierra reassured the Satedan.
Ronon nodded and watched her leave before settling onto the floor beside the bed. He placed his hand on his weapon and hoped he wouldn't have any need to use it.
SGASGASGASGASGA
Shazzia listened to her father as he gave her the news that made her heart soar. John Sheppard was at The Retreat and that meant he would soon be hers. It would take several hours to reach her world, but Domitar would keep her updated about the man and his friends. Perhaps she would also take Rodney McKay and Suduko, but for now she needed to concentrate on John Sheppard because there was something about him that made her reckless.
Shazzia took control of her ship and flew toward her destination as a plan formed in her mind, one that would see John Sheppard in her bed where he belonged.
TBC