Disclaimer: Not mine. Glad you all liked the start!

Chapter 2

Sam flipped through it more, reading the demons viewpoint of their various hunts and actually laughing at some of the snappy comments. Apparently being sarcastic was a genuine part of Dean's personality. The pranks had taken more work but Dean had really gotten into them once he'd figured out a balance between fun and harm.

I….I think I love him. It's impossible, isn't it? I went along with it to keep him happy and with me but now….I can't imagine not being with him, not waking up beside him every morning. I can't do this anymore. I can't do that to him…..no matter the cost Sam will be safe. Screw the plan, I won't let that happen to him, I can't. I need him.

Sam stared at the entry, crying. Dean loved him, a demon loved him, wanted to keep him safe. Sam put the journal down and leant over Dean's body….even if technically it hadn't been Dean's. But…..what had happened to the person whose body it was? Had they been killed by the Hounds too or had Dean been given a dead body so that the other person wouldn't be able to tip Sam off if Dean slipped up? Sam got up and got some wet towels and the stuff he needed for stitches. He stripped Dean's body off and gently washed him down before stitching the various wounds closed. He couldn't just leave Dean like that and he'd been around so many corpses over the years that the smell didn't bother him. Once done he redressed Dean as best he could in what he usually wore to sleep since the material was a lot easier to manage the denim considering Dean was literally dead weight and starting to stiffen. Once that was done Sam went back to the journal, skipping forward until he found it, the time Azazel had taken him.

Sam's gone. I knew it was coming and I was dumb to think I could stop it. I'm no match for Azazel. I don't know where the bastard's taken him but I will get him back…I just hope it's in time and he's still my Sam. If he gives in to the sick game…I'll lose him. I can't lose him, if I do…stupid thing is even if he isn't my Sammy when I find him I can't leave him. I'll help him destroy the world as long as I can be with him.

Sam swallowed; Dean had tried to save him from being taken. Dean had known what the Demon was planning and had tried to protect him. The next entry was water stained and smudged but still mostly legible.

I…I failed…..Sammy's dead. It's my fault, if I hadn't distracted him…I've failed him. What do I do now? I have no mission…..no lover, family…nothing, I have nothing. I am nothing. Bobby's gone, he's not bad for a human…I like him, but he's not my Sammy. I need him…..there's only one thing…..I don't know if it'll work, if the spells are good enough to fool one of them but I have to try. If it doesn't work I don't know what I'll do. Try to find the Colt…..bullet to the head can't hurt more than this emptiness does….

Sam didn't need to be told who Dean was talking about, the Crossroads demon. Dean had gone, not knowing if the demon would accept his soul or not but obviously it had worked. Whatever spell was used to make Dean seem human to what they hunted had been good enough to fool the demon and let him make the deal. It had been strong enough to fool Lilith herself!

One year, I have one measly earth year left with him. It's not much but it will have to be enough. 365 days, 120 years hell time. Wish it could be measured in hell time. Guess I'm lucky in some way, unlike others who make a deal I know exactly what I'm in for down there. But it'll probably be a million times worse this time because they'll know what I've done, how I've betrayed them. But no matter what happens it was worth it for even a day more with Sam and the knowledge that he'll still be alive. I'll cling to the memory of him for as long as I can but I know eventually they'll make me forget him….I can only hope Sam's dead by then because sending me after him is something Alistair would do and enjoy it. Maybe I'll manage to hold onto his name, end up thinking it's mine.

Sam stared at the entry in horror, sobbing at Dean's words…he'd brought Sam back even knowing what would be done to him. Why? He wasn't worth that sort of sacrifice. How could Dean think he was worth an eternity of torture?

Guess someone decided Sam needs the push I was meant to give. Ruby is such a bitch. And she has my old job….I'm doing everything I can to keep Sam away from her, after everything I've done I will not let him fall into that trap. If it's the last thing I do before being dragged back I'll kill her. I won't let her damn him. Finding him on a nearby rack because of her is not something I ever want to have happen.

Well that answered a bit about why Dean had been sent to him. Someone wanted him using his powers but…damn him? Would doing that really lead to him joining Dean one day? A nice thought if it were anywhere but there. Sam took a calming breath and went back to skimming the journal, eventually turning to the last entry. His hands shook as he prepared to read whatever Dean had written before dying, he must have done it while Sam was asleep after their marathon love making session, Dean's way of saying goodbye. Hey it was a day later and Sam was still feeling it.

This is it, in a couple of hours I'll be 'home'. I'm terrified. I don't want to leave Sammy alone but I also don't want to go back. I knew what I was doing; I don't regret making the deal…I just wish Sam could have pulled a last minute miracle. Who am I kidding? Demons don't get miracles. I wonder if the spell will last past my death? Will Sammy still love me, grieve for me? Or will he remember and hate me? Be happy I'm gone? In a way I almost hope he does, just so he doesn't have to be sad. He's turned me into such a wimp. If the spell failed then maybe he'll find this. If you're reading this Sammy then…I love you. I'm not sorry I did this, better me than you. Go out and find yourself a nice girl and name your firstborn for me or something. Goodbye.

Sam let the journal fall from his hand and then he touched Dean's cold face and cried. He didn't know if it was real or not or if Dean had written those things because he knew Sam would read them one day but he didn't care. He was getting Dean back. If it wasn't real he'd kill him, use Ruby's knife to end it for good, he would give him that for every time Dean had saved his life and for dying for him. If it had all been real….could he live with Dean knowing what he was? He had a lot to ask Dean about their time together….he needed to hear it from Dean not just his journal. Well there was only one way to find out what he needed to hear. He had to work fast too, one year equally one hundred and twenty in hell was great motivation to move fast, he didn't want Dean down there any longer than necessary. He knew how to summon a demon already on earth and a Crossroads demon from hell so there had to be someway to pull a demon from hell. He had the body Dean had been using and the name Dean answered too so that could only help.

TBC….