hey all :)
thanks for all the comments! you really dont know how much it means to me when you guys are telling me how much you love my story; it makes it easier to keep writing.
well, heres the next chapter. it's kind of a lead in to what's going to get everything going. i know you're all really wanting to know what happened to Danny's family, and don't worry, you'll have your flashbacks soon enough. it's all building up to a really intense chapter that i'm already in the process of writing. but i have to get to all of that first, so for now, you'll all just have to wait :)
enjoy the next chapter, and feel free to PM me if you have any questions :)
Chapter 5
Lindsay stared blankly at the little girl. She knew this question would arise one day, but it had crept up on her, just as Danny had. In both situations, she was not prepared whatsoever to handle them. If only she could freeze time and sort this all out; figure out a way to handle it all. It was too much for her to face at once, and she feared that she would break down from the overload.
"Mommy? Did you hear me?" Bailey was growing impatient. She was just like her mother; she wanted answers, and she wanted them before the question was asked, and now, Lindsay was prompted to pull an answer out of thin air. She wasn't about to reveal the true paternity of the little girl, as much as she longed for her to know the identity of her real father.
"Yes sweetie, I heard you."
"Well then who is he? Who's my daddy? Everyone at preschool says they have daddies, so how come I don't?"
"You do have a daddy Bay. He's just…he just doesn't know about you."
"How come?" There she went again, always having to know the reasoning behind anything and everything that went on in their lives. Why is the sky blue? Why can't I have ice cream for dinner? Why doesn't my own father know about my existence? This time was no exception, and Lindsay couldn't come out with her usual "because I said so" or "because it just is". It hurt Lindsay, because deep down she had always hoped that Danny and Bailey would know each other, that they could be the family she had always wanted them to be. But she knew that you never got what you wanted in life, and it was better to simply forget about what she wanted and focus on what she had: Bailey. That little girl meant everything to her, and she wasn't about to sacrifice hurt and pain for the safety and wellbeing of her daughter.
"Well you see, before you were born, he…well, he took a little…vacation. He really liked where he went, and he decided that's where he wanted to live. But he didn't know that I was going to have a baby when he left, so he didn't come back."
"So why didn't you call him? We could call him up right now, and then we could be a family just like Nemo and Marlin and Dory."
"He didn't tell me where he was going Bay. I couldn't call him. He didn't take his cell phone with him, and he didn't leave a phone number to reach him at or an address or anything. It was like he disappeared…But if there was any way I could have reached him, I would have done it in a heartbeat."
"So does that mean he doesn't love me?" Seeing the hurt in her little girl's eyes only made it that much more painful for Lindsay.
"Aww baby girl, no, it doesn't mean that at all." She pulled her close as she thought about Danny. He was always so great with kids, no doubt he would adore Bailey. The fact that Bailey was so hung up on this only made it worse.
"But how could he love me if he doesn't even know about me?"
"Well, what's not to love about you Bailey Monroe? You're smart, you're funny, you're cute, and you've got a big heart. I'm sure he'd fall in love with you from the moment he saw you."
"Really?"
"Really. You're a heartbreaker kiddo, one look at you and he'd be wrapped around your finger, just like your Uncle Flack is."
And she was completely right.
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When he awoke, Danny was sprawled across the grave site in the darkness of the night; a picture of he and Lindsay from long ago clutched in his right hand, and the family photo that had been placed at the grave in his left. He held his life in his hands, but it seemed as if it had all been lost. The tragic death of his parents and his brother would never be returned to him; they would be gone forever and there was no way of getting them back. As for Lindsay, he didn't know what would come of their relationship after what had happened last night. All he kept thinking about was her and that little girl. Although he had only seen her for a few moments, her angelic face and dirty blonde curls would forever be etched into his memory. She looked so much like her mother, right down to the way she had scrunched up her nose when the other man in the room, Cameron if he remembered correctly, had tried to poke her. It almost scared him how much she resembled Lindsay, and he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had she have been his. He had always wanted to start a family with Lindsay; they had talked briefly about it, but deep down, he always knew that she was the one. He would always picture her face in that of his children's, and seeing her little girl had sent a chill up his spine. She was like an angel here on earth, and she couldn't have been any more perfect.
But she wasn't his. She was that bastard Cameron's from what he understood, and there would be no way to change that. You can't change genetics, after all, and he was never going to get over that. He sat on the ground, both utterly miserable and unquestionably pissed off, trying to decide what his next move would be. He wanted with all of his heart to continue pursuing Lindsay, but she had made it clear the night before that she never wanted to see him again. He couldn't stand not seeing her face every morning; he would go absolutely insane. But he didn't want to disregard her wishes. Either way, he was in a lose-lose situation. Lose Lindsay, or make her even more mad at him than she already was.
And then there was the child to consider. Even if he did somehow manage to win Lindsay back, did he dare tear the child's life apart? He couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. He would never in his life want to ruin the life of a small child for his own selfish needs.
In short, he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and it didn't look like there was going to be an easy way out of any of this. So for now, he sulked in front of his family's grave, both because of the fact that they had been ripped away from him, and because he had no where else to turn. He couldn't bury himself in his work because he had none. He couldn't go and get drunk because he didn't want to feel sorry for himself and drown his sorrows in the nearest tap. He couldn't go back to Flack's for the fear that his friend would chew him out before he even set foot in the door. He had nowhere else to turn. He had lost everything and he felt he was solely responsible.
As he hung his head and stared into the faces of the pictures staring back at him, he remembered happier times. In the photo of he and his family, he laughed as he remembered the day it had been taken. He was only 7 years old, Louie being 9, and their parents had surprised them with tickets to a Yankee's game. All Danny had wanted was to catch a foul ball, and his big brother had put his heart and soul into accomplishing this for him. Two missing teeth and a black eye later, Louie had caught a ball for his baby brother, making Danny's day. The picture was quite a sight; Danny proudly holding up his trophy, Louie's gapped tooth smile, their parents laughing behind them, and the stadium in the background. It was one of Danny's favorite childhood memories, and he was the only one left to remember it.
Trying to get his mind off of that fact, he glanced at the photo of he and Lindsay. It had been taken at the Christmas party that, after much deliberation, Stella had conned Mac into having for the team. The lab stations had been decorated with lights and garland galore, and there was even a miniature Christmas tree, decorated with test tubes and swabs as ornaments. Lindsay had surprised Danny with a decoration of her own, mistletoe, and someone had captured the moment between the two. It was one of Danny's favorite pictures he still had of the two of them, regardless of the amount of teasing he received from Flack, Hawkes, and Adam. It was such a tender, intimate scene, and every time he looked at the picture he could be transported back to that very moment within a matter of seconds. The way she smelled of vanilla and Christmas tree, the way her outfit fit her every curve perfectly, the way she looked at him when she held the mistletoe high above his head. That had been one of his favorite moments between them before he had taken off, and he carried the picture with him all those days that he had been gone. It was the first thing he saw when he woke up in the morning and the last thing he looked at before he went to sleep every night.
That picture had kept him sane all those years. He couldn't bring himself to call or text her, or send so much as an email, because any communication between the two of them would send him right back into her arms, and he knew he had to keep his focus on the task at hand: getting his revenge on the monsters that had taken his family away from him. As soon as it was taken care of, he would go back to her; to the comfort of her touch, the safety of her arms. He longed to be back with her, but he had never quite accomplished what he had set out to do. There were things that were holding him back, and he couldn't seem to find a way to get around them.
Shaking the memory from his head, he sighed and sprawled out across the grass. He was in an awkward state at this point. He didn't feel the need to cry, no matter how upset he was. He didn't feel the need to pound his fists into the ground and scream like a child, no matter how angry he felt. He was simply numb, numb to an extent that he didn't know what to do next. So there he lay, staring up into the clouds, wishing the answer would fall right out of the sky.
But instead of the answer, the face of Don Flack appeared above him.
"I thought I'd find you hear. You gotta get yourself together Mess. Look at ya."
He must not have heard Don walk up, but now that he was here, Danny was sort of grateful. Sure he would probably get lectured, but it was nice to have a friend there to comfort him.
"Danny. Danny? Come on man, get up, I need to get you back to my place, you don't need to be sittin out here on the ground."
"You know what Flack? I kinda like it down here. It's nice and cozy, there's no one here to bother me; I don't have to care about anyone but myself. Plus, why would I need Lindsay to keep me company when I got the bugs here?"
"Messer listen to yourself. Come on, come back to my place and cool down for a little while."
"Why Don? What's the point anymore? She said she never wanted to see me again. Lindsay, my Lindsay. I just don't get it. She has a kid Flack, she has a kid, and I missed that. I missed out on the best thing that ever happened to me and I have no idea how to get it back."
"Danno, you just gotta give it time, don't go givin up on me. You're Danny Messer for cryin out loud. Just come back to my place with me, clean yourself up, and we'll think of something, I promise you."
"You know what, you're right. I can't just give up, right? I gotta keep fightin, no way I'm gonna lose my girl to some prick who looks like he stepped outta Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood."
"Wait…what?"
"You know, that bastard Cameron. No way is he in any way deserving of Lindsay. I'm gonna fix this Flack, let's go."
Don was slightly confused. Had Danny thought that Lindsay and Cameron were an item? Everyone at the lab knew full well that Cameron was no more Lindsay's boyfriend than her brother was. He had had a crush on her since the first time he stepped foot into the crime lab, and as cute as she found it, she had made it clear from the start that they would remain friends and nothing more. But he didn't want to confuse things even more so where Danny and Lindsay were concerned, so he figured he would just keep his mouth shut.
"Now that's the Danny we all know and love. Come on, let's get goin, I gotta get this car back before Jess knows I took it."
The two friends made their way back to their respective vehicles; Danny now determined as ever, and Don trying to sort out what exactly Danny thought was going on. Either way, all he wanted was to see his friends happy, and the sooner this happened the better it would be for all of them.
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Meanwhile, Lindsay was still trying to get her daughter off of her new favorite topic: stories about her father. She wanted to know everything, from who he was, what he did, what he looked like, what his name was. And Lindsay was trying to find creative ways around all of her inquisitive daughter's questions.
"So, did you love him?"
"Of course I loved him Bay, he gave me you. What more could I ask for from a person? He gave me the greatest gift on earth, I don't think I could ever hate him."
"But he went away. Didn't that make you sad?"
"Well yes, I was very sad. I still am. It hurt me a lot when he left."
"Do you still miss him?"
"Yeah, but I see so much of him in you everyday, it's hard to be sad about it."
At this, the little girl's eyes widened and she perked up. "How much am I like him?"
"Well, you've got his eyes, and you've got his smile," to which she responded with a 4 year old smile of her own.
"Really?!" It was the happiest she had seen her daughter in awhile. Sure, the zoo and Cameron had certainly made her a cheery kid, but lately, Bailey had seemed off. She didn't know what exactly was up, but Lindsay assured herself it was probably nothing. Every kid got worn down eventually, it was just a matter of time before Bailey was back to her old self again.
"Hah, yes really. Now, why don't we get you off to bed, you've had a long day kiddo."
"Aww, but we were just getting to the good part!"
"I'll tell you more stories later Bailey, I promise. But right now, it's time for bed."
"Okay…" she replied with a giant yawn.
"That's my girl." Lindsay carried the girl into her room and helped her into her Cinderella pajamas. She tucked her in and gave her a kiss goodnight, and was about to exit the room when the child she thought was asleep suddenly began to speak.
"Mommy, you remember that guy who was here earlier? What was his name?"
"His name is Danny. Why did you want to know?"
"I don't know. I just didn't know his name, and if he ever comes back here, I wanna say hi to him. How come you were so angry at him?"
"Well, he hurt me too Bay. I just didn't want him to ever hurt you."
"Okay. Night mommy."
"Goodnight baby girl. I love you."
"Love you more," she said as she dozed off into a dream filled sleep with a smile on her face. She was no doubt thinking about her father, putting her own face to the mystery man that Lindsay knew all too well. How had she let herself get into all of this? She watched the girl's chest rise and fall for just a few moments more until she finally closed the door behind her and made her way to the kitchen to clean up that evenings festivities.
As she began to clear the dishes from the table, she tried to go over what exactly had happened, because she still wasn't quite sure herself. Danny had been there, they had fought, they had almost kissed, and then he had seen Bailey and Cameron. She had let him walk off thinking they were her family, that they had replaced him. In a sense, part of them had. But they both knew that he would never be replaced; he held a special place in her heart that only he could fill. If only there was an easy way for him to regain that place.
If she could only find a way.
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Back at Flack's apartment, Danny and Don sat on the couch with the tv on in the background. Danny was trying to refrain from digging too deep into what had happened between he and Lindsay; he and Flack needed to catch up as friends before he spilled his guts. It had been like old times, watching the game, drinking a beer, and talking about random things that came to mind.
"So Danno, if you're gonna be staying here, we gotta get you a job, huh?"
"Yeah, I gotta make money somehow I guess. You think Mac would consider letting me back into the lab?"
"I don't know. He told you when you were ready to come back that a job would be ready and waiting for you. I think that offer still stands. Might as well give it a shot."
"Yeah you're right. I guess I'll just have to go back there and wing it. You don't think Lindsay will mind me being back at the lab do ya?"
"Well, she's gonna have to get used to havin you around, isn't she? Might as well start with the place you two kids met. Best place to start, I'll say."
"You're right Flack. I hope they'll all let me back in without too much of a beat down," he said with a laugh.
"Now don't think you'll go getting away that easy Messer. We've had your lynching party planned ever since Linds came to my door cryin." Danny hadn't exactly responded to this in the way Flack had hoped, so he turned their attention back to the tv, the Yankees scoring a run at just the right moment, and they were off the subject for the night.
Tomorrow would be one hell of a wake up call for the both of them, as Don prepared the rest of the New York Crime Lab for the long awaited return of Danny Messer.
Boy, was he in for it.
