Disclaimer: Nothing owned by moi.
AN: I found this chapter, slightly harder to write, but it's necessary. One to go. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Chapter 20
I looked at my clock: 11:19. I leaned back in chair to stretch after sitting at my desk for hours typing my English essay, the silent hum of my computer being the only sound noticeable in my house. Being the procrastinator that I am I left my English essay to the last minute. It's not like I actually was think about homework the last week. The day after tomorrow is our tournament, well their tournament and I'm freaking out. We all want to win.
I glanced at my clock again. 11:21. I looked at my almost complete English essay, I guess I can take I break. I stood up and stretched once again before opening my bedroom door. The house was dark, since I'm sure everyone was asleep with the exception of Glen but I could hear him through his door as I walked passed talking to Kyla. I smiled, they were great together, and I was glad Glen had found someone that just fit his personality.
I walked carefully down the stairs, trying to avoid any squeakiness, so I wouldn't wake anyone, and walked into the kitchen. I hummed as I opened the fridge and stared aimlessly at all the food we have. Have you ever noticed how there can be so much food and yet nothing to eat all at the same time? I grabbed a yogurt and turned around.
"Holy crap!" I screamed, seeing my Mom sitting there in the dark.
"Language Spencer," she said quietly fiddling with her glass of water. She didn't even seem to mean it, and seemed upset. I debated whether I should just leave her and go back to my essay, but my guilt won. I don't know why since, we haven't talked to each other in about a week.
"Are you ok Mom?" I asked standing in the dark room. Half of her face was lit from the light coming in through the window from a streetlight.
"I'm just tired Spence," she sighed. Well there is an easy solution for that, it's a miracle called sleep. Somehow thought, I knew she wasn't talking about sleep.
"What wrong with us?" she asked tiredly.
"Nothing is wrong, Mom," I sighed and looked away, letting the silence wash over us.
"I-,"she stopped, almost as if her throat had closed, " I don't know what to do about this Spencer."
"Mom…" I started but I really had nothing to say. I stood there awkwardly and once neither of us said anything. I don't know how to talk to her anymore. It's like this wall is there, and all I have to do is speak to get over it but my voice is locked in my chest and no sound will come out.
"Can't you just try and be different Spencer?" she asked with pain in her voice.
"What? Mom, no, it doesn't work like that I said," anger flashing through me.
"Why not?" she asked for the first time looking me directly in the eyes. I didn't have an answer for her. All I knew was that she was wrong. I had already asked myself these questions the first time Ashley and I broke up, and I just knew now. But I have no idea how to explain the to her.
"Spencer, have you tried to be different?" she asked a hopeful look in her eye at my silence.
"No! Why is this so wrong?" she looked taken aback by my outburst, "Can't you just accept me Mom? I already went through this confusion on my own, and I had to accept myself. I already lost Ashley because of it and I really don't want to lose you because I finally know who I am." I felt a wave of tiredness just wash over me. I just really want to go back to my room now. It definitely wasn't the best time for this conversation.
"I-I just don't understand," she breathed. She sounded hopeless, "I'm sorry." I didn't answer her. I wish I could say it was ok to comfort her, but in all honesty I didn't want to lie. It won't be ok until she can learn to accept me.
I walked back to my room, not caring now if I hit any squeaky steps. I walked into my room and shut the door opting not to go back to my essay. Instead I flopped onto my bed and pulled out my cell to call Ashley, because I didn't want to sleep alone tonight. I fell asleep listening to her talk to me through my phone.