It's Hard to Say Goodbye
Well, I've done something I never thought I'd do. I attended my own memorial service. It was a memorial service and not a funeral because the government refused to release my body. The Hub is destroyed, but I still managed to end up locked in a freezer indefinitely. I guess it's not too different from what I expected, just not where I thought it would be. Jack won't be able to visit and talk to me like he did with the others, though.
Speaking of Jack, he actually made it to the service. I can only imagine what Gwen threatened him with to get him to show up. He tried to sit in the back, but Gwen dragged him to the front. She couldn't get him to stand up and speak about me, though. I'm not surprised. Jack doesn't like showing his emotions publicly, and I don't think he'd be able to keep it in if he had to speak in front of everyone. Luckily Gwen was willing to do it for him.
That's right, not only did Gwen talk about her own relationship with me, she also made sure everyone knew about my relationship with Jack. Of course she couldn't just leave it at boss and friend. No, she had to go into detail about how much we meant to each other and how important it was that Jack was with me at the very end. Jack had to lean forward in his seat and hold his head in his hands just to hide the tears. It also meant that my sister realized that once again I hadn't told her what was really going on in my life. I don't think she needed to hear that. Or maybe she did, she certainly looked at Jack differently after that.
There was actually quite a crowd at the service. Friends and neighbors I hadn't spoken to since I first left home came to pay their respects, though I suppose it was more for Rhiannon's sake than mine. Rhys was there, of course, as was Andy which was a bit of a surprise. Lisa's family also came, and that was quite a shock. I wonder what they made of Gwen's speech about Jack and me.
I'm worried about my sister. She took my death a lot harder than I expected. She cries all the time and barely leaves the house. Shockingly, David has really gone out of his way to help with his sister and comfort his mother. I really underestimated him. I suppose I was prejudiced because of my feelings toward his father. Johnny really surprised me too.
When it was Rhiannon's turn to get up and say a bit about me, she didn't get far before dissolving in tears. It was hard to see my usually strong and tough sister that way. Johnny, however, not only got up to comfort Rhiannon, but continued in her place. I was touched by what he had to say, and I could finally see why Rhiannon married him. He's a bit rough and I never really enjoyed his company, but he truly loves my sister. He's loyal and caring when it counts the most. I guess that's what is really important.
Jack left as soon as the service was over; though he and my sister shared a look I'm not sure I understand. It seemed like an acknowledgement of each other's pain. I suppose they both loved me deeply, just in very different ways. I wish they had talked to each other. It might have helped both of them.
Gwen did stay and talk to Rhiannon. Gwen may have known very little about my past and my family, but Rhiannon knew even less about Torchwood and Jack. They decided to trade information. Gwen learned more about me than I ever wanted her to know, and Rhiannon heard details about my life that I never expected to share with her. It seemed to help both of them, though. My sister seemed comforted by the purpose I found in my job and the love I found with Jack. That's when she decided that Jack was now family, whether he liked it or not.
That decision led to what may or may not have been a mistake on my part. I got the brilliant idea to suggest to Gwen that she tell my sister about Alice and Steven. Of course she modified the story a bit so that Alice was Jack's sister and not his daughter. She told Rhiannon how they had been held hostage and how Jack was forced to sacrifice Steven in order to save all the other children, including my niece and nephew. Gwen also told her that this decision was forced on Jack just after he had lost me.
I really hadn't expected Gwen to go into that much detail. I just wanted Rhiannon to think of Alice as family as well. Alice was all alone, and Rhiannon needed someone to share her grief with. I thought they would be good for each other. I had no idea how she'd react to the story of Steven's sacrifice. I certainly didn't expect what she did next, or how it took on a life of its own.