Ianto reluctantly began to wake up. He could feel the sun tickling at his feet, making them hot and uncomfortable. While he could ignore the unpleasant heat he couldn't ignore the throbbing pain of his left shoulder. Slowly opening his eyes, he rolled them, looking around his room -which was a bit of a shock in itself- for any evidence as to how he got home.

He didn't really remember what had happened yesterday… he remembered going to the hub, meeting Alistair, Martha and a Doctor Hill…

He-he remembered looking at a report about werewolves written by Doctor Hill… But after that it was a blank. Oh, he knew that it would all come back to him eventually. But he wondered if he should be relaxing or waiting for Jack to burst in and shoot him right between the eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed back the covers and flung his legs over the side of the bed. He was stunned to find himself wearing a pair of boxer-briefs and one of Jack's shirts.

Flash

Warm hands playing gently with his ears.

Flash

Frowning, Ianto stood up and warily walked to the door. Poking his head out his bedroom, he looked up and down the corridor. He could see nothing out of the ordinary. Gathering some courage, Ianto stepped out and walked towards the sitting room. Stopping outside the door, Ianto listened for any sound. Hearing nothing, Ianto went into the dark room. Carefully, Ianto shuffled across the room towards the windows, closing his eyes he pulled back the curtains. He could feel the sun brush up against him, caressing his face and hugging him, sighing Ianto wrapped his arms tightly around his body. He gently opened his eyes, his reflection was staring right back at him.

Flash

Twisted broken teeth, blood splintering over thin purple lips, gnarled arms clawing at bare flesh.

Flash

Blinking rapidly and sucking in deep breaths Ianto couldn't determine whether it was a new memory or an old one. The second flashback he had had many times before, but… but the one he had when he first woke up… he'd never had before. It could just have been wishful thinking -he had always wanted someone to look after him when he was 'ill'- or it could be a memory. Which was worse he couldn't decide. Sighing he rubbed his hands over his face.

"Why?" A voice asked from behind him. Startled, Ianto turned sharply, squinting into the shadowy room. Sitting on the window-facing sofa was Jack. He was studying his hands, not looking at Ianto. He was wearing his familiar outfit. Light blue shirt. Dark trousers. Somehow the red braces and how brightly they lay against the dull black leather was unexciting and lacking from the usual panache of the Captain. It was chilling. Looking up from his hands, Jack asked again,

"Why? Why didn't you tell me you were werewolf?"

Looking back out the window, Ianto watched a new mum being pulled towards the park by a young child. He could just remember doing that to his mum. He would pull and plead and beg her to hurry and she would laugh at him and shake her long brown hair. 'I miss her.' Ianto wrapped his arms around his body and turned his back to Jack.

"I wanted to. I really did. But… but last year when I first started working for Torchwood Three you wanted nothing to do with me." Ianto eyed Jack over his shoulder before looking back out the window. "Oh, you wanted to fuck me alright, but that was it." His hands clutched his ribs, holding them tight. "And that was just fine because I could use that to my advantage. You could flirt away with me and I could help Lisa and that's all I wanted. I just wanted to help Lisa, then for us leave Cardiff altogether." Ianto stopped, taking a deep breath.

"But we know how that ended." A humourless chuckle escaped past his lips as he tried to hold back the tears that filled his eyes. "And just when we were getting back to normal -well as normal Torchwood can get- we were almost eaten by cannibals." He voice was becoming strained as he fought against the bitter tears. "Then everything that happened with Tosh and Mary, then Suzie coming back and Gwen almost getting killed." Sighing, Ianto rubbed a hand over his face.

"And then there's what happened at Christmas. John's suicide. Diana flying back through the rift and Emma going off to London, and they were lucky! I don't want to imagine what the rift could have done to them. And to top it off Owen throws a wobbly and climbs into a cage with a weevil. And let's not forget all that stuff with Bilis Manger and Abaddon. Tosh told me what you were doing when you were stuck in the past, about the 'real' Captain Jack Harkness."

The tears that he had been struggling to keep at bay broke free and ran down from his luminous eyes and over his pale cheeks.

"I thought that everything was going to be ok after all that-that shit that happened" Ianto spun round, tears streaming and squinting at Jack. ", but oh no you proved me wrong again! You ran off with the Doctor. Just when I thought I could tell you, you go running off."

Ianto wiped the tears across his cheeks and dabbed his eyes using the sleeve of 'his' shirt.

"The first few weeks after you were gone were really shit. Tosh being even quieter than usual, Owen being bitchier and Gwen looking high and low for you… and me… I don't know what the hell was going on with me. I was back to hiding in the shadows. We soon found out that we couldn't go on like that. We'd only end up getting some innocent bystander killed and we'd have no one to blame but ourselves."

Ianto stared straight into Jack's eyes with an unblinking cold stare.

"And let me tell you, Jack, you are not worth someone else dying." Seeing the hurt expression on Jack's face, Ianto turned away, feeling guilty even if it was the truth.

"We started to work together, better, -even better than when you were here- and we were started to be a real team. And then… then you show up out of nowhere and save the day." Ianto snorted, smirking at the oak wood floor. It wasn't that he was ungrateful that Jack had stepped in and shot the Blowfish. The problem was that they were starting to get back on their own feet and stand on them without "daddy" watching every single move.

Hearing the cracking and squeaking of leather Ianto glanced up at Jack, watching him through his eyelashes.

"Why didn't you tell me when I came back? Sure last year was fucking crazy with all that shit that you just said, but you could have told me anytime when I came back!" Jack said, his voice rising as he stood from the sofa, running his hands through his hair as he started to pace back and forth.

"When was I meant to tell you, Jack? After you came back acting like nothing had ever happened? Or when your Ex dropped in almost killing all of us? Or what about when the Sleeper agents were killing people and almost taking over the earth using its own nuclear warheads? And let's not go into Tommy and Tosh's doomed relationship and the time shifts. Should I have told you when we were dealing with the space whale and Rhys finding out about Cardiff's answer to CSI?" Ianto broke off, his face twisted with frustration and a little slice of jealousy. "How is it that Gwen can break every rule in the book and get away with it? If Tosh or Owen or I did half of what she did we would have been Retconned so fast it would make our heads spin. And I don't even want to talk about the two days of memories that we all lost." Ianto shivered at the loss of those memories. It still terrified him to think about what could have happened during those two days.

Ianto slowly sat down on the window seat behind him. He gripped the wooden edge, his knuckles turning white. He couldn't bear to look at Jack, he knew that Jack was hurt by what he was saying but from Ianto's point of view it was all true. Jack had done nothing to refute that point of view. Even though Ianto hated the way that everything had be laid out in the open he couldn't deny that it felt so good.

"Maybe I should have told you I was a werewolf when your friend Martha came to investigate the Pharm- you still haven't told me how you know her or the real reason why you let her in."

Ianto looked up from the wooden floor, giving Jack a suspicious look.

"We all know that you wouldn't let UNIT anywhere near our investigation, Jack, never mind calling them in to help."

In a sarcastic tone of voice Ianto carried on, "Maybe I should have told you when Owen spent time in a real hospital because of that gunshot wound. You think I had the time to explain myself then? Who the hell did you think had to help Martha around here until he came back?! Well? It was me, Jack! I don't know why you think she's such an excellent doctor because I have to tell you she wasn't ready to work in a place like Torchwood. Maybe she can get away with the stuff she pulled at UNIT, but not here. But she's just like Gwen. Getting away with everything 'cause you fancy her."

The more Ianto talked the angrier and angrier he got. He bared his teeth like a trapped animal -a trapped werewolf.

"And what about during the disaster that was Gwen and Rhys' wedding?! You couldn't have looked anymore like you wanted to fuck her right there on the dance floor. I had to jump in a save both your asses before Rhys went over there and killed the pair of you. Could I have told you then? When I just knew that you'd have called Gwen back in before she even got on the plane for her honeymoon and pissing Rhys right off in the process."

Panting, Ianto tried to calm himself down before he carried on, but he couldn't get hold of the anger and jealousy that was created by his fears -fears that had been bubbling up and up for months. Fears like his feelings of doubt about his place in Jack's life and how he couldn't talk about it for fear that his place would change. Then there was his fears related to his 'big' secret.

"Just when I thought it was the right time to tell you everything, our date, that we had planned, went up in smoke because you didn't feel like going out for some unknown reason." Ianto give a harsh sarcastic laugh. "What a fun night I had with Gwen and Owen. Do you know why I wanted to go to that old cinema? I wanted to show you somewhere that was special to me. My dad and I use to go there on weekends and watch cartoons and old films. But what does it matter if I want to share something with you? I never really get anything back do I? It's a two-way street you know, Jack. You can't expect me to tell you everything about myself and not get anything in return."

Ianto could feel himself deflating and his body sagged as his anger started to waver and sadness entered his voice. His face pulled into a grimace, hurt that he had told Jack every little dark and dirty thought that had gone through his head over the past fifteen months.

Uncurling his hands from around the window seat Ianto hugged his ribs so hard the he could almost hear them pop under the pressure. Biting at his lip, Ianto looked up from the oak floor right into Jack's eyes, seeing the guilt, shame and anger that mirrored in his own before tearing his eyes way.

Ianto knew that he was being a hypocrite and that he was putting most, if not all of the blame on Jack's shoulders. He also knew that Jack wasn't the only one in this 'relationship' that had kept things hidden in the basement. Lisa being one of them. The fact that he was a werewolf was another. But how those two secrets measured against Jack's long list of 'sins', he didn't know. He was sure that is it was close, but who was wining he wasn't sure.

"I know that I sound like a petulant child and that maybe I've got it all wrong and you don't love Gwen like that. Maybe you just see her as someone you've loved and lost in the past. But I wouldn't know because you never tellmeanything. Nothing important. Like the fact that you couldn't permanently die. Maybe… maybe I've been reading more into this relationship then you have."

"NO!!! That's not true." Jack shouted, throwing himself across the room and kneeling in front of Ianto. He grabbed his arms and shook him in a hope to drive those sorts of thoughts away.

"Maybe you are right about me looking at Gwen like that… I do love her, but I don't see her as a lover and I'm certainly not in love with her because…" Jack paused, watching his hands as they slid down Ianto's arms to his hands, stroking the back of them softly with his thumbs, Jack sighed. "It's you I'm in love with."

Jack took the time to look at Ianto's hands. They were pink with red splotches and his nails were broken. He had seen them like this before and he had always stupidly assumed that it was caused by Ianto washing the dishes by hand or even the cold. But now that he really thought about it, it only lasted for a few days and only after a full moon.

"You know where I come from its not uncommon for someone to have more the one lover or too be married to more than one husband and/or wife. You could even have a husband or two, a wife or three and have a few lovers on the side. There's loving someone and there's being in love with them. I know that's not how it is here and you'd think that after being here over a hundred years I would remember that... but I guess that the way I've grown up really stuck."

Looking up from Ianto's hands Jack tried to catch Ianto's beautiful blue eyes, but Ianto wasn't breaking his staring contest with the floor.

"I also forget that you're a boy, who was born in the 20th century and who is living in the 21st century, were monogamy is taken very seriously and I should have tried harder to remember that."

With tired eyes, Ianto looked into Jack's. He could still see the guilt and shame there, but anguish had replaced the anger.

"And you're right. There was never a right time to tell me. There should have been. I should have made time. I hold my hands up to that, but… you should have made me sit up and notice. You know that I've got my head up in the clouds. But I also know that's not an excuse to not see that something wasn't right because now that I look back on everything I can see that something wasn't right… that there was always something hanging in the air." Jack sighed, standing up and letting go of Ianto's hands. "But that's the problem with hindsight. You can be going along thinking everything's fine but it's not. It's really not." Ianto watched as Jack stepped back, turning away from him.

"And as for me not telling you anything, you're right about that too. I just find it... it's hard to share my past. And doesn't that just make me the hypocrite." Jack snorted. "It's not like you're asking me to tell you're every nitty-gritty detail about me all in one go. And who knows how long we'll have to get 1 year, 2 years maybe even 5 years before Torchwood rips you away from me."

Jack sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"I'm ninety-three years old, Jack. And I could live for another ninety-three years, or maybe a few hundred years. I don't know… You're not wrong that something, anything could happen to me, but unlike Torchwood's other agents I have heightened senses, I heal ten times faster and I've been through hell and back more than once."

Ianto bit his lip, picking at torn nails, letting them fall to the floor. He didn't want to think about World War Two or the battle at Torchwood One or any other evil things lurking in the dark depths of his mind. "I'm not asking you to change who you are, just… just have a little more thought about me before you act. I feel so dirty when you act like I'm a toy that you pick up and use when you have nothing better to do. And I don't want you tying yourself to me because I'm not asking you too." He sighed and scratched his cheek with sharp nails.

"I knew that we weren't going to be lovers forever. I mean, you could have anyone you want, why would you stay with me? But I thought that we could maybe be friends at the very least. It would have been nice to know that I wasn't going to be alone when I watched my friends grow old and die… but it doesn't matter." Ianto cringed; he knew that his tone of voice gave away just how deeply it did matter to him. You'd think that he would be better at lying than this considering his job.

Sighing, Ianto pulled his lips tight; they crinkled as he nibbled on them.

Jack stood, looking straight past Ianto's head with unfocused eyes. His mouth was dry as dirt, but it didn't matter that he couldn't talk; he didn't know what to say anyways. He always had a way with words; you had to when you were a conman or if you wanted to get into someone's bed, but now he felt like all the words in all the languages were of no use to him. After a long silence, Jack started to talk. "I promised myself that if I got you back I would do things right… I was going to have a real relationship with you. You know. Go on dates; find out more about each other… But just as soon I get you back I mess it up." Jack hesitated before reaching out and taking Ianto's hands.

That promise had been broken so many times. Instead of making things better, the secrets and lies had mutated into something unrecognizable, all because they couldn't talk to each other. That was a pretty good reason to just put a stop to the whole thing, but Jack couldn't do that. He had to save what was left of this relationship. Here was the one chance to have someone in his life for more than a few months, few years. It was purely selfish, he knew that, but his feelings where telling him to be. Just this once he could have the 'happy ever after' and all he had to do was tell Ianto what he wanted, needed, deserved to hear.

And that's where the biggest problem lay. A solution to some of the problems was also one of the problems. For this to work, for him to salvage something from this whole thing he had to give something back. So that there was something that was worth all the pain they had gone through. He just had to take the leap and pray that Ianto caught him.

"Maybe we should stop seeing each other." Ianto whispered, breaking Jack's train of thought.

"No."

Ianto looked into Jack's eyes frowning. "What?"

"It would be too easy to give up. To just say 'It's been fun, but so long!' We've just been through hell and back with Ethan." Jack leaned in closer, his face almost touching Ianto's. "And you would be right in saying that all we do is hurt each other and that we should stop seeing each other but… But I feel something when I'm with you that I haven't felt in a long time. And it's selfish, I know, but I don't want to give up you or that feeling because I love you."

Jack noticed that Ianto had ignored his declaration of love. He hadn't looked at him with loving eyes or even batted an eyelid. Did he think that Jack was incapable of loving him? That he really was a monster? Or did Ianto just not see how amazing he truly was. Did he honestly think so lowly of himself? Had he always been like this and Jack hadn't noticed or… or had Jack turned him into this self loathing mess?

"How..." Ianto swallowed, pulling away from Jack.

"How what?"

"How can you see this working? How can either of us listen to the other without wondering if it's the truth? Just how is this going to be ok?" Ianto tightened his grip on Jack's hand. "Because I do want it to, but I just can't see it happening."

Jack grabbed the back of Ianto's head and pulled him close. "Maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe we'll just end up hurting each other even more. I don't know. But I want to give it a chance. And about the truth thing... Maybe not the entire truth. We all need to lie about some things some of the time. As long as we talk about the big things, the things that make us jealous or angry, things that need to be talked about… we'll be ok."

Ianto grabbed Jack's shirt, pulling his body closer so they where flush, body against body. "You make it sound so simple." He whispered.

Jack gave a snort "It won't be. It'll be bloody hard work. But it would be worth it. Don't you think so?"

Ianto bit his lip, his face tight with worry. He so desperately wanted to say yes, but the little voice in his head told him that Jack was setting him up for an even bigger fall, even if he didn't mean to. Burying his face in Jack's shoulder Ianto begin to sob. He couldn't stop thinking the worst of Jack, even after everything that Jack had said.

"Oh, Ianto." Jack sighed, pulling Ianto off the window seat and into his lap. He kissed the small patch of skin behind Ianto's left ear, stroking up and down his bony back. "Oh, Ianto, beautiful Ianto. If this is what the thought of us being together does to you, then I'll let you go. It would tear me apart but I would, I really would. Because I love you." Jack whispered softly, his lips brushing over Ianto's ear as Ianto cried into Jack's blue shirt.

Pulling back, Ianto stared deep into Jack's eyes, looking for anything to show Jack was telling the truth or lying. Ianto searched and searched but he couldn't see anything . Just blue eyes watching him. Swallowing, he curled up against Jack again and nodded.

Grinning, Jack pulled Ianto even closer, rocking back and forth a few times before pulling away and looking closely at Ianto. His eyes were red and full of tears, his face was blotchy and his cheeks were wet from the tears that had run down before they were swiped across.

Sighing, Jack ran his knuckles over the smudged tears, drying Ianto's cheeks. "Why don't we go sit on the sofa for a bit?" He whispered.

Ianto blinked slowly back at Jack before nodding. The Captain gradually helped Ianto stand up before he himself got off the floor. He was beginning to worry about Ianto. It was almost like he had shut down to give himself time to build up the walls again, as if he needed time to protect himself against the hurt that may or may not come with being in a new relationship with him.

Guiding Ianto over to the leather sofa, Jack carefully pulled him close, wrapping an arm around him. Turning them both around, Jack gently sat them down. Ianto hugged his legs to his chest and rested his head on his arms. Leaning back, Jack ran his right hand down Ianto's arched back, watching Ianto stare blankly out the window.

For some reason Jack had this image in his head that everything would be ok. That a few words there, a few words here and that would be it. Even though he knew that it was never going to be like that, the stereotypical happy ending that happens at the end of films, just wouldn't go away. And he felt bad for having that stuck in his head or for thinking that at all. Jack knew it would never be that simple. Never. And he didn't want it to be. He wanted it to be hard so that he'd remember that he came so close to losing Ianto permanently.

Biting his lip, Jack leant over. He curled himself around Ianto, resting his head on his shoulder, whispering into Ianto's ear. Taking a deep breath, he started to talk, "I grew up in a place called Boeshane Peninsula. A desert-like planet with sand grass and blue oceans as far as the eye could see. And hot, god it was hot." Jack sighed softly. "I lived with my mum and dad and my little brother Grey." Jack stopped; he had picked one of the hardest things to talk about. Not only because of what happened to Grey, but because he couldn't really remember his mum or dad. He was so old now that things were beginning to fade away and he couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried they would slip away when he wasn't looking.

Jack gave a snort, thinking how much of a corner he'd backed himself into. Before he could start up again, Ianto interrupted.

"My dad is still alive. He's a hundred and twelve years old. I go and visit him when I can, up at Providence Park. The nurses and doctors that work there think I'm his great grandson. I push him around the beautiful gardens in his wheelchair and we talk about mum and the old shop. He's the only one left. The last constant in my life which has nothing to do with Torchwood." Ianto whispered, turning to look Jack in the eye with wide eyes and a sad expression.

Jack gave a gentle smile, kissing the corner of Ianto's mouth. He could feel the muscles dance under his lips. They gently rubbed their cheeks together as they leaned against each other more and more; the tension slowly washing away. Pulling away, Ianto let go of his legs and swung over Jack's.

Jack didn't think that they that would be having anymore big talks today or the next, maybe not even this week, but what they had shared, while it wasn't big, it was a start. A start towards something better, something good, just something that made all the pain and suffering all worth it.

Getting comfortable, Jack slouched, letting Ianto lay on top of him like a blanket wrapped around him. They sighed and huddled up close together on the sofa, hiding away from the world. They were giving themselves time before they had to go in and deal with the chaos in the Hub, which they would have to do at some point today. But for now, Jack was quite happy letting them lounge about until they absolutely had to, watching the sun crawl from one side of the room to the other.