Ok dudes, it late, I'm bored, and I just read some things about Sweeny Todd. (as well as listened to some of the music. I love that movie…but it's gory, very gory…) My point being it's time for the Famous Pirelli to make his debut as an evil king…booya. On with the Show…

***

ZE BARBER EVEEL KEENG [it's a French accent]

The nightmare evil king is no more and the party of unlikely heroes…er…and villain…s..

Find themselves in the polluted city of Madrill.

"Linda, how could you possibly live here for so long?" asked Marlene coughing from the smoggy air.

"It's no wonder your voice sucks." stated Stanly bluntly.

"Coach," whined Linda, "How can you say such mean things?"

"Uhhh, Sucked. I meant sucked. It's great now, all that fresh air letting your true voice shine." Stan added Hurriedly; he didn't really want to hurt Linda. (However it was fun to torment Rosalyn in his opinion.)

"You really think so?" she asked, eyes lighting up in pure joy.

"Errr, Yeah." Stan seemed sort of taken aback.

"Don't believe it Linda dear. For Stan to comment such is queer." rhymed the floaty evil king Epros.

"Epi-chan. Stan never says anything nice to any body unless he means it." argued Linda.

"You got that right." agreed Rosalyn with a nod. Stan certainly wouldn't say anything nice to her.

"You all must realize that as an evil king I have those whom I like and care about, such as Linda, and those whom I hate and or wish to kill…That's pretty much the rest of you. Minus my slave who will become my pet after I achieve world domination."

Ari let out a gruff sounding grunt type sound that was really sarcastic attempted-to-be-held-back laughter.

"That's a good one master Stan. As if you'll give me as high a position as 'pet'. I'll probably end up your cleaning lady despite the fact that I'm a boy."

"What was that…slave."

"I'm just going to shut up now." Ari replied. Messing with Stan might not be such a good idea; especially when you consider the fact that they're attached.

"That would be wise." Stan said hitting Ari on the head with his shadowy fist.

"Ow. Stan."

"That's master Stan to you slave."

"GUY'S…Stan's hurting meeee." Ari complained sounding much more like a three year old than a sixteen year old.

"Quit picking on servant Ari." demanded Marlene.

"He's My slave!!!!" Countered Stan.

"But I own more of him than you do so there."

"Umm, excuse me, but I've been thinking. It is my life…"

"SHUT UP ARI!" exclaimed both Marlene and Stan in unison. The fighting would go on for much longer. So much for his moments of fame after defeating the Nightmare Evil king.

***

Upon arriving in the square where they (being Stan and Ari) first met Linda, the group found a strange sight. A carnival wagon was set up and every bald or balding man in Madrill was gathered 'round.

"Well, that odd." Bigbull said in his burly voice.

"Look at all those poor men without hair…I recognize some of them." Linda said with a sympathetic frown.

"Let us see what lies in wait…Perhaps a king could be our fate…"

"What are you talking about Epros?" asked Rosalyn perplexed.

"Stanly, surely you can sense it too…Presence of an evil king like you…"

"Nonsense! I am the one and only great evil king Stanly Hi…"

"Yes Stan we know. Just give it a rest." Rosalyn ordered in aggravation.

"You know what I mean you evil king…A being of equal power and sting…"

"QUIT RHYMING!" Stan exclaimed.

"All of you shut up. We're going to see what this is all about." And without waiting for an answer, Marlene seized the two closest people, Ari and Kisling, and drug them towards the crowd.

The number of people was surprising, and a fowl stench filled the air. A stench worse than the city pollution.

"Excuse me sir," asked Marlene tapping one gentlemen on the shoulder, "I was wondering…" the man gave her a look of contempt and pushed his way through the crowd away from her.

"How rude, if I was in any position of power right now I'd. I…"

"Calm down Marlene. Some people are just jerks." Ari pleaded. He'd had all the arguing and ranting he could take for a while.

It was then that the music began. It was a melody unlike any other, upbeat and fun yet maniacal. (Kinda like Stan on drugs…Or James) A boy dressed in tattered rags appeared on stage and began his announcement.

"Gentlemen, Gentlemen. I see the demon strikes again. And he's taken all your precious hair. Pity. But I have the answer for you right here. PIRELLI'S HAIR GROWTH. Guaranteed to give you a full head of hair in no time at all. It stimulates growth and…"

"Oh please. What else can it do? Rid the world of pleasant smells?" Stan shouted at the boy. This made the crowd laugh.

"Sir, the smell is but a small price to pay for hair such as this." he argued pulling of his cap. Flowing blond hair down to his shoulders. "That's right. My hair was also victim to theft and it has been replaced and looks better than ever. And if that weren't enough, Master Pirelli will cut your hair as well, after it has grown in fully."

"Did he do your hair too? Cause it looks like something the man-eating onions ate and threw up." Stan insulted once more.

More laughter.

"That ees eet!" came an angry French voice. "Who dares to mock mee?!? The great Pirelli." A man in a flamboyant blue and yellow suit came out from the carnival cart and inspected the audience with the look of murder on his face. Needless to say the crowd cleared swiftly.

"Me, the great Stan."

"OH HO HO. The great Stan ees eet. I don't see what's so great considereeng you can't even walk alone."

"How do you know I'm not just using the boy like you use yours. Like crap."

"I am no imbecile. I can feel your power emanating and I can tell you are still too weak. You would be easy to overtake."

"Oh. Is that so? I'll show you, you phony evil king. DIE." and battle began.

"I warn you. I am the King of Barbers and the King of Evil. ZE BARBER EVIL KING."

"And this is master Stanly, I'm Ari and that's Rosalyn." Ari introduced with false pleasantness.

"Oh Ho, Very funny. I am seeck of you mockeeng me."

"And I am seeck of your acceent." Ari said mimicking his French accent.

"Oooh, good one slave." Stan commented.

"Shut Up! Shut Up!" Pirelli demanded stamping his feet. "I will not tolerate such mockery. Fight Me!"

THE FIGHT IS ON!!! FOR REAL!!!

Pirelli Summoned some mutated master-less swords that Ari assumed were supposed to be some kind of shaving razors. Kisling and Rosalyn easily wiped them out as Linda and Epros took on the Barber Evil King. But he had skill, Jumping and dodging the King avoided every attack thrown at him….And to make matters worse he summoned up 12 onions and 5 cows.

"This guy must really be a coward." Stan stated as he helped Ari with friendly blizzard. "I've never seen a king call so much help."

Linda and Epros were now helping the rest of the group to fight the new battalion. But every time they depleted half the army, 15 more would arrive to take their place.

"AAAGH! This just isn't working!" shouted Rosalyn angrily slashing a perky frog in half.

"Time for new strategy." Ari said to no one in particular. The Barber Evil King watched and laughed. Ari looked around him. That's when he spotted the fire hydrant.

"Stan, Has that hydrant always been there?" He asked getting an idea.

"How the Hell would I know?!? Do I look like I'm concerned with that type of thing?"

Ari shrugged and rushed over to the building it was near.

"HEY HEY HEY! SLAVE! The fight is ov-er THERE!" He said hitting his slave and pointing at the Barber King.

"I Know Stan!" Ari replied angrily, "But our current strategy isn't working is it?" And without waiting for a reply Ari kicked the hydrant with all his might. It exploded with high pressure water filling there battle ground with water and turning the sidewalk edges into fierce waterfalls that filled the streets of lower level Madrill.

"STAN! FRIENDLY FIRE!" Ari shouted over the roaring water.

Friendly fire turned most of the water into steam that filled the whole arena and smothered out all shape.

"Well that was stupid. What now slave?" Stan demanded not seeing how this could work to their advantage.

Ari sighed deeply. "If we can't see him he can't see us, thus he can't dodge attack. We'll know where he is because Epros can fly. He won't know were coming."

Stan understood now and felt a bit bad about yelling at his slave now. But not much.

"EPROS!" called Ari. "WE NEED YOU TO LOCATE PIRELLI!"

"There he is! He's by the Train Station. He has the look of much Frustration."

The whole group led by Linda, who knew the place well and new where the gaps in the street were, made their way to the train station. And sure enough the king was there, trapped in the steamy empty building of the train stop.

Pirelli couldn't tell where his enemies were. It sounded as if they were coming at him from all sides, but it was only due to the echoes. Or so he thought. In fact they did come at him from all directions. Stan and Ari summoned a friendly blizzard that crystallized the steam in the room and made everything visible again. The crystals of water fell to the ground with a glass like clatter and the Heroes (and Stan) advanced upon the evil king. It was over quickly.

***

"Great. Now that that's over with how about dinner?" Rosalyn suggested.

"Ah, yes dinner. Fatty's favorite time of the day. It's the biggest meal you know?" Stan taunted.

"Your really ticking me off." Rosalyn hissed through gritted teeth, twitching with irritation…again.

"Ok you puny humans have your food…"

"Just shut up before I kill Ari." She said holding a sword to his throat.

"Please Stan. There are innocent lives at stake. Mine." Ari pleaded. "Besides. You should come up with some new material other than the fat insults."

"Ari's right. Your so unimaginative."

As Rosalyn walked away Stan whispered to his slave words of advise.

"Never mess with a hungry hippopotamus."

***

SWEENY TODD AND OKAGE ARE NOT MINE NOR WILL THEY BE.