Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, although my spaghetti recipe is pretty kick ass. -or so she thinks-
Summary: Bella's past affects everything in her daily routine. Edward keeps his true emotions hidden better for the sake of his two children. When these two meet at Edward's sister's bonfire, can they unravel many years of fear and guilt and help each other in the long run, or will it be a wasted effort that tears them both down further? AU/AH
Author's note: Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson, Ed MacMahon, and Farrah Fawcett and the other person that died and I can't think of.
On another note, thank you for the reviews for the last chapter. It honestly doesn't matter to me how little or how much I get, I'll still write this story. Everything in here aside from Edward's POV and past has truth laced through it therefore, I want to get it out, I want to tell my story.
"You don't remember me, but I remember you.
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you,
but who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do."
Taking Over Me-Evanescence
Tossing, turning, gasping for air and my fingers clenching around my sheets as images flashed behind my closed eyelids. They were almost like pictures. It was my mind reliving every story, lie, verbal slur, against me at a rapid pace. Finally settling on one moment in the past, I was deposited into a situation like an outside observer strolling by the kitchen window and cringing at what I saw.
Skin hitting skin.
Cries of pain, despair and anguish.
There were grunts of frustration as the brown haired girl did not cooperate that quickly turned into moans of pleasure as the teenage boy lying on top of her thrust himself into her. The girl pulled in agony as silent tears rolled down her bloodied face, and I suddenly realized that I was screaming and crying along with her; that the brown haired girl being so badly treated, beaten and battered was me.
"Bella!" I heard Alice call to me from the deep, dark pit I was dropped into by my equally deep and dark mind. "Bella, please wake up!" she cried again, but more frantically this time as the picture of the pitiable girl became less and less clear until I lost clarity all together.
I quickly shot out of bed like a racehorse in the Kentucky derby with a clear path to my bathroom. My best friend rushed in right before the door swung closed and quickly moved to my side to hold back my hair as my stomach's contents were emptied out in front of both of us.
As I stood up, Alice moved around me like any sudden movement would cause me to have a panic attack, even though it had been a month since the last one. I frantically moved over to the sink to grab the plastic cup and fill it with water to wash my mouth out with.
After brushing my teeth, gargling, and rinsing, I set the see-through plastic cup down and looked in the mirror slowly, scared of what I was to find. The last time this happened, I saw, felt, oozed like a festering sore everything that was him. His face, his scent, even his presence. Everything.
One quick glance and I knew everything was good. That was, until Alice for up from her spot on the now empty toilet and went to stand beside me. Instantly, I could feel the heat of his breath on the back of my neck and a shudder racked violently through my spine.
"Alice, I need control," I informed her desperately while trying to keep my gasping at a minimum. Another shudder ripped through my body as I tried to choke out. "I need it, Ally." I was craving the feeling of the sharp metal against my wrists. The feeling of control as the keen edge of the blade sliced across my sensitive skin.
"No Bella, no. Just try to slow your breathing down. I promised you that no matterwhat, I wouldn't let that happen again." Alice stood adamantly in her promise. Any other day, I would have been so thankful to her for this, but right now it felt as if my world would crash without it.
"Please Alice, just this once and never again?" I pleaded as she looked upon me with unwavering eyes. Alice didn't get it, and to be honest, I never wanted her to be able to comprehend it. She would never have the kind of dependency that I had on a solitary, inanimate object to help me gain control of a situation.
"No."
By now, my breathing had calmed down enough to be past the danger stage and I could see past my destructive desire. Alice and I locked eyes and a brief message was passed between us.
I'm okay.
Again, I owe you.
"You do not owe me anything, Bella. I am sure you would do the same thing for me if the circumstances were reversed." She looked at me with sympathetic eyes and a slight smile on her beautiful face.
I nodded to her unanswerable question and took in a couple of deep, calming breaths. "I'm fine now, Alice. You can go back to bed. I'm sure Jasper is missing you and wants to know what the hell is going on." A half-grin made its way onto my face and Alice mimicked my look, but hers had compassionate overtones.
"Do you know anything of Jazz's past, Bells?"
"No."
"Well, trust me when I tell you that he would understand about this. And in another light, the boy sleeps like a log. He could probably snooze through a nuclear blast." She rolled her eyes and as we got to my doorway, she gave me a soft, compassionate hug. "G'night Bella, love you."
"Night Alice. You too," I said a tad awkwardly. I'd always had a difficult time displaying my emotions. That was one of the many traits I got from my father, Charlie.
As Alice strolled sleepily back to her and Jasper's bedroom, I walked out to the kitchen to grab some water and a sleeping pill from the cabinet. Quickly popping the pill and gulping down some water along with it, I tried to scurry back to my room, but was halted by the darkness that filled the hallway.
Taking in a deep sigh, I closed my eyes and held out a hand to run across the painted walls of the short tunnel. This happened quite often, so I practically had this motion memorized. It was always going into my room though, that I had the most trouble.
Thankful that I left the light on, I stood in front of the doorway and looked in like a hushed observer. I tried to tell myself that everything was fine and there was absolutely nothing to fear in there, but it was not working that effectively. So, there I stood for a few more moments, before taking the plunge.
My well lit room was even brighter from the high-wattage light bulbs that Esme insisted on having put in. I tried to distract myself from the reasons for my nervousness and nightly routine by thinking of how much I loved the way my room was done.
Check behind the door.
A while ago - before the unwilling and terrible move to Forks - I saw the most amazing picture in a small crafts store in the heart of Phoenix. It was London, England in black and white, during the year of 1947.
Look underneath the bed.
Almost everything was in a mono print, but a cherry red, double-decker bus. I fell in love and bought it, despite the high cost of fifty-four, ninety-nine.
Peek into the closet.
After Alice and I moved from her parents' house and got an apartment on our own, Esme wanted to decorate my and Alice's rooms. For daedal Esme and her interior design, the sky was not the limit - she seemed to think you could go even higher and into oblivion - so, I decided to put her up to a challenge: design my room to fit that single picture.
Glance at the window seat and behind the curtain .
Esme went above and beyond my dare and the call of duty. Instead of having the picture put up on the wall or something like that, she had blown up the photograph so it would fit on all four of my walls. A window seat was carved into the east wall that faced the street and a curved window pane with multiple squares was put in.
With the rest of the room shades of black and white, I wanted a pop of color in one direct location. The base of the window seat where the mattress laid was made the same shade of cherry-red as the double-decker bus.
I guess by explaining this, I was trying to calm my imagination enough to be able to slide into bed and get back to sleep. Fortunately, it worked long enough for me to be catapulted into a fitful, yet restful slumber.
[EPOV]
"Some people fall in love after hearing a perosn's voice. Others, not so much."
-Author Unknown-
"Morning tiger," I called to my son as he walked sleepily down the steps that led to the kitchen.
"Mornin' dad," he said, rubbing his brown eyes to clear the sleep from them.
He and Maddy were twins, born six minutes apart, but if you just looked at their big features, they couldn't be more different. Maddy had strawberry blond hair and light green eyes. She took the majority of her physical traits from her mother, Tanya, but her personality was much more like mine. She was a lot more introverted and quiet, always letting the other person start the conversation, but once it began, she could hold up her end.
Anthony looked almost exactly like me. He was 'blessed' with the same disheveled hair and the face structure I had, although his eyes were a big brown color. Tanya had never known, or really cared, to find out where that came from; although I knew it came from my biological mother, Elizabeth Masen. Anthony's personality though, was much more like Tanya's. Their mother was outgoing, funny, and witty as hell. Although, he did get his sleeping habits from me, poor kid. Fortunately, these traits were passed down to our son. Maddy and Anthony were the perfect juxtaposition. I didn't think I could handle another child with the same traits as her, and the same went for Tony.
"Where is Maddy, dad?" Tony asked worriedly as he climbed up on the stainless-steel bar-stool and sat in front of me. Tony and Maddy had always been close, but after the accident and Maddy's disappearance and then reappearance, Tony had become more over-protective. If he was like this at two years old, I could not wait to see what he would be like when she started dating.
"Maddy slept in my bed last night. In fact, she may still be asleep."
"No," Maddy replied to my answer for Tony. "I not seep right now," she said, catching up with her voice by rounding the corner and walking into the kitchen.
"I tought you were gone 'gain, sissy," Anthony told her with a heartbreaking expression of remembrance on his face. I was almost positive that my face resembled his to a degree, recalling the feelings of despair and anguish.
"I sorry, Tony, for making you feel like that. I did not mean to." She looked down at the floor, upset that she stirred these feelings in Tony.
"Is okay, Maddy. You still here and that's all that matters." He hopped off the stool to comfort her and I quickly searched for a new topic to make all of us feel better.
"What do you guys want to do today? I have the entire day off, so you won't have to go to Aunt Alice's today," I told them happily, hoping that they were going to share my joy. My professors were more than happy to give me the day off. I hadn't taken a personal day from school or my teacher's assistant position since the week after the fire, which was almost six months ago.
"Are we going to caww Auntie Ayice about what I said las night?" Maddy questioned, taking her seat next to Tony. Her hair had been thrown back into a messy pony-tail that I was almost positive Alice or Rosalie had taught her to style like that, because I sure as hell hadn't.
"Thank you for reminding me, Madabee," I exclaimed appreciatively as I remembered last night. What she had said was something I had expected my adopted brother, Emmett, to teach her, and definitely not my sister, Alice.
Reaching across the counter for my cell phone, I dialed Alice's house phone, while getting down two glass bowls and a box of Count Chocula for the kids.
Ring.
Ring.
"Alice, you can not pour Mello Yello and Dr. Pepper onto your Fruit Loops! I don't care how good and delicious you say it tastes - no, I'm not going to try it!- that is disgusting and enough sugar to send you and three diabetics into a coma for a year. Oh, shit. Sorry, hello?" an angel's voice answered a few seconds after the click.
"Well, I'm glad I didn't have Tony or Maddy call you with you picking up the phone the way you did," I said a tad haughtily after getting over the way her voice appealed to me and after hearing her liberal use of foul language.
"You must be the asshole, Edward. Or as I like to call you, Assward. Let me tell you, it is a pleasure being able to finally hear your friendly voice," she quipped, letting me hear the nickname I hadn't heard since the bad attitude and grouchiness of becoming clean and sober went away.
"Question: do you always answer the phone like this, or is it just on Saturday mornings at ten A.M.?" I rebutted just to spite her.
"Answer: it's just for you, sharp-tongue, just for you. Question: are you meaning to be a fucking douche to the chick your sister rooms with, and the girl who lived in your adoptive parents house for a year and a half?" she answered and questioned hotheadedly, and I was impressed with her quick mind.
"Answer: it's just for you, swift-lips, just for you. So you're the Bella I've heard so much about. It's nice to finally be able to put a voice to the bad influence."
"So you're the Edward I've heard so little about. It's a wonder where your children get their manners from, because really, it certainly isn't from you. Oh wait, it must be from... nope not that person. Alice, it's one of your brothers." It sounded as if she had slammed the phone down on the table. No need to be immature, God.
"Hi Edward, or rather, Assward," Alice said ebulliently and I could hear her munching on her cereal.
"How did you know it was me, Ally? Last time I checked, Rose hadn't killed Emmett, yet," I probed and joked about Emmett and his bitchy wife, Rosalie.
"Well, Bella doesn't normally frown and storm away when Emmett calls and she picks up. She's usually laughing her ass off."
"Thanks, Alice. Make me feel real good about my wonderful sense of humor. Why don't you make me seem special for once in a while?" I reveled in our badinage for a little bit before Alice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Let me guess, you're calling to cancel the baby-sitting for today?" she said in what I thought had a happy undertone.
"Well, that and-"
"Good, your children miss you," she interrupted and reprimanded lightly.
"I know. I'll call you if I need anything, Ally-bird. Oh, and tell your friend it was a pleasure talking to her." I rolled my eyes and said the last part rather shortly.
"Wait, before you go, I'm throwing a bonfire tomorrow. Roasting weenies, marshmallows, singing campfire songs while Jasper plays 'old Betsey.' Ya know, the works. Be there and bring the kids. They provide comic relief and Bella loves them to death. She could probably use some cheering up. Show up or I'll have Emmett kick your ass. And then I'll join in. Then Bella. I'm sure she has some pent up anger stored just for you right now. Bye Edward."
"We'll be there. Bye Alice. Oh- wait!" She had clicked off the phone line right before I had the time to talk to her about what Maddy had said last night. I had a feeling she knew she was getting in trouble for something and hung up on me on purpose.
Oh well, Alice will be Alice and there was no stopping her.
Hello again! The way I imagined the stairs part of Edward's kitchen, is the kitchen in the old TV show Sister, Sister. Do y'all remember that show? I do.
Okay, two things to address. The second week in July, my fiancé and I are going up north to visit the fantastic adoptive parents. I'll be gone through the twenty-first, and I'll try to update before I go, but don't expect anything.
The other thing, is that Leon is amazing. I just had to get that out there.
What was the most interesting phone call you've had?
Read and Review please!