Here is what you all have been waiting for…Edward's past. The songs I chose for this are Aero smith "Angel", "Ave Marie", Sarah Mclachlan "I Will Remember You" and Tokio Hotel "Love is Dead" I hope you enjoy!
EPOV
We left Emmett and Rose at the restaurant. Jasper climbed into his truck and headed back to the apartment we shared together. A one of a kind bachelor pad we called it. Black leather, chrome and enough testosterone to float a ship. We all shared the loft at one time. When Emmett got married to Rose he found a cozy love next for just the two of them. I was happy that Jasper and I had more room but in a way I missed my other brother Emmett. I really like Rosalie but I sure was not going to let her onto my little secret.
"Eddie, I really need you to night." Tanya whined as she twirled her fingers on my now exposed chest. Her whining was really irritating me lately. She was fun when we first got together. We met at one of the construction sites my family had. Her brother was one of our hard workers. He eventually left to go to the east coast to work. According to Tanya we were close but to me she was just a way to waste time.
At dinner tonight I noticed the two girls Rose told us about. From the look on Jasper's face and the emotions running off of him I knew that he was hooked. Jasper had that same look on his face when Emmett told us about the beautiful and smart blond he met. I on the other hand found Bella as she called herself well plain. She was not breath taking like Rosalie or Tanya but there was something there that intrigued me. I shook the stupor off. I was not going down that rode again.
I sure was not going to inform my brothers that someone intrigued me. I would never live the endless teasing down. I got enough crap about being with Tanya. She was not good enough for me nor the family. Personally I think they knew I could do better but I would have to quit being what Rosalie called me…a pompous ass.
Underneath my cold stone heart beat someone with passion. My music was my passion and the way I played showed it. I was a prodigy from the day my fingers felt the cold keys. The way the notes poured from my thoughts to the paper was down right orgasmic at times. I had not played in years and I was not about to break that record either. It was the one things that reminded me of her and all the pain.
We met in high school and the first time I saw her I knew we would be together forever. She was my sun, my moon, my stars and my night. I remember going to our senior prom and her beautiful green dress. She had left her hair down just the way I liked it. We danced all night long and I remember her smell. She blushed when she stepped on my toes and I just told her that I loved bruised toes. We went off to college together in a school in San Jose, California. We both received full scholarships and made our parents beam with pride.
We both had dorm rooms but we pretty much lived in mine. I loved her dancer body and she loved my long piano fingers. I remember the day she came in from a long hard work out complaining of her hip hurting her. I told her to see a doctor about it. I did not want to see her dream destroyed cause of an injury. She just said it was a pulled muscle and would ice it like she knew how to do. The pain came and went for months and I finally put my foot down. She did not want to worry her parents cause like she said it was a pulled muscle. Little did we know the horror that awaited us.
The blood draws, endless x-rays, mris and cat scans all took a toll on her. She was getting colds more often and dealing with pain more than ever. She finally told her parents what was going on that they flew down to be with us at her doctor appointment. We received the worst news possible and the tears flowed endlessly. The doctor told us that she had two types of cancer Osteosarcoma and Chondrosarcoma. The doctor had never seen a case where it was in the bone and the cartilage at the same time. He could never tell us how this happened but we knew that chemotherapy and radiation were on the list. If this did not work amputation would be the final option. Her mother was inconsolable and her father only said not my baby. I was strong for her but on the inside I was dying.
As the months went by I stood by her side. I took a leave of absence from school to help care for her. My parents and brothers were supportive because deep down they knew the reality of what was happening. My motto was deny, deny and deny some more. Her parents sent me home one night after a long day of being there for her. I went and took a shower and got some real food. As I was drying my hair off I got the call that I better come back and fast.
I raced to the hospital hoping that I would get to say good-bye and all the things I meant to tell her years ago. I ran into the room and she waited for me. I held her hand and kissed her cheek and any other part I could reach. I told her it was ok to go. We all loved her and that we all would be ok without her. Her heart slowly stopped beating and that was it. It was all surreal and peaceful. Her mother broke down and her father silently wept with her. I was numb all I wanted was her to be back in my arms. My parents were called and came to support me. We all went back to Washington to put my beautiful angel to rest.
I don't remember much of the service or what people said. Her parents wanted me to talk about the good times and all the things we did together. The white water rafting, the skiing, the first time she ate sushi. I rambled on but deep down don't really remember came out of my mouth. I felt being hugged and held by my mom but other than that I was numb. I was a walking zombie that wanted her love back. We drove to the cemetery and the silence was just deafening. All the beautiful flowers most her favorites but she truly loved daisies. She always said they were plain and beautiful at the same time. Her mothers sobs echoed as they lowered her into the cold ground. Everyone slowly left and went back for the obligatory coffee, tea and cookies. Everyone saw the anguish rolling off of me and I refused to leave her. I stayed when they put the cold earth on her. I stayed there just starring. My beautiful girl was gone and my heart was shattered.
My parents had Jasper and Emmett come back and get me when I did not return to the house. My brothers found me at the cemetery. It was past midnight and cold but I did not care. Emmett literally had to pick me up kicking and screaming. I did not want to leave her and I could not live without her. All the plans of school, marriage and children were gone. Her parents packed up their house and moved quickly after putting their daughter to rest. I was given a box of all the gifts and pictures I had given her. I remembered the night we made love at that cute bed and breakfast. We both wanted to wait for marriage but we both knew that was years away. To seal things I gave her a beautiful ring that symbolized what she meant to me. She gave in on the spot and said that we both would combust eventually. I remember the way her skin felt and her taste on my lips. It made me want and miss her more. I holed up in my room in the dark and rocked. All I did was smell her and relive all the times we had together. I did not go back to college and my music died the day my love went away from me.
The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. Mom and dad tried to console me but it was a losing battle. I know mom was so worried that they had consulted a doctor but I refused to see him. It took Jasper and Emmett to throw me clothes and all in a cold shower. They be manly men but that moment they both held me and let me sob for hours. They told me that they all loved me and that I needed to go on for her sake. My life would be wasted if I did not go on. They finally got me out of my funk and into the real world.
College was no longer an option and dad offered me a spot in the family construction business. I was young but knew the ropes. My life was now work and home. I was living but it was not the life I had known before.
"Tanya I think we need to stop seeing each other. Things are going to be busy and I just don't have the time or want to be with you. " I looked at her looking at me. She was pissed off and at that point I did not care.
" You asshole! You led me on all this time thinking that I was more than a fling. Thank goodness we did not sleep together!" she rambled on about how an ass I was. How she could have anyone and deserved to be happy. It was all garbled mess in my ears.
I dropped her off at her apartment and she flipped me off. I was alone again but it was better than dealing with her whining and neediness. I drove home glad to have that chapter closed in my life. I took a long hot shower and rocked like I always did. You would think that after six years of her being gone from my life I would be over it. My heart was shattered and could never be repaired. I saw Emmett's relationship with his Rose cut me raw all over again. When they got married Jasper and I were co-best men. Emmett would have it no other way even though he knew how hard it was me to stand up for him. I wanted this to be real for me and it would never take place. Emmett kept no secrets from her but she knew nothing of my past. All she knew was the stone cold jerk that I was.