Days of Heartbreak

Part Three

The Sequel to Sexy, Can I?

November 2007

Jason leaves the police station and tells himself that he shouldn't bother Claudia, even though his gut tenses with worry for her. They had sex once, he isn't her man. She needs time to deal with her grief. But after going home and sleeping for ten hours, he wakes up and she's the first thing on his mind.

A few hours later he drives his motorcycle to the gaurd house at the front gates of her mansion. He asks the gaurd "You know who I am?"

"Yeah..." the man has his hand on his gun.

"Tell Claudia I'm here...and I'm not leaving without seeing her."

The guards nods, makes a phone call and then opens the gate. Another gaurd approaches Jason as he climbs off his bike, and motions for him to follow him inside. He leads him to the den, where Claudia is standing by the window, drink in hand, staring out.

Jason waits for the gaurd to leave and then Jason says her name, but nothing else.

"What are you doing here?" Claudia asks, each word biting.

He knows she doesn't want to lean on him. But he also thinks she might need to. And Jason knows he needs to be the one there for her. Its only right. She's given him so much in just one week...made him decide to break his sex vow, took him into her body and made him scream her name, made him smile and laugh and be frustrated over and over...made him think and feel...saved his best friend's life. Claudia has made his world a thousand times better, whether she knows it or not.

"Checking on you." He takes a few steps closer. "Have you eaten anything today?"

Claudia takes a long drink and then walks over to the desk, sets the glass down, and looks at Jason. "I don't need you to come here and pour chicken soup down my throat. I'm not that kind of sick."

"You can't just drink bourban...without eating...or you will be physically ill, eventually. How will you take care of Johnny then?"

Her eyes flare with anger. "Don't question how I take care of my boy!" She reaches for the glass, but her shaking hands cause it to fall to the ground and break. "Fuck!" She bends to pick it up but Jason rushes over to do it.

They are both crouched down, with their faces near each other. He can see that her eyes are red rimmed and weary. She probably didn't sleep all day. "Leave the glass..."

"Don't give me orders. I'm the Boss now. I don't take orders," her voice shakes as she tells him this. Claudia picks up and piece of glass and cuts her hand. "Ouch!"

"That's it," Jason says under his breath. He scoops her into his arms, and stands up, heading out of the room.

"What in the hell are you doing, Morgan? You trying to get shot?"

"Shoot me. Go ahead." He calls her bluff. "Get it out of your system."

She glares at him.

Her gaurds swarm them, as Jason heads for the stairs. Ten guns point guns at his head. "Call them off, Claudia."

"Stand down, boys."

Jason carries her upstairs. "Which one is your room?"

"I'm not in the mood to fuck you right now."

He stops in his tracks and stares at her. Their eyes hold. After a long minute she finally softens, sucking in a shaky breath.

Claudia says, softly, "You don't belong here."

"I tried to stay away. I couldn't. I'm here. Let me stay."

She buries her face on his shoulder. Jason kisses her forehead. She whispers "First room on the left."

He takes her in there and lays her on the bed. Then sits down next to her, taking her hand.

XXXXXXXXXX

Claudia doesn't want to lean on Jason. Everything in her is wrecked right now. All the memories from her childhood, in this house of horrors, close in on her every time she turns a corner. She's gone her whole life never counting on any man, outside of her beloved Uncle, to love her unconditionally...so she doesn't think Jason can. He will always be her enemy first, there will always be conditions.

Nothing can change that.

She'd love to sleep with him again, just to feel strong arms around her, but she's too fragile right now. It would be making love, not having sex. Claudia hasn't ever made love in her life. Today...the day she killed her father...is not the day to start.

Because Jason isn't my man, she thinks. He's here, yeah. Cause he's feeling guilty. That's all.

Still its comforting to have his hand in hers. She can almost think about not having another drink tonight, if Jason keeps holding her hand.

And that's one hell of an accomplishment for her right now.

(Your love

in all its finery

tears up the darkness all around me


until I can breathe again
until I believe again)

The power Jason has to calm her nerves scares the hell out of Claudia, so she tries to push him away. "You should have stayed home tonight. I don't do relationships...we aren't a couple just cause we screwed once."

"Fine. We aren't a couple."

"Could you have agreed any damn quicker?!"

He shakes his head, wearily. "I'm not fighting with you tonight. You want to fight? Fight that wall...cause I didn't come here to argue."

"Just so you know...if you ever do this again...try to order me around in my own house...I'll give the men shoot on sight orders for you."

Despite her tough words, she squeezes his hand. Claudia does not want Jason to leave go of her hand. It feels like everything inside of her is raw, and when he touches her some of that raw pain eases.

She does her best to not let herself think about how they are bitter mob rivals. How her business depends on either getting him to play ball or killing him.

Claudia will do whatever she has to in order to make her empire flourish. Caring, even a little, about Jason Morgan was never supposed to be part of her plans.

But all her plans seem to crumble when she thinks of what she is now- a daughter who murdered her Daddy.

(Cause I'm a train wreck
waiting to happen


Waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks


A wild fire born of frustration
born of a world,

oh,

that gets me so high...)

He tells her "The next time I carry you to a bedroom, you'll ask me to do it first...count on that."

Her eyes lighten, a small smile curves her lips. "You should be so lucky, Morgan."

"I thought you're gonna call me Jason."

"Jason..."

"Better."

XXXXXXX

Morgan. That's the guy she could take or leave. Kill or fuck. Make a deal with or make his shipment sink.

Jason. That's the man who gets to kiss her, hold her hand, whisper her name in her ear, see her tears...he wants to be Jason to her. Needs to be.

He tries not to think about why. That will certainly only make him freak out. One of them has to keep a cool head tonight.

Just because he always looks hard and blank like cold steel, does not mean he doesn't fear as much as any other human. But tonight there is only room enough in this room for one of their fears and Claudia is the one whose demons are on full display right now.

With his free hand, he brushes an errant strand of hair away from her eyes. Even when she looks like this- her own unique mixture of sad, bitter and angry- Claudia is still so beautiful that Jason thinks it should be illegal to look like her. How could any man resist wanting her in his life? He knows he can't.

All the things they have in common make it easy to understand each other, but hard to be together. Still, she needs someone right now. If not for Anthony dying, Jason could have just kept Claudia in his head...as the woman he sleeps with but doesn't let himself feel too much about...but now she's drifting from his head right down into all of the rest of him.

He's too worried about her to be scared for himself, though. Jason's one goal was never to bring another woman into this lifestyle, not after what happened to Sam. But Claudia was in the mafia long before she met him last week. She's in this world...and she's suffering and she needs him. He can't turn his back on her.

Jason can see the pain etched into her eyes. She wants to be strong enough to tough this out alone. He used to try doing that too. It doesn't work. He will be damned if Claudia has to wake up each day thinking no one cares if she's all right. He cares. He's just got to make her see that.

They can figure out the sex part of this thing later. He isn't worried about that right now. He wants her but he will always want her...look at her...who wouldn't? But sex isn't why he came here tonight. Jason just wants to dry her tears, if she will let him.

They stare at each other for a long moment. "Do you want me to get you some food?"

"I can't eat right now."

"Did you get any sleep yet?"

She shakes her head and looks away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

How can I sleep? Claudia thinks. All I see is Daddy...he's in my head, yelling all his crazy words at me, touching me, hating me, sending me away, making me kill him.

Anthony is the worst thing that ever happened to Claudia. And the whole reason why she is alive. Its hard to reconcile the two in her head.

"You need to rest."

Jason stands up. He starts to take off her boots, slowly sliding the zipper down on each of them. She watches him, silently. The world slows down. The pain starts to drain away...she can cry more later...she just wants to feel sane for five minutes in a row.

His eyes make her feel that way. Sane again. She knows she's not...he must know she's not...but he's eyes say that he believes in her.

If it is a lie, Claudia will believe it, for tonight.

(Your eyes,

like midnight fireflies,


light up the trenches where our loves lies


until I can see again,
find my way back again)

He lifts her foot and massages it. The tender gesture brings tears to her eyes. She sucks in an unsteady breath. He then shrugs out of his jacket and tosses it on the ground. Jason sits down and takes off his own boots.

Claudia sits up. She wraps her arms around him, from behind, and rests her chin on his shoulder. "You can go...Jason...really."

"No...I told you...I can't stay away."

He turns his head and their eyes met. He raises his hand to caress her cheek and then brings his mouth to hers. Claudia starts to shake as a wave of unwanted emotion sweeps through her. The kiss is gentle and soul healing for her.

(And your mouth,

it's all that I wish

Mercy of your lips,

just one kiss


Until I can

breathe again.


Until I can sing again)

That one kiss makes her want him to stay more than she has ever wanted anything in life. More than she wants power...but she still wants her power badly. Tonight she needs Jason though.

When she pulls away, Claudia scoots back up the bed, and lays on her side. Jason lays behind her, pulling her close to him. Into her ear he says "You might regret coming back here...after all that went down yesterday...but I'll never regret you moving back home."

"One day, Jason...one day I might order your death. You'll sure regret me then."

"That's business. I'm not talking business, Claudia."

She pulls another shaky breath into her lungs, as her eyes close.

Jason whispers in her ear "Sleep...your worst enemy will keep on eye on you."

"Thank you, Jason."

"Anytime."

She wonders if that feeling will last for him. Claudia doesn't want to hope it does...but she is...she is.

She's hoping.

Claudia is a woman of many addictions. Jason is shaping up to be her biggest one ever.

(To fall

so deep into you


Loose myself

completely
in your sweet embrace


All my pain's erased ) (Sarah McLachlan)

THE END

Thanks for reading this story!

So there you go. The end of my latest stab at writing Jaudia. I can't say they are easy to write, because their dynamic is complicated, but I do enjoy trying to make them seem plausible. Because there is no way both the SBs should be on a soap together and not paired up- not to my way of thinking, at least.

Sara