Kind and Generous

Part Two

September 2005

He wondered what he liked to drink last week. Beer? Scotch? Well now it was whiskey. Straight up and keep it coming. He needed to blur out his mind again. Get those faces out of there...his family ...his victims...the lies and the truth, the living and the dead.

The bartender said "On the house, man. You don't pay in here."

Jason hated to even think why that was. He pinched his nose.

The doctors wanted him to have brain surgery. He could die on the table or he could wake up like his old, fucking fantastic self. If he didn't have it, then he'd die too. In a few months time, they said. At that particular moment all his options sounded shitty to him.

He would rather die than go back to that freak he was.

"Hey there, Jase."

A soft, heartbroken, tender voice drifted into his ear. He looked over and saw Carly walking toward him. Before she even got to him, he called out, harshly "If I told you to leave right now, you wouldn't, right?"

"Are you telling me that?"

Damn it. She was nearly in tears.

"Fuck it. Do what you want." He stiffened and downed his drink. "Another. And get her something, too.

She let out a sigh and sat next to him. Her hand moved to rest on his arm. The feeling of her flesh on his flesh sent shockwaves of pure fire shooting through him. He jerked his head to the side, and they were eye-to-eye. My God...what else didn't she tell me about myself...about us? he wondered.

Out of all of them, his so-called family and friends, she was the only one he could even stand to be around. But that upset him even more because he wanted to believe in her...something in him said to believe in her...his own freaking heart, mind and soul were not to be trusted because he knew she had lied to him just as boldly as all the rest of them.

She whispered "Jase."

He felt his groin react to her words as soon as they fluttered off her lips."What do you want from me?"

"I want to help you."

"By telling me lies? Keep your help. I don't need it."

Her face crumbled and he really wanted to shoot himself for hurting her. His instincts said to pull her close and whisper how it would all be okay. But he didn't fucking trust his instincts anymore. He drug his eyes away from her. The moment grew thick with tension until he ground out "Carly...why did you do it? Why did you lie to me like that when I asked...I fucking begged you...for the truth about who I am."

"I don't know what you're talking about. This is your illness talking, not you. I would never lie to you...well, I mean, not about anything big. You always know when I'm telling you a little white lie. You expect it. You get the truth out of me in five seconds. That's how we work. You come and save me...and I can save you back. Let me."

Save me, he thought, bitterly. Why would you bother? He took his drink and swallowed it down in on shot. Then he looked at her.

Carly said, as if she could read his thoughts, "I want to help you because I need you. I need you more than anyone else does. And you can't just give up. If you don't want the surgery, we'll find another treatment for you. Me and you...we'll go to Europe...they have cutting edge techniques there."

Her lips quivered; his heart broke.

What he wasn't sure he could feel, he did. He felt all her pain in his bones. He couldn't hate her. It was useless to try. He didn't know why but she's was not like the rest of them for him. He ached- simply because she was sitting there aching. He had to get away from her and fast.

With every single part of him in agony, Jason hauled himself to his feet. "Yeah. I haven't decided about all that yet. Thanks...for coming to check on me." He looked into her eyes, letting out a calming breath as he did. "Thank you," he found himself murmuring again, though he hadn't planned to.

She stood up and before he could stop her, she had her arms around him and her body pressed tight to his, not carrying about all the other patrons who were around. Into his ear, she softly said "Don't walk out. Stay with me. We need to talk this out."

So seductive, this best friend of his, with her sweet words and her eyes full of love. So easy to believe in. Even when he knew she couldn't be trusted. Still parts of him that he couldn't control did trust her. Mix that with the visceral reaction his body had to her, and the booze running through his veins, and it made a volatile cocktail of lust, recklessness and need.

Carly pulled back and brought her hand up to caress his cheek. "Please let me be the one to help you through this."

"You want to help me?" he asked, his tone low and lethal, and without waiting for an answer he brought his lips to hers in a wild kiss that really had no business taking place in the middle of a bar in the afternoon. Like he really gave a fuck though what the other customers thought though.

He was a man living on borrowed time, in the body of a killer who passed himself off as a saint, with a chick at home who looked just perfect but felt all wrong, and this one here who his body and soul wanted, even if his mind wasn't nearly as sure.

So he kissed her. Damn right he did. He kissed her till she was breathless and clinging to him, then he stepped back from her, breathing heavily. The bartender let out a low whistle. Jason gave him a look hard enough to make the man throw up his hands and back away.

Carly licked her lips. Her eyes searched his. "What...what was that?"

"That's how you can help me. You in?"