Kind and Generous

Part Four

September 2005

Everything that was black in his head filled with wild mixed up images of Carly, flashing quickly like rapid fire gunshots, as Jason slipped his tongue into her mouth and heard her moan. The whole experience rocked him to his core and he jerked his mouth away from hers.

She felt like she belonged to him. All his. But, without having any proof to back it up, Jason was sure Carly was not really all his.

He asked "Are you married?"

"Yeah but it doesn't matter."

"Fuck," he groaned out the word as he reached for her hand. "Where's your ring?"

"We're having problems."

"Who is he?"

"I don't want to talk about him, Jase. I want to talk about us. About why when everything is hurting in you...you need me. Some people would say that right now I am taking advantage of you...cause you can't remember you wanted to marry Sam and you can't remember what broke us up...but I'm not. I'm trying to love you the best way I know how. If you think anyone else could make you feel what I do...they can't! You need me."

"I know that."

"You do?"

He pulled her back against him again. "Yeah...I do. When I first woke up in the hospital...I didn't know who I was...and I damn sure didn't know the kind of man I am...and I couldn't remember you...but you were there, holding onto me as I woke up...and that felt right. Everyone else who came around...I couldn't trust them...but I trusted you...and it pissed me off when I found out you were lying to me just like they did."

She whimpered "I wasn't. You are all those things I said."

His hands grasped her face and he stared right into her eyes. "You're in love with me, aren't you?"

Carly breathed out "Yes."

"Then why am I with Sam?"

"You love her."

"I know what I feel when I look at you and I know what I feel when I look at her...its not even a contest." He brought his lips towards hers but she stumbled backwards.

Carly whispered "Jase...you wouldn't say that if you had your memories back."

"You're the woman I love. I don't need memories to feel that." He rubbed his forehead. "God, my head is fucking killing me right now."

"Come on...I'm taking you to the hospital." She grabbed her wallet and shoved it in her purse and then headed for the door.

He reached out and took hold of her arm and pulled her back to him. "Forget about that. I hate that place."

"I know you do but I'm not gonna let you die on me!"

"I'm not going to. I will find a way to beat this brain tumor." The promise was out of his mouth before his mind had even decided to give it to her. In an instant, she changed his whole world, his whole way of thinking, and all of his future. He had been sure he didn't want to have the surgery and to be a hitman again...now he was sure he had to live. For her.

Her eyes searched his. "Please, Jase, we have to go now."

"No." He kissed her again, crushing her against him. Carly wrapped her arms around him and for a moment he thought the kiss was going to explode into an animalistic mating where she ripped off his clothes and said Hell with tomorrow, fuck me tonight but instead she started to softly cry and the kiss turned tender, as Jason eased away from her. He brushed at her tears with his thumb.

She moaned softly "Don't die."

"I will fight my hardest not to."

"I want you to have the surgery...even though it means you'll stop being in love with me. Its okay, Jason. Even if you forget this day ever happened...it is okay...I will love you no matter what and I will make your life everything you want. Everything. I'll run away with you or I'll watch you go back to Sam. I will do whatever you want. Anything. Because I love you like nobody else is ever gonna love you."

"How long have you been in love with me?"

She broke out into sobbing tears and hugged him. "Oh, Jase. I just wish you could remember us."

"I'm starting to..."

"What? What do you remember?" She took his hand and led him to the bed. They both sat down.

"Not much...a few moments here and there. We've been in this room before together, right?"

"The first day we met."

"That's why this is our place...like you said."

"Do you remember Michael?"

"No...I'm sorry, Carly...I want to."

"You will. Don't worry about it. What else do you remember?"

"Were you...did I ever marry you?"

She shook her head no.

He said "But I planned to. I put rings on your fingers."

"Yeah! You did...its just really complicated. We're very complicated."

"I don't want to mess up your marriage."

She smiled, sadly. "Now that sounds like the Jason I know and love. But you aren't messing it up. It's a mess already. It's a mistake." She brought her hand up to caress his cheek. "You're the man I love most."

After a long moment he asked "Why do I live with her then?"

"Because...because you love her."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I'm pretty sure...yeah."

Jason swallowed hard. "My life is a fucking disaster. That has to change. I don't know who I was before I lost my memories...a cold blooded killer or a decent friend, like you think...but I know I can't go back to being him. I hate him...he makes me ill."

"I love him."

Jason looked down, shaking his head. He covered his face with his hands.

Carly said "Hey...listen to me.."

He looked at her again.

She said "I love who you were and I love who you are...and if you change...I will fall in love with him too...I have seen you through every change...and I come out the other side still in love with you. I'm on your side...always."

"Tell me something then."

"Okay...what do you need to know?"

"You're my best friend. I know you love me...but did I know you were in love with me?"

"I don't know. I was married to Sonny for a really long time...before my current marriage...and you knew I loved him...I did love him...but I just don't know if you believed I loved you more...but I do. You should believe in that."

"Everything is so crazy right now...but you make sense to me."

She smiled brightly. Her voice was cracking when she said "Even when you forget how you fell in love with me...you still remember you love me. See...soulmates. Me and you, Jase. I can pull you through this nightmare. You just hang on to me."

"You're risking it all for me, Carly. Your marriage...your life in this town...your kids future...I don't think I can let you do that. Was I the kind of man who would let you throw away all you have for me?"

"No. But I'm not throwing away anything...I'm getting everything, if it happens, and if it don't...if you wake up from the surgery and love her more...I will still be your best friend and still hold your hand through the rest of your life. Do not think you can lose me, Jase, cause you can't."

He pulled her close and hugged her.

She asked "How does your head feel?"

"Its fine right now...it doesn't hurt as bad...don't worry about it."

"Can we please go to the hospital? Please."

"I just want to stay here. Lets lay down, okay?"

They kicked off their shoes and he took off his jacket, then they curled up in bed together, with her back pressed against his front. She talked softly about their life together, trying to fill in all the blanks for him. After twenty minutes or so, Jason started to lay soft short kisses on her neck.

After three days of living in hell...he finally was getting close to heaven. Fuck the whole rest of the world. He would stay in this bed with Carly for as long as she allowed...this would be his world now.