Kind and Generous

Part Five

September 2005

When he woke up that morning, all he had felt was confusion rolling around in his head. Every time someone came in his hospital room, they hovered around him like he was on exhibit, with plastered on smiles and lies dripping off their tongues. He knew they were just saying what they thought he wanted to hear...You will be fine...You're so strong...You've always been such a brave guy...but he couldn't call them on it cause he didn't know the truth.

The second Sam went upstairs when they got to the Penthouse, Jason jumped on the computer and found out everything no one wanted to say about him. Bile rose in his throat and he wanted to die...like all the men he killed. He didn't even feel like a human being. He felt like a savage, like a disease, like a mistake that needed to end.

If he had his memory, he believed now, he would had known to call Carly to talk him down but he didn't. Still she found him. She fought with him. She hugged him. She cried for him and with him. She let him kiss her, hold her, draw strength from her...she promised to fix his world...she asked for his faith...and before he knew what was even happening he had reached into his chest, yanked out his heart, and gladly put it in her hands.

He wondered now how many times he had done that before in his lifetime. How many times had he given his life over to her?

Fix me. Love me. Save me. Make me something other than a monster. Make me the good man you think I am, he thought as he lay behind her on the bed in their room above Jake's. He started to softly kiss her neck, as she rambled on about their life together, and then he nibbled on her ear and her words turned into a strangled moan.

His hand rested on her stomach. His fingers slowly slid underneath the edge of her shirt. Into her ear, he asked "Do you want me to stop?"

"Don't you dare stop."

Jason lay hot, opened mouthed kisses on her neck, sucking her flesh into his mouth, as his hand worked up under her shirt. His fingers first brushed gently over her breasts, finding her nipples hard already. He skimmed his hand over her bra and only when she arched into his embrace did he cup her breast and begin to caress it. She ground her ass back into him and he groaned in pleasure. "I want to fuck you so bad right now. Tell me that I can."

She rolled over and brought her mouth to his, kissing him with an intensity that left Jason stunned. He pulled her more on top of him as he lay on his back and felt her body mold against his, as if she was made just for him.

He felt completely insane before he met up with her today. Wrecked and worthless. But she made each moment turn from one he had to merely survive to one he wanted to live...one he wouldn't give up for anyone. To hell with everyone else. Whoever he had been...nothing but what he could be to Carly now mattered to him.

She moaned into his mouth, right before she broke their kiss. She looked down at him. "I know you need this. And I need this. We need each other, Jase."

"You don't have to convince me. I know that."

Carly smiled and started kissing him again. He placed his hands and her ass and squeezed, she moaned wildly as he did that. Jason broke their kiss and pulled her shirt off her, then his own. He lay her on her back, and started kissing her from the top of her jeans up to her lace clad breasts, then pushed her bra up and let his eyes take in the sight of her. Seeing her totally exposed breasts had an immediate effect on him, making his gut clench and his dick grow painfully hard. His hand massaged one breast while his mouth greedily suckled the other. Her breathing came in short gasps that all sounded like music to his ears. Her hands ran through his hair, lovingly, and he wanted to live again...had to live again...he had already made her promises...he had to stick around and keep them.

God, I love her, rushed through his mind, and he was not sure where the thought was born but it was true. He knew it earlier when she said she was in love with him...he just knew as soon as she said those words that it was mutual. He stilled and her soft moans of pleasure died out. His eyes moved up to hers and she looked down at him.

Carly said "I love you...if you can't believe anything else...believe that."

Always reading my mind, he thought, That's really dangerous. How do I hide anything from her? But why would I want to anyway?

He brought his mouth up to connect with hers, and right before it did he said "I am in love with you. Whatever I felt before...this is what I feel now." His hands slid to the button of her jean, flicked it open, yanked down her zipper hurriedly and slid his hand inside, over her lacy panties. He kissed her as his fingers teased the area around her clit, over her panties, never actually brushing over that hypersensitive bundle of nerve endings. "Carly...its you...its you, damn it...its you...do you believe me?"

"Jase..." the word was filled with confusion.

He groaned in frustration and sat up.

She whimpered "You're not leaving me like this, are you?"

His eyes connected with hers, a deep possessiveness filled his gaze. "Never." He yanked off her pants and then his hands went to her underwear. "Yes?"

"YES!"

He pulled them off and suddenly his mouth went completely bone dry at the sight of her, wet and ready for him. He went all the way down to her feet, lifted one and started to massage it, ignoring the ache in his own jeans and his desire to just bury himself in her. Carly and said "Ohh...its been so long since you did that...months and months..."

"Do we...do this? Sleep together?"

"Don't I freaking wish! I'm lucky to get a foot or shoulder massage out of you every six months."

A small grin curved his lips. "That's about to change."

Her eyes lit up even more than they were. He set her foot down and began kissing her up her leg. He spread her legs apart and kissed the inside of her thigh. All her words of love for him swam around in his head as his tongue darted out and swept over the folds of her sex. His tongue worked over her till she was withering beneath him then he slid his tongue inside of her. He didn't know how long it had been since he had last tasted her like this...but it had been way too fucking long for sure. Her moans grew louder and louder.

"Oh, Jase...Jase...fuck...that's so good."

He relentlessly drove his tongue into her, when he finally moved up to suck her clit, his fingers replaced his tongue, hitting the spot inside her that made her hips buck right off the bed. She screamed in pleasure.

He stopped caring that he was a hitman. If that is what she needed him to be, he would. If she wanted someone else...he'd fucking be that for her too...a doctor, a mechanic, businessman, whatever...anything...lover, husband, father to her kids...steal for her, lie for her, ruin himself for her...suffer for her...kill for her...no problem. It was not just having sex with her that turned him into her slave, it was everything...the look in her eye when she saw him, the way she clung to him when they hugged, her whispering in his ear, her faith, her commitment, how she turned him on...how she made him sane and crazy and wise and stupid.

She tightened around his fingers and he licked her clit one last time before she exploded into an orgasm. He kept pumping his fingers into her until she rode out every second of it. Jason climbed up the bed and pulled her into his arms. She lay there, sweaty and satisfied, her fingers drawing lazy circles on his chest. Carly kissed him then and it was the sweetest kiss he could ever remember.

"It feels so right to hold you, Carly. Nothing felt right till you."

She started to kiss his neck and jaw. "More...more...I need more..."

Her hands went to his jeans and she freed him from them. He helped her slide them off and then their eyes met as her hand closed around him. Soon her mouth and her hand were both moving on him and he was spitting out "Fuck yeah...Carly...just like that, girl..."

It didn't take long till he eased her off him, knowing he couldn't take a second more and that he wanted to come inside of her. "Condom?"

"Forget about it."

"Carly..."

She impaled herself on him and he stopped giving a damn about consequences. His hands went to her hips and they started a rhythm. He looked up at her and fell in love all over again. He wondered how many times a day that usually happened and what in the hell kept him from being with her before now?

She moaned, as one hand worked her own breast, "Oh God...yes...yes..Jase...fuck me..."

There is no way this will be our last time together, he thought, There's no way...I won't let that happen to us.

"So good, Jase. So good...ahhhhhh...I love you."

Her husband's out of luck, he though, I'm her man now and forever.

Note- this chapter is inspired by Leonard Cohen's song I'm Your Man.