Kind and Generous

Part Six

September 2005

"Do you need to get home?" Carly asked, as she lay in Jason's arms above Jake's bar.

"No."

"Jase...I have no use for her, okay? But..."

He stiffened. "You're not doing that to me."

"What? What do you think I'm trying to do? Send you back to her? Believe me...that's the last thing I want but if you could remember..."

"I remember you. That's all I give a damn to remember."

"You'll want more back soon. You'll want our boys and your sister and...you could even want Sam."

He stroked her hair and then her back, till she relaxed against him again. "You call them our boys. Didn't you tell me Sonny is their father?"

"Long story."

"You said you bought me Michael and asked me to be his father...did I turn you down? What was my problem?"

"No. You didn't. You took us in and you made us yours. We just...we didn't last, Jase."

There was true anguish in his voice when he spat out "Why?"

"Long story," she said again.

"I need more than that."

"We were young and we thought we had all the answers...at first...but then we realized we didn't have any and we were in so deep by then...it just became too much pain...the love was always there but the pain was more than we could take anymore...so you pulled away and I went to Sonny. Its so hard to explain but...one day we almost had it all and then one day every mistake and misunderstanding caught up to us all at once and we couldn't be together anymore, you said."

"I said? So this is my fault? Is that what you are trying so hard not to tell me?

"Its not," her tears ran onto his chest. "Its both of us...a big problem is you don't really think we work as a couple...you think its too hard and when you remember that...you'll probably go back to Sam."

"Fuck that."

"Jase...let it go for now. Just let it go and hold me. If you're staying...then lets forget about the rest of the world...lets make right now be all that matters."

He pulled her even closer to him. "You need to be wrong about this. About me changing my mind about us after the surgery. I need you to be wrong, okay?"

"I hope I am."

"I trust you...trust me back."

"I do!"

"This husband you got...can you leave him?"

"I already told you...if you want to leave this town, this country, this hemisphere...I'll go with you. Me and our boys will follow you anywhere."

"Then we're good. We're set. There is nothing to worry about."

She smiled sadly and looked up at him. "God, you used to tell me stuff like that all the time when Michael was a baby and I'd tell you the same thing and we believed it...God help us, we really did believe it... and still I have nothing but faith in you...I can believe another time...I can do that for you."

"Thank you."

They stared at each other for a long moment. He brushed some hair away from her face. "You're so fucking hot." He rolled her on her back. "And you're beautiful and you're sexy...and you are mine, Carly."

Her eyes closed but he saw tears slide down her cheeks. He just didn't know if they were tears of joy or fear.

Everyone else he met since he woke up had only made him feel angry, made him want to run from them or push them away, or curse them out for their lies about how perfect he was. But Carly...she made him want to stay right by her side for life. She made him want to fight to get himself back again...get back the man she fell in love with...so he could prove to her that he did love her back. He had to. It was the only emotion that felt real to Jason in that moment. She was the only real thing in the whole world to him.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Days later

"Do me a favor, okay?" Jason asked Carly as he sat in a hospital bed "Go to Jake's when I'm in surgery."

"I can't leave you."

"Go to our place...be there for both of us."

She hugged him and sobbed on his shoulder.

"Shhh," Jason said into her ear "be strong for me, please."

Jason had spent the last few days trying to get his life in order. He went to see the boys, then the Quatermaine's and finally he sat down with Sam and told her that all his feelings had disappeared. He didn't know what he used to feel for her but whatever it was he couldn't access it now. She told him that there was no way she was giving up on him until he had his full memory back and told her they were done. Only then would it be really true.

He learned Carly was married to Lorenzo Alcazar, another mobster, but that they were already talking divorce before Jason got amnesia. Either way, he wanted her out of that guy's house and he wanted it done now, not later. But she said he was away on a business trip anyway and she would talk to him when he got back.

Carly eased out of his arms and looked at him, her face a teary crumbled mess that twisted his heart. "I've loved spending my life with you...and I refuse to believe its over."

"I loved it too."

"You only remember little pieces," she said with a teary smile.

He choked out "Loved those pieces."

She bit her bottom lip and fought off a fresh wave of sobs. She took hold of his face and brushed her lips over his cheek. "You were...you're the love of my life, Jason."

"Nothing is over. I'll make it...for you."

She kissed along his jaw and then brought her lips to his in a shaky, broken kiss that ended with her body wracked with shuddering sobs. She laid her head in the crook of his neck and he hugged her. He said "You got to go now...go...and if..."

"No, please...don't say if."

"Even if I'm not breathing...I am with you, Carly."

She kissed him again. "I'll always be in love with you...okay? Just know that. Remember that much for me when you wake up again."

"I will."

She stood up and took a few steps back. She gave him a little wave, and then turned and fled the room.

His chest rattled with unshed tears and the sound of his own breaking heart.

XXXXXXXXX

One day later

He woke up to find his head bandaged and his mother next to his bed, sitting in a chair.

Jason pushed out, his voice thick and sleepy. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Carly."

"She's home, Jason."

He blinked and looked at her with confusion.

Monica said "You just need to rest, okay?"

"But I want her," he mumbled before sleep overtook him again.

Hours later, he was awake again, and the doctors had come and gone. He got it out of Emily why Carly wasn't around. Sam and Carly had gotten into a screaming fight that led to hair pulling and slapping and security barring them from the hospital.

Jason gave Emily a long stare and said "I want her back here. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll call Nikolas. He can overrule the security staff."

Jason let out a relieved breath. He knew Carly had to be frantic with worry about him and it was fucking cruel to tell her she had to stay away. He couldn't believe his family let that go down.

Now that his memories were all back, though, he had a lot more understanding and forgiveness for all of them then he did last week. They all made mistakes sometimes...especially him...nothing was black and white, it was all grey. Why he worked for Sonny, why he hadn't killed Sonny, why he called Sonny his family...why he lived the life he did...Sam...Brenda...Courtney...all of it was complicated and all of it was something no one could really comprehend...why he did it all...no one really got that but his best friend.

That was one thing he did know. Carly understood him.

It took another half an hour before she rushed into his room. "Jase!" She looked him over. "You made it...you made it...I knew you would."

"I got my memories back."

"I heard! Wow...that's wonderful...so you remember..."

"Michael...yes. And Morgan. And you. All of you."

She sat on the edge of his bed. Carly picked at the blanket, nervously. Her eyes focused on it. "Um...what about the last...uh...week or so? Do you remember that?"

He caught her hands in both of his. Their eyes met and held. "Yeah...I remember it."

Her eyes searched his.

He said "I know I put you through hell."

"What do you mean?"

"I asked you for too much. I was selfish. I'm sorry about that. I needed you and you came through for me. You were the only one who could have...reached me...and you did...and you don't know how much that means to me."


(You've been so kind and

generous

I don't know how

you keep on giving


For your kindness I'm in debt to you
For your selflessness, my admiration


For everything you've done,

you know I'm bound,

I'm bound to thank you for it.... ) (Natalie Merchant)

"Anytime, Jase." She straightened her back and raised her chin and put on her best look of quiet determination. "So...did you get Emily to let Sam come visit you too? Has she been here already? Or...should I just stop pushing...I'm pushing, right? I am! You just woke up from brain surgery. What's wrong with me? You don't need my constant drilling you about what you plan to do. You plan to do what you plan to do and..." She fought hard not to cry "that's all there is to it." She squeezed his hand. "You look so good...my boy on the side...I knew you wouldn't leave me alone on this earth...it wouldn't be much of a story to end that way, huh?"

"Its not over."

"We'll never be over."

It had been so easy to spill his guts out last week and now...it was so much harder. He could remember all the reasons he was afraid to be with her again...afraid for him and her...he could remember her loving Sonny, her marrying Alcazar...he could remember Sam and Lila and his promises...but he could also remember being at Jake's last week. And that memory overrode everything else.

"Carly...I was nothing but a mess when you found me at Jake's. I hated myself and I hated my life...I didn't want the surgery...nothing mattered anymore...you changed all that for me. You saved my life this time...you caught me when I was falling."

"Jase..." she said, as a tear slipped from her eye.

"Thanks, Carly. Thank you..." he choked out. "Thank you for loving me enough to risk everything for me."


(Oh, I want to thank you

for so many gifts you gave with love and tenderness,


I wanna thank you


I want to thank you

for your generosity,

the love and the honesty that you gave me


I want to thank you,

show my gratitude,

my love and my respect for you

I wanna thank you

Oh I want to thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you...)

Carly said "I'm just glad you made it. That's all that matters."

"I want more...more than to just survive this...I want to learn from it."

"Learn?"

"Learn to not take you for granted."

"You don't."

"I'm going to get released soon and I'm putting some things right. I'm gonna be the best friend you deserve."

"I love you just the way you are, Jase."

"Yeah...I know that...but that don't make what I've done right."

"Is this about...your job? Are you leaving the business?"

"No...there's no easy way out and I see that now."

She nodded.

Jason said "But I won't live a life of compromises anymore...not unless you tell me that's the way it has to be."

Her eyes searched his. "What are you saying?"

He took in and out a breath. "I'm not going back to Sam. Are you going back to Alcazar?"

She shook her head no, as her eyes filled with hope.

Jason raised his hands and hesitantly cupped her face. He whispered "My life is with you. Will you have me back?"

She nodded, as her lips quivered, and she leaned forward to rest her forehead against his. "Oh God...I can't believe you're doing this, Jase...I can't believe it."

"That's my fault. I made you not believe in my love for you." He kissed her softly on the lips. "We'll just take it slow, Carly. Find our way one day at a time...we got the whole rest of our lives to work this out."

"I thought you loved her. I thought you would pick her."

"I'm not saying I didn't love Sam. I can't go back to her when I think about last week...you'd be in the room every second...even worse than before. I could never love her right when I'm in love with you. Be with me...take me back...I know I don't deserve you...but I need this, Carly. As a favor."

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "I'm gonna win that bet. You're gonna give me my twenty bucks back and twenty of yours too cause...I'm gonna make your life something you love again." Then she kissed him and started proving her words right.

And in Jason there was no fear that this would not work out this time...there was only the knowledge that if he lost everything else in the world, he could never lose Carly. She showed him that, just by being who she always was to him, and when he didn't have the pain and heartbreak of losing her to Sonny weighing him down anymore, when all his memories were wiped clean, Jason had been able to finally see the truth that lay before his eyes for years.

It was her. It had always been her.

THE END

Thanks for reading!

Next up is a story about Lucky and Emily that is three parts called Never Say Goodbye.

Then I will post a Jarly story, the one mentioned in the index of this series, called On a Night Like This.

It is starts with the blackout in 2006. It is 27 chapters of sex, love, fighting, and family scenes.