Division 5
"Holy crap…" Orihime struggled to regain her breath.
"I thought… I thought… I was in better… shape." Rukia wheezed clutching her side.
"No slacking off you two!" Uryu called throwing them a stern glance.
"This is inglorious." Yumichika grumbled without stopping.
"Just remember we only have a week left. The troopers have two more months." Kari reminded them.
"If we survived this long" Orihime said finally getting her second wind. "one more week won't kill us."
"It will be worth it to get back to mission status." Rukia added with renewed determination.
Two weeks later
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Rukia screeched hitting Renji over the head with her sketch pad before flipping it open to show him a series of pictures in which poorly drawn rabbits were doing exercises. "Can't you see we're in lock down?"
"He's looking for me." Uryu said appearing next to the abused redhead.
"Eh?" Rukia looked from one to the other confused. "Why would he need to talk to you?"
"I can't miss my boyfriend?" Renji huffed feeling much abused.
Rukia's mind went kaput trying to process that last word. Uryu adjust his glasses before giving the agitated red head a well-earned kiss. They pulled apart when there was an alarming thump nearby. Orihime was staring at them open mouthed a pile of practice swords at her feet. Rukia seemed to finally snap back to reality.
"You should probably tell Ichigo and Ikkaku that we're in lock down." Uryu told Renji with a half-smile half smirk.
"And Captain Kuchiki!" Captain Tsunami and Yumichika yelled.
"Captain giving you guys a hard time." Renji grinned knowingly.
"I never knew my brother could hold a grudge so well." Rukia confessed.
"He's like an evil genius." Orihime added seriously.
"Uryu tell your boyfriend he can come back later, we've got training to do!" The Captain hollered.
"Unless you like Kuchiki approved missions!" Yumichika taunted.
Uryu, Rukia and Orihime all grimaced.
"Well, I'll see you later, honey." Renji taunted his boyfriend copping a feel.
"Did you just see what I just saw?" Yumichika asked the Captain eyes wide.
"I think you just saw what I just saw." Kari muttered surprised by the PDA.
Orihime recovered from her shock first gathering up the practice swords and dragging Rukia back toward the trainees.
Three days later
"Where the hell have you been?" Ikkaku screeched fuming.
The corners of Yumichika's lips twitched up into a half-smile. "Training."
Ikkaku scowled at his former teammate. "You're being deliberately obtuse!"
Yumichika widen his eyes and brought his hand over his heart dramatically. "Me? I would never dream of such things."
"Dream of what things?" Orihime asked hearing the tail end of their exchange.
"You were dreaming?" Chad asked pausing beside his red haired friend.
"Not me, Yumichika was or maybe Ikkaku." Orihime answered.
"What were Yumichika and Ikkaku doing?" Ichigo asked hearing part of what she said.
"Dreaming." Chad answered.
"Ikkaku was dreaming of Yumichika?" Uryu said joining their group.
"Ikkaku's been a bad boy." Captain Tsunami couldn't resist teasing.
"So it was one of those dreams." Rukia said snickering.
"Eh?" Ichigo looked at his friend confused.
"Ikkaku was having wet dreams about Yumichika." Chad told Ichigo to clarify.
Ikkaku by this point had turned scarlet and immediately began to shout denials.
"Was he still on the closet?" Orihime asked Yumichika innocently.
"You mean in the closet." Uryu corrected her.
"I always wondered why Ikkaku wasn't more public about their relationship." Rukia said with a sly smirk. "I thought he was just shy."
Ikkaku sputtered and cursed unable to form coherent sentences.
"Ikkaku's not shy he's just afraid someone will go after Yumichika." Ichigo said with a shrug.
"Yumichika is very popular." Orihime added. "the acting Captain for squad 9 is in love with him."
"Hisagi?" Yumichika waved his hand dismissively. "That's just puppy love."
"Looks like Ikkaku has competition." Chad said soberly.
"Man. Ikkaku doesn't have a chance." Ichigo said shaking his head.
"What you mean?" Rukia asked curiously.
"Yumichika likes pretty stuff." Ichigo explained. "Even I can see that Hisagi is prettier than Ikkaku."
"You think Hisagi is pretty?" Yumichika asked seeing an opening.
Ichigo flush. "I didn't mean it like that!"
"How did you mean it?" Orihime asked obliviously.
"I thought Ichigo was dating Urahara." Rukia said surprised.
"I am NOT DATING Hat and Clogs." Ichigo growled doing his best tomato imitation.
"But you want to date Hisagi?" Yumichika said teasingly.
"I DON'T THINK OF HIM LIKE THAT!" Ichigo shouted.
"Which him?" Captain Tsunami rejoined the conversation.
"Yeah, which one Ichigo." Rukia pestered crowding him.
"Well, Ichigo?" Uryu said advancing on him.
Ichigo was totally starting to panic at this point.
"I thought this was a lock down." Captain Zaraki said seeming to appear out of nowhere.
Ichigo saw an escape and took it. "Hey Kenpachi, let's spar!"
Squad 4 recovery room
"Thanks Hanataro." Ichigo said wearily.
"I hate to pry… but don't you usually avoid Captain Zaraki." Hanataro asked.
"Yeah well… I was trapped and it was the only way out I could think of." Ichigo said climbing to a sitting position. "I'm just glad you weren't on patrol in the living world. No offense but your Captain scares me a little."
"Don't feel bad." Hanataro replied comfortingly. "Even the Head Captain is a little afraid of Captain Unohana."
"Hey Hanataro?" Ichigo began a little sheepishly.
"Hmm?" Hanataro answered neatly putting away his supplies.
"Does everyone… does everyone really think I'm dating Kisuke?" Ichigo asked staring at the wall cheeks lightly flushed.
Hanataro blushed. "Well… I have been hearing some rumors…"
Ichigo rubbed his hand across his face tiredly. "If that's not bad enough now my friends all think I have the hots for Hisagi."
"Hisagi?" Hanataro stopped dead.
"We were talking about Ikkaku and Yumichika. Then Orihime said something about Hisagi being in love with Yumichika. Then I said between the two Yumichika would pick Hisagi because he's prettier than Ikkaku." Ichigo grumbled as he explained.
"Yumichika is known for his love of beautiful things…" Hanataro agreed. "I just hope Acting Captain Izura doesn't hear about it."
"Kira? Why?" Ichigo asked. "Don't tell me, they're together right?"
"Miss Matsumoto was on the division for a week when she 'got too friendly' with Hisagi." Hanataro told him in all seriousness.
"Shit." Ichigo muttered. "Kira is one soul reaper I don't want to cross."
Hanataro nodded in agreement.
"Do me a favor and stick around." Ichigo said clamoring to his feet. "I got a feeling I might be seeing a lot of this place."
Squad 5
"I can't believe he volunteered to fight with Zaraki." Rukia kept staring off toward the squad 11 training area.
"Alright peoples enough socializing." Kari said shooing them off. "The troopers aren't going to train themselves."
"Since Ikkaku is already here we might as well make use of him." Yumichika said smirking.
"The men have been sorely unmotivated." Uryu murmured sparing them a glance.
"Hey!" Ikkaku protested as the petite Captain proceeded to push him over to said troopers and thrust the regime outline into his capable hands.
"Jump on it!" Kari smirked pointing at the miserable and now apprehensive troops.
"Fine." Ikkaku gritted his teeth and started barking orders at the "troopers."
"Now that that's taken care of…" Kari said dusting of her hands. "Let's start working on flash release."
"Captain Soi Fon will not be pleased." Uryu said with a grin.
"Who said anything about pleasing her?" Kari said with a carefree wave. "Squad 2 dabbles at using flash release that's why she wears a different uniform. They haven't figured out how to use flash release without blowing away half their uniform."
"We'll just have to master it then. Or the Quincy will murder us in our sleep." Yumichika added thoroughly amused.
Division 3
"Say again?" Kira said with deceptive calm.
"Ichigo has a thing for Hisagi… thinks he's pretty." Renji shrugged. "That's what Rukia tells me leastwise."
Kira made a noncommittal noise. "If you'll excuse me Renji, I have some things to attend to."
"Yeah, sure. See ya." Renji said slipping out the window.
Kira concentrated his senses and located the substitute soul reaper. A few quick flash steps later and he was standing a few paces in front of the startled youth.
"Shit." Ichigo said when Kira appeared in front of him. "I don't know what you heard but it's all lies."
Kira pulled his Zanpakuto free. "Raise your head, Wabisuke."
"Damn it all!" Ichigo cursed grabbing Zangetsu. "Can't we talk about this?"
"No." Kira answered swinging his blade.
Squad 4 recovery room
"So you told him you were dating Kisuke Urahara?" Hanataro asked wrapping his arm.
"I had to." Ichigo muttered running a hand through his hair. "That damn Wabisuke made Zangetsu so heavy I couldn't lift it then he started in on me. I think working with that bastard Ichimaru all those years rubbed off on him."
"You know Urahara's going to hear about this." Hanataro told him taping the pieces together.
"I know." Ichigo groan burying his head in his hands. "That damn grabby pervert will be all over me when I get home."
Hanataro did not envy Ichigo at the moment. Getting into back to back fights with Zaraki and Izura. Days like this made him glad to be a part of squad 4.
Squad 5
"You want to stay here for the rest of our lock down?" Captain Tsunami asked him skeptically.
"Yeah." Ichigo said rubbing the back of his head nervously.
"Okay." Captain Tsunami shrugged walking off.
Ichigo breathed a sigh of relief thankful that he wouldn't have to see Zaraki, Kira, and most of all Kisuke.
"Hey Ichigo!" Renji called landing next to the disgruntled teen.
"Oh, hey Renji." Ichigo greeted him half-heartedly.
"What's wrong with you?" Renji frowned at him.
"It's been a long week." Ichigo answered.
"Che. I know what'll make ya feel better." Renji slapped him on the shoulder. "Bankai training."
Ichigo grinned at that. "Let's do it!"
Last day of lock down
"You know those guys are really looking good now." Ichigo commented to Renji.
"Yeah. They were beyond sorry before this lock down." Renji said agreeing.
"I actually like the new uniforms too." Ichigo observed. "They're not nearly as baggy as the ones we got to wear."
"Yeah, they're a lot easier to maneuver in and having white uniforms with the squad number in red makes it real hard to confuse them." Renji added as they continued to admire his boyfriends' work.
"I like that they all have the squad sigil on the left shoulder. Usually, you only see it on the Lieutenant badges and that just makes it confusing." Ichigo added.
"You know the Captain's hoari kind of looks like that black thing you wear in bankai form." Renji observed.
"Except for being red." Ichigo agreed. "I wonder if Uryu embroidered the squad number on the back himself or if he had someone else do it."
"I handled all the seated officers myself and had a sewing circle I'm familiar with handle the rest." Uryu said appearing behind them.
Ichigo and Renji jumped like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
"Hey, why is your uniform is so different?" Ichigo asked frowning.
"As a Quincy it is only fitting that I retain my traditional battle regalia with a few minor modifications." Uryu explained since he was essentially wearing the same battle outfit only now the horizontal stripes were red, there was a red squad sigil and a blue Quincy cross on the left shoulder, and the squad number was embroidered on the back of his cape.
"Hey Ichigo." Rukia yelled to get his attention. "Captain Zaraki is headed this way."
"Shit!" Ichigo flash stepped away as quickly as he could.
"I better get back before Captain gets to missing me." Renji wrapped Uryu in a hug.
"You best hurry." Uryu said teasingly. "The Wrath of Kuchiki is no laughing matter."
Renji stole a kiss before flash stepping back to his division.
"Uryu you should really keep the PDA to a minimum around poor Yumichika." Kari said grinning. "You'll incite him into a jealous rage."
"Hardly." Yumichika rolled his eyes. "You'd have to do a lot more than that."
"So boys, what say we celebrate the end of retraining?" Kari said gleefully.
"Sake!" Yumichika smirked.
Living World
Ichigo snuck into his room grateful for the converter bracelet since he didn't have to leave his body with Urahara. "What a nightmare." Ichigo muttered falling onto his bed with a sigh. The last two months had been hectic. Training with Renji, dodging Kenpachi and Kira, and not to mention that awkward conversation with Hisagi. Ichigo heaved a sigh feeling put upon.
"Something the matter I-chi-go?"
Ichigo sat up so fast his head was literally spinning. There sitting in his window was Kisuke Urahara.
"Shit." Ichigo groaned falling back down.
"Tsk. Tsk. Ichigo." Was Kisuke's reply which sounded a lot closer than before.
Opening his eyes wearily he nearly yelped when he realized he was almost nose to nose with the man. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Now Ichigo." Kisuke purred. "That's no way to greet your lover."
Ichigo's eyes widened like saucers and he tried to stutter out a denial. Kisuke grinned wickedly before descending to claim his welcome home kiss.
At the bar
"Uryu, you could be a fashion mogul." Kari told him sipping at her sake.
"You've certainly got the talent." Yumichika added smoothing out his uniform.
"I can work on it between missions or on missions depending on who assigns them." Uryu said dryly.
"Let's toast and wish for better missions!" Orihime suggested confusing traditions.
"Okay!" Rukia chirped already three sheets to the wind.
"Should we have stopped her?" Yumichika asks after the toast.
"Probably." Kari sighed opening a new bottle.
"We'll just keep an eye on her." Uryu waved away their concern.
"Works for me." Yumichika said savoring his sake.
"Heads up." Kari nodded indicating Ikkaku was there.
"What strategy should we use today?" Uryu muttered cupping his chin.
"Uryu why doesn't your boyfriend ever sit with you when we drink?" Rukia asked him suddenly curious.
"Yeah, how come?" Orihime asked because it was a good question.
"I didn't even see him." Kari scanned the bar. "He's not even here!"
"Our relationship only became public knowledge before the lock down. There was hardly time for socializing." Uryu explained unperturbed.
"He should make time!" Rukia exclaimed whipping out her trusty sketchbook to show them all pictures of two bunnies surrounded by hearts and sparkles presumably on some kind of date the detail were a little fuzzy, literally. "And Hanataro always takes time to check on me!" She finished her rant.
"Hanataro?" Orihime said confused. "I thought we were talking about Renji?"
"What about Renji?" Renji said dragging a chair over.
"Oh, hi Renji!" Orihime beamed at him. "Did you know that Hanataro is making time with Rukia?"
Everyone at the table choked and spewed sake everywhere. Yumichika banged on Rukia's back in an effort to quiet her choking.
"What?" Renji gaped at her.
"That's what Rukia said." Orihime replied innocently.
Kari coughed. "What Orihime was trying to say is that Hanataro always makes time FOR Rukia."
"Oh… uh… that's nice…" Renji said feeling less perturbed.
"That's so cute!" Orihime squealed suddenly.
The others exchanged 'huh?' looks.
"Look Rukia, Renji is spending time with Uryu just like you said he should!" Orihime said.
Yumichika and Kari blinked slowly before shaking their heads. Renji gave Uryu a questioning look. Uryu lifted his shoulders as if to say 'I can only imagine'.
"So," Uryu cleared his throat. "what's our plan?"
"You could get mad and make him jealous, but I don't think your boyfriend would like that very much." Kari said taking the red head into account.
"Hmm…" They all turned their eyes toward the unsuspecting bald man.
Five hours … and many … many bottles of sake later
"I've got it!" Rukia exclaimed. "Hisagi is in love with Yumichika. They could date to make him jealous."
"If you want Kira to kill Yumichika." Ichigo snorted stealing Renji's sake and downing it.
"I heard you spent a few days in squad 4." Chad said joining the group.
"Few days my ass!" Ichigo scowled. "Between Kenpachi and Kira, I spent three weeks in squad 4. Hanataro sewed me up twice in the same week."
"Hey, Ichigo did you know-" Orihime began only to be interrupted.
"Rukia's dating Hanataro." Renji, Uryu, Yumichika, and Kari all said at the same time.
Ichigo looked at them like they were crazy. Kari hid a smile by taking a drink of sake. And that is when inspiration hit.
"Ichigo is the answer." Kari said sitting down her glass.
"Me?" "Him?" They chorused.
Yumichika seemed to be the first to get a handle on her dastardly plan because he sent Ichigo a smile that gave him the chills.
"Urahara." Uryu said when everything clicked into place.
Rukia choked on her sake as it dawned on her.
"You're going to involve Urahara in this?" Renji asked thinking that maybe they were going a tad too far.
"Involve Urahara in what?" Kenpachi asked seeming to pop out of nowhere.
"How does he do that?" Kari hissed enviously at Yumichika.
"I don't know. They don't tell me these things." Yumichika replied sounding just as disgruntled.
"Ninja bastard." They muttered glowering at the squad 11 captain.
Oblivious to this Kenpachi listen as Orihime tried to explain the plan. "So now Urahara is going to help Yumichika convince Hanataro to date Rukia."
"…" Everyone was silent for several minutes.
"No, no, no!" Rukia ranted. "That's all wrong! I'm already dating Hanataro, we're trying to get Ichigo to date Urahara for Renji."
"What?" Renji choked out. "That makes no sense! We were talking about Yumichika."
"What they're trying to say is that they want me to get Urahara to get Ikkaku to date Yumichika." Ichigo explained being the least inebriated.
"Ichigo is so smart!" Kari beamed at him. "Here!"
Ichigo blinked at the cookie that had been thrust under his nose.
"Why does he get a cookie?" Yumichika whined.
"Because… um…" Kari tapped her finger against her chin trying to remember. "Here."
Yumichika clapped his hands together and cheered when his captain whipped out another cookie. Kenpachi watched with one raised brow as the former squad 11 member proceeded to rub the cookie against his cheek cooing like an idiot.
"This is a good cookie!" Ichigo said with his mouth full.
Kari clapped her hand together and looked at him with sparkles in her eyes. "You really think so, Ichi-chan?"
"Yeah, is good!" Ichigo said cramming the rest of the cookie in his mouth.
Kenpachi turned his gaze to the table and began tallying the empty bottles. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.