Thank you all for being patient with me to get this to you. I had it all done and we lost power twice today due to a snow storm that is upon us. I don't own these characters but I do own a brand new laptop. The songs for this chapter are "Cry For You" by September, "I Lie Awake" by Quietdrive, "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback, "This is Home" by Switchfoot, "I Drove All Night" and "Taking Chances" by Celine Dion and "I'd Come For You" by Nickelback. I hope you all enjoy this.
BPOV/OCOTBER 30TH
The night Angela left me was the worst night in my life. I saw her leave and crumpled into a heap on the floor and sobbed. I was so wrong to assume it was a joke but in my heart I still felt betrayed. I knew that I had to figure out what I was going to do. I knew I loved Edward but I was not sure how he would take my non history of sex. I was afraid that he would not understand that I really didn't see myself clearly. In the kitchen I was in my element and I was beautiful in my eyes. In the rest of the world I felt like the ugly duckling sister with coke bottle glasses and buck teeth.
I knew about the expo months ago but never thought to go. Obviously my mind took me to Seattle to deal with everything. My heart and mind are in a constant battle with each other. They are in a world of right and wrong with each other. I finally had the fucking balls to listen to all the messages everyone had left me. At first they were full of worry that led to anger then to sorrow. Alice wanted me to come home so we could talk everything out and I could hear her soft sobs when she left them. Jasper said Alice was a wreck without me there. He wanted me to come home and calm her cause all the sex in the world was not helping. I choked on my lunch when I heard that. Rosalie wanted me to come home to feed Emmett. She said he was missing my great cookies but then admitted she was craving my truffles. Esme left a message for me full of love and courage. She told me to take my time and to come back home to all of them. There were messages from my parents and Mr. Xavier. They both told me to listen to my heart and take my time.
The one that surprised me the most was from Carlisle. He was quiet around me and made small talk with me most of the time. He said the Edward was empty without me and spent hours looking at all the pictures he had of me. He said that I needed to pull my head out of my ass and listen to what my heart was telling me. He said that he has never seen Edward or the rest of his family more alive since we came into their family. He understood why I was so upset at everything that happened that wonderful but upsetting night. He said to come home soon because they were all lost without me.
The one person I hoped that would call never did. Deep down I knew he was in pain as that is what I was told. I was in pain too. The first few nights sleep was hard to come by as he was on my mind. I cried painful tears and hoped that I had not screwed this up. He didn't know my history with boys growing up. I am sure Angela had clued them in to what I had told her. She said she blew up and probably pissed Alice off let alone a few Cullen's. I was glad it was all out though.
Growing up my mom would tell me that someday the perfect somebody would enter my life. Even at the young age of 5 we would talk about my prince charming. We had an open relationship till the day she died. She even brought my dad into it when the subject of sex came up. It was not weird to talk to them about taboo subjects most parents skidded around. I missed those talks even though they made me who I am today. I knew that Edward was my somebody, my prince charming waiting to sweep me off my feet.
I spent most of my time on the internet checking in with our website and orders. I felt so bad leaving Angela and Ben in a lurch. I talked to her several times a day and she always told me this was worth it than have me falling apart at home. She told me I needed this time to figure out my issues. I told her about the expo and how I found us some new vendors for supplies. They were both happy to hear that. I told her to pass the news to Alice that some dress vendors had heard about us and wanted to use us to get their clothes out. If they were used they would give them a discount but a bigger discount to us. Some of the dresses I saw were one of a kind and drop dead gorgeous.
I had a lot of spare time on my hands between talking to vendors and taking the classes they offered. I could have spent days looking through each of the stalls but the one that caught my eye was a small shop that offered special fabrics, yarns and such. I fell in love with what they had that I picked out enough yarn to make everyone scarves and hats for Christmas. I also fell in love with this fabric they had on a rack. I caught my eye the first day I saw it. It was paired with another fabric that it looked like waves in the ocean. I bought enough to make some quilts for the new addition that was coming.
Other than the little shop that I had fallen in love with I found this company that made decorations for all occasions. I took control and did what I wanted for once. I ordered what I liked in the colors I liked. It was liberating not having Alice there to make me change my mind to see things her way. When I saw the candy theme I knew it was perfect for a theme. I picked out huge candy canes, gingerbread men, suckers, wrapped candy and lots of white lights to put on everything else. I wanted us to stand out for this holiday from now on. I even had a picture in my mind of the gingerbread house I wanted to make for the bay window. It all came together and I put a rush on the order. It was going to be spendy but it all could be re-used. I felt like I had walked the fucking moon that day.
I spent my nights watching re-runs of House and crocheting. Making the quilt for the baby would have to wait till I got home to my sewing machine. I went back to that vendor several times and bought enough fabric to make a tree skirt, table cloth, and stockings for all of us. I knew that I was going home and everything would be ok. It wasn't till I re-read the letter Edward sent to me that I had a huge fucking euphony. The birthday party for me and everything else he did was because he loved me. I hoped that when I went home Edward would welcome me with those strong arms of his. The kiss we shared that night before everything went to shit was still emblazed on my brain. I still remembered how his lips felt on mine and how he tasted. I knew I had to go home and fix all of this. I had to pour my heart out to him and hoped that all would be forgiven. I also hoped that I had not fucked up the friendship between Alice and I.
As I packed my bags I heard my cell phone ring out "The Candy Man" as it scooted across the couch. Alice must have put that in as a joke. It made me laugh and I stopped dead in my tracks when that happened. It was the first time in weeks I had laughed.
I picked up my phone and flipped it open. I heard a whisper of hope come out my lips when I read it.
Bella…I wanted to race after you and make you come back home to me. I would have come after you if you had asked me too but you need to come back on your own. I love you with all my heart and I am not whole without you here. I love you, Edward.
He still loved me and I knew he would be there when I got home. I just hoped it would be with open arms willing to take me back in.
I checked out of the hotel and had my car brought to me. When I started it I sent Angela a text that was coming home. She was elated just like I thought she would be. She said the decorations were fucking awesome and the cookies were ready for us to decorate. I was an hour of Seattle when she sent me another text saying that Ben and her were the only ones there. I wanted to know the story behind it all so I called her.
"Hi Ang!! I want to thank you and Ben for all your hard work. I know I fucked up your trip and I am sorry I did not apologize to you when you came to see me. Please tell me the truth is no one there because they don't want to see me? Did I fuck this up so bad that I can't repair it?"
I really wanted to hear the truth. I wanted to know that when I arrived home that my family would be there for me so I could explain why I did what I did.
"Bella it is all ok. I know you will make it up to us. You always take care of us. No one is here because they are all at the Cullen's carving pumpkins. Emmett got the brilliant idea to carve some special ones for the front porch for us. They all went over to make sure he did not cut an appendage off. Esme decided to have everyone over for the night. As for fucking this up you didn't. I told them what you told me and now they understand. Everyone is looking forward to you coming home but they want to give you your space for tonight. Believe me you are not the only one that did a lot of thinking while you were gone. Just come home safe to us ok?"
I told her I was on my way and that I should be there right around lunch time. She said lunch would be ready for me as all the damn cookies. I had to laugh at that but I knew she was right. I made sure that there were enough for each trick-or-treater to get 3 and enough for us to enjoy.
I found one of my favorite CDs and put it in the player. Some people do not like Celine Dion but I loved her music. I loved to read about her history and how close her family was. Her music meant a lot to me as I had listened to a lot of it during hard times. The songs filtered through my car and I started singing a long. I don't know if I had a good voice or not. Alice and I had a serious obsession with karaoke. I nearly crashed into the car in front of me when the song came on. I was so into the lyrics that I did not see the car stop in front of me. Thank goodness for both of us I did. As I sat there I replayed the song as the train went buy.
"Don't know much about your life
Don't know much about your world but
Don't want to be alone tonight
On this planet they call earth
You don't know about my past and
I don't have the future figured out
And maybe this is going to fast
And maybe it's not meant to last,
But what do you say at taking chances
What do you say to jumping off the edge
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold
Or hell to pay
What do you say
What do you say
I just wanna start again
Maybe you could show me how to try
Maybe you could take me in
Somewhere underneath your skin
But what do you say at taking chances
What do you say to jumping off the edge
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold
Or hell to pay
And I've had my heart beaten down
But I always come back for more, yeah
There's nothing like love to pull you up
When your lying down on the floor there,
So talk to me, talk to me like lovers do
Yeah walk with me, walk with me like lovers do
Like lovers do
But what do you say at taking chances
What do you say to jumping off the edge
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold
Or hell to pay
What do you say
What do you say
Don't know much about your life
Don't know much about your world"
I knew a little about his past finally. All the pain he had gone through must have been heart wrenching. I hoped that one day he would tell me the whole story. I hoped it would be soon. I knew about his world well sort of. I knew his family loved him more than anything. I hoped I would be given the chance to love him back.
I was not sure if he knew about my past as I was cryptic in what I said on the internet. That was pretty much blown out of the damn water when Angela told them what I had been through. All she said was Alice sobbed and kept saying she never knew.
I was not sure of a damn thing for my future. I was sure of one thing I was not going to let Edward go. During my huge turn the fucking light bulb on moment I realized all the chats we had it was all there. He gave me information and I was to into my business to see it. I am pretty sure he figured it all out or no one else would have known it.
I wanted to take chances with Edward. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to hear him play for me as I wanted to play my guitar for him. I wanted him on my lips again and hopefully in my bed. I had always been scared of making love for the first time but after the way I felt that night I am sure it would be worth it with him. I was not even sure if he was a virgin like I was. All I wanted to know was I wanted to taste and feel everything about him.
The hours went by as the music played. I crossed the bridge from Vancouver to Portland. The butterflies came back as I approached the house. I pulled into the garage and parked. Ben must have seen me pull in as they both came to greet me. The both pulled me into a group hug and I was never happier to see them. I left my bags in my car as they were safe there. They both held on to me as we walked to the kitchen.
I walked in and there were piles upon piles of sugar cookies. I just shook my head as to how many there were. I put on my chef's coat and got to making icing. I wanted the cookies to stand out so I made every color I could think of. The three of us got to work and started icing. I don't know what relaxes me more icing cookies or cake. There was always something about icing that calmed me down.
It took us forever to coat eat cookie. As each one dried we put on the details. Several hundred cookies later and we were done. I noticed it was getting dark but the outside was not totally enveloped in it yet. This was my favorite time of night. When the sky was not completely dark and the stars were just coming out to twinkle. It was going to be a clear and cold Halloween this year.
"Angela how did the decorating go? I hope Alice did not go over board." I grabbed paper bags out of the pantry so we could start bagging cookies up. I also grabbed a platter for the Cullen house.
"Bella wait till you see the front of the house!! Alice wanted to go further and take it in the back yard but Jasper stopped her. It was too funny seeing him look at her and she nearly melted on the porch. You let me know when you are ready and I will turn things on for you. "She put three more cookies in a bag.
"I am glad to hear that. I can't even imagine how she is going to be for Christmas. I have my own plans for this lovely house. She can decorate the coach house anyway she wants but this is my baby. I hope you will help as this is your home too. You are going to shit green Twinkies when you see what I ordered." I started platting dozens of cookies on the platter. I covered it in plastic wrap to keep safe. I showed Ben and her the list and they loved every detail of it. She came up with some great ideas to decorate the tree too. It was all about the land of sweets for us this year.
"Bella we are honored that you want us to help decorate. With everything you have done for us how are we ever going to repay you?" He got up out of his chair and hugged me.
"Ben you owe me nothing. You are both family and as long as you need the job and the home it is here. I do want to ask one thing though. Do you mind calling the Cullen's house for me?"
They both looked at me. I knew what they were thinking though. I was not ready to face them all at once. I needed to talk to Carlisle and Esme first. She nodded at me and I saw a smile on her face. She hung up the phone and started bagging cookies again.
"Everyone went to dinner. Esme and Carlisle stayed behind to enjoy the quiet. They are waiting for you with open arms." She handed me the platter and pushed me out the door. She told me not to worry all the cookies would be bagged when I got back.
I walked to the garage and back into my car. I had no idea what I was going to say to them. I was so cruel to them that night. They had done so much for me and I hoped they would understand everything that was going through my head. I pulled into the driveway and noticed the beautiful decorations. Orange and yellow lights were on the spiral trees and a fall wreath on each of the front doors.
I parked and got out of my car. I grabbed the platter of cookies and went to knock on the door. I was shocked when they both answered the door. Esme grabbed the platter of cookies out of my hand and set them on the table. They both pulled me into a hug and held me.
"Welcome home Bella we missed you." I had missed them more than they could ever imagine.
Carlisle took the cookies as Esme wrapped her arm around my waist. The both lead me into the kitchen. I had to stifle the laughter that wanted out of my mouth when I saw all the pumpkins. There had to be 20 of them. What the hell were they thinking we needed all of these? There were intricately carves ones with witches, ghosts and faces. Others looked like typical pumpkin faces. I noticed there were a few not carved still sitting on the table. Carlisle brought us all a cup of tea and I noticed he had already gotten into the cookies. He was an adult with a childlike heart.
"I don't know where to start other than to apologize for what happened. I didn't….." Esme put her hand on mine and stopped me.
"Bella you have nothing to apologize for. Edward should have told you how he felt but he wanted it to be romantic and memorable for you. When Angela came back and told us why you did what you did our hearts broke again for you. Bella whether it is with Edward or not we want you to be happy in what ever you do. That is all we want for you. I just hope that it is Edward because you brought him back to life again."
The tears were forming in my eyes. There were so wonderful to me even after I caused so much trouble that night. I was so mixed up that night but now I know what I wanted for my life. We sat there and talked about what was had been going through my mind. What work I had done and they kept telling me they missed me. It was getting late and I still had to see the decorations that they all had done.
"I promise by tomorrow night everything will be settled. I know what I want now and thank you for not hating me. I know your life has never been the same since Alice and I wafted into it." They laughed with me on that.
"Bella we love you like our own never forget that. You and Alice added something special to our family and we thank you for it." Esme held my hand again. She was so gentle and kind in her meaner.
"With you both around we will have the best parties and be the best fed around." Carlisle chuckled at that and we both joined him.
"You can count on us for that always. I don't know what they are going to do with all the pumpkins but can I take some back with me?"
They both looked at me and I saw a twinkle in their eyes. Maybe they knew what I had in mind. Carlisle took the pumpkins to my car and Esme walked me out. She told me they would see me tomorrow night as Alice wanted them all to hand out whatever I had planned for the trick-or-treaters.
"I hope Alice was not too crazy in picking out everyone's costumes."
"Bella, What ever Angela said to her resonated in her mind because she has been different since this all happened. She let us all help pick out the decorations and our costumes. She loves you even if it is in her own freaky way." She hugged me and I waved to them as I got into my car. I pulled out of the driveway and headed home as I had some work to get done.
I parked my car in the garage and put one pumpkin on the steps for me and took one over to the lovebirds in the main house. Angela squealed when she said she hoped I would bring one back for them to carve. Ben just rolled his eyes as he went to get the kitchen set up. I told her I would see the decorations tomorrow night as I had work to do. She wanted to know but said she was sure she would find out tomorrow night along with the rest of them.
She showed me the baskets of bagged cookies already for tomorrow night. I thank them again and walked over to the coach house. I picked up the pumpkin and took it upstairs. As I set it down I noticed the rooms around me. For the first time this was home to me. I had missed my home while I was gone. I set the pumpkin down on the table and walked into the kitchen.
I groaned when I saw the garbage full of take out. I made a mental note to give Alice some cooking lessons when we both had time. I grabbed a bowl, spoon and knife. I set them on the table and went to go make a sandwich for myself. I was not sure what to carve but I had an idea.
I sat and enjoyed my sandwich as I thought. I threw my napkin in the garbage and started cutting the top off the pumpkin off. I scooped out all the goop and put it in the bowl. I would go through it later for the seeds. I made sure I had nice clean walls as it would make carving easier.
I slowly outlined the letters that I wanted and started carving. I wanted to make sure it was big enough for it to be seen from the main house. At the last cut I sliced my finger. I noticed the drop of blood fall on the table and kept it together. I went to the sink and washed it carefully. I got a bandage out of the first aid kit. Alice made sure we had one everywhere it was needed.
I sorted out the seeds and set them to bake in the oven. The rest of the goop went into the bin for recycling. I washed all the dishes and headed up for a long hot shower. The water felt so wonderful pelting my back. The thoughts that were going through my head at that moment nearly swept me off my feet. I got out looking like a prune. I got into my pajamas and went to check on the pumpkin seeds. I noticed they were done and took them out to cool.
I was going to see what was on TV when the phone rang. Who the hell would call this late at night? I picked up the phone and heard a voice I was not expecting.
"Bella I am sorry to call so late but Alice told me to call you when I talked to her earlier. I want you to come into the store and pick out a costume. You can come in tomorrow and pick out something special. I ordered some special things this time."
"Thank you Kellie. I am surprised Alice did not pick anything out for me."
"No she said it was your choice and that she wanted you happy in whatever you chose."
"Thank you again and I will see you tomorrow!" I hung up the phone.
I was shocked that Alice had not picked something out for me to wear. I always loved well most of the time loved what she picked out. Her taste was not mine and I could careless who the fuck the designer was. I guess what I told Angela in the hotel that night came back to Alice as this never happened. I never wanted to hurt her I just wanted some control back.
I made sure the door was locked and the alarm set. I turned off the lights and headed up for bed. I nearly fell to my knees when I saw the flowers sitting on my desk. A small arrangement of blue roses was sitting there waiting for me. I bent down and smelled them. They were heavenly in their scent. I noticed the card nestled into the petals of one of the beauties
Bella
I will wait forever.
E.
I saw a tear fall on the desk and thought how much he loved me. I saw something that was not there before. All the pictures that were taken that night were in silver frames for me. Alice must have done this after I left. I slowly brushed my fingers over each one of them remember the night we had. A night full of wonderful things that ended with me leaving in pain and confusion. I noticed the last picture was of Edward and I. I don't remember a picture being taken but there we were. I was in my dress with my mask and he in his. We both were starring at each other as he held me. We must have been dancing because there were people around us but they were blurred. I ran my finger down the side of his face in the picture remembering the kiss we shared that night.
I put the picture down and got ready for bed. I laid there and sat there thinking. I took off my dress that night but did not know where it went. I got up and went to my closet and noticed it cleaned and ready to wear. It had to have been Alice. My dear friend Alice that made sure I was taken care of. In her own crazy way she took care of me. I crawled back into bed and turned on my iPod. Sleep over took my tired and crazed mind.