As always you blow me away with the reviews you give me. I hope you enjoy what is coming up for Sugar and Spice. The sequel will be called "Bitter and Sweet" but if anyone thinks of something different that fits it please let me know. I have had a hard time figuring out a new title for the sequel. I don't own the characters but I do love them. The song for this chapter is "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback. Enjoy!
BPOV/NOVEMBER 31st
I was up at the asscrack of dawn for some damn reason. I couldn't sleep after the euphoria of last night. Edward had done the most romantic thing I could have ever thought of. He made sure we spent time together and he made sure I had a smile on my face which in turn made him smile. My heart sank when he brought up why I came back but I knew it was going to be brought up sooner or later. I loved him even more after he understood what it was like for me. He knew that I needed time to figure everything out in my head. Like Alice said it had been one huge clusterfuck and it was my daemons that we all had to deal with.
I spent all night remembering the feeling of his lips on mine. The way he smelled and looked made me want to lick him. I knew that we were heading for a sexual relationship as that is what happened when one person loved another. I wanted it to be special and romantic and the night of my life. He made me almost explode when he touched me clothed and I am sure I would turn to ashes when I was naked.
I finally got up the balls to look at the books Alice left me. If I was going to head into a sexual relationship with Edward I wanted to make sure that we could keep the fires burning if you know what I mean. I wanted Edward to lust after me as I did him. I was embarrassed when I started reading about positions and the tutorials on how to do things correctly. I didn't want to seem like I was going at it blind. I wanted to make sure that sex between us was more than that. I wanted it to curl my toes and for our souls to become one. Corny as that sounds it is what I hoped for. The thought of the pain and possible blood scared me and I hoped I would be one of the lucky ones that their first time would be enjoyable and not painful. I closed the books with a blush on my face and started wrapping gifts.
I bought Alice that charm bracelet but I also found some beautiful lingerie for her too. I also found some lotions that I hoped she would enjoy with Jasper. I was fine with their relationship as I was used to it. I just hoped that she didn't think it was weird what I bought her. I also found a designer that she had been in love with since high school willing to do a one of a kind dress for her. Little did she know that it would be a wedding dress and the dress of her dreams. After Jasper told me his intentions I knew it would be perfect for her.
This Christmas was going to be special and over the top. We never really did over the top but this year was special. Business was going so well that the money was coming in faster than we knew what to do with it. Mom and dad told us about some investments they were checking into. Little did we know it was with Cullen Construction? We didn't second guess and invested right away. The rest we put into the bank to enjoy and make our business grow even further.
Alice and I always had our own special Christmas together. We made snacks, drinks and watched movies and then opened presents. It was our time together with the entire holiday bustle going on around us. We always found the perfect gifts for each other but it was also a rule to include joke gifts too. I was still looking for Alice's but I had some ideas in mind.
I turned up the music and put on my apron especially done for this holiday. I finished up the special touches on the gingerbread house for the Cullen's earlier and put it down stairs. When I had made the plans for the one for the front window it grew out of proportions. Ben, Angela and I had a ball putting it together this morning.
We were all dancing around when Alice came in. I don't know how long she had been standing there but I finally noticed the flash go off. I grabbed her and put a pink Santa hat on her. I new she would appreciate it when I saw her smile. We took some more group pictures and she offered to help us. I told her that I appreciated it but we had it covered. Alice told me that Esme said not to bring anything but us. I was actually thrilled that I didn't have to do anything for tonight. She said she was off to do some more wrapping and left us to work. We carefully moved the house to the window and Angela took pictures of it for the business album.
We all went back to the kitchen to finish up some things for the upcoming weeks. They were both feeling bad at leaving me with all the work but I told them to enjoy it. I heard a gasp from the front parlor and I knew she had seen the gingerbread house. She was so giddy about it and kept snapping pictures of it.
Pizza arrived and Ben poured wine for us. We toasted to the business, to friendship and to the future. Alice brought up the topic of their upcoming wedding. A grown came out of Angela's mouth and Ben held her hang trying to sooth her.
It all came out in one slow long screwed up story. Ben's mother was adamant about having the wedding there. Neither of them wanted it there as they wanted it here in Portland. His mom wanted a huge elaborate affair but they wanted simple. From what Ben said after finishing off the last slice of pizza it had caused a lot of problems with them all. Angela said her parents said they were helping her in anyway possible and where ever she wanted it they would be there. I loved her parents they were sweet and caring and loved her more than anything. Ben's mother had been remarried so many times that we all thought she just loved planning an elaborate wedding.
I hated seeing my friends in pain over something that should bring them joy. I told them it would all work out and we would both be there when they needed us. Angela took the plates out to the kitchen and came back to have another glass of wine. She had made brownies for us and they were heaven.
Alice was bouncing in her seat as I knew it was present time. She grabbed her camera and we all sat around the tree. The trip we had gotten for them was the main present but Alice got them some new clothes and a few other things there were going to need. I got them new supplies that I knew they were going to need to help further their talents along.
Ben and Angela said Alice was go first to open. Alice had this thing around other people she took her time and savored every wrapped box. Unlike with me when she was a demon tearing into the wrapping. They handed her a box wrapped in pink paper. She carefully unwrapped it like she always did and then went silent.
She held up the most beautiful glass ornament. Angela had told me she found it in a small shop when we were in Oklahoma. She had it made for Alice and Jasper for their first Christmas together. They also got her a special out of date book about fashion through the years. Ben was a genius at finding special things. She had tears in her eyes as she hugged them, and thanked them for the thoughtful presents.
They handed me a package wrapped in blue. I really didn't need anything but they both said when they found out about it that it was meant for me. I quickly unwrapped the box and pulled out a scrolled up piece of paper. I unrolled it and was dumb founded when I read it. It said that I was going to have special classes with some of the best chefs in the world. She said that Chef Clay mentioned it to them during the dinner part we did for Esme and Carlisle's anniversary. I teared up as some of these chefs were my idols. I hugged them as Alice hugged them and then told them it was their time to open presents.
They both loved the new supplies. Ben mentioned something about being upstaged again but Angela said he was her only love next to her air gun. They love the new clothes Alice had gotten them too but wondered why there were for summer time. Little did they know what was coming up next? I handed them the last package and they were speechless at us sending them to Hawaii. We told them to use it as a honeymoon or just a get away. They both had tears in their eyes as they thanked us. We spent so much time crying and enjoying conversation that it was getting time to go to the Cullen's.
I noticed that Ben and Angela were not coming with us. When I mentioned it they said that they still had to pack and with them leaving early in the morning they needed the time. I felt so bad for taking all their time from them but they assured me it was the highlight of the Christmas season so far. I kissed them both and said I would see them in the morning when I took them to the airport. Our first Christmas together as true friends and they were not going to be here to celebrate with us. I was going to miss them more than they knew.
Ben helped me put the gingerbread house in the van as it would not fit in my car or Alice's. I thought Alice would have thrown a fit but she said it was a smart move considering how beautiful it turned out. She went upstairs to change as she was always making sure she looked her best. I needed to get of my clothes as I had frosting all over me.
I waved to Ben and Angela as I headed to go changed. I heard Alice humming some jingle as I went into my room. I hopped into the shower and got dressed into a sweater and jeans. I put on my black boots as it was snowing out once again. I left my hair down and lose as Edward loved it that way. I knew Alice was not ready yet so I got online. I noticed a website in one of the books Alice left me and I got curious. I must have been in a world of my own cause the next thing I knew Alice was smirking at me while looking over my shoulder.
"Handcuffs Bella? The furry ones are more comfortable." She pointed to the screen.
I blushed from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. I was caught with my hand in the proverbial sex cookie jar and was afraid to admit I was curious.
"Well….I…..was….curious. Damn it those books got me thinking and wondering and wishing and hoping and shit. I wouldn't ever try….shit…..damn it Alice!!"
We both started howling and she made me admit that I wanted to do every naughty, wonderful, sexy, beautiful, eye-popping, lights flashing, mind-blowing thing with Edward.
"I know you are waiting for New Years but do you have a plan? You do realize that just being together will be enough for him. He loves and wants you just as you love and want him." For once Alice was asking me what I wanted and I loved her for it.
"I know the party but after that I don't know. We both know they all have condos there and I thought I would see if I could get into one earlier to prepare a few things. I want to surprise him and make it a night we will both remember. I want to ask Esme about it tonight. Shit if we don't get going we are going to be late and I won't get to talk to her."
Alice just looked at me with love in her eyes. After everything that happened we were at a place that we could both speak our minds and let the other know how we were feeling. I wish it had happened a lot earlier but then maybe we would not have what we have now.
I went down to the van and started it. Alice locked and set the alarm and came down to join me. Snow was falling softly and the lights in the yard looked like jewels under the mounds of snow. We drove carefully and reached the familiar driveway and pulled in. I saw Jasper waiting out front for us and Alice said that she called him while I was in the shower to tell him we would need help. She said she didn't tell him why other than we needed his muscles. I saw her lick her lip at that thought and we both laughed.
I carefully parked and we both got out. I opened the back and we three got the huge box out. Some how I closed the door with my leg and we headed in to the house. Their house was in its entire splendor for the holiday. The staircase was festooned with bows and Cedar making the foyer smell heavenly. I noticed a tabled cleared off for us. Alice must have informed Jasper that we needed it. I could hear laughter in the kitchen and music wafting from the music room. I shooed Jasper out and Alice helped me get the beautiful house out. It was perfect and made the van trip with no harm. Alice went to the kitchen but I followed the music. I carefully covered the house with the box we brought that way I could unveil it for everyone.
I could hear laughter again coming from the kitchen but the music was pulling my heart. I walked through the living room and saw the most beautiful of trees. Esme had a talent when it came to this sort of thing. It was adorned in white lights with all sorts of ornaments on it. I could tell they were from trips, from their boys and others were just there because they fit. The thing that made me heart beat fast was the stockings on the mantle. They were all matching with their names on it but there was one for the new additions and one for each of us. I had tears in my eyes when I saw them but I had to touch them. Esme made sure we were part of the family just as I had. We both had the same idea.
I had flashes of two little babies crawling around on the floor, Jasper and Alice's wedding and then a flash of Edward and I in some fancy hotel. I felt two strong arms snake around my waste and shake me out of my dream world. I could feel his hot breath on my neck and it made me shiver.
"Hello beautiful, did I scare you?" He kissed my neck and held tighter to my waist.
"I was going to come find you as I was following the music but I saw these first. It was very thoughtful of your mother to do that for us."
I turned around and he took my breath away. He was wearing a brown sweater with jeans on. His eyes were twinkling in the lights and he had the quirky smile on his face while looking at me. He nodded at me as he traced my name. I saw him take his hand away from the stocking and put it on my cheek. He leaned in and put a soft kiss on my lips while pulling me in tighter.
I put my arms around his neck and played with the hair back there while pressing harder into him. I felt him moan as I tried to enter his mouth with my tongue. He let me in and we became one it was not as mind blowing as sex but pretty damn close. I felt his hands move to my ass and take hold. We were enjoying our moment playing tonsil hockey until we were broken out of it by a few snickers.
"I know you are enjoying molesting Bella but we have to get going." Emmett walked off howling as I blushed.
"Bella it is ok they understand and they are happy for us." He kissed my forehead and we walked hand in hand to the kitchen.
"So Bella how is your ass?" Rosalie smacked Emmett on the back of his head and the glared at him.
"Sorry Edward and Bella." He came over and hugged us both.
"I remember when you and Rosalie got together you were worse than us so remember that brother of mine." Jasper stood up for us and then smiled at me. He knew how I felt about being intimate with Edward.
"So what is this mystery you are keeping from all of us?" Jasper raised his eyebrows at me as I lead them all out to the foyer.
Alice helped me take off the box slowly as I heard gasps coming from behind me. I expected them to be surprised but not this kind of reaction.
"Bella that is beautiful. Thank you so much it was made for that spot! I usually buy a small one and put it together myself but this year I just couldn't get into it now I know why." Esme walked over and hugged me and whispered thank you again in my ear.
Emmett went to grab one of the trees I had made for the front of it and Esme just about took of his hand. We all were rolling in laughter as she chased him around the house yelling at him. They came out of the kitchen both out of breath with Esme holding rolling pin at him.
"You out now with the rest of the boys. Go get the cars ready so we can leave." She shoved everyone out the door and shut the door.
"I love my boys dearly but it is a miracle the house is still standing and I do mean both of them." We all laughed when she pointed at the one around us and the one I had made.
We all walked into the kitchen so we could help gather things for our little outing. I offered to help but she told us all to sit down and let her pamper us for a while. We all sat there watching her grab thermoses and snacks for us.
"Can I ask you all a favor for New Year's Eve? I need some help with a surprise for Edward." I blushed a beet red because I knew this was going to lead to the talk of sex.
"What can we help you with? Just ask and I am sure we can make it happen." Rosalie put her hands on her belly. The babies were active tonight as I could see her stomach moving in waves.
"Well…uh…I…shit…ok that is the night." I left at that and hoped they would get the picture.
"Bella I think we got the picture what can we do to help you out?" Esme came sat down next to me putting her hand on mine.
"I know about the lofts and I was wondering if you could set it up for me the night of the party?" I whooshed that out of my mouth in one breath.
I put my head in my hands and wanted to die from embarrassment. Here I was going to talk to my best friends and my boyfriend's mother about our sex life. I wanted this night to be what I had always wanted. I was never one to wait till marriage but I never expected to be 24 and still a virgin. Esme noticed my blush and came to sit next to me.
"Bella it is ok please don't be embarrassed. I am glad you came to us for help. My son loves you and won't shut up about how he worships the ground your feet walk on. I am going to admit this and if anyone of you ever says anything to the boys I will make sure each one of you lives a personal hell."
The look on Esme's face meant she would do it too. She was a kind hearted person but she was fiercely protective too. I am sure she had more secrets that we didn't know about.
"I love my boys more than my life itself. I always wanted a happy life for them with marriage, a great career and children. When Rosalie came into our lives like the bright beacon she is I was so happy to have another female in the family. I am sure I came on to strong but after living with four boys I was elated that the estrogen level had been raised. Jasper never found his soul mate till he met Alice. Edward had Sarah but you know how that turned out. When you came into his life he learned to open himself to love again. I never expected my boys to stay virginal as I wanted them to be happy. " She giggled as she said that.
"Bella let me do this for Edward. I will make sure it is romantic and a dream come true. Who would have thought I would have such a big part in my son's sex life?!"
I wiped my tears and hers away while all of us laughing. I loved this family more than life itself. I went off into a day dream of Alice and Jasper getting married, Ben and Angela getting married and then went to my face. I was in a beautiful dress with Edward at my side. It was magical and my heart skipped a beat when I hoped that it would come true one day.
I was brought out of my daydream with Rose waving her hand in front of my face.
"Bella you ok? You went off into lala land there for a few seconds. Do you want to hear what we came up with?" She put her hands back on to her belly.
"I am ok just off in dreamland. Sure I want to hear as I came up empty." I sat there looking at all of them and thought how blessed and grateful I was for them in my life.
"Alice said something about you buying something special for that night. Alice can take that and your toiletries with her. We will all meet up and make sure they are there with spare clothes. We thought champagne and strawberries would be a nice touch too. I think either Jasper or Emmett can get some music from him that way he won't suspect a thing. What do you think?"
I told them it sounded perfect and I am glad Alice remembered the lingerie I bought. She said it was one of the prettiest sets she had ever seen. Esme said not to worry that my surprise would be for the both of us and at that I wondered what all the whispering had been about. I let it slide because I knew they would never hurt me unintentionally.
That is one thing I had learned through out this huge clusterfuck I called my life. Everyone loved me and they thought they did the best for me. Little did they know that I wanted to do things my way even if I did fuck it all up.
I heard the boys come back and they were joking with their dad. I loved to hear them all laugh with each other as it made my heart sing. They had a surprise for all of us and I was dying to know what it was. Esme said not to worry that we would all enjoy it. The boys came in with rosy cheeks and red noses.
Emmett joined Rosalie at the breakfast table and pulled her legs into his lap to rub them. Alice had jumped onto Jasper's back for a piggy back ride and Carlisle had walked up to Esme to help her finish the picnic baskets. Edward was no where to be found but I had heard him earlier so it had me wondering where he had gone to.
Esme and Carlisle mentioned it was time to go and everyone disappeared with their basket of supplies. I noticed Emmett didn't take one and found that odd. I slowly walked into the foyer and Edward was standing near the staircase looking at me. He was so damn good looking standing there in all his splendor. He was in black jeans and a blue sweater but damn he could make anything look good.
He walked over to me and put his hands around my waist and kissed my forehead. I put my head in his chest after feeling that wondrous kiss. I was so tired with all the work I had been doing. We all had fun but sleep was trying to over take my body even though it was still early in the evening.
"Are you ready to see your surprise?" He walked over to the coat closet and pulled out two jackets for us.
"I was not sure if you would need one or not but it has gotten cold out and you are going to need it." He held open his coat for me and I smelled him on me. His scent always made me feel calmer, like I could take anything on as long as he was with me in any sense of the way.
He put his own coat on and grabbed the picnic basket up off the floor. He put his hand on the small of my back and led me to the door. He opened it and it was then I realized that we were the only ones left. I still did not know where we were going but I was excited to find out just where we were going. Edward led me around to the garage and that is when I noticed a black car sitting there. It was shiny like a gypsum rock on a beach.
He held the door open for me and went around and put the picnic basket in the back. He came around to the driver's side and climbed in. I buckled my seat belt as he started the car. I never knew that he had a car like this as I always saw him drive with his family. I bit my lip as I wanted to ask him about it but held myself back. We were slowly pulling out of the driveway when I saw him glance at me.
"Bella what is going on in your head? Remember no secrets between us?" He pulled my hand out of my lap and kissed the back of it.
"You always drove with your family so assumed you had no car. How stupid is that?" I blushed at the stupidity pouring out from my lips.
"You are right I always did drive with my family. I never needed a car till now." He put his eyes back on the road.
"You are telling me you just got this because of me? Edward I have a car we could have always taken that." He smiled at me as he saw me slightly upset at him spending money because we were together. This time it was for him but I was still the reason for it.
"Bella, I know that but I know what you are thinking as I didn't spend a dime. This was a thank you gift from the company."
"Edward this is a 2009 Volvo S60 Concept car!! How could this be a gift when it is not even out yet?" My voice was high and slightly upset at the thought of the gift.
"Bella, I did some hard work for the company as the rest of the family. They gave us all gifts but I chose this. I thought you might like riding in my car with me." He grabbed my hand again and started rolling his thumb on the back of it.
"Edward I know you work hard I just didn't think that you got gifts for it. You and your family amaze me now this even puts me into more shock. I love it but it is a little over whelming at times." I grinned at him. My car was a classic and from my dad how could I not love it.
"I know my love but I thought with us together we didn't always need a limo or your car. I wanted to be in control once and awhile." He grinned as a thought passed through his mind. I knew there was something behind that little smirk.
"Ok I give you win this one. Are you going to tell me where we are going?" He nodded his head no at me.
We talked as he drove, just like always it was about our likes and dislikes. There were some things I didn't know about him. He loved movies, great coffee, walking on the beach barefoot and hated dealing with difficult clients. He went on that he loved his work because he was with his family and they kept him on his toes. He found more about my dislikes of gravy, mayo and mustard. He thought it was strange that I could eat a dry sandwich and laughed at me when I mentioned difficult clients. I knew what was in his mind, that day I took my frustration out on the punching bag that day.
"Bella can I ask you why you don't like being spoiled as in gifts and what not?"
"My parents gave me what they could which was not much. They always put me before them and I felt guilty for it. Often mom went out with new shoes or dad would go without a new coat all to give me what they thought I needed. It was one reason why I gave them the airplane trip so they could have some special for themselves. Edward it might be hard for me to be spoiled by you but I love and trust you. As long as you don't go over board I am all for it."
I saw him smile at me when I told him that but he had the look of pain in his eyes too. He knew how hard it was for me to open up but we made a promise no secrets not matter what they were.
We were in our own little world as I didn't notice him pull up next to a park. Every one of the trees was covered in lights of all colors. The snow made them sparkle and shine in the evening that was before us. He got out and helped me out then grabbed the picnic basket. He still would not tell me what we were going to do but I heard a noise coming from behind us.
There was a beautiful horse carriage with a pair of the most beautiful black and brown horses leading it coming towards us. The man got of the seat and climbed down. He shook Edward's hand and then kissed mine. We walked over to the carriage and Edward carefully helped me climb in. He set the basket down at my feet and then climbed in himself. The driver gave him a blanket and he neatly covered us with it. I heard the driver say something to the horses and we started slowly down the lane.
I nestled down into Edward's side. He grabbed my hand underneath the blanket and rubbed circles into it. It was perfect, we were together, the snow was softly falling and I could not love him more for doing this for us. The driver took us around the park to enjoy the sites of what it held. I never knew it existed and I wanted to come back in the spring time when everything was in bloom.
"Do you like your surprise? I felt his breath sweep across my face.
"Edward how could I not love this!? I am with you, it is romantic and I may never get off this thing!" He laughed at me and pulled me into him closer. I could hear him humming something but didn't recognize it.
I don't know how much time had passed but the driver abruptly stopped and got down from his lofty perch.
"Mr. Cullen I hope you have enjoyed your evening." We both nodded at him. Edward needed to talk to him about something so I went to pet the horses. They were beautiful in the moonlight and nuzzled my hand as I swept over their noses. I felt Edwards arms wrap around my waist and hold me tight.
"Are you ready for the next part of your surprise?" I felt him kiss my head as I turned around to face him.
"There is more to this? This night has been perfect and I am going to love to be spoiled." I smiled at him as he grinned at me saying that.
After this night I decided to give up when it came to Edward spoiling me. I never liked to be in the spotlight other than when it came to the business but even then it scared me. I just hoped he would love my surprises as much as he loved giving them to me.
He led me down a moonlit path to a gazebo all lit up with lanterns. I noticed the basket in his hand and then saw the table and chairs. He had planned a picnic for us in the snow and moon. He put the basket down on the table and held the chair out for me. He slowly unpacked the basket and I saw what Esme had done for us.
There was a thermos of something hot, sandwiches and brownies. It was simple food but I knew it would be good coming from Esme. He sat down and poured me a mug of what was cider. It was hot and spicy and warmed me to my core. The food was great after running around all day. We just sat there taking each other in. I got up and packed up the basket then helped me out of the chair. I heard soft music coming out of no where but I am sure there was a hidden stereo somewhere. He put his hands around my waist and looked into my eyes. I knew he loved me and I loved him.
We slowly danced in the space left in the gazebo and held each other tight. I never wanted this moment to end but he pulled back from me. He put his forehead on mine and just held me. It was a perfect moment and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a flash. I shook it off thinking it was the lights twinkling or something else in the snow.
The music stopped and he slowly led me down the path once again. There waiting for us was the carriage once again. He helped me up and then climbed in to snuggle down to me. I heard the driver talk to the horses again and we were off.
"Edward what was the music I heard tonight?" I lifted my head off his chest and looked at his smiling face.
"I heard it the other day and it reminded me of you. It says how I feel when I am around you. I don't want you to ever feel like you have in the past. I want to be there every step you take." He placed a sweet, soft kiss on my lips. Tears were softly forming in my eyes as I thought how I almost gave him up do to stupidity.
He saw the tears fall down my cheek and wiped them away. He asked me what was wrong and I sighed.
"It just dawned on me that if I had not come back this all would not have happened. I feel so content in your arms and I miss you when you are gone. I know we both have our own lives but I don't feel complete without you there with me."
"Bella I feel the same way. Just because I am not with you does not mean you are not on my mind and in my heart. Damn it I knew this would happen." He frowned as he put his hand on my cheek.
I didn't know what he meant but I was sure he would explain. In my heart I knew he was going to leave again but I didn't tell him that.
"We have to leave tomorrow to meet a client in Chicago. I don't want to leave you but it was either go now or leave after New Year's. With the babies coming we all thought it would be easier for us to leave now. That is why we planned all of this for you all. Dad took mom ice skating, Emmett took Rose out to a nice dinner and Jasper took Alice to some inn for the night. I don't want to leave you, not now that we are where we are. "The looks in his eyes were of disappointment and sadness. I didn't want him to leave but I understood too. I put my hands on his cheeks and looked back into his green eyes that I loved so much.
"Edward I understand why you have to leave. The sooner you leave the sooner you will be back. I will be ok as I have tons of work to keep me busy. Please believe me I am not going to fall apart while you are gone. It will make your return much better." I wanted to be strong but deep inside I was screaming don't go, don't leave me.
"We are not coming back till Christmas Eve. Mom is going to stay with Rose so she won't be alone but I know you and Alice will keep her entertained too. I hate leaving you Bella."
I moved the blanket off of us and straddled his lap with my hands around his neck. I kissed the side of his neck and then went to the other. I kissed the corners of his mouth as he smiled. I felt his arms wrap around my waist holding me still. I kissed his forehead and then ran my cheek along his jaw line. I inhaled his scent to keep it with me. I knew he was going to be gone for weeks and we would not get another chance to be together for awhile. I started kissing his jaw and worked my way back to his luscious lips again. He opened his mouth and our tongues swirled together as one. We were together in our own little world with the snow swirling around us. He pulled back and put his hands on my cheeks.
"Bella we are back at the car." He kissed me softly again as he climbed down. He held out his hand and I climbed down with his help.
Edward grabbed the basket and handed an envelope to the driver. I said good-bye to the horses and hoped this would not be our last carriage ride. He grabbed my hand as we walked back to the car. He helped me in and put the basket in the back seat. He got in, started the engine and we drove off. I noticed music was floating through the air. I never wanted this night to end. Could I give in to what I wanted to give him? Did I want to top this night or let Edward bask in the glow of surprising me with one of the most romantic nights of my life?
We pulled up to the garage and we both got out. I saw him grab a bag out of the back while I unlocked the door. I locked it again and we went upstairs. My cozy little home with Alice was dark but still welcoming us in. I turned on some lights and noticed all the packages under the tree. Alice had been busy but little did she know I had been busy too I just had not put them under the tree yet. I heard the door lock behind me and the alarm set. I sat down on the couch and Edward sat next to me.
"What is the bag for?" I hoped that he was staying the night. If I could hope anymore for it to happen monkeys would fly out my ass.
"Bella I can't be gone for three weeks without spending one more night with you. I want to remember your smell, your face, your smile and the beat of your heart. "I sat in his lap and pushed my lips onto his. There was nothing simple or sweet about this kiss. It was full of pain, lust and want. We pulled apart trying to catch our breathing and I heard him whisper bed time. I turned off the lights and we went up the stairs to my room.
He put his bag down on the bed and let me go first to the bathroom. I undressed and put on a simple shirt and shorts. I brushed my teeth and left the water running as I went pee. I heard him laugh at me. I was comfortable around him but not ready for that just yet. I came out and he was laying on the top of my bed smirking at me. I rolled my eyes at him as he got up and went to take his turn.
I crawled under the covers and ran my fingers over my lips remembering the night we shared. I heard the toilet flush shaking me out of my dreams. He came out in a t-shirt and flannel pants and crawled into bed next to me. I rolled over onto his chest and put my hands in his hair. I put my lips back on him and smiled when I tasted my toothpaste on him. I felt his hands slowly start running up and down my back. I loved feeling his hands on me and loved how it made me feel. Our kissing grew into something animalistic and I abruptly stopped when I felt something poking into my stomach. I felt horrible that he was aroused. I pulled myself off of him and the tears silently fell down my cheeks again. Damn it! I was leading him on and that was not right. I didn't want to tease him nor did I want to hurt him.
I felt him move next to me and wipe the tears away from my red cheeks. I couldn't look at him because right now I hated myself for what I did to him. I was just aroused as he was but I didn't want to make love just because he was leaving me. He was always going to be leaving me and I knew that in my heart. I wanted my first time to be special not only for myself but for him too.
"Bella, look at me please." I slowly turned my head towards his voice.
He was propped up on one elbow while on his side. He looked at me with all the love I deserved but it still didn't make me feel any better. We just looked at each other, neither of us saying a damn thing. All I knew is my heart was slightly cracked and I just hoped that we well I could get past this barrier that was between us. I planned for New Year's to be special but now he was leaving for at least three weeks and I couldn't give him what he wanted. How the hell was I going to be ready for the night I was planning? I heard him breathing and felt my heart slowing down after its fast race that didn't make it to the finish line. He pulled me into his arms and we laid there in silence. I had not said what I was thinking but he knew what I was thinking. He kissed my head and held tight to me like he never wanted to let me go. I heard his breathing slow as I knew he was fast asleep. I laid there looking at the ceiling with tears slowly falling down my cheek wondering if I had screwed the pooch to sort of speak.