Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass.

Bond

Chapter 2: C.C.'s PoV

"Don't fall in love with me." Once again, she abadoned her true wish. She killed all of her emotion as she said those word. Attachement, affection, care, love. Whatever it's called, was poison for empty shell like her. And who felt that way toward her.

"I wont." That's why she felt relieved. Because it's for their own good. That's what she had learned, what she believed.

Sunshine surrounded her. Reflected by the river bed.

She opened her eyes. Her tears had been dried a long time ago. She waited any feeling to overcome her—any feeling of sadness, resentment, anger, regret, denial. And wait. And wait. And wait.

And she felt nothing. Nothing at all. Because everything in her life were lies. A sequence of a mirages with a nightmare as its final frame.

The innocent-naive-hopefull little girl she had been once had died. Both physically and mentally. She died leaving a living empty shell with bright-red scar over her left breast.

Just how many times had she been left behind? How many times had she forsaken her people, her contractors, her lovers, her haters, her enemies? Just how many of them were there already?

Love. Hate. Life. Death. Sincerity. Scheme. Thrust. Betrayal. Revenge over revenge. How many times was her heart resurrected just to be shattered and died? Just how many times, how many methodes had she tried to be human and failed? Over and over again. Hurting so many people in the process.

And her body still refused to be perished. No matter how much she wished to end her unnatural exixtence, she was still an ever young immortal witch. She will always be.

She took a breath as she stroke her cheek to Lizzy's neck, her horse. She closed her eyes, felt the scent, the warm, the slight move of Lizzy's muscles, the living things. She still felt empty inside.

Before, she would take those emptiness gratefully. Because, that way she wouldn't felt her hell. Before, she would hold on those emptiness, even if she learned that heartless, emotionless, and emptiness felt far more horrorible than any hurt, pain, and sorrow.

But, he destroyed the world—her eternal hell. And in a few days, a new world—the kinder one—would born. Hence, she should felt something, anything, not this emptiness.

She sat up on her saddle then galloped her horse across the grassland. Forced the wind's flow and scent, Lizzy's hasty moves, the bright shine of sun, and the heat from Lizzy's metabolims to abound her senses.

Emptiness still overwhelmed her, drove her crazy.

All her past memories flashed beyond her eyelides. She exposed her bare sense to her experiences.

'Too bad, I decieved you all this time!' That mocking voice was so cold that frozen her spines. Her heart sank. Her eyes wided open by shock as the nun's hand—the hand she once knew as the trusted one—reached out greedly toward her.

She felt her heart was ripped out by treachery as world fell apart, scattered at her feet. And she struggled, she fought back while her tears running down her cheeks, untill those tear drops became bloody rivers on her cheeks. Still tried to believe that the nun's treachery was just a cruel nightmare.

But in the end, she screamed in horror and agony as her mortality—her first-human-thing that she really lost—was robbed. At that time, she experienced absolute coldness and bottomless darkness for the first time. And that wasn't the last time she was betrayed by her confidante nor confidant.

She closed her eyes.

'Kill the wicth! Burn her alive on stake!' She let them lead her to the stake. The lesser her struggle, the faster her torture finished. But she couldn't help to scream to the top of her lung as fire ate her epidermis, licked her bared bud-sensoric nerves. And it's not ended fast, for her dermis kept regenerated again and again. She screamed and screamed for the pain seemed to last endless time. And that's not the first time nor the last time she killed atrociously.

She tightly gripped her rein.

'I'm sorry.' She really mean every words of it as she ended their live. Their—Mao and her subordinate in Geass's Order—betrayed eyes would haunted her till another century as she could see her old self in them. But, all she did was pulled her trigger, one by one killed every pieces of remained heart she had as she killed all of them. While hold her tears, hidden her every emotion, controlled her every fibers to maintain her heartless feature. Just like every time she had to leave her dear or be leaved by her dear.

Then she felt it. Sadness, grieve, agony. A heavy weight which would drown her in the darkness and coldness of this world.

She halted Lizzy. She climbed down her back and tie her rein to the closest tree. As she strolled to the top of meadow hill, she gathered all positive thought to make herself engulfed in hope. But all she could think was him.

He did something that no one ever did to her. He made her shared her story with him despite she used to hide it from the world—even though she was half-forced to do that, after he peered in her memories. He asked, no, forced her to hang in there, in her living hell. Said so many sweet words—which could make every normal girls believe that he was in love with them—to her, only to her. But she knew better than to believe. For she knew that he was a smooth talker.

On top of that, he could be a silly boy. She's a selfish witch, a code bearer, the source of chaoses and tragedies. And she choosed him, made him walked down a solitude path—the path which she had been made walked down once—and made his beloveds suffer.

He should just let Mao took her to Australia—he could still have his Geass and he could live. He should just let Charles took her code—Charles wanted it, she wanted to get rid of it, he wanted to perish geass-source, win-win solution. But no, being a silly boy he was, he stopped them to took her from him.

Then she felt his present. She felt every step which made him closer to her. And her heart was squashed as she felt the time moved merciless toward the final stage of Zero's Requime.

No, time never had mercy to her. Never. And once again—after so much years she forgot how it felt, she burned in icy flame of hatred toward time.

But, her wish would be granted, very soon—at the end of Zero's Requime—despite in the other way. She would be stopped just existed. She would be able to move toward future as the repeated cycle of world would be cut. She would be able to live and –hopefully—death with smile on her face.

That's why she stayed by his side. That's why she hold in there and be his shield. Even if he would hated her more in its process. That's why, wasn't that?

She should be happy. Then, why she felt as if she's sliced—slowly and relentlessly—by time. She didn't know how true- happiness felt—she never knew yet. But, she's sure that it didn't feel that way.

Therefore, she grinded her teeth. Clenched her fist. Slowly took some breath. And closed her eyes. Because she still had to be the cold witch. Because he could become silly when she showed any emotion.

She opened her eyes, let them be locked at azure skies—the only unchanging thing which would accompany her eternally—one of nature things she considered as her true friends. She sought solace in it while she was wondering of when she begin to need so much time to restrain her emotion.

Then she felt a hand grab her wrist. Forced her to look at those frustated-worried-amethys orbs. She rounded her eyes in suprise.

"Smile for me!" He demanded. She didn't smile. She didn't want to. Because instead, she want to cry. She want to abadon her self restrain and just shed her tears. Because while searching for hope, all she found were dead end.

She trailed her fingers across his forehead—swept his bangs in the process—trailed down his outline figure as her eyes followed her fingers. Seeking solvent for her anxiety.

She let her fingers rested in his palms. She felt his pulses under her finger tips, inhaled his masculine scent, she drowned herself in his dominance existence. How their pulses beats in same rhythm. How their breath made a harmony.

Then she looked at his eyes. And just like that, she felt a flood of happiness. Just the thought of him—his mere existence—and it was enough for her to be engulfed in pure bliss.

A ghost smile formed on her lips. She couln't smile any wider, no, she felt awkward. But those happiness was as real as his presence in front of her. Real enough to pushed any other feeling, to shut all her logics up. It was so overwhelming that her eyes stung by unshed tear.

Then she saw single water drop trailed his smooth cheek. Her breath stopped as she realized how blind she was.

Back then, all along her live, countless time, everytime she saw to her suitor's eyes, hoped to find any love, care, or attachment, all her hope was crushed in instant by those red-irised-eyes.

Yet, there she was. She saw concern and care were intensified in those violet eyes, pierced through her soul. His concern and care were so true and raw that she's forced to admit its sincere. He gave her something that no one ever did—not the nun, not her suitor, not her contractee, nor her worshiper.

He was just a boy. An arrogant-manipulative-smooth-talker-egoist-megalomania one. With a mob of crazy fangirls who willing to chase his affection to the end of the world. With a bright-sweet-steadfast precious girlfriend who willing to forgive more than one hell to be with him. With a pure-passionate-adorable admirer who willing to get dragged and fallen to the deep abyss just to be by his side.

For God's sake, he should choose his lover among them.

Yet, there he was. Dropped one beautiful tear in front of her. Crushed by whatever feeling he had for her. Stubbornly looked at her way despite he knew that she didn't take serious his promise—and she didn't promise him but pain, sorrow, and suffering. See? That's why she kept her distance.

And she was shattered. Her heart broken, screamed. It's felt more hurt than burned alive. Yet, she could spill no tears.

It's not fair how he could find a wormhole in her dead-heart's circuit. How he could ressurected her heart. How he had control over her heart. It's so unfair that sometime she hated him, that she just wanted to ignore him or push him away—and his stupid-fancy-sweet promise to her. But she couldn't—one more point to her unfair list—as she kept come back to him. But live wasn't always fair, was it?

Even now, he's dying. Would leave her alone. Dying. Meanwhile she still couldn't die. Couldn't he see that? And all she wanted were spend more time with him. Smile with him. Even if just for one more day. Even if for one more hour. She would even take one more second gratefully.

She realized how hypocrite she was when it involved him. How she wanted to follow her logics, but ended up contradicted herself. She couldn't shook him off despite she knew how sinister is attachment could be.

'Don't fall in love with me'? She could use millions name to describe their relationship, but love. Who was she tried to decieve? She never realized it when it started. But, it already had too late. For him. For her. For both of them. What she tried to prohibit? Because heart only would go to the place it wanted to be. She never had control over her heart, or anyone's heart. After Mao, she should stop trying to control over people hearts.

Both of them tried to cut their tread, countless time. A tread that sometimes felt as if would fade away. But it's always there, as real and strong as their bond.

Instingtively, she wiped his tear. Then she leaned her forehead to his cest. And they stood in that position for very long time, untill she heard his heart beats was calming down to the same rhythm as her.

"Nee, Lelouch. This nightmare of your would be ended soon. I will always remember it. So, it's alright for you to forget. That's why you should smile till the end, okay?"

She was taken back as she felt his arms embraced her body. As she felt his lips on the back of her ear, she slowly composed herself and snuggled to his body—yes, she believed he would let her snuggle to him as she trusted him enough to snuggle to him.

All of his live. Be it bad and good. All of their pain and smile. Secret cries and dreams. Passion and seren. Their heart beats. Breaths. She would take and remember it all as her own. So that he would live, always, within her. Untill her end.

She would believe in their fate's tread to bond them together. Believing that it would always led her to him in what ever circumtance, to surpass whatever condition, even death.

—The End—

AN/: The first version with so much much much changes . I hope you enjoy it. I wrote a couple of version and altern, before I decided to publish the first and last version.

I apologize that it take more than a year to publish it. I have problem with...err, many things. The biggest problem is I found too much proofs that Lelouch had never been in love—romantically, at least—with C.C. Then, hesistating on whether publish it or not. But, oh well, it IS what fanfiction was for.

These were the most rational and –hopefully—less OOC version, so I chose it out from another. Please look at the last version and tell me what you think.

I really, really am sorry for updating very late and hesistating so long. Thank you for your patient with me.

Sincerely,

E.C.