Jason Morgan and Alexis Davis, canon

September 2010

Instant Addiction

Part 22

Jason and Alexis lazed around the lake house that Thursday afternoon after they made love. They slept for a little while, then showered, got dressed and then went out to walk around the lake, as they waited for Viola to bring the girls home from their after school activities.

They ended up standing on the pier with his arms wrapped around her waist from behind, silently staring out at the water.

I'm not giving you up, his words repeated over and over in her mind. Had any man ever said that to her before? Those exact words? Stavros had once said "I'll never let you be free of me," his cold and sinister words chilling her to her bones. He thought he was making her weak with his threats but he only made her stronger. Strong enough to outlast him. Now more than twenty five years after her brother's scars had been borne on her soul, here came along Jason saying he wouldn't let her go either. But, when it came from him, it was something beautiful.

And still Alexis knew it might all be a moot point. Because her daughter- her beautiful first baby girl- had to come first. If Sam couldn't deal with this then Alexis would have to push Jason away.

He knew that. But, in his own stoic way, he was raging against it. Every kiss was a way to brand her. Make her see he wasn't somebody to walk out on. It made her fall a little more for him to know he really wanted to keep her in his life that bad.

To say it aloud- this man who didn't spare a lot of words. To show it with his every caress- this man who could have his choice of women in his bed. To hold her in the late afternoon sun in front of all the gaurds- and just not give a fuck what anyone thought.

Jason awed Alexis. She never thought, before their first kiss, he ever could. She hadn't known the depths of him. She saw his love from a distance- for his sister and his best friend and his mentor, and his boys, his Spinelli. But it was a whole different thing to live it up close.

She didn't want this to be over so quick. Still a part of her was preparing for that. Closing off sections of her heart so it wouldn't hurt as much should Sam disapprove tomorrow.

Diane would say that Sam was a big girl and she could deal. But Alexis was a Mom. She didn't want Sam to bear the burden of pain. That was her job.

Jason asked her, his words stiff with the weight of what they were facing, "You want me to make dinner tonight?"

"We could just order in. You spoil my girls with your meals. They'll think I can do that when you aren't around."

"I think they pretty much get you can't cook by now."

She chuckled. "I'm learning." A long moment passed before she said "I fought with Sonny yesterday."

Jason tensed.

Alexis went on "He worries."

"I never got in his way. He needs to stay out of ours."

"His heart is in the right place but the stuff that comes out of his mouth sometimes. Blunt isn't the word for it. More like brutal."

"I'll talk to him," Jason said, through clenched teeth.

"Don't. If I have problems with Sonny, I talk to him myself. You aren't a go-between. And I don't have problems with him right now. We worked it out. I had my cooking lesson. The peace is holding for now."

"Let me know if that changes. I don't want him upsetting you."

She turned around in his arms and looked into his eyes, while wrapping her arms around his lower back. "I wanted to tell you....I really enjoyed this. Our time together. I needed it."

"Today?" he asked but she knew he heard what she really meant.

"All of it, Jason."

After a minute he admitted "I never would have kissed you if I thought I was setting you up to be hurt."

"Who can tell with these things? So many times I was sure it was right with someone but it never lasted. Now that I think about it, there was only one time in the past when I didn't know- in a big part of me- during the whole relationship that it was going to end spectactularly bad. That happens when you date mainly two types of men: safety nets and psychos. The two times I picked amazing men...I didn't pick at all. It just snuck up on me and then it was my life." After staring at him for a long moment she said "You're the second time."

"Then don't lay down and give up."

She moved out of his arms. "This is my kid we're talking about here! You know what that is, Jason. You know what its like to sacrifice everything you want for something they need. So don't guilt trip me cause you're better than that."

He pinched his nose. He brought down his hand and snapped back at her "You think I want Sam hurt?"

"She won't be hurt! At least not for long. Because if she is then this is over. Its over and I'll make it up to her."

"And who will make it up to you? What we lose?"

"I'll deal with the loss. Its better than Sam crying and feeling like I betrayed her. I've let her down so many times since she was first placed in my arms. She's your ex- fiancee.....she's my baby girl. I owe her more than you do and I'll be the one who decides what happens next."

"I won't try and tell you what to do, Alexis, but Sam's married to Matt now. She's married and she's happy. That's her life now. This is ours. Yeah, this might upset her for a few days, but don't jump to the worst case scenario already. You're preparing to just give up."

"I'm preparing to do what I have to!" she screamed at him, then walked back into the house, while Jason stood there staring at the water, refusing to watch her walk away from him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hours went by with Jason and Alexis moving around each other, in her lake house, tensely. The girls were home and they had to act like things were fine. After dinner, homework and baths- this little routine that Jason loved in a way he couldn't put to words- he called up Spinelli to come over.

Alexis was surprised when he came through the door. "Hello, you missed dinner. Where's Maxie? There's leftovers you can take home if you want. Don't worry, Jason cooked, not me."

Spinelli smiled sheepishly at her. He loved her like a mother and he was always glad when she doted on him. "The Jackal will graciously accept your offer. Maximista is so busy with work obligations and wedding arrangements that we are eating bar-be-que potato chips for breakfast and lunch. It's the food of Gods but I need more substance."

Jason said to him "Thanks for doing this tonight. We appreciate it."

"I'm happy to help out.

Alexis looked between them.

Jason said to Alexis "Spinelli is going to watch the girls for a while."

"I really can't go out. I have briefs to look over and that horrible, anal retentive judge to face in the morning. You know the one, the barracuda with a bad dye job."

Jason said, in a tone that told her how much this meant to him, "I want to take you on a ride on my bike."

Their eyes held. Spinelli said "The Jackal will go check on The Mini Goddesses."

When they were alone, Jason stood there silently, refusing to give her an out. This was an important part of who he was- and of all his memories- and he wanted to share it with her.

Alexis said "I'm not dressed for a ride."

"I'll wait while you change."

"I just don't know. Me on a motorcycle? I'm not the type really. Now Carly, I'm sure she loves to be on that bike. She'd probably mow down a crosswalk full of nuns to get to you and that bike. But I'm not really anything like her, am I?"

"I don't need you to be Carly. I need you to be Alexis."

"Well I'll always be that, Jason. I'll always be Alexis. That means I don't jump at the chance to ride motorcycles at night on dark, twisty country roads where we can crash and die in a fiery explosion. And that means that I don't just throw away what my daughter feels so I can keep dating someone- no matter what I feel. And that means that you and I will always be complicated in ways you've never been with someone else before. I hope that when you look back you remember that the ways....the ways.." she got teary "all the ways we are..."

He crossed the room and held her arms.

Alexis went on "Different from any other relationships you had or I had are all the ways....we were phenomenal."

He kissed her, softly melding their lips together. She threw her arms around his neck and then laid her head on his shoulder. He whispered "I just want to protect you from pain tomorrow but I can't."

She whispered back "I wouldn't change the last two weeks for anything so if there's pain...there's pain...but we had us for a little while."

He was just so used to losing. Mostly because he made sure he did. If was as if he was purposefully destroying all his own chances for happiness for some reason. Maybe guilt. Maybe it all went back to the day he woke up from the accident and he knew he had destroyed his parents by surviving but not being their Jason anymore. Maybe that is why, really, every time any woman reached out her hand and begged him to let them be happy- a wedding, a baby, even one night, one kiss, one more chance- he found an excuse to martyr himself. Some sick psychological thing buried way down that made him fuck up all his happy endings.

This time it was just the opposite though. He didn't want to just nod his head and walk away. He wanted to fight. But Alexis wouldn't fight. She was resigned to Sam deciding for them.

Even if Sam was fine with it, it bothered Jason that Alexis could not get herself worked up enough to tell him that no matter what, no matter how, they would find a way to be together. He couldn't change how she felt though. All he could do was take her on a ride tonight and show her what being with him was all about.

Freedom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alexis felt exhilarated. The wind whipped her hair, under the helmet, as she held onto Jason with all her might. When he finally stopped they were parked on the roof- in a parking garage- at an expensive five star hotel in Rochester.

She took off her helmet and stood up. "WOW! Jason....eeee..." She grabbed his arm. "You didn't tell me it was like that."

He gave her a small grin, amused by her delight.

Alexis went on "Look at me, a biker chick. Stefan would not believe this if he could see me now. He would wonder what became of my upbringing and propriety. Sleeping with mobsters and riding motorcycles to out-of-town hotels, all of places. By the way...hotel?"

"Spinelli will spend the night."

"I need to be home when the girls wake up."

"You will be."

She smiled widely and pushed at his shoulder. "Lets go for one more ride before we get a suite....and, just so you know, I want one with the biggest juccuzi bath they have in this place."

He nodded at the back of the bike. "Get on."

She climbed back on. "You're a fun date, Jason."

He just looked back. Their eyes met and held. He kissed her, sweetly. When he broke the kiss he put the helmet on her. "All right. You ready?"

She put a thumb up in the air. Soon they were back on the open road again, finding comfort in being free and together, instead of free and alone- which they both did for way too many years.